Bad For Me (My Forbidden Rockstar)

by Bowman, Dara

  “That girl probably needs her rest,” Jenner muses. “She’s got the stamina of a fucking Energizer bunny.”

  “Watch it,” I growl, “That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.”

  Jenner snickers. “It’s a compliment, bro. Damn, if I could find a girl as hot as Annie who loved to fuck as much as she does, I would never look at another woman again.”

  “Seriously, Jenner. You’re pushing it. Shut up.”

  I didn’t like the guys talking about Annie that way, even though it was the truth. I was in fucking heaven when I found out just how much Annie loved sex, and she was up for anything. And I had never found a woman before who could keep up with my nearly inhuman sex drive.

  I look over to see Avery who’s mimicking doing it doggy style, while smacking a pretend ass in the air.

  “Fucking jerk offs!” I yell, jumping up.

  “Hey, hey, hey!” Avery cries. “I’m only talking about that hot ass blonde I met up with last night.”

  I gave him a quizzical look. I had Annie on the bus last night, which is why she was on her bus now catching up on sleep. And the guys and I had an unspoken rule – if Annie’s on the bus, they aren’t allowed to bring any slutty groupies on board.

  Jenner laughs. “Avery fucked in the meet and greet room after we cleared out.”

  “Jesus, Avery! Seriously?”

  He grins. “She was hot and she was all over me. What was I supposed to do?”

  Sometimes it still felt strange to be monogamous. Last year on tour, I would have been just like Avery, fucking girls behind every door and around every corner. One time, I had a girl give me a blowjob in a wardrobe closet, and then I picked up another girl on my way back to the bus. Those were not my finest moments.

  Annoyed with the guys, and annoyed with myself, I head back into my bedroom and pull out my phone. Annie was talking recently about how she always wanted to visit Hawaii but had never been. I’m thinking that Hawaii would be a great place for us to vacation once the tour wraps up. I know my travel agent, Jessa, could find a sweet little house right on the beach somewhere in Kauai. Cost doesn’t matter; I just want Annie to be happy.

  “Hey Dom!” Jessa chirps over the line.

  “Hi Jessa. I have a little project that I'm hoping you can help with.”

  “I’m all ears.”

  “I’m currently on tour and we wrap up in two months. Afterwards I want to spend a few weeks in Hawaii and I was thinking Kauai. I’m looking for a house right on the beach. Doesn’t need to have much, and I only need one bedroom. I definitely want a pool and obviously lots of privacy.”

  I hear Jessa typing away at her computer.

  “Okay. I’ve got everything down, and I know of a few houses we’ve used before, but I can check with some other agents and see if they have anything else available.”

  “Great, thanks Jessa.”

  “So, will this house be just for you?” she asks. I can hear the curiosity in her voice. She must not pay enough attention to the gossip magazines, because Annie has been featured pretty prominently lately.

  “No, Jessa. Me plus one.”

  “Alright, I’ll work something out and get back to you.”

  “Great. Thanks.”

  Feeling satisfied, I end the call. I look at the time and see that there are only two more hours until we reach Tampa. I lean my head back against the window and try to sleep.

  * * *

  The show in Tampa goes off without a hitch, and as I step offstage, one of the assistants hands me my phone.

  “It’s been going off every ten minutes,” she explains.

  “What the hell?” I glance at my phone and I see that I have fifteen missed calls from my mom.

  I hurry out of the wings and try to find a quiet place so I can listen to her messages. My mom knows our show schedule, so I don’t think it’s a good sign that she’s called repeatedly.

  “Dom!” Jenner yells, running up to me. “You need to go find Annie. Now. She’s apparently a fucking wreck and she’s looking for you.”

  Christ! What the hell is going on? The backup singers leave the stage at the end of the show, and then we go back on and play one more song. That means Annie has been off the stage for nearly fifteen minutes.

  I stow my phone in my pocket and start jogging through the halls looking for her.

  I see Mel’s tall head sticking out above the crowd.

  “Mel!” I call, hurrying over to her. “Do you know where Annie is?”

  Mel gives me a sad look and points down the hall. I hurry down the hall, my heart racing. Why is Annie upset and why is mom calling me? My phone goes off again, and I see it’s my mom. I hit Ignore and hurry to Annie.

  I see Liz crouched down at the end of the hall, her arm around Annie as Annie sobs into her arm. When Liz sees me, she gets up and moves out of the way.

  “Annie? What is it?” I kneel next to her and take her in my arms.

  She’s sobbing, and she looks up at me with puffy, blood-shot eyes.

  “It’s – it’s my dad!” she chokes.

  “Shit. What happened? Another heart attack?”

  Annie can barely breathe she’s so worked up, and she nods her head.

  “Is he alright? My mom called too.”

  “N-n-no,” she sobs, “He’s not okay.”

  What does she mean he’s not okay? Has he suffered irreparable damage? I look wildly to Liz for help. She shakes her head.

