First Kiss

by Sophie Bright

  I couldn’t listen to them anymore and I needed to do something to show Dean I wasn’t wallowing in self pity even though I was. With as much sound as I could make I opened my door and went out into the hallway.

  “Hey, Lucy I was going to make some dinner you want some,” Dean asked up the stairs.

  “No, I’m going to take a shower and then I was thinking of ordering a pizza. I still have a lot of work I need to catch up on.”

  Dean and Jackson were quiet for a long time but finally Dean answered. “I could go for a pizza.”

  I winced hearing the fear in Dean’s voice. I didn’t mean to make him worry about me.

  “Sorry, big bro. I’m starving and I planned on eating the whole damn thing. You’ll have to order your own.”

  Dean let out a relieved laugh. “I could order another pizza. I thought maybe you would want to hang out?”

  “Can I take a rain check? I really do have a lot of clients and if you want me to get out of your house soon you should probably let me get their work done.”

  “You know I don’t mind you living here.”

  “I know. I love you, Dean. Why don’t you go out tonight? I’m going to be a boring.”

  “What’s new?” Jackson added.

  I went to the edge of the stairs and flipped him off. Jackson’s eyes wandered over my body and his jaw clenched. I pulled my hand behind my back and blew Dean a kiss before retreating so they couldn’t see me.

  “Are you sure it’s okay if I take off for a little bit?”

  “Dean it’s fine. Like I said shower, work, and pizza are my future.”

  “I was planning on staying in and working on some plans for the farmhouse, anyway.” Jackson added and I rolled my eyes knowing he was lying. No he had babysitter duty tonight, asshole.

  “Whatever. I’m going to shower. Have a fun tonight, Dean.”

  In the bathroom I undressed and stared at myself in the mirror. The bruises from Mrs. Whitten were gone but in their place were deep black rings surrounding my eyes. Dean was right I had always been small but I didn’t realize how much weight I’d lost. My collar bones and hip jutted out of my skin.

  Tears streaked down my face as I turned from side to side and saw just how much I’d wasted away. It took all the energy I had to get in the shower and wash up. By the time I had toweled off and put on another tank top and sweats I was ready for bed.

  How did I let myself get this way?

  I turned off my computer happy with the work I’d got done earlier in day and drifted off to sleep promising myself I would eat after I took a short nap. Then I would start getting my life back together.

  4

  In my dream I was eating my favorite meal my mom’s homemade meatloaf and mashed potatoes. It was so real I could smell it. My stomach rumbled and I woke up wishing I could fall back asleep and continue eating.

  It took a moment to realize the amazing smell wasn’t going away but still wafting in my room. My stomach rumbled again and this time I didn’t ignore it.

  I hoped Dean didn’t cut his date short so he could come home and cook for me. Or maybe my mom and dad ended their trip early so they could come take care of me. Was Dean so worried about me he would rat me out ?

  Just in case my mom and dad were downstairs I threw on a hoodie to hide my weight lose before padding downstairs. When I got to the bottom of the stairs my mouth dropped open.

  My parents were nowhere to be seen. Even Dean was missing from the equation. My knees went lax as I watched Jackson scoop a huge pile of mashed potatoes on top of a steaming slice of meatloaf.

  I snapped my mouth closed and pretended I was only drooling because of the heavenly smells coming from the kitchen. The extra saliva had nothing to do with Jackson in low slung holey jeans and another tight t-shirt, white this time.

  His hair was wet and the thought of him naked in the same shower I’d been in right before made my inside thighs clench.

  I imagined walking over to him and kissing him just like all those years ago. Except this time we wouldn’t just stop at a kiss. He would grab me and put me on top of the counter ripping my sweats off and plunging deep inside of me.

  “Hello, earth to Lucser.” Jackson was waiving his arms at me bringing me out of my dirty fantasy. “What the hell are you doing?”

  I shook my head dislodging the last bit of naked Jackson. “I thought I heard Dean get home,” I lied.

