Heavenly Desire

by J. L. Sheppard

They ate quietly for several moments. Neither of them willing to break the silence although she assumed Jake was used to it.

  Then finally she asked, “How come you never smile?”

  The muscles in his jaw clenched. “I…I smile,” he said, though his voice carried the tone of denial.

  “No, you don’t. You’re always angry and you let it roam around you like a barrier, like you’re afraid to let people get too close.”

  His face hardened.

  She knew she’d said too much and hadn’t meant to pry, but she was curious. Jenna had more than confirmed her suspicions. He projected his anger, used it as a shield to separate himself from others. Ashley could read him easily because she could relate. She had created one for herself, the reason she hadn’t dated in two years. The reason she turned down even friendly invitations to outings until recently.

  His anger dissipated, and for the first time, she felt another emotion streaming off of him—sadness, allowing her a glimpse of what laid beneath the anger he projected. She knew it was his best attempt to open up, and she felt honored that for some reason he trusted her enough to show her.

  Perhaps he sensed she, too, had lived behind a shield. As honored as she felt, his sadness sparked guilt. Because of her prying, he acknowledged the sadness he fought so hard to hide.

  Nice going, Ash, she scolded herself. “I’m sorry. You’ve been very nice to me, and it’s really none of my business.”

  “Nah, it’s fine.” He shrugged. “You’re right. Anger and…” He looked away from her. “They’re all I have.”

  “You know how I knew where you were even with my eyes closed?” she asked but didn’t wait for his response. “I felt your emotions streaming off of you.”

  “It helps during fights,” he said then focused his attention on his burger. “I use it as an intimidation technique.”

  “Not if you’re trying to surprise someone,” she pointed out.

  His gaze shot toward hers. Intense and mystifying, his eyes were a darker shade of brown than her own. So dark, even in the sun, it made it hard to tell where the iris ended and where the pupil began.

  After several moments without a word, he smiled genuinely for the first time.

  She’d broken down his barrier.

  The moment interrupted when his phone rang. He fished it out of his pocket, then took another bite of his burger. He answered without sparing a glance at the caller ID. “Yeah,” he said with a mouth full.

  “Jacob, you’re with Ashley, right?” Ashley heard Jenna ask on the other end of the phone.

  “Yeah,” he said, chewing.

  “Where are you guys?”

  “Eating,” he responded monotone.

  “Okay… W-when will you be home?” Jenna asked timidly.

  “Depends.”

  Moments of silence passed on the other end before Jenna asked, “On?”

  “When we’re done.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  Ashley laughed aloud unable to help herself then Jacob hung up.

  He gazed at her and a small smile spread across his lips. “What’s so funny?”

  “You,” she said between laughs.

  He lifted a brow. “Been called many things, never funny. You care to explain how I’m funny.”

  “The way you answered all Jenna’s questions with just a single word. I could tell she wanted to ask more but you… never mind.”

  He shrugged. “I’m a man of few words.”

  She laughed again. He shook his head and smiled then took another large bite of his burger.

  Chapter 13

  Uneasiness crawled up Clyde’s spine. He shifted to spirit form and instinctively searched for Ashley.

  Room by room, he found without her presence, the uneasiness he’d felt turned to dread then fear. Sweat beaded on his brow, chest and back, slowly trickling down. Finally, tired of searching, he’d reached out with his superior senses trying to find her aura. He didn’t pick up on it either. That’s when the fear and dread turned to full-blown panic.

  She had vanished without a clue. He couldn’t fathom where she had gone or why.

  His thoughts continued to drift to the worst possible scenario that she had been taken. At the hands of Asher who’d no doubt force her to mate him. Then again, the Malum could’ve killed her had she refused, and his dream of Ashley in limbo could come true. It would be his fault because he’d made the conscious decision to keep his distance when he should’ve been watching her, protecting her, guarding her.

  This is my fault. I deserve this, but she doesn’t, he chanted in his head as anxiety continued to seize him.

  He ran into Cain and shifted allowing the demon to see him. “Where is Ashley?” His voice rising, streaked with panic.

