by Cosette Hale
I looked up at Harvey and shook my head, “What about the money clip? Greg’s blowjob comment? The late nights? Natalie’s face when I told her that Greg and I were going to try to have a baby?”
“I was the most convinced they were having an affair, but we have to accept that they were all strange coincidences. Shit.” He paused. “You and Greg are going to try now?”
“I suppose,” I said, more like a question than a statement.
“Natalie and I tried for a year and we couldn’t,” he said, looking down at his coffee.
“Wait, what?” I asked, wondering if we had just made up our own little drama in which our spouses were fucking each other. Had we? It was like a Shakespearean drama. “If you guys were having trouble conceiving, then that would make sense out of the look she gave me when I said Greg and I were going to give it a shot. It also makes sense she’d want to stop having sex for awhile if it had become something of a chore, or if it was disappointing when it didn’t end up getting her pregnant,” I said, my voice getting a little louder.
“Maybe, but she didn’t tell me anything about you and Greg trying and her thoughts on that. Or about her own thoughts on sex with me,” he said as if defending himself.
“Well, did you ask her?”
“Did I ask her if you and Greg were trying? No I haven’t learned to read other people’s minds yet, sorry,” he said defensively.
“I mean, did you ask how she felt every time a month went by, and you guys still weren’t pregnant? You never once thought she might want to take a break from that disappointment?” I accused him. I blamed him of all of this— of making me question my husband, my best friend of over 15 years, of making me waste $800 on a stupid private investigator named Gus.
“Yea sure, trying. But not having sex with her husband. What does one thing have to do with the other?”
I groaned and stood up. “Men are idiots,” I proclaimed, and then mentally excused my wonderful husband from that statement. Not that he hasn’t done idiotic things in the past, but at that moment he was a saint in my eyes. I just wanted to go home, forget the past week, and worship him.
I left the restaurant, jumped in my car, blasted the radio, and sped to the house eager to see Greg. Unfortunately, he wasn’t home. I saw he had texted me to say he was going to the office for a couple of hours to finish up the last of the paperwork before our trip the next day.
While I had made my decision last night of what to do if Greg was cheating on me, I had packed my suitcase for the Virgin Islands. No matter which way I decided, I was going on that trip. I was safe to say now that if Gus had told me they were having an affair, I would have left Greg forever. St. Thomas was just going to be my first stop on the way out. But now that I had learned it was not as we feared, I felt uber guilty about all the snooping around. Not only that— I hired a private investigator! How pathetic! How could I not trust my husband?
Greg’s suitcase was packed in less than 15 minutes, and I stood it next to mine by the front door. We would throw all the last-minute things into a small separate carry-on bag. I was absolutely in need of this vacation. I went to the bathroom to shave all the places that need to be shaved when you will be seen in a bikini and then made a delicious Italian dinner. When Greg walked in the door, I jumped on him, nearly unsteadying him. I gave him kisses all over his face, and he responded in return.
“How was Chicago?” I asked after he’d put me down.
“Great city, but I didn’t have time to enjoy it. It was meeting after meeting. How were you here?”
“I missed you,” I said, smiling my best wifely smile.
“I missed you too,” he said, kissing me softly. Then he sniffed, “Is that dinner I smell?”
“Yes. Go change, and we’ll eat.”
The next morning was a mad dash around the house getting everything together— phone chargers, cash, sunglasses, sunscreen, hats— everything you need for a beach vacation. Next thing you know we were setting the house alarm and on our way to lovely St. Thomas. But first, we were picking up Nat and Harvey. I was curious to see how Harvey would behave, but honestly, I wished they weren’t coming. I’d much rather not still be hiding stuff from my husband, and the fact that I was would inevitably pop up in my mind whenever Harvey was around. Plus I’d been wishing awful things about Natalie, and now I had to make it up to her somehow without her realizing why.
“Are you guys ready?” Natalie shouted into the car as she slid into the backseat. “Drinks on the beach! Tanning all day! I’m overdue for some sun.”
