by Cosette Hale
It turned out it was still so early that I was the only one at the beach. The water was so calm and crystal clear it was like an optical illusion. I lay out my things on a complimentary beach chair and sat in the one next to it. The sun was not out in full force yet so I skipped the sunscreen for now, enjoying the peacefulness. It was such a contrast to the turmoil in my head. Hard as I tried, I could not turn off the noise in my brain. After a few minutes, I took out my book and tried to escape through someone else’s imaginary world. I had almost accomplished this when my stuff was pushed to the side, and Harvey plopped himself on the beach chair. He said nothing and closed his eyes.
“What are you doing?” I asked. Why didn’t he understand that I wanted to be alone?
“Why didn’t you tell me before you went ahead and caused a scene?” he blurted out.
I lowered my sunglasses to get a good look at him. He was in his swimming trunks, sprawled out on my other chair, also wearing sunglasses. His arms were lifted up behind his head as if he was sitting there enjoying the tropical paradise instead of asking me something I knew he didn’t want to.
“I did not cause a scene. No one around was looking. I was not yelling accusations and insults,” I defended myself.
“Right. You were just kissing other men that weren’t your husband.”
“You have a lot of nerve judging me. If you would’ve thought it bothered Natalie, you’d have done the same thing. You’re just upset that she wouldn’t have cared,” I said, feeling absolutely guilty for saying it right away. It was probably the truth, but I didn’t have to throw it in his face that way. Why was I getting so defensive with Harvey? We were both in the same predicament, and I should be sympathetic towards him.
“You’re right, she wouldn’t have cared, and that’s why this mess is much harder on you right now than on me. Deep down inside, I’ve known for months that our marriage is over. I guess I was hoping this affair was real so that it could finally seal the deal, and I could move on with my life,” he said.
“I would never have guessed you guys were in such a bad place,” I said.
“You didn’t know you were in such a bad place either,” he responded.
“How can I ever trust my own judgment again?” I asked, not really expecting an answer.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked again.
“It happened right before dinner, I didn’t have time to find you, and honestly I didn’t know what I was going to do until right before I did it. I’m sorry I did it the way I did for your sake. Perhaps it was a tad dramatic,” I said.
“I thought you were going to go all the way ballistic, but you kept it classy, I’d say. If I’d known ahead of time and not been so surprised, I might have actually kissed you back,” he said, smiling. He was still looking ahead at the ocean, not once turning his gaze to me, but I watched his facial expressions intently.
I laughed and said, “Well you sure pushed me away quick enough. I guess I’ll have to do a lot of practicing before my next prince charming comes around.” The idea of starting over again with somebody new was depressing— as if I had to climb a mountain that I’d already climbed before.
“Like I said, I was taken by surprise. And I’d just heard some news that didn’t really put me in the mood for a make-out session.”
“What do you suppose they’re thinking right now?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Well, I’d wager that they’re not thinking anything. I went into my room and your husband was sleeping on my bed, over the bedclothes, though. I guess they haven’t made nice since before Chicago, according to what you heard. Natalie was sleeping, too. I grabbed my things and took them to your room— if you don’t mind sharing with me for the rest of the trip.”
“You’re staying?” I asked. I didn’t answer his request.
“Why not? This place is gorgeous. If anyone wants to leave, they’re more than welcome to, but I’ve got my vacation to enjoy.”
Harvey fell asleep, and I continued reading my book as people started to lay out on the beach around us. I put on sunscreen and waded into the chilly water. I soon became accustomed to the temperature and went deeper in. I could see everything in the clearness of the water, down to the nail polish on my toenails. I faced away from the shore, letting the salt air flow through my lungs, embracing the scenery. After several minutes of watching the water flow around me and toward the cliffs, I turned to get back out. Harvey was no longer on the chair but standing on the shore, watching me.
“Let’s rent a jeep and tour the island,” he yelled.
