by V. Vaughn
The pressure on me is suddenly gone, and I slump to the floor like a rag doll when the man is yanked away from me. The men tumble backward, and the hunter jumps up to his feet. A glint of sunlight flashes off something in the man’s hand, and I realize it’s a knife.
Wait! I scramble to my feet as the guy rushes toward Jared. Blood rushing to my head makes my pulse pound in my ears like a drum, and I launch myself at the guy to land on his back. Reaching around to his eyes, I jam my fingers in the sockets as Jared yells, “Stay out of this!”
The man screams, and the knife clatters on the floor as he drops it to grab my arms to throw me off. The floor is hard, and the impact of my fall radiates through my spine. I yell as I get up, “What do you mean stay out of this?”
Jared yanks the man’s head down to smash him with his knee, and bone crunches before the guy collapses to the floor with a thud. We both stare at the man for a moment, and I wonder if he’s dead. I glance up to find Jared glaring at me as his chest heaves. He asks, “What was that?”
“That was me taking care of things.”
Jared sighs in exasperation as I reach up to the back of my head to find my hair is matted with a sticky substance I assume is blood. I stroke my sore neck gently as I take a deep breath to make sure I still can. The reality of the situation hits me. I glance at the still form of the guy that tried to squeeze the life out of me and ask, “Is he dead?”
Jared speaks quietly. “Yes.”
I stumble back as I begin to tremble. “Oh my god. What the hell was I doing?”
“Courtney,” Jared says softly as he holds out his hands and approaches me slowly. I reach back and notice I’m shaking as he squeezes my fingers gently and says, “You were protecting your mate.”
“But you killed him.”
“If I hadn’t, he would have killed us.” Jared takes me by the arms and leans in close to say, “These people have no intention of letting us live. We have no choice.”
I gaze at him as another vision flashes in my mind. It’s me with claws growing out of my hands, and I glance down quickly to make sure it isn’t really happening. Oh my god. My bear side is trying to take over and make me a killer too. I shake my head as I whisper, “No.”
5
After the attack at my apartment, Jared checked my head wound to find the bleeding had stopped. While I cleaned up as best I could, Jared called Jax to come over to take care of the man. We left before Jax arrived, and as we drive, I gaze out the window to notice the array of brightly colored flowers in pots and window boxes as we drive through town. When we pass by my school, a sharp pain slices through my heart, because I can’t go back there, just as I can’t go back to my life the way it was. I don’t speak as I try to make sense of my new reality. I now believe I do have a bear inside me that’s calling the shots. Twice I’ve risked my life to save my true mate. That’s not Courtney the human acting. It’s got to be my shifter side, and I don’t like it.
Jared stops at a traffic light, and the heat he transmits is almost unbearably hot on my skin when he reaches over and takes my hand. I’m not cut out to be a warrior with my slow reflexes and lack of the agility needed to knee a man in the balls effectively. I think the face of that man today is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I have no business in the werebear world.
I ask, “How do you deal with it?”
“It’s the way it’s always been,” says Jared. “I grew up knowing that dangerous people want to kill me and that if I plan to live, I have to act.”
A shiver runs through me, and I pull my hand away to wrap my arms around myself as I wonder when this nightmare will end. If I weren’t part bear, could I kill to save myself? I think about countries where children grow up with similar dangers. The desire to survive is innate in humans, so I suppose I would. Maybe my bear isn’t the one calling the shots after all. I shake my head, because I don’t believe it. I won’t lose my humanity by letting my animal win.
When we get to Jared’s and exit the van, he places an arm around my waist to walk me inside. I lean against his strong body as if I can recharge by touching him. His warmth is comforting. I’m shaking, and I’m not sure if it’s the aftermath of my adrenaline surge or fear about what my life has become. This man is my true mate, and every ounce of me craves him, but is there any way to make our relationship work if I stay human?