  Cain shrugged. “I don’t know. Why?”

  “I’ve looked for her everywhere. She isn’t here!”

  Cain’s eyes widened.

  “She could’ve been taken by Malums!”

  “Calm down. She couldn’t have been taken,” Cain reasoned. “The alarms would have gone off.”

  Would she have left? he asked silently. If she had been angry with him because he’d been avoiding her, would she leave?

  “Let’s check the cameras,” Cain suggested.

  Before Cain finished his sentence, Clyde materialized on Lucas and Jenna’s floor where the camera monitors were set up. Cain appeared a second later.

  Spotting Clyde fiddling with the computer, Cain said, “Let me.”

  “No, I can—”

  “You can’t do anything in your state,” Cain retorted, and Clyde gave in, allowing Cain to step forward.

  He held his breath as Cain sat in front of the monitors and began to browse through the video of earlier in the day. An image of Ashley, Jenna and the demons in the dining room came to view. Cain fast forwarded. They watched as Ashley headed toward her room then headed back to the gymnasium on the third floor. Cain switched the video feed allowing them to see inside the gym where Jacob was training as Ashley strode in.

  Oh God, if he did anything to cause her to run away. I’ll… I’ll…

  The video continued to play. They watched as Ashley closed the distance between her and Jacob. They spoke for several moments then he watched as she used her power to move the punching bag several times. They moved toward the center of the room. Jacob disappeared then reappeared behind her, she used her power and flung him backward. Then she ran toward him, obviously concerned she had injured him. They practiced for two hours then together left the gym. Cain switched the camera feed, and they watched as Jacob and Ashley left the building together.

  Anger waged a war inside him, his cheeks heated. He had his answer. Jacob had taken her. Except he didn’t know why Jacob would take her anywhere without telling him. He didn’t know why Jacob would take her anywhere period. Since when did the bitter demon care about anything besides the anger that had seethed inside him for centuries?

  What if he’s her mate? His heart plummeted to the pit of his stomach. He felt the color drain from his face. The room around him swirled. He staggered backward leaning against the wall and ran his hands through his hair.

  It can’t be him. It can’t be. He’s too…and she’s too…

  “Jenna and Lucas are here,” Cain interrupted his thoughts.

  Immediately, he disappeared and reappeared in the lobby an inch away from Jenna.

  “Oh gosh! Clyde, you scared the crap out of me.” She studied his expression then her face softened. “What’s wrong?”

  “Ashley’s gone.”

  “What?” she shrieked. Her voice laced with the terror expressed on her face.

  “Jacob took her God knows where.”

  Jenna let out a deep breath. She closed her eyes tightly then said in her low deadpanned voice, “What did I tell you about scaring me like that?”

  “Why aren’t you scared?”

  Lucas wrapped his arm around Jenna’s waist, pulling her toward him until her back pressed against his ch
est. “She’s with Jacob. She’s fine,” she retorted.

  “Fine? Since when is he friendly to anyone? What business does he have with her? She’s mi…” He stopped short before he could say what he desperately wanted to believe.

  “I trust Jacob. He’s not going to hurt her,” she argued.

  “She shouldn’t have left without me or without my permission. She’s my responsibility.”

  She rolled her eyes then sidestepped to walk past him, Lucas close on her heels. “Ugh, Clyde, please,” she snapped.

  He threw his hands in the air, turned following her with his eyes, his face a blaze from his anger. “Please, what?”

  Jenna turned to face him, her irises burning a deep crimson. He spared a glance in Lucas’ direction and noticed his anger, too, was rising. Nothing angered mated males more than when their mates were upset. Lucas was no different. He wouldn’t be surprised if the demon retaliated, but at the moment he didn’t care. The only thing he cared about was Ashley, and she was gone. She had left willingly with a male who could possibly be hers. At that very moment that bitter demon could be confessing how much he loved her.

