by V. Vaughn
“Yes. I’m not a big fan of pain.”
He chuckles. “Most of us aren’t. When are you going to do it?”
“I don’t know.” The knife handle is hard in my hand when I grip it tight. My stomach flips as I think about the process Jared described. Once he bites me, I’ll feel an intense burning. I’ll be restrained so that when my claws come out, I don’t hurt myself, and I can’t shake the image of a feral version of me losing control. I say, “Jared said it might be best if we had Olivia to help me, and she’ll be home sometime tonight.”
My chop is a steady tap that increases in speed as I cut a pepper, and I think about my best friend. I’m glad I have her to talk to. Jax reaches over and stops my hand from moving. I glance up at him as he says, “Jared and I won’t let anything bad happen to you, Courtney. You’re like my sister now, and the Veilleux clan looks out for its own.”
“Thanks.” I smile at him as I recall the way he teases Jared and how easily I get along with my mate’s brother. “I appreciate it.”
Jax nods toward the door and says, “Jared’s home.” He waggles his eyebrows and adds, “From the sex shop.”
“What?” My cheeks burn with embarrassment.
Jax says, “You need to be restrained, and he wanted the cuffs to be comfortable.”
“Oh.” I drop my head to focus on the peppers. Something I’m going to have to get over is my modesty. Jared told me that they usually get naked before shifting and that it’s quite common to strip down in front of others.
I turn to the door when Jared enters and decide to make the best of my situation. I say, “I hear you got me a present.”
A paper bag rustles as my mate tosses it to me, and I squeal before I bat it away. I give him a sheepish grin, and I squat down to pick it up as I say, “Hand-eye coordination was never my thing.”
I peer into the bag to discover four leather cuffs. One is smooth in my hand as I pull it out. The inside is lined with a thick fur-like material, and it’s soft to the touch. “Nice,” I say.
Jax grabs the bag from me and takes one out too. “Very nice. I might have to borrow these.”
I shake my head at him as I tease back, “Some girl is going to love tying you up.”
Jax winks at me as he tosses the cuffs my way. This time I manage to trap the bag against my body with my arm. He says, “I’m going to have so much fun with you living here.”
I roll my eyes at him before turning to Jared. “I texted Olivia to call me tonight when she’s free. We could do this as early as tomorrow.”
“Is that what you want?” He steps closer to me.
I nod as I push away the doubt that tries to creep in. “I’m going to be afraid no matter when we do it, so I might as well get this over with. Besides, I’m sure you’ll feel a lot safer when I’m finally able to defend myself.”
Jared wraps his arms around my waist to pull me in. “I can’t wait to share my world with you.”
I slide my hands up to his shoulders and marvel at the firm muscle under my palms as I say, “I’m looking forward to it,” and rise up on my tiptoes to kiss him. We break apart when my phone rings.
It’s Olivia, and I step into Jared’s room to talk to her. My phone is slippery in my shaky hand as I say, “Two things. One-I’m like you. Two-I want to change tomorrow, and I need you here to help.”
“Oh my god!” squeals Olivia. “I should have known by the way we got along so well. You must have so many questions.”
“I do. And boy, do I have a lot to tell you.”
“I’ll be right over.” My phone disconnects before I have a chance to say good-bye. I sigh in relief that my best friend will be here soon. As much as I trust Jared, I really need to get some perspective.
The aroma of peppers and onions fills the house as dinner cooks, and I return to the kitchen to let the guys know that Olivia is on her way over. She arrives in time to eat. I squeeze my friend tight when I see her, and the familiar floral scent of her shampoo makes me smile as she says, “You have no idea how excited I am for you.”
“Yeah?” I ask. “Because right now I’m scared to death.”
Water gurgles into the glasses on the dinner table as Jared fills them. Olivia’s chair creaks as she sits and says, “I get it, and I won’t lie. The change sucks.”
“Great,” I say as I fiddle with my fork. A plate thumps down before me as Jax serves us. “How long does it hurt?”
“Oh my gosh, this looks good, Jax,” says Olivia. “I had no idea you were such a good cook.”