Once we’re inside, Jared pulls me into an embrace. I gaze up at him as he says, “You amaze me with your bravery. But you’ve got to stop until you’re equipped to handle it.” He tilts my chin up with his finger and inspects my neck. “That man almost killed you, Courtney. Promise me you won’t try to fight again until you’re a werebear.”
I nod, and a tiny shiver runs through me as desire pools in my belly. I can’t think straight, because just like the intense emotions I experienced today, my need for Jared is just as strong. I push away the memories of what happened today and focus on our connection. I want to feel him. I reach up and pull him roughly down for a kiss, and I don’t let him get away with anything gentle as I practically devour him with my mouth. The thin cotton of his shirt is smooth under my palms as I slide my hands down his chest and under the fabric to touch his skin. I break away for a second to say, “I need you, Jared. All of you.”
He gazes down at me with so much heat in his eyes I almost ignite. Jared removes his shirt as I walk backward toward his room, and I don’t hide my thoughts as I scan his massive chest and arms with my eyes. He reaches for my top when we enter, and I lift my arms over my head to help him take it off. It lands on the floor with a soft whoosh as I reach behind my back. The metal hooks of my bra are warm in my fingers as I unhook them. The straps fall off my shoulders, and Jared reaches under the cups to hold my breasts.
His thumbs brush roughly over my nipples and send a current of heat to my core before he lowers his mouth to flick his tongue over one. As he suckles me, I reach for his waistband and move backward until my legs bump against his bed. My desire is taking over, and I welcome it with open arms as I fall to a sitting position. This positions his groin in front of my face, and I grin up at him as I grind his zipper down. “May I?”
He groans. “God, yes,” he says as he threads his fingers through my hair.
I yank his pants and underwear down to let his cock spring free. It stands proud before me, and I grip it with my hand as I lower my mouth over the tip. His savory essence teases my tongue when I lick at the silky-smooth skin before I suck him in. His hips pump as he moves in and out of my mouth, and I pleasure him with my hand too.
Jared tenses when his release gets closer, and when he steps back his cock leaves my mouth with a pop. He shudders as he stares down at me and strokes his dick. I lick my lips as I anticipate what’s going to happen next, and when he lowers to his knees he says, “My turn.”
I slide back on the bed and lift my hips for him to slide my pants off. Denim scrapes my thighs as my mate tugs my jeans down. He grabs my bottom to move me to the edge of the bed as he says, “Your scent makes me crazy.” He inhales and lets out a small moan as he hooks his fingers into the edges of my panties and tugs them off, and I sigh when he lowers his mouth to my sex. My eyes flutter shut when intense sensations storm in me from what my mate does with his tongue. The muscles in my stomach flex and quiver as waves of delight crash through me. I begin to moan as I get closer to my peak. When I’m about to come I push him away as I plead, “I want you inside me.” Jared slides his finger over my folds, and I pant before I’m reduced to begging. “Please.”
“Yes,” says Jared as he stands and places himself between my legs. He guides his cock into me and reaches underneath my hips to grip my bottom and seat himself deeper. I inhale sharply as he thrusts all the way. He asks, “Is this what you want?”
I rotate my hips to create friction as I say, “Yes. Make me feel it, Jared.”
I throw my head back and cry out as he rams into me with force. I grasp at the bedcovers, and they wad up in my grip as I take the po
wer of what my mate gives me. The heat of my pleasure burns in the pit of my belly before it creeps through my body. My orgasm is close, and the bed knocks against the wall as Jared moves faster. Our bodies are slick with sweat, and his skin glistens as I lift up to grip his forearms. Cords of muscle are rock hard in my hand as I scream with my release.
A low rumble comes from Jared as his climax approaches. When it hits, he lets out a growl that makes the windows rattle as my orgasm resurges to meet him. Our bliss is nearly blinding, and I hold on as long as I can before he collapses over me. Our limbs twitch and quiver while our bodies recover.
“My god,” says Jared. “That was amazing.”