  “No, he had a date tonight and if you weren’t so stuck in your woe is me pity party you’ve got going on, you would have known.”

  I should cut out his tongue when he’s sleeping. He’s so much hotter when he doesn’t talk.

  I smiled at the thought and Jackson looked at me as if I’d gone crazy.

  “I’m not in a pity party. I’m working. I know it sounds weird to you but some people don’t have to go outside and pick up a hammer to get work done.”

  I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms around my waist. My legs were getting shaky and I wasn’t sure if it was the smell of food or the adrenaline from fighting with Jackson.

  “Yeah, well your brother and your parents are worried about you.”

  My head dropped. I hated it when he made good points. It was so much more fun when he was wrong.

  “I know they’re worried about me. I tried to explain to them I’m working really hard to make sure my freelance business doesn’t suffer.”

  “Well, while you are doing that your family’s suffering. Maybe you could turn the computer off and venture out to ease their minds every once and awhile.”

  “You’re right.”

  Jackson looked just as stunned as I felt. I moved closer to the kitchen and my heart broke. It seemed Jackson had only made enough for himself. I wanted to weep as I inhaled the delicious smell.

  “I’ll just go back to my room and let you eat.”

  “You’re pizza never came,” Jackson said to my retreating back.

  “I wasn’t hungry.” Just then my asshole stomach decided to make its presence known.

  Jackson let out a huff of amusement and I continued to the stairs. “Why don’t you stay down here and watch tv with me for a little while. It won’t kill you to get away from your computer.”

  I turned and stared at him with confusion plastered all over me.

  “I’ll let you pick what we watch. As long as it’s not stupid.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know, Lucser. Dean’s worried about you and I told him that I would check on you while he was on his date. Can you not question everything and just act like a normal human being for an hour?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him and flipped him off.

  “You wish.” Was his witty response. Jackson carried his plate into the living room and sat on the floor in front of the coffee table.

  I stood where I was just watching him not sure what was happening.

  “I’ll let you have a bite if you stop gawking like a weirdo and come sit down.”

  My stomach growled loudly again and I relented to its demands sitting next to Jackson on the floor. I grabbed the fork from his hand and took a huge bite of mashed potatoes and meatloaf. It was magical. Jackson didn’t say a word when I went in for another bite. Or another. When the plate was empty I finally let the fork clatter on the plate. I hadn’t meant to eat his whole dinner.

  “Why didn’t you stop me?” I asked in horror staring at the empty plate.

  “You seemed hungry and that was my second helping so I guess I had enough,” he answered not bothering to look at me as he scrolled through the channels.

  A warm feeling coated my insides and I was sure it had nothing to do with the amazing meal I just had. I wasn’t sure but I was pretty sure Jackson tricked me into eating with him.

  I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He caught me and I looked back down at the empty plate.

  “What is it Lucser?”

  I bristled at his stupid nickname and all the warm feelings I just had died.

&
nbsp; “Nothing. I was worried you were doing something nice for me.”

  “Nope. I’m still an asshole and we’re still enemies. I’m actually kind of pissed at you. I did want seconds you just scarfed it down so fast I couldn’t get the fork back with out fear you were going to eat my hand.”

  “Yep, you were right. You’re still an asshole. Thanks for the food.” I got up and grabbed the empty plate taking to the kitchen and putting it in the dishwasher which was the least I could do for eating his dinner.

  “Do you want to watch tv or what?” he asked

  I spun around and gave him the most are you stupid looks I could manage.

  “Whatever, I’m sure you would have picked a dumb show anyway.”

  I threw up my hands exasperated with him.

  “Just be sure to mention to Dean I fed you. I told him I would take care of you while he was away so he could have fun and not worry about your crybaby ass.”

  “I didn’t need you to take care of me. I don’t need Dean to take care of me. I can take care of myself.”