“Thanks. Dig in,” he says.
Olivia says, “It takes about twenty-four hours, and for a while you will wish you were dead.”
I must look horrified, because Jared says, “But you can do it, Courtney. I’m sure of it.”
“You can,” says Olivia. “And I’ll be there for the whole thing.”
“Okay.” I push food around on my plate because I’ve lost my appetite.
My friend says, “I think it might be like childbirth. You sort of forget how awful it was pretty quickly, because once you’ve changed, there is so much that’s new, you’re focused on adjusting.”
I nod and lift my glass to drink. Cool water flows down my throat as I try to soothe the panic that’s rising in me. Olivia says, “You’re going to love being a werebear. It’s really amazing.”
Jared reaches over, and his warm hand envelops mine as I say, “I’d better, because I don’t have a choice.”
Olivia scowls as she glances at Jared, and he says, “I’m not forcing her. But it’s for the best. We’ve had some trouble with hunters.”
“Oh no,” says Olivia.
“Oh yes,” says Jax. The guys explain what happened, and by the end of it, Olivia seems to have lost her desire for food too.
She says, “It’s a good thing we’re back.” She stares at me and says, “Now there’s ten of us that can keep you safe, but the sooner you change, the better off you’ll be. The band goes on the road again in a week.” Olivia’s mate is part of the band Second Sound, which hit it big recently.
I nod at her and glance at the concerned faces of my mate and his brother. I say, “Maybe I should do it tonight.” I return my gaze to my friend. “Olivia?”
She says, “I can stay. I’m sure I’m not the only one that’s worried about you.”
Jared is still holding my hand, and he gives it a squeeze as he says, “You’re right. The sooner Courtney is one of us, the better I’ll feel.”
I take a deep breath and say, “Then it’s settled.” A dry chuckle comes from me before I add, “So when should I get naked?”
8
Having sex while Jax and Olivia sit in the living room pretending not to listen is not something I want to do. Since Olivia informed me that the mind-blowing orgasm one gets with a werebear bite during climax can still happen after you’ve changed, I’m not going to. So now I’m lying on Jared’s bed with only a sheet covering my body as he and Olivia attach restraints to my wrists and ankles.
The fuzzy insides of the leather cuffs make them comfortable, as if they can fool me into thinking what I’m about to do won’t be the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. My limbs tremble as warm hands hold me, and the metal buckles rattle as I’m locked to the bed frame. I take a shaky breath before I speak. “I don’t think I can do this.”
The mattress sinks next to me as Olivia sits down, and she says, “You can, Courtney. I know this is really scary. But when it’s over, you’ll be really glad you did it.”
“We’ll both be with you the entire time,” says Jared. I gaze into his face as hot tears burn in my eyes. He sighs as he sits next to me too, and his thumb is warm on my cheek as he wipes away a tear. He says, “I wish I could do this for you. I hate that you have to suffer.”
Jax says, “It does really suck. But look at it this way. It’s a hell of a lot better than dying.”
I glance at him standing at the end of the bed and offer my best attempt at a smile. “Thanks. I’l
l try to remember that when I’m writhing in agony.”
Olivia smoothes my hair out of my face as if I’m a child and says, “When Jared bites into your shoulder, you’ll feel sharp pain, and it will be quickly followed by a burning sensation that will travel throughout your body.” I nod as my breathing gets shallow. She says, “It won’t take long before your nerves will screech at the sensation of your claws and hair coming out of your skin and retracting back in.”
“Jesus,” says Jared.
Olivia glares at him before she continues. “After that goes on for a while you’re going to hear the cracking of bones. The good news is about that point, you’ll probably pass out.”
“Are my bones really going to break?” I ask.
Olivia says, “Yes.”
“Why did you tell her that?” asks Jared.
She snaps back, “Because she needs to know. Can you imagine if you felt that and didn’t know it was something that was going to happen?”
Jax says, “She’s got a point. Damn, Courtney, you half-humans have got balls.”