“Yes!” I shouted back. I was ready for some adventure.
An hour later, we were in a topless Jeep. I was in the passenger seat trying to understand the map marked by a nice local at the tourist information center with the best beaches to stop at . I turned it up and around several times, and hoped I was finally getting it, except when I expected to see something to my left it was on my right.
“I might not be getting this right since we’re driving on the other side of the road,” I suggested.
“A map works the same either way. Let me worry about what side of the road we’re on, and you just look for Morgan’s Bay.” I found Morgan’s Bay on the map— that wasn’t the problem. I couldn’t relate the map to our geographical location.
“Ugh,” I groaned, “We’re never going to find it.” Suddenly, the hill we were climbing flattened out into a never-ending vista of hills and valleys and inlets. Sparkling aqua waters filtered into lush green bays with white sand beaches. I’d never seen a view so spectacular. Harvey looked over at me with a boyish grin, and I smiled back. I was glad we could find joy in a day that should have otherwise been miserable. It’s great to be in denial, I thought.
He pulled to the side of the road, and I took out my phone to take a picture, standing on the seat of the Jeep out over the roof.
“Stay right there,” he said, and crossed the road, taking a picture of me standing in the Jeep with the St. Thomas backdrop.
“I want that one,” I said when he climbed back in.
We drove downwards now, and soon we were parking in Morgan’s Bay. It was glorious. Exactly what I’d imagine a beach paradise to look like. We put our stuff down at the shore and went in. The mountains touched the water on both sides of me, creating the lagoon I was standing in. It was breathtaking. Harvey was floating by me, and I tried to float too, but I’m not the best swimmer. It was a peaceful few minutes until a family with a group of three kids came too close and interrupted my quiet time. They were throwing a ball around and soon it was headed in my direction, aimed straight at my face. An arm shot in front of me, and Harvey caught it, inches from my head. He threw it back to the family, the mom apologizing. I waived it off like it was no big deal, but mentally I was praising Harvey for saving my nose.
“Thanks,” I said.
“No problem. Let’s go over here where it’s safe,” he said and we waded to the shallow where we sat facing the lagoon.
“Do you think they’re at the beach together?” I asked.
“Audrey, if you’re going to torture yourself, leave me out of it,” he said. He looked over at me and must have seen me despondent because then he said, “No, I don’t think so. Greg will try everything he can to win your forgiveness, and so first he’ll try to cut off all association with Natalie. You’re a great catch, and he knows that losing you will be the worst thing that can ever happen to him.”
I started crying then— silent tears because I didn’t want to freak Harvey out. He put his arm around me, and I leaned into his side, comforted by any human touch. What I needed was my mother. If this was really the end of my marriage, which all signs were pointing to, then there was no reason to hide this from my mom any longer. When I got back home, I’d fly to her and my dad as soon as possible.
It angered me that I was crying while sitting in one of the most picturesque locations in the world. I sat up straight and wiped my face.
“No more cry
ing,” I said. “I don’t want to waste all of this time mourning my dead marriage. It is dead, and I don’t know if I could be sadder than if Greg had died. He no longer exists as the sweet, thoughtful, and loving man I believed he was.”
“That’s harsh. But I get it,” Harvey said, letting out a sigh. “So let’s have a funeral for our marriages. Or like one of those divorce parties. I get them all the time at the restaurant. First time I heard about it I thought those middle-aged women were crazy, but now I kinda get it.”
“So we’re gonna go out, get drunk, and bash on men?”
“I was going to suggest we go to a strip club and get lap dances or something,” he said. I snapped my head to the side and narrowed my eyes.
“Are you serious?” I asked, not sure.
“Boy you’re an easy mark,” he said. “But I’d take you up on the offer if you were to give it.”
“How about we have a drunk night of dancing at a non-strip club? No men-bashing. Sounds like a compromise?”
“Kinda, but you’re taking the fun out of it when everyone has all their clothes on.”
