Lost in Cottonwood Canyon & How to Train a Cowboy--Lost in Cottonwood Canyon

by RaeAnne Thayne

“Happiness might be overstating it. I just crossed the border into Texas this afternoon. I wasn’t coming here looking for happiness.”

  “What if you found it, anyway?” She rustled over him in the dark, settling her chest onto his as gently as feather down. Her skin was still cool to the touch. Her breasts, unbearably soft, gave against his hard chest. “You came here to reboot, which isn’t the same as being happy. But what if, on the very first day you arrived in Texas, you found out you could be as happy as you’ve ever been? No broken hearts. No regrets. Could you let go of your worries and just enjoy being happy?”

  Emily’s question was simple on the surface. Graham lay underneath her, aware that she had depth and wisdom and a sensuality about her that went beyond bare skin and a buoyant personality.

  He valued her all the more for it. Hearts and regrets and the future mattered more than ever, when they were hers.

  Her hair dripped on his shoulder, as cold as ice.

  “Let me get you that comb you wanted.” It was a gutless change of subject, and he knew it.

  He felt her cool hand as she cupped his cheek. She kissed him once, softly, a kiss as if she—as if she felt sorry for him. “I’ll get it. Where is it?”

  He raised his head, thinking to get up to get it for her, but it was a useless reflex, an automatic courtesy that served no purpose. He’d have to make her move and then he’d have to climb over her to get it. “In the gym bag. There’s a shaving kit.”

  She plopped the bag on the center console and dug out his comb. Keeping the comforter in her teeth so it covered up her front, she pulled an already damp towel around her shoulders and then started combing her hair out, starting at the bottom, working her way up. Graham was glad the heater was blowing hot now, because the towel had to be cold as it caught more water.

  He watched her in silence as she combed out her hair in the moonlight, a siren, a mermaid. He’d crossed oceans by carrier without seeing a mermaid. He’d needed to come to this little landlocked pond to find one. The thought came and went as he admired the grace in her movements, the unhurried efficiency that came from having done this same task year after year. It was such a womanly thing to comb out her long hair, as much yin to his yang as her smooth face was to his day’s beard.

  “You are beautiful.”

  She paused.

  Then she took one more stroke with the comb and tossed it back in his shaving kit, tossed the wet towel onto the other seat, and tucked the comforter under her arms. Her bare shoulders were pearlescent in the gray light, her face an opal as she sat and looked out the window.

  Graham ached for her, his body hard, aroused by her quiet beauty as much as he’d been aroused by more basic desires tonight.

  She sighed as if she were completely satisfied. “This is the best night of my life. It already was, but it just keeps getting better. That was the most genuine compliment I’ve ever gotten.”

  “You must have had other men say you were beautiful.”

  She kept her eye on the stars. “Not like that.”

  Graham was silent.

  “Do you remember when you said my prom date must be kicking himself now for passing up the chance to hold a beautiful woman?”

  She asked the question as if they were having a casual conversation.

  They were not.

  “For the rest of your life, whenever you remember Graham and Emily by the lake that night, do you think you’ll be sad that you have memories of making love to her?” She turned her gaze from the stars back to him. “Or will you only have regrets if you don’t?”

  Chapter Twelve

  Graham and Emily, down by the lake that night.

  He knew she was absolutely right. The memory of this night should be wrapped around lovemaking. The laughter and the skinny-dipping, being alone under the stars, telling their life stories, kissing, kissing—wet towels and bucket seats—everything that went with this night outdoors should be linked to deep desire, his first night in Texas, with Emily, down by the lake.

  Emily brought all her hair to one side again, combed it into sections with her fingers, and started braiding it, her fingers and wrists graceful as she created one thick plait, beautiful in its tight symmetry. He hadn’t known a woman braiding her hair would sharpen his craving to this point. The comforter she’d tucked under her arms was secure on one side, but her other arm had to reach farther to work on the braid, and the comforter slipped a little lower. And lower, exposing a perfect curve, still hiding the perfect nipple he’d seen at the dock, in the dark.

  “By the way,” Emily said, her smile coy once more, “this is the part where I try to turn you on.”

  “Done.” His heart hurt. His body hurt. He didn’t know how he was going to keep breathing, but he managed that one word.

  “I saw this when I got the comb.” Done with her braid, Emily reached into his shaving kit and pulled out, very delicately between finger and thumb, one shiny foil packet.

  Thank God he had a condom.

  She lifted her hand higher. A second packet was attached to the first. Then a third packet. Emily’s laughter filled the back seat as she whipped out the rest of the strip.

  Thank God for the laughter, too. Graham couldn’t take much more raw emotion, not after the years he’d spent feeling empty.

  “You said I’d be a nymphomaniac if I pulled a whole strip of condoms out of my cowboy boot.” She was all smiles, the strip dangling from her fingers. “What does this make you?”

  “A happy man.” He grabbed the strip from her and tore the first one open with his teeth.