I can’t help my nervous chuckle and say, “God, I hope not. Those things would just get in the way.” I turn to Olivia. “Is there anything else I need to know?”
“No. I think that’s it. She glances over at Jax and then back to me. “If you can try to think about your love for Jared, it helps.”
I take a deep breath and turn to Jared. I know I sound like a little girl when I say, “I’m scared.”
Jared’s face clouds with concern as he leans over me and says, “I know. I would be too.” The look on his face makes me think he’s afraid, too, but doing his best to be brave for me. He says, “But your bear is in there, and she’s going to get you through this.”
I think about how strong my bear has already been. She gave me the courage to jump in front of a bullet and attack a man twice my size. “She is pretty badass.”
Jared smiles at me and says, “And so are you.” He leans down and kisses my lips lightly before he whispers, “I love you, Courtney.”
“I know.” I take a deep breath as I push my fear out of my mind and say, “I’m ready.”
Olivia takes my hand and squeezes my fingers, and the springs in the mattress squeak when Jared climbs onto the bed. I glance at Jax, who’s leaning against the door, and I ask, “Jax, would you please come hold my other hand?”
His feet beat steadily on the floor as he comes to me, and when Jax’s strong grip envelops my fingers I say, “Thank you. I think I’m going to need all the help I can get.”
I gaze up into Jared’s eyes as he hovers over me. My heart swells when I notice the love he feels for me on his face, and I nod. I stare in amazement as my mate opens his mouth and long fangs begin to extend. Ice runs through my veins as my heart begins to beat faster, and the blood rushing pounds in my ears. I gasp, and Olivia squeezes my hand as she says, “I know, honey. I know.”
I think I scream before Jared even punctures my skin with his teeth, and for a fleeting second I’m proud of myself for not stopping him. But when the sharp pain of his bite mixes with the molten-hot burn that races through my body, I wish I had. At first my stomach clenches as if I’m going to vomit, but it quickly morphs into agony I can’t believe I’m able to bear. Every cell in my body is experiencing the blinding intensity of what’s happening, and it surprises me when I notice my hands hurt even more. I glance down to see claws poke out where my fingers used to be. The prickling I feel all over my skin from fur growing makes me imagine I’m being attacked by millions of red ants, only I’m sure that would hurt less.
At the point I’m positive I can’t take any more, something in my leg snaps, and white-hot torture makes me scream loud enough that my ears ring. That’s when stars float before my eyes, and I fade into the sweet release of unconsciousness. Throughout the night, I wake for brief moments only to experience the kind of pain that makes me pray to pass out again. The faces of Jared, Olivia, and Jax waver in front of me as their words of encouragement are blocked out by cries I can’t control. Finally blackness takes over.
The first thing I notice when I wake is that I can hear birds chirping, and I lift my head to glance around the room, because I’m sure they managed to come through the window. My gaze doesn’t travel too far before amazement takes over, and I stare at the painting I did of Jared that hangs on the wall. I recall the day I took the picture, and my artwork floods me with the same emotions I felt when I snapped the image. My eyesight now is so incredible that I can see the tiniest brushstrokes, and a rush of love brings tears to my eyes when I realize that I’ve been his since the first time I saw him.
“Hey. You’re awake,” says Jared. He’s whispering, and the volume is as if he’s speaking normally. I turn to him, and he scowls when he sees the tears rolling down my cheeks. He asks, “Are you in pain?”
I shake my head. “No. Everything is so much more. And I know this sounds crazy, but I’m crying because I was thinking about how much I love you.”
Metal clangs as Jared begins to remove my restraints. He leans down to kiss me quickly and asks, “Was that too loud?”
I smile at him. “No. You’re fine.” I sit up, and my muscles ache as if I’ve been beaten up. I groan as I rub my wrists.
Jared asks, “What can I get you?”
The door to his room swishes against the carpet as Olivia pushes it open and says, “One hot bath coming up.”
“That sounds glorious, but don’t make the water too hot. Everything is so—intense.”