I laughed, and Harvey put his arm around Nat, giving her a small hug, and I tried to avoid eye contact with him. Greg responded by putting island music on, and we cheesily jammed to Beach Boys “Cocomo”.
The flight was uneventful until we were suddenly over the most unrealistic sight I’d ever beheld. Turquoise and then aquamarine waters surrounded green islands, and I had my nose pressed to the airplane window watching the beauty unfold beneath me.
We landed, and it was off to the hotel, a sprawling resort on the cliffs with a private beach you had to take a shuttle down to. By the time we unpacked and walked around the hotel, we were hungry. There was a small poolside café where we had sandwiches and fruity drinks. Well, mine were non-alcoholic, but I didn’t mind. The last thing I wanted was to get drunk again off of one cocktail.
The four of us spent the rest of the day drifting from the beach to the pool and back to the beach. I applied almost an entire tube of sunscreen throughout the day, trying to protect my fair skin. Greg refused to put any on, and I struggled not to laugh when we got back to the room. His chest was bright red, but I decided not to tease him about it. I was still punishing myself for not having trusted him and giving him an “I told you so” would not make me feel any better. Not that I should feel better. I was confused and considered telling Greg about the whole thing— just coming clean and being honest with him should help us both grow closer, right? Or was it to lessen these feelings of guilt?
We were getting ready for dinner, and I had just gotten in the shower, when Greg opened the bathroom door to tell me he was going downstairs to see if they sold aloe vera in the small hotel shop. I again tried to hold back my laughter. If he would have just listened one of the ten times I asked him to please put on some sunscreen, then he wouldn’t be in pain right now. He was going to have a nasty peeling situation in a few days, and this was just our first day in the sun. I showered quickly and put mousse in my hair, leaving it to air dry. I applied face moisturizer, added a bit of lip balm and mascara, and was all ready to go. Five minutes later, and Greg was still not back. I dialed Natalie’s room to see if they were ready.
“Hello?” Harvey answered.
“Hey, are you guys ready?” I asked.
“Um, I am almost done. I fell asleep and just woke up a few minutes ago.”
“Is Natalie ready?”
“She went to the shop downstairs to get something that she forgot at home,” he said.
“She should have asked me. I’m pretty sure I’ve brought my whole bathroom with me,” I said. My entire carry-on was filled with makeup, medicines (just in case someone has an allergic reaction, diarrhea, or gets the flu— you never know), my hair products and special shampoo/conditioner for curly hair, and a few other things.
“You and Greg are ready?” he asked.
“Yeah, except I’m sitting here waiting for Greg. He’s at the shop too getting some aloe, but he’s taking a while.” For a split second, I had the familiar suspicions creep up on me again, but I quickly squashed them.
“Well, I’m gonna finish up here. We’ll call you when we’re done.”
“Sure, bye.” I went to the window and saw that the sun was setting. The sliding door on the other side of the room opened to a spacious balcony, and I sat outside wishing Greg would hurry so we could watch the sunset together. It was a majestic sight as the sky painted itself in rich hues of pink and orange, then blues and purples as the sun dipped ov
er the horizon. There was music down below from the pool. It stopped, and the silence was broken by some playful shouts by the pool, but also by a loud conversation happening right below my room. The speakers were out of sight, but my heart hammered in my chest as I recognized the familiar female and male voices.
“I have tried,” she said desperately. “I don’t think I can take it anymore. You look like you have forgotten all about me, about us, and it’s just impossible for me to see you two act as if you’re so happy. You weren’t happy with her all those times you came to me, were you? What’s changed now?”
“I told you all of this before Chicago,” the man said, much more quietly than the woman. I had to almost throw myself over the balcony to hear him, but I still could not see them. “I enjoyed our time together, but it had to stop. It’s not fair to Audrey. Or your husband. So, yes, I have forgotten about us because I have to, and you have to as well.”