  “Keep telling yourself that. You look like a damn skeleton, Lucser.”

  I stomped back to my room fury running through my veins. I plopped down on the bed and put my hands over my full belly. My mind drifted to sleep with all the ways I could get even with Jackson on it.

  For a week I kept to my room ignoring my phone and working on the projects I’d lined up. Every night I would sneak down and steal the leftovers in the fridge smiling joyfully as I ate them. Throwing away the notes Jackson wrote on them telling me to stay away.

  Jackson would come in my room and yell at me telling me he was going to start hiding his leftovers if I kept eating them. As soon as his rant was over and he would close the door my stomach would rumble already waiting to eat whatever was downstairs.

  “Holy shit it stinks in here.” My head shot up from its musing as Trina moved around my room opening the window and waiving her hand in front of her nose.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Well if you would answer your phone you would know.”

  I reached over and grabbed my phone from the nightstand. It was dead and I shrugged. “Sorry, I have been super busy.”

  “Well tonight’s your night off. I’m taking your ass out. So go get in the shower and stay in there until you smell human again.”

  “Trina, I love you but I really don’t feel like going out tonight.”

  “Ha, you act like I care. Go get dressed or I’ll drag your stinky ass into it. Don’t think I can’t lift you.”

  I lifted up my hand in defeat. I knew she wasn’t going to let me stay in tonight.

  “Fine, but only for a couple hours. I have a lot of work to do.”

  Trina sat on the bed and put her hand on my shoulder. “I know this new crazy work ethic is your way of disciplining yourself, but you are doing too much.”

  “I can’t lose my clients. They’re the only thing keeping me sane.”

  “How about this? I know my job is looking for a new graphic designer. I’ll put your name in for an interview. Maybe you’ll feel better if you have a steady job and not just freelance.”

  “Thank you.” I kissed Trina’s cheek and got up to get in the shower. I didn’t want to tell her I didn’t need the job she offered. Or in all honesty want it. Because I’d been working so hard my freelance jobs had doubled and I had more than enough work, but it would be nice to see Trina every day.

  “Damn you look hot,” Trina whistled

  I tugged the dark green dress down twisting in the mirror to make sure my ass was covered. “Are you sure? Maybe I should change.”

  “Shut up. You have to let it go. You made a mistake and it’s over.”

  “I know you’re right I don’t know-“ I let my words falter not really having anything to say. “Are you ready?”

  Trina put her hand on my shoulder and stopped me from opening the door.

  “Before you go I need to tell you something.”

  Dread filled my stomach and I tugged the dress down again just for something to do.

  “You know what never mind let’s go.”

  “Trina, tell me.”

  Trina took a deep breath and reached in her tiny going out purse. She pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me.

  My hands shook as I unfolded the thick off white paper.

  Whore, I’m going to make you

  regret your slutty ways Stay away

  he’s mine.

  The dark black words were printed but they were personal just the same. The urge to vomit hit my stomach. I ran to the bathroom and dry heaved. Trina rubbed my neck as I spit in the toilet before going to brush my teeth.

  “Are you all right, Lucser?” Jackson asked leaning against the door jamb as I wiped my mouth dry.

  His eyes roamed over my tight dress which rode up higher since bending over. Jackson’s face hardened and a small growl left his throat. “Where are you going? Are you on the prowl for another married man?”

  Trina pushed him out of the way and took me along with her. “Leave her alone. I’m taking her to dinner and then dancing at, Cheeks. She deserves it.”

  “Are you up for that, Luce? You’ve been inside for a long time.”

  His face had what looked like concern on it, which made my dumb stomach flip. Jackson being worried about me threw me off tilt. It was something that made my dumb high school crush teenage girl living inside of me was giddy.

  “She’s fine. She’ll be with me,” Trina answered before I could think of a response.

  I turned to see Jackson glaring at us right before we walked downstairs and into Trina’s car. Trina stuffed the offensive letter into her glove compartment. “I’m sorry I showed you. Forget about it you’re going to have fun tonight.”