  What?

  No, I must not understand correctly.

  “Annie,” I say, taking her face in my hands, “Please! What happened?”

  “He’s dead!” she cries, “He didn’t make it! He was gone before the paramedics even arrived!” She lets out a fresh sob, and falls into my arms.

  Cliff is dead.

  Annie’s father and my mom’s fiancé.

  This can’t be happening.

  I need to get Annie out of here now. I scoop her up in my arms and she buries her face in my shoulder.

  “C’mon,” I say softly, making my way through the crowd. People stare, but they move out of the way and I wonder how many people know by now.

  Cliff is dead.

  Cliff is dead.

  I’m trying to wrap my mind around it but I can’t. I had only met Cliff a few times but he was a nice guy. And my mom loved him. Not to mention that Annie was crazy about him, he was her rock, and they loved each other so much.

  I need to call my mom but I need to take care of Annie first. I take her out to the bus, and lay her on my bed. I brush her matted hair from her face, and she curls into the fetal position.

  “I’m going to be right outside the room so I can call my mom,” I say gently.

  Annie only continues to cry but she nods her head.

  I hate leaving her, even if I’m only a few feet away.

  I step out of the bedroom and softly pull the door behind me. I take a deep breath and call my mom.

  I try to brace myself for this call. My mom was madly in love with Cliff and she had finally found a decent guy. I can’t even imagine what she must be going through.

  “Dominic?” my mom chokes out, answering on the first ring.

  “Mom, I’m so sorry,” I say, feeling tears in my own eyes as my mom’s wrenching sobs fill my ears.

  “Oh, Dominic! I can’t believe he’s gone. I can’t believe it. What am I going to do? How am I going to live without Cliff?”

  “Mom, I’m so sorry,” I repeat, “What happened?”

  “N-nothing!” she cries, “We were watching TV and he got up to get himself some water. Next thing I hear is the water pitcher shattering on the floor and a loud thump. I ran to the kitchen and found Cliff slumped on the floor, his face purple!” She stops to cry and I bury my head in my hands as I listen to my mother sob like a child.

  “I called 911. I called right away,” she weeps, “but it was too late. He died in my arms before they even came. They didn’t even make it in time!”

  Her voice breaks
and she lets out another gut-wrenching sob.

  “Mom,” I say distraught, “Tell me what I can do.”

  “I need you here, Dominic. Come home.”

  My mind is racing because I know we have off the next two days so that everyone on tour can relax and enjoy the great Florida weather. If I’m going to cancel any shows though, I need to let the team know as soon as possible.

  “Okay. Annie and I are going to get on a plane tonight. We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

  “How is Annabelle?” my mom asks in a small voice. I can still hear Annie crying through the bedroom door.

  “Terrible,” I admit. “Let me go now so I can make some calls. I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you too, Dominic. Hurry home,” she chokes.

  I hang up and dial my assistant who is still somewhere inside the arena.

  “I need a chartered plane ASAP. Annie and I need to get home to LA tonight.”

  “Alright. I’m on it. I’ll call you back when I have something.”

  I go back to Annie, and hold her while she cries. I rock her in my arms and smooth her hair away from her face.

  Twenty minutes later, my phone buzzes.

  “I have a plane for you at a private airport about twenty minutes away. There’s a car outside the bus when you’re ready.”

  I turn to Annie. “Come on, baby. I’m taking you home.”

  “Already?” she sniffles.

  I nod and take her out to the car. We’ll get clothes once we’re back in LA. We don’t have time for that now. I need to remember to get my assistant some type of lavish gift when I get back. I have no idea what kind of strings he had to pull to get us a plane so quickly.

  The flight is a blur, and Annie sleeps fitfully in my arms. The time passes, but when we touch down I can’t remember what I’ve thought about all night. It’s six am Eastern time, but only three am in LA. It’s the middle of the fucking night.

  We take a taxi to Cliff’s house, and Annie runs inside and disappears somewhere. I find my mom in the kitchen, surrounded by a few of her close friends.

  “Dominic!” she cries, hugging me.

  My mom looks like absolute shit, and my heart fucking breaks. I haven’t seen her look like this since I was a little kid, back when my dad used to knock her around.

  “Where’s Annabelle?” she asks.

  “I’m not sure. She ran inside ahead of me.”

  My mom nods and continues hugging me.

  “Come on, come lay down,” I urge her, taking her towards the family room. I lay her down on one of the long couches, and cover her with a blanket.

  “You need to sleep, Mom.”

  “I’m not tired,” she says flatly. She seems to have run out of tears, and I know this next stage. It’s what I used to call the death stage. My mom gets this dead look in her eyes and soon she becomes monosyllabic. She turns into a walking zombie.

  “Mom, please. Try to sleep. We’ll take care of everything in the morning.”

  She nods robotically, and I tuck the blanket in around her, and turn off the light.

  I go into the kitchen to send her friends home. I thank them for coming and make sure the house is locked up. Now, I need to find Annie.