I laughed. Then I noticed a voluptuous, curvy woman walking down the beach holding hands with her tattooed boyfriend. Her large behind was uncovered, thanks to the thong string bikini she was wearing. “Is that enough skin for you?” I asked, motioning with my head at the woman.
“Good God,” he said. “That will do.”
We laid on the beach awhile, me under a palm tree shade, Harvey trying to get a Caribbean tan, until we got hungry and went back to the jeep. I navigated us to the next beach, another mirage-like place, but this one had a restaurant right next to the parking lot.
“I’ll have a beer,” Harvey ordered, and then looked at me. While I wanted to try every frozen cocktail on the menu, I settled for a virgin piña colada. We ordered a couple of things and shared, trying to get a taste of the real island food and thoroughly enjoying it.
“That was amazing,” I said as we settled down by the water. I applied my SPF everywhere skin showed and put on my large straw-looking hat.
“It was good. But next time we eat somewhere we should order more food.”
“What are you talking about? I’m stuffed!” I said incredulously. I know guys eat a lot, but we had tons of food.
“Yeah, you must be. You ate most of it,” he said, pointing to my belly.
I gasped. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“No, you eat a lot for a girl.”
“You mean I eat more than Natalie. That’s not difficult. She doesn’t eat. Period.” Almost true. I remember trying to have several talks with her throughout the years on what I thought was her eating disorder, but she always shut me down. She looked healthier recently, however. Probably got hungry from all that sex with my husband.
“It’s nice to see a woman enjoying her food,” he said.
“Oh, that I do,” I said. After taking another dip in the clear water we jumped back in the Jeep. This time I didn’t even bother to put on my cover-up. I was just going to take it off at the next beach, anyway.
The Jeep had been a marvelous idea. With the top off there was a nice wind blowing at us, and I’m sure my hair looked a frightful mess what with the salt water and the wind. I looked over at Harvey at one point and saw he was enjoying himself, jamming to the music on the radio. He also left his shirt off and sat there with one arm on the steering wheel, as if he’d been driving on the wrong side of the road his entire life. I couldn’t see his eyes with the sunglasses, but his face was relaxed into a kind of half-smile.
I tried to enjoy the ride as well and not think of the shattered marriage I was trying to escape from, but it crept up on me often. I wondered what Greg was up to that day... if he and Natalie had kissed and made up. I wondered what the divorce process would be like, how long and how much money. Supposedly, it was a nightmare, but a necessary one. I could never forgive Greg and be happy with him again. I would definitely never trust him again.
As we hopped from beach to beach and drove over hills and around cliffs, I fell in love with the island. Though it was where my marriage was finally destroyed, I couldn’t hold St. Thomas responsible for that. It was all too beautiful to hold the blame for Greg’s dumb mistakes. I looked around me at every stop and realized why Tia Ana had wanted to return. One day I’d love to come back— a day when I would be happy again.
Chapter Six
By the time we returned the rental car I was beat. My legs were sore, my eyes were stinging from the sun and salt water, and I was starving. We headed back to the room, and as we reached the door, I realized Harvey was coming in there with me. Was he planning on sharing a room the entire trip?
“So, Harvey... We’ve gotten closer, but, um, I don’t really think that I’d like to share my bed with you,” I said, trying not to be blunt and say, “Get a room.”
“I have the couch,” he said, sitting on it.
“It’s so uncomfortable to sleep like that for the next five nights,” I said, hoping he’d take my protestations as a hint. He shot up, took the couch cushions off and pulled, revealing a sofa bed.
I stared at him. “Why didn’t you sleep on that last night?”
“I was too drunk to remember my own name. Luckily, I remembered your room number or some other gal was going to have a nice shock this morning.” I shook my head, giving up. Whatever, what was I going to do alone in my room, anyway? Nothing but cry. He would keep me from wallowing.