  “I haven’t attempted to contact Richard since that night. Why would Karen feel she needs to warn me away from him? Unless-” I bit my lip and Trina snapped her head toward me.

  “Unless, what? What aren’t you telling me?”

  I popped my lip out from my teeth and looked out the side window. “Well, I’ve been getting a lot of phone calls from Richard.”

  “What does he say?” Trina slowed the car down so she could stare at me.

  “I don’t answer them. Sometimes he leaves voicemails telling me he’s sorry and he wants to see me but I delete them. Do you think Karen knows he still calls me?”

  “Lucy, she’s crazy. I don’t think she knows anything. I’ve heard stories about her from some of the people who knew Richard from my work. Be careful from what I hear she’s not stable. And don’t answer Richard’s phone calls. But forget them. Let’s go have fun. ”

  “There’s something else too.” I admitted needing to get it off my chest.

  “What? Please tell me you’re not thinking of getting back with Richard.” Trina’s eyes were wide with fear and I rolled my eyes.

  “This is between us. Promise me.”

  Trina nodded her head pulling the car over so she could give me her undivided attention.

  “I’ve also got phone calls from a private number.”

  “Have you answered it?”

  “Once. Their voice was disguised but it was definitely a woman. She told me to stay away from Richard he was hers.”

  “Lucy, you haven’t told anyone! You’re getting harassed.” Trina banged on the steering wheel to make her point.

  “I just told you. What good is it going to do? I can’t prove who it is and if this makes her feel better than I’m not going to stop her. I slept with her husband.”

  Trina’s eyes were now bugging out of her head as I ranted. “Lucy, forget about Richard. Forget about Karen. Don’t answer your phone if you don’t know the number and please at least tell me if anything else happens. I worry about you.”

  I nodded. “I promise to tell you if you keep it between us.”

  We pinky promised and Trina pulled the car back onto the street.

  5

/>   Trina drove to a tiny pizza parlor where we gorged and laughed ignoring the drama.

  “I’m so full maybe we should skip the dancing.” I rubbed my stomach under the seat belt.

  As much as I hated to admit it, Jackson was right. Being stuck in my room for so long and now getting out of the house was exhausting. Rubbing my stomach again I told myself that I needed to start working out.

  “Just one drink. If you want to go then I’ll take you home.”

  Trina’s door was already open one leg outside the car. She stuck out her bottom lip and blinked her heavily made up eyelids. “Please, Lucy. All I’ve been doing is work and working out. I need this night out just as much as you do.”

  “All right, you had me at just one drink.” I pushed out of the car and Trina bounced up and down in the parking lot clapping her hands together like a little happy kid.

  “Yay! One drink. One drink.” Trina chanted as we walked to the heavy wooden door to a hole in the wall bar only the locals knew about.

  The music blasted in my ears and the smell of alcohol hit all of my senses as soon as we walked into, Cheeks. I let it dull my senses forgetting everything and living in the moment.

  Trina and I made our way to the packed bar and ordered vodka’s and cranberry when we got the over worked bartender’s attention. With our drinks in hand we made our way around the room trying to find a place to park until we needed another drink.

  I felt his presence before my sight landed on him. Jackson faced me but his focus was on the petite black haired woman in a tiny white dress. She kept flipping her hair back showing off her naked freckled shoulder.

  “If you keep shooting them death stares you’re going to have a hard time convincing people you hate him.” Trina raised her eyebrow at me and I shook my head trying to purge the jealousy flowing through me.

  “I’m not jealous. I’m pissed he showed up here. He knew this was where we were going tonight and he’s just here to ruin my night.” It didn’t sound true even to my ears.

  Trina smiled and kissed my forehead. I downed my drink knowing it was a stupid move. I wasn’t a big drinker as it was and my recent unhealthy habits I felt the alcohol immediately. And I liked it.