  She knelt over him once more, a knee on either side of his hips. He shoved aside the towel, the comforter, and they were bared to each other completely, that quickly. His senses were overwhelmed. He couldn’t look enough at her, couldn’t feel enough of her as her body touched his in a dozen places at once, her fingers curved around his bicep like a tattoo, her toes tucked under his knee. He could barely take his eyes off her long enough to turn his head and spit out the torn foil as he tossed the rest of the strip aside. He sheathed himself with a trembling hand.

  “This is going to be so fun,” Emily said in a purr that was far cuter than she knew. “We’re naked this time.”

  “Hell, yeah.”

  But bucket seats had their limitations. He had to give her quiet directions, let me slide down a bit, you slide up, keep your knee there, sweet girl. He kept a hand on her lower back, guided himself into position, pressed her down as he thrust upward—and nearly died from the perfection.

  There was nothing light about it, nothing cute or funny, just intense pleasure. The sound he made deep in his throat was one of surrender to the hit of pleasure. He couldn’t stand the pleasure, not when he was trained only to withstand pain.

  He needed to finish this before it finished him, a desperate man who was desperate to end the pleasure. Emily—Emily, perfect Emily—moved with him, helped him, cried out with him as they brought the pleasure directly to its crashing, crushing finish.

  Graham held Emily tightly to his chest.

  He couldn’t speak. He’d never be able to explain how hard it was to have his body, heart and soul all register bliss instead of agony. It was certain bliss to be with the right person in the right place. He needed to make this work between them. He’d find a way to make their lives mesh. But God, he couldn’t speak right now. He felt too close to crying.

  Emily regained her breath first. Her hand grew steadier as she smoothed his hair back. When she lifted herself a little way off his chest, he had to close his eyes.

  “Graham…”

  Don’t tell me how you feel, don’t ask me how I feel, I can’t talk, I can’t cry…

  “Graham, how many condoms are left?”

  It wasn’t the question he was expecting. He was so grateful it wasn’t
the question he was expecting. He managed to let go of her with one arm to pat around the edge of the seat until he found the strip. He held it up and opened one eye to squint at it over Emily’s shoulder and her thick braid. “Five.”

  “In that case,” she said, pushing herself up far enough to look into his vulnerable face, “I’m not nearly done welcoming you to the great state of Texas.”

  And Graham found that he didn’t need to cry. He could laugh.

  * * *

  It would be dawn soon. The world was becoming a lighter shade of gray. The first color would appear, and he would have to disappear from Emily’s life. For a while. For too long.

  She slept on his chest, tired out from happiness.

  It felt so serious. It all felt so damned serious.

  Wake up, Ben.

  He was awake now. It only amazed him how long he’d been in a fog. Before grad school, before the corporate jobs, he’d been losing himself, fading away during the last year in the Marines. He’d been wasting time, wasting money. That one semester of grad school had sucked fifty thousand straight out of his bank account, the price of an elite institution. He still had some money, but he couldn’t keep this up, drifting from job to school to job, not if he wanted to be a permanent part of Emily’s life.

  That was exactly what he wanted to be.

  He’d come to Texas hoping the empty space would match his empty soul, but now he needed those three months to get his act together—to reboot, to reset, just as Emily had said. If he’d thought earlier tonight that he’d met her too late, he’d been wrong. He’d met her too soon. Three months too soon.

  He needed that reboot, and he knew it. He’d also known that if he had Emily once, he’d be craving her forever. Well, he’d had her. Now he’d pay that price and miss her every day. He kissed her as she slept. He kissed her while he still could.

  It had been worth it.

  She had her own life to square away. Would she be missing him as much as he’d be missing her? He hoped to hell she would, so she’d be waiting for him. He hoped to hell she wouldn’t, because he didn’t want her to be in pain, not the girl with the easy smile.

  These were his thoughts as dawn approached. With the light, color returned. He watched her hair turn from charcoal to warm brown, her white shoulder turn to pale gold. He woke her, so as her ruffled dress turned blue, she could put it on. Then they drove back to her truck, parked by the bar that stood all alone on the side of the road.

  She seemed more delicate in the dawn. During the night, she’d taken the lead. He’d been at her mercy, unable to do anything but accept the smiles she gave him, to laugh when she made him laugh, to feel all the pleasure she poured into him, even when it overwhelmed him. But now, with gravel crunching under their boots as they walked from his vehicle to hers, Graham felt all her vulnerability. Defying her parents was going to take a toll on her. Graham knew it, even if she did not. In the end, he hoped it paid off. Either it would work, or it wouldn’t.

  She hadn’t made a plan for the wouldn’t. He wasn’t going to be around to help. Three months too soon.

  His Marine Corps jacket was too big for her, making her seem as fragile as she’d claimed she wouldn’t be if they had sex before he drove away at dawn. His first instinct had been right; he couldn’t be her lover and leave, and he couldn’t be her lover and stay. The better word would have been shouldn’t. He shouldn’t have been her lover, but he had been, and there was no going back on that now.

  She barely let any sadness show through her smile as she gestured to her truck. “My jacket’s in there. No problem, so here’s yours.” She started to unzip his jacket.

  “Keep it.”

  “I can’t. Everyone will wonder who gave me a Marine uniform. The inquisition will begin immediately.”

  “Lie and tell them you bought it at an Army-Navy store in Austin.”