It took a little coordination, since I was not used to bringing my clothes with me into the bathroom when I showered, but I got ready and did a good job of keeping my dignity. Just because we were sharing a room did not mean he had to see me with a towel wrapped around my head and me putting on my face cream. While he was showering, I plucked a few stray eyebrow hairs and applied some light makeup.
When he came out, he had a towel wrapped around his waist. Only a towel. He went to his suitcase, rummaging around, pieces of clothing spilling off the sides. I didn’t want to look so as not to make him (well, more myself) uncomfortable, but when he was facing away, I couldn’t help myself. His back looked so… strong is the only word I could come up with. There were muscles in so many places and no fat whatsoever. It was strange to be in such closed quarters with an unclothed, attractive man that wasn’t my husband. He went back to the bathroom with his clothes, winking at me as he passed by.
I know what it is to get all hot and bothered by the sight of a good-looking man, as I had countless times by Greg. It was absolutely delicious, and I always knew that Greg would come around and take care of my needs, as I would his. But the dynamic right now between Harvey and I shifted in such a way that I had to step outside onto the balcony for some fresh air. What the hell? I wasn’t sure what had just happened, but my nether regions were ablaze and my heart was palpitating at full speed. My cheeks were hot and surely red from the heat building inside of me. This was something much more intense than whenever I was hot for Greg. Vulgar as it sounds, I was horny. And not only that, I found myself thinking that it’s too bad I can’t have sex for several more nights.
The breeze on my face calmed me, and I took several deep breaths, willing my skin to return to its normal shade of pale. I mean, come on, it’s Harvey. He knocked on the sliding door, and I jumped. He opened it.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. Ready?” he said. He didn’t even realize how ready I was.
We took a cab to a restaurant by the water, making sure we were far enough away not to run into Greg and Natalie having dinner. The food was delicious, a wonderful mix of seafood, which we sampled from each other’s plates. I sat across from Harvey, gazing at his handsome face as he talked, and I thought back to his magnificent male body in that white towel.
“And bam— I hit the guy,” he said. He was telling me about the fight he got into last night. Apparently, a guy drunker than Harvey got into an argument with him over a barstool. Men can be dumb. And sexy, I thought, as he kept talking. “So he reels
back, lands on his ass, and looks up at me with this stupid face as if he didn’t know how he got there, and then he laid back and passed out. I’m telling you, he was wasted. I got out of there because his friends were coming at me, and I outran them.”
I shook my head and mentally slapped myself. Snap out of it, Audrey. Harvey is totally off-limits. Besides, I’m still married, and just because Greg broke his vows that doesn’t mean I get to… right? I recently had a miscarriage too. I’ve had a double blow with this affair rearing its ugly head, and I’m extremely confused, hurt, and vengeful. The hormones are throwing me off. Right?
“Good thing you didn’t get hurt,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant.
“My hand’s sore, especially from driving today,” he said, opening and closing his hand. I noticed he was still wearing his ring. I looked at my hand and at my own wedding band and engagement ring. How happy I had been to get that ring!
Harvey must have noticed my line of sight because he said, “So are we having our divorce party tonight?” As soon as he said it, I tried to stifle a yawn, but it came out anyway.
“Sorry,” I said.
“Oh, thank God, I’m exhausted,” he said. I laughed.
“Good. Another night?”
“Yeah, let’s get out of here.” We paid and left. As we got back to the room, there was a tingling sensation again as I thought of us sleeping in the same room. I tried to think of something else. My mom... Yes, my mom might want to hear from me. I would go on Facebook and send her a message. I did just that, sending her a few pictures, hoping she didn’t notice Greg wasn’t in any of them. She wasn’t online, so I put the phone away and fell right to sleep.
We slept so long that we woke up to a startled housekeeper apologizing profusely.
“It’s okay!” Harvey and I both called out as the lady ran out of the room. I laughed throwing myself back on my pillow. That was an abrupt awakening. The clock said 10:39, and I grumbled.