“Uh-huh.” I sigh.
Jared leans up on his elbow to smile down at me. “Did I mention that to change you to a werebear, the best time is when you’re coming?”
I tense. “Now that is definitely a line if I ever heard one.”
“Nope. It’s true. Apparently it will send you through the roof.”
I don’t want to talk about the fact that I have no intention of changing, so I say, “Huh.” I drag my finger down his chest, and he trembles under my touch as I move to his stomach and grip his cock. It’s slick in my hand as I squeeze, and it thickens under my fingers in response.
Jared leans down and nips at my ear with his teeth as he whispers, “As a musician, I must tell you practice is important.”
I ignore his words and shudder when he reaches between my legs to slide two fingers into me. I move his hand to guide his dick there instead. As I hook my legs around his waist, I gaze up into his emerald-green eyes to see they’re full of love, and the same emotion swells in me. Jared withdraws slowly and says, “I love you, Courtney.”
Tears burn in my eyes, and I turn away. I don’t want to feel it. I don’t want this strange connection that makes me love him. I can’t get the image of Jared killing the hunter out of my mind, and I want it all to go away. But my bear has other ideas and appears to be running the show.
Jared stops moving and says, “Hey.”
Moisture rolls down to my ear, and I shake my head as I pull his mouth toward mine. I kiss him so I don’t have to speak. Because how do I tell the man that is my true mate I can’t be what he needs?
6
I must have dozed off in Jared’s bed, because the vibrating sound of his cello wakes me. I stare up at the ceiling as I listen. He’s playing a quick series of notes that mimics my beating heart as I think about telling him I can’t become a werebear. There are tiny cracks in the plaster, and I follow a line that forks.
Jared’s song suddenly slows to a haunting melody that hangs on each note. A rush of tears wells up in my eyes as I imagine being without him. I sit up quickly and swallow down the lump in my throat as I tell myself I’m being dramatic. Of course we can figure out a way to be together if I don’t change. I’m naked, and when I climb out from under the covers, a chill runs through me. I grab Jared’s T-shirt from the floor, and the soft cotton caresses my skin as I slip it on before I walk to the living room to watch him play.
Jared doesn’t glance up when I enter the room. His head is lowered in concentration, and I see his long, elegant fingers move on the strings while his other arm drags the bow back and forth with graceful strokes. The music fills me as my heart aches. This time I don’t bother to stop my tears as they roll down my face, and I sink down slowly onto the couch across from him.
He glances up and stops playing. He frowns as he asks, “What’s wrong?”
I offer a weak smile. “Your music is so beautiful.”
The bow clatters on the coffee table, and he sets his cello down to come sit next to me. He says, “I don’t think that’s the only reason you’re crying.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders. “Are you afraid?”
“Yes.” I turn to Jared and say, “I’m not cut out for this. I’m the stupid girl in the horror movie that walks down the hall toward the monster because she’s curious.”
“You are not that girl. Twice now you’ve put yourself at risk to save me. That shows strength and courage.”
“But that’s not me. That’s my bear doing those things.” I place my hand on my chest. “This person is a coward. All I want to do is run away from the hunters.”
“Do you want to run away from me?”
“No. But...” Is that what I want? To be without my true mate? I sigh. “I don’t want to become a werebear, Jared. And I’m afraid that means we can’t be together.”
“You’re not ready. That doesn’t mean we can’t be together.”
“You’re not getting it. I’m never going to be ready, because I don’t want to let my bear out.” I whisper, “She scares me.”
Jared says, “Courtney.” He takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly. “Olivia could help you with this. She loves being a werebear.”
“She would." I think about my control-freak roommate who gets what she wants no matter what. “Olivia could kick ass when she was just a human. But that’s not me. I’d rather give up than fight, and my stupid bear seems to love the conflict. If I let her out, I’m going to lose who I am.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works.”