“You know what’s not fair? This isn’t fair. I have to put up with this whole charade— the four of us having a grand time— me watching you giggle and play in the sand with your wife while I can’t even stand to be in the same room with him. That’s not fair. I can’t take it anymore.” She was getting rather loud now.
“Please, be quiet,” he said.
“Whatever,” she said, much more quiet than before, “let’s just go to dinner and keep on pretending you never fucked me.” Angry heels drifted away, and I sat there on the balcony letting the silence overwhelm me. Shock is a mild word for what I was experiencing at the moment. It was like I was kicked in the stomach and then kicked again.
What do I do? I thought frantically. He will be here any minute and I either confront him or pretend I heard nothing. I’ve always been a mild-mannered person, non-confrontational. I don’t like to rock the boat, but I was having a very uncharacteristic emotion of absolute rage. This vacation was ruined, my marriage was ruined. What I wanted to do was dump the entire contents of Greg’s belongings over the balcony and then lock him out of the room. I was still sitting there on the balcony, though, letting all of these thoughts wash over me, when the door opened.
“I got the aloe,” Greg said. I stayed there, contemplating sitting through an entire dinner as if I hadn’t heard a thing. Walking inside, I saw he had applied it and was buttoning his shirt back up. He didn’t look as if he’d just been yelled at by his mistress, whom he was about to go have dinner with alongside his wife.
We went across the hall and knocked on Natalie and Harvey’s door and the four of us went downstairs together. I noticed that Natalie wasn’t hiding her feelings as well as Greg was.
“Natalie, are you OK?” I asked, putting my arm around her shoulder as we got out of the elevator. I wanted to rip the sleek, non-frizzy blonde hair off her scalp.
“Yes, just tired I guess,” she said. If she hadn’t been screwing my husband, I might have really cared.
“What you need is a delicious dinner and a good drink,” I said with the most joyful smile I knew how to fake.
We had reservations at the hotel restaurant, and they sat us at once. I mentally apologized to Harvey for what I was about to do, but he would understand soon. He wanted to know the truth. I had us sit so that I was across from Greg, but sitting next to Harvey. When the waiter came to take our drink order, I asked for a piña colada.
“Are you sure?” Greg asked.
“Yes, we have to celebrate. Besides, I have my medicine upstairs,” I said, eyes and smile wide. When the drinks came back right away, I dinged my fork on the glass.
“So I’d like to give a little toast,” I said, looking at each one intently. I had their full attention. Natalie looked miserable, and Greg looked so awfully charming it was quite disgusting. “I’d like to toast to 15 years of friendship and three years of marriage, all down the drain. To the both of you. Thank you for screwing my life and each other.” I raised my glass and put it back down.
I saw both of their eyes wide and mouths open in surprise as I turned to my left and grabbed Harvey’s face, kissing him with all the passion swirling in me from the anger, hurt, betrayal, and indignation. Harvey pushed me away, but I was not sorry, even though I said, “I’m sorry Harvey, it was always true. I heard them from my balcony not 10 minutes ago as they were arguing. They’ve been sleeping together.”
Greg finally woke up and bolted out of his chair. He knelt down next to me and looked at me with his eyes full of emotion. I was almost moved as I don’t think I had ever seen Greg cry, besides our wedding day, but there were no real tears there. “Audrey, this is a mistake. It was all a mistake, I’ve loved you since I met you, and we can move past this together… past this stupid mistake of mine. Please, sweetie, let’s go upstairs and talk.”
Harvey stood up and walked away. I looked at Natalie, who had tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked so distraught, and I had no pity for her.
“Audrey— ” she started to say, but her voice cracked, and she sobbed. “Audrey don’t hate me.” But I did hate her. And I didn’t care if I never saw her again. I told her so, and then I stood up and walked away. Greg rushed after me, grabbing my shoulders.
“Don’t touch me,” I hissed.
“Baby, please. Listen to me,” he begged as I kept marching towards the elevator.