  The pain in Clyde’s chest compounded causing a deep searing ache, one he swore he could feel in his soul. He would give anything to surrender to it, let it erase his existence. If he didn’t have Ashley nothing mattered—not his purpose, not his life, nothing.

  “Please, don’t act like you haven’t been ignoring her since last night,” Jenna said.

  “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “It has to do with everything. You aren’t willing to admit she’s yours, so you’re ignoring her for your benefit because you think how you feel for her will fade.”

  He bit back a nasty retort because she was right on target. She saw right through him.

  “She’s making friends with the people who don’t ignore her, so what? Let her. You don’t want her. You want to ignore her. Fine. But let her live.”

  “I do want her! I want her so damned much I curse my own existence!” he shouted, startling himself with the truth in his words.

  From the get go, he’d been fascinated, captivated and enthralled with Ashley. It had taken days for him to admit it, and since he’d come to the realization, he couldn’t escape it. She kindled feelings in him he’d never felt and couldn’t control, but she didn’t belong to him, not now, not ever, no matter how deeply he wanted her.

  He pressed his palms against his forehead in frustration, then exhaled. His voice softened when he said, “But she isn’t mine, Jenna. If she was, I would do anything and everything. I’d gladly give up heaven and my wings for her.”

  Her anger receded quickly turning her irises to their natural brown shade. With tears brimming in her eyes, she said, “I can call him if you want.”

  Sensing his mate’s emotion, Lucas wrapped his arm around her waist.

  Clyde nodded and watched as she pulled out her phone and dialed. It rang twice then Jacob answered.

  “Yeah,” Clyde heard Jacob, barely audible as if his mouth was full.

  They spoke for several moments. Jenna asking simple questions and Jacob responding with single words, then just before the line went dead, Ashley’s laughter rang out. The sound pierced through him, weaving several emotions in him simultaneously, making it hard to distinguish all of them. But one overwhelmed him with such force, it suffocated him.

  Jealousy.

  The negative emotion churned inside him like molten fire, splitting his heart in half. And still, all he could think about was whether he’d ever made her laugh.

  ****

  Jacob opened the door leading to Lucas’s building, and Ashley walked in then halted when she spotted Clyde standing in the lobby, his expression grave.

  The moment her eyes landed on his, her heart jumped in her chest. The burger she’d eaten rose to her throat. Illogically, it seemed she hadn’t seen him in days.

  Ashley felt Jacob’s presence behind her as he let his anger swirl around them. She wasn’t startled like she’d been before. The several hours she had spent with him, she’d become accustomed to it. Only during the last hour had he let it dissipate.

  “Ashley,” Clyde greeted.

  “Hi,” she said barely audible.

  Clyde’s gaze shifted to Jacob, his stare hardened. “Jacob,” he said harshly.

  “Yeah,” Jacob responded nonchalantly, walking forward until he stood beside her.

  “Do you think it was responsible of you to take Ashley without notifying her guardian?” Clyde spit.

  “Clyde, this isn’t—” she began closing the distance between them.

  Jacob lifted his arm to stop her from getting closer, halting her. Clyde flinched, his face flushing in anger.

  Panic rising in her, her hands began to tremble.

  “I figured as her guardian you would’ve watched her more closely. If you had, then you would’ve known where we were, considering your invisible man trick,” Jacob retorted.

  “Jake, don’t…” she said, grabbing his hand to push him away from Clyde.

  Clyde’s gaze, stark with anguish, wandered to her hand as it held Jake’s. He turned his attention toward Jacob, glaring at him. He fisted his hands. Through gritted teeth, he said, “I can’t…”

  Lucas and Jenna appeared beside them. Lucas unleashed his emotions, making the air thick with tension. Jenna rushed toward Ashley, and wrapped her arm around her shoulders edging her forward and toward the elevators.

  “Come on,” Jenna whispered.

  “But what if—”

  “Don’t worry, they won’t fight,” Jenna assured her.

  As they entered the elevator, she lost sight of Clyde and Jake.

  ****

  Fear and anger seethed within him because Clyde had spent more than two hours waiting for Jacob and Ashley to arrive. His mind whirled with the knowledge of the unmanageable pain that would cut through him if Jacob admitted Ashley was his mate.