Olivia calls out from the bathroom as water begins to thunder in the tub. “I remember. Wait until you eat. You’re going to spend the next few days having foodgasms.” She chuckles as I swing my legs over the bed to stand. Even the texture of the sheets rubbing against my skin as I move is noticeable.
I take a moment before I rise, and Jared holds out a hand for me as he says, “Welcome to my world.”
I let him pull me up and gaze into the green eyes that are now more vibrant, as if I can see the life behind them. I inhale his scent that floods me with the warmth of our love, and I think I’m beginning to get it. Even my ability to be happy has been multiplied. A grin covers my face as I say, “I’m so glad to be here.”
9
I moan in pleasure as I hold a bite of smoked salmon in my mouth and savor the flavor. “Oh my God, this is the most amazing breakfast I’ve ever eaten.”
“Told you,” says Olivia. Her mug thumps when she sets it down, and she nods toward my plate. “Try the bacon. You’ll think you’ve died and gone to heaven.”
Jared says, “Last night she almost did.”
Olivia scowls at him. “Be sure to remember that. You should be grateful for what she went through to be with you.”
A protective jealousy for Jared surges in me, and I say, “That wasn’t the only reason I did it. I seem to recall my life being in danger was a reason as well.”
Olivia says, “Whoa. Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to attack your mate, but watching you change really hit home for me. I swear women always get the short end of the stick. Mother Nature is a bitch.”
Jax reaches across the table and hands Olivia a pastry. “How about a little sugar to improve your mood?” he asks with a mischievous grin.
I try to imagine what it must have been like to witness the agony I experienced last night. I shake my head, because I’m going to do my best to try to forget that memory. Although it sure is a testament to how strong I am as a werebear. I bite into bacon and sigh as the salty flavor makes my taste buds want to dance with joy. I ask, “When do I start learning to fight?”
“As soon as you’ve healed,” says Jared.
I stretch my leg out under the table and notice the ache I felt when I climbed out of bed has faded. Olivia explained that by tonight I should no longer have any pain. I say, “I think I’ll be ready by tomorrow.”
“I think so too,” says Olivia. “Maybe you could learn to shift today.”
The apprehension I fel
t about becoming a bear no longer seems to exist, because the idea of morphing into bear form and running in the woods excites me. I say, “I’d like that.” I look at Jared and ask, “Can we try after breakfast?”
“Sure.” He asks Olivia, “Was it hard for you to learn?”
She swallows her mouthful of food with a gulp and replies, “No. But I’m told it’s different for everybody.” She glances at me. “I have a feeling Courtney isn’t going to have any trouble at all. She’s one of the most open-minded people I know, and I think she’ll have a knack for it.”
Jax asks, “Do you mind if I come along?”
I smile at him because I think he’s imagining what this will be like when he finds his true mate. I say, “Not at all.” I hold up a strip of bacon as if I’m toasting him and say, “You gave me bacon.”
Once we finish eating, Jared takes me to the woods behind their house. He, Olivia, and Jax begin to strip off their clothes, and it makes it easier for me to do the same. Jared says, “Olivia, it might be best if you describe how you shift. Jax and I learned when we were teenagers, and I’m not sure my method of wanting to pummel Jax would work.”
She says, “Sure.” A breeze makes me hug myself as Olivia says to me, “Anger is what worked best for me too, but you don’t get mad easily, so maybe we should try focusing on your protectiveness for Jared.”
“Okay. So I think about him in danger?”
She nods. “Remember how you felt when he was about to be shot, and when the feelings begin to surge, focus on the prickling sensation you felt last night.”
“Got it.” I close my eyes and recall Jared jogging by me and the vision of blood I saw. My body tenses at the memory, and when my skin begins to tingle, I imagine a bear inside of me that’s trying to get out. I experience a fraction of the pain I felt last night as something within me swallows up my human form, and I open my eyes just before my front bear paws thump to the ground.
Jared’s voice is full of pride when he says, “You did it!” I glance over at him, and he comes toward me to stroke my fur. A rumble forms in my chest as I lean into his touch. “So beautiful,” he says.