I recall the way I would have killed the man that attacked me earlier. Part of me wanted to. “I do.” I reach over and take Jared’s hand. His strong fingers twine with mine as I say, “You saw it. I haven’t even changed, and my bear side is already taking control.”
“During extenuating circumstances.” He lifts my hand and kisses the back of it. “And I think both times you reacted to save what’s yours the way a human would.”
I shake my head. I can’t expect him to understand, because he’s always been a werebear. If my bear hadn’t taken over today, I would have cowered in the corner and let Jared save me. I inhale sharply when another thought occurs to me. If my bear hadn’t taken over when Jared was running, he’d be dead.
I stand up and rake my hands through my hair. The wood floor is smooth under my feet as I pace across the room. My bear was awakened to save my true mate. And now that I’m in danger, I need her to keep me safe too. I stop moving as it hits me. If a hunter tried to kill me today, it doesn’t matter what I am. If I want to stay alive, I have to change.
I turn to Jared to ask, “I’m a risk to you and myself if I stay human, aren’t I?”
He gets up and comes to me. His gaze is intense as he says, “You know I’d do anything to keep you safe. But I might not be enough to keep you alive.”
I inhale deeply and walk over to the window as I exhale. I gaze out but don’t see anything as I think about the changes Jared told me would happen if I become a werebear. My body will get stronger, and my senses will become supercharged. Things that can keep me safe.
Jared’s hands land on my shoulders, and our connection soothes me as if to let me know I can adapt. I lean back against his strong chest, and he wraps his arms around me as I say, “Please tell me it’s going to be okay.”
“It will be. Destiny put us together for reasons we may not understand, but I’m confident you’re supposed to be a werebear.”
“I wish I felt the same way.”
He turns me by my shoulders to face him and asks, “Have you ever felt a love this strong before?”
“No.”
“And can you imagine what it would be like if I were suddenly ripped away from you?”
“God, no.” A shiver runs through me, and Jared pulls me into an embrace. I tilt my head to gaze up at him, and his eyes are glassy. I think he’s afraid of losing me, and a vise grip of pain squeezes my heart. I say, “You don’t want to lose me either.”
Jared shakes his head, and I guess he’s too choked up to speak. I love this man so much that I think the pain I’m causing him right now might hurt me more. After what happened today, I’d be foolish to think I can be safe as a human. I say, “I hope you still love me when my bear wins.”
“She’s always been a part of you.” He smiles. “And I can never stop loving you
.”
Something in me gives my voice conviction when I say, “Okay. Change me.”
Jared shuts his eyes for a moment and lets out a big breath as if he’s been holding it. His grip is strong when he takes my face in his hands, and the intensity of his gaze solidifies that I’ve made the right decision. He says, “I love you, Courtney. I promise you our life will be everything you ever wanted and more.”
The emotions that swell in me might be too much for my human to handle, but my bear manages to pick up the slack, and I say, “I love you too, Jared. And with you by my side, I know I can do this.”
7
Once I made my decision to become a werebear, the first thing I did was quit my job, and then when Jax got home, he helped Jared and me get my car. Fortunately I live in a small town where nobody seemed to care enough to impound my vehicle or steal my things. Jared told me he thinks the hunter might have been acting on his own since there are no signs of them searching the house he and Jax rent.
I glance around their living room as I wonder where I’ll set up to paint. Since I’m Jared’s true mate and not safe alone, it makes sense for me to move in. And because I don’t have a job, I can’t afford rent any longer.
Jared left on an errand, and Jax is in the kitchen. Pans rattle as he searches in the cupboard, and I ask, “Want help with dinner?”
“No. I’m good.”
I wander over and say, “I’m sorry I’m invading your space like this. It’s got to be weird for you.”
“Not really. I’d have no trouble doing the same to Jared if I found my true mate.”
A cutting board thuds on the counter before me, and Jax hands me a knife. He turns to the fridge to pull out red and orange peppers, and when he hands them to me, he says, “Dice. So are you nervous about the change?”