  She hesitated.

  He zipped the jacket up halfway. “It’ll keep them guessing next time you go to Keller’s. They might behave if they think a Marine is about to come out of that bathroom looking for you. Or maybe they’ll think you’re the Marine.”

  Her smile was directed at the gravel. “I’ll really be okay. I can handle myself and most anyone else, when there’s no handsome man around to swoop in and save me.” She kicked a rock with the toe of her boot, then she stuffed her hands in the pockets of his jacket and lifted her chin. “Well, I guess this is it. That sun is coming up. You don’t want to be late—”

  Graham pulled her close and gave her mouth something better to do than tell him goodbye.

  She melted into him like she was a part of him, as she’d been so many times in the dark. By the time they stopped kissing, he had her up against the truck. She had him up against her body, pulling him closer with one hand under his shirt, warm on his skin, and one tucked under his waistband, as if her hand was the back pocket of his Levi’s. They spoke against each other’s lips at the same time.

  “If your parents come to get you at your cousin’s house—”

  “I know you have to go—”

  They both fell silent.

  Emily slipped her hands out from under his clothes, letting him go. “Don’t worry about me. Go and lose yourself in your work, or find yourself. This isn’t goodbye forever. You’re going to remember this night, and you’re going to want to see me again.” She kissed him then, a sexy taste of her tongue, an unmistakable invitation to take her to bed. “You’re coming back for more of this.”

  “You’re right.”

  She sucked in a little breath, sharp and short, like his words were a needle that had pricked her finger. “Say that again.”

  “You’re right, Emily. I’m coming back for you.”

  “Oh—that’s such a better answer than silence.” Her tears caught them both by surprise.

  Graham tucked her head onto his shoulder. “You’ve been telling me all night I was going to come and find you when my contract was up. You sure sounded certain. Did you doubt it?”

  “No, I know I’ll see you again. It would kill you to spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been. But you were pretty stubborn about admitting you even wanted to kiss me at first. Who knows how long you could be stubborn about more? I could imagine you wasting at least a year, telling yourself you were too old for me or those eight years in the Marines were too much for me to handle. I was afraid you’d wait until the ‘might have been’ was killing you.”

  “I’d be insulted if that wasn’t so damned accurate.” He breathed her in, then let her go.

  “We value our accuracy, don’t we?”

  “Ah, Emily. The day my contract is up, I’m coming for you.”

  She leaned back against her truck and tugged him toward her, fingers hooked in his belt loops like she owned him. “One more minute. The sun hasn’t cracked that horizon yet. Where exactly are you going to be? Where is off the grid?”

  “Not this county. Not the next, either. I have to find it by GPS. There aren’t any buildings or crossroads nearby, but my uncle called me yesterday morning, so he must get a cell phone signal now and then. I won’t be totally out of touch. You have my number. I have yours. I’ll find you.”

  She’d pulled him to her so he was pressing her into the side of the truck as if he were pressing her into a mattress. He leaned in a little harder, pinning her in place so she’d listen to him, this woman he’d met before he was ready.

  Not ready? Too bad. Adjust fire, Marine.

  “I’m not going to bother with the scary military voice, but listen this time. If your plan goes sour, you call me. If I don’t answer, leave a message, because I’ll be doing everything I can to get a signal as often as I can. I don’t want you sleeping in your truck tonight.”

  “What are you going to do at the end of your first day on your new job? Come
driving all the way back here from two counties over? You can’t go another twenty-four hours without sleep.”

  “Yes, I can. I’ve done it for worse reasons. You call me when you need me.”

  As he was looking at her, the first rays of the sun touched her face. The world was coming into vivid, full color. He had to let her go.

  “I’m worried about you.” He kissed her forehead tenderly, a benediction. “Stay safe, Emily Davis.”

  “It’s Dawn.”

  “I know.”

  “I mean my middle name is Dawn. If you’re going to get all paternal on me, then you might as well use my whole name. Go all out.” She imitated his gruff voice. “Emily Dawn Davis, you be a good little girl now. Play nice with the other kids.”

  He took a step back.

  “Seriously, do you realize you just kissed me on the forehead? You should be giving me a ‘yee-haw’ or an ‘oo-rah’ or something. Today is the day. I’m off to do my own thing and listen to my own instincts. I’m stirring things up and living life, and you should be saying ‘Go kick some ass, girlfriend.’”

  For one speechless second, Graham stared at her. Then he looked up at the colorful sky and started to laugh. Man, he was in love. There was no way not to be.

  “All right, Emily Dawn Davis.” He grabbed her in a bear hug and spun her around once in the gravel parking lot for good measure. “Give ’em hell.”

  He set her down and opened her door, but before she could sit, he smacked her on one butt cheek, hard.

  She yipped. “What was that for?”

  “That’s how an Airborne School jumpmaster tells you and your parachute it’s time to get the hell out of his nice, safe airplane.”

  “They spank soldiers on the butt?”

  “It’s an Army school. You can’t expect advanced communication. Now go jump out of your nice, safe plane. Before you hit the ground running, don’t forget to look at the horizon and enjoy the view.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Emily had no reason to be sad.