  “You had no business taking her.” His voice low and menacing. “She’s in danger. Asher is looking for her. He told her she was his. If he finds her, he’ll force her to mate him.”

  Jacob didn’t react. Stoically, he retorted, “I’ve been a warrior for centuries, angel. She’s perfectly safe with me and not that you would know, but she’s already honed her power over the wind.”

  He narrowed his gaze. “I’m her guardian. What I say goes,” he fumed.

  Jacob smirked. “I’d stake my life that you haven’t explained any of this to her, yet here you are explaining it to me, who knows all too well what they’ll do to her.”

  Clyde painfully clenched his jaw. “She doesn’t need to know. What she needs is peace of mind.”

  “She deserves to know what they intend to do if they find her. Keeping her in the dark isn’t helping her.”

  “I’m her guardian. I make those decisions. Don’t ever take her again.”

  “I’ll do whatever the fuck I want,” Jacob retorted.

  Clyde snapped, launching himself at Jacob. Lucas materialized in front of him preventing him from reaching Jacob.

  “You know how to fix this,” Jacob said.

  He did. All he had to do was find Ashley’s fated mate. When Ashley mated her fated, Asher couldn’t force her to mate him. The question was, was the fury-filled demon her mate? He didn’t want to know but needed to find out.

  Clyde swallowed, summoning the courage to ask, “Is she yours?”

  “No, idiot,” Jacob spat. “She’s yours.”

  A wave of relief washed over him, and he released a breath. Exhausted from his fear, anger, jealousy and the scorching pain eating him alive, he didn’t respond to Jacob’s goad. He knew, despite what everyone else believed, Ashley wasn’t his because he was an angel. She wasn’t Jacob’s either, but he knew every time Ashley spent time with another immortal male his fear would again rear its head. It would only happen so many times before she met him—her mate. Each time, it would be more painful than the last.r />
  Before he found the energy to turn and walk away, he acknowledged: If it hurts this bad now, when she finds him, it’ll kill me.

  ****

  Ashley sat on the couch with Jenna. When Clyde entered, she rushed toward him immediately. The distraught look on his face unsettled her as panic sliced through her and a million questions ran through her mind.

  Why was Clyde so upset? Why did he care if she spent time with Jacob? Did he fear Jacob was her mate? Was Jacob her mate?

  The last thought had her reeling. She didn’t want to be Jake’s. She didn’t want to be anyone’s but Clyde’s.

  “Clyde,” she called, and his gaze settled on hers. “You didn’t hurt him, did you?”

  His shoulders slumped slightly, his demeanor turning bleaker.

  “Jake didn’t mean anything by taking me out. He was just being nice.”

  He exhaled then finally said, “No, Ash. I didn’t do anything to him.”

  “Is he my…” Unwilling to finish, her words faded away because the answer could mean Clyde wasn’t hers, and she didn’t feel for Jacob as she felt for Clyde.

  “Do you want him to be?” he asked, his voice low. Briefly, he looked away from her then his stare intensified boring into her, troubling her. She felt what he would say next would unnerve her more. “Would you prefer him to me?”

  And it did. Her heart clenched, then slowed almost to a complete stop. The tremble in her hands became unmanageable.

  Ashley wanted to answer quickly, but words failed her. She wanted to admit what she believed, she would never prefer another to him, but weariness overcame her before she could open her mouth to speak. Despite her attempts to focus, her eyes drifted shut and then darkness prevailed.

  ****

  Clyde’s eyes widened in alarm as he watched her eyes slide close. He caught her before she hit the floor then cursed himself.

  A moment later, Jenna stood at his side. “You are an idiot,” she barked. “How could you… Why would you ask her such a ridiculous question?”

  He glared in her direction then carried Ashley toward her bed, listening to the steady beat of her heart. Carefully, he placed her on top of the covers then, unwilling to leave her side for even moment, he tore off a piece of his shirt and dabbed the sweat off her face.