“I don’t want to hear a word. Nothing you say will fix this. Nothing. It’s unfixable. You’ve broken us, Greg, and destroyed anything that was good about us. I will move on from you and find my way back to happiness. But you… you will always be unsatisfied with your own life, sabotaging whatever’s good that comes your way. Just like Natalie. You two can self-destruct together now and leave me out of it.”
“I deserve all of that and more. I will take any punishment you think I deserve. Audrey, please, let’s just talk.”
The elevator door opened, and I swooped inside, barring him from following me.
“If you think of coming in the room, I’ll scream. Now let me go,” I said, much sterner than I’d ever been with anyone.
I went to the room, walked inside, and had a nasty cry. The room was so empty… my life was so empty. I cried until I fell asleep with all my clothes and makeup on.
Chapter Five
I woke up with a start. Then I heard it again. Knocking— no, more like banging. I got up, trying not to trip over my shoes in the dark and went to the door, pulling on the handle.
“Greg, this is my room until I can get off this damned island. Go sleep on the beach.” But when I opened the door and let my eyes adjust to the light, I saw Harvey leaning against the doorframe. And he did not look good. His shirt was messed up and his hand had blood on it.
“Oh my god, did you hit him?”
“What do you care? Aren’t you done with him?” he asked, his words slurred. His breath smelled like a distillery.
“I don’t want either of you getting hurt, even if he deserves whatever he gets. Where is he?” I asked looking both ways down the hall.
“Hell if I know. I didn’t hit him. Some other guy,” he said as he stepped past me and into the room.
“What are you doing? Go to your own room,” I said following him inside. He threw himself on the sofa across from the bed and covered his face with the back of his arm.
“That bitch is there. Can’t stay with her.”
“Oh, Harvey, you can’t stay here. What are you gonna do? Sleep on the sofa?” He certainly wasn’t sleeping in my bed. When a few seconds went by and no answer, I repeated, “Harvey” several times. He had passed out. I shook my head and fell on the bed, trying to forget that there was a drunken man on my couch.
The next morning the light from the window woke me up. I’d forgotten to close the shades, and it was 7 am. Oh well, I’d gone to sleep very early, anyway. Harvey was still curled up on the sofa, and I decided to get up and get breakfast. There weren’t many people up so early on a Saturday morning, so I had almost the whole restaurant to myself. I ate whatever I wanted and then started looking up return flights on m
y phone, wondering what the fees were for changing my flight. When I looked out onto the ocean from the terrace view of the restaurant, I thought to myself what a shame it would be to miss out on this place.
I was going to come here anyway when I believed that the private investigator was going to tell me about the affair. Why didn’t the PI find something incriminating during their trip? From what I’d witnessed on the balcony, it sounded as if Greg had tried to put a stop to it before Chicago (too little, too late). Maybe they’d had an argument at that time or were just playing it cool around their colleagues. Who knows, and honestly who cares? The truth was out, and all I knew at that moment was that I would explore St. Thomas on my own. I put my phone away. Why should I leave and go back to a big worthless house full of lies? What would I do back home besides sulk? Here there were miles of adventures. The first one was getting Harvey out of my room.
I went to the room to change into beachwear, and this time the noise woke him. He grunted something about turning off the light and then fell asleep again. Or so I assumed. I went to the bathroom to change, and when I came out, he was sitting right side up.
“Hi,” he said.
“Well, good morning,” I said throwing my clothes on the bed. I was wearing my bathing suit and a cover-up. What I was missing was my hat, sunscreen, and sunglasses. I searched for those, feeling Harvey’s eyes on me the entire time.
“What?” I finally said, throwing my hands at my side.
“How did you find out?” he asked, his voice more rugged than usual from sleepiness and the hangover he was likely experiencing. I sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. The last thing I wanted to do was repeat what I’d heard, but I did it because it was the right thing to do.
“Shit,” he said, leaning forward.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “That’s why I’m going to go enjoy my vacation, because, you know, fuck it.” I grabbed my tote bag and threw a book in along with the sunscreen and walked towards the door. “See ya.”