  I find her down the hall in Cliff’s study. She’s curled up in his thick leather brown chair, her hands clutched around some of his jewelry. She’s stopped crying too, and now she’s just staring into space.

  “Annie?” I ask quietly, not wanting to scare her.

  “He’s gone, Dom. He’s gone. Just like that.”

  “I know, baby. I’m sorry. Let’s go upstairs and try to get some sleep.”

  “I can’t sleep. I need to be here.”

  “Okay. I’ll sit here with you.”

  “No, I don’t want you to!” She stops and takes a deep breath.

  “I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I appreciate everything you’ve done, but I just need to be alone in here. Everything will change tomorrow. People will be here, and there will be arrangements made, and Daddy won’t be in this house anymore.”

  I nod, trying to follow what she’s saying.

  “Okay. I’ll leave you alone then. But I’ll be in the other room if you need me.”

  She nods, and I leave the room, pulling the door shut behind me.

  I go back into the family room where my mom is now sleeping. I curl up on the couch and fall into a restless sleep.

  It feels like I’ve been asleep for only a few minutes but when I open my eyes there’s light streaming in the room. I look over at my mom, but the couch is empty.

  “Mom?” I croak, rolling off the couch. My head spins and I feel a pounding headache from lack of sleep and dehydration. I usually drink close to a gallon of water after each show, but I forgot to last night.

  “I’m in here,” she calls, and her voice is hoarse. I walk into the kitchen and find her staring at the floor while nursing a glass of clear liquid. I look at the clock, which says it’s just past eight in the morning.

  “Mom, what are you drinking?”

  “Vodka.” Her eyes are hard and I can tell she wants me to challenge her. I let it go.

  “I need to be at the funeral home by ten,” she says suddenly.

  “Okay, Annie and I will go with you.”

  My mom nods.

  “I’m going to go find Annie.”

  My mom nods again and I get up and go to the study. Annie is in the same spot, her legs still curled beneath her.

  “Annie? Come on out with me. Let’s get you something to eat.”

  I rub my temples. I love my mom and Annie but it’s like the night of the living dead around here.

  She stands up and follows me out without a word. Back in the kitchen, she hugs my mom and they cry together. I make them a quick breakfast and go upstairs to shower to leave them alone for a bit. The rest of the morning passes in a blurry haze and eventually we end up at the funeral home. My mom and Annie are crying again, but the funeral director seems to know how to handle them.

  I step out to call Avery.

  “Shit,” Avery says in a low voice, “I’m so sorry, man.”

  “Yeah, it’s pretty bad.”

  “When are the services? Are we cancelling?”

  “That’s why I’m calling. I don’t think they’ve made arrangements yet, but I hate to cancel shows.”

  “Yeah, I know, but do what you gotta do, Dom. We get it.”

  We’re supposed to play in Miami in two days. That’s one of our biggest venues outside of LA and New York.

  “But it’s Miami,” I argue.

  “I know, I know. But hey, make a decision soon, alright?”

  I hang up with Avery and go back inside.

  “What’s the plan?” I ask Annie in a low voice. “I have to make a decision about the show.”

  Annie’s face twists in hurt. “Oh, I’m so sorry we’re interfering with your precious concert schedule.”

  “Hey! That’s not what I meant! I can cancel a show, but I need to know. I want to try to work around this.”

  My mom walks in. “I don’t think we can plan something for at least four days according to the funeral director.”

  Shit. Four days. That’s at least three shows.

  I balk and Annie gives me a hard gaze.

  “We can’t cancel that many shows,” I say quietly.

  My mom nods. “I know. It’s okay, Dominic. I’ll be fine, really. You go on back.”

  I look to Annie, who turns her face away from me.

  “I can’t be at the shows,” she says in a small voice.

  “I know, Annie, I know. You take as much time as you need, baby.” I spin her around to face me. “I want to be here with you, honestly I do, but I just can’t cancel that many shows.”

  “It’s fine,” she insists, but I know that it’s not.

  Fuck! What am I supposed to do? I know I’m coming off as a complete asshole, but I’ve got a show to put on, people stand to lose millions of dollars if we canc
el.

  “I’ll stay through tomorrow and then I’ll fly home the next morning. You come back whenever you’re ready.”

  Annie only nods, but things have changed between us. I’m at a loss, torn between the two women I love and the work I’m committed to. If I cancel three shows, I’m screwing up the lives of hundreds of people working on the tour, not to mention the thousands of fans who have bought tickets.

  I try to tell myself that I’m doing the right thing, and I fall in step as Annie and my mom continue making plans.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Dom

  I stare out the window as the sun beats down on the ground far below. I’ve been in the air for a few hours, and I’m set to arrive in Miami at five o’clock local time. It will give me just enough time to get to the arena and be ready for the night’s show.

  The mood between Annie and I had become distant and cold after I decided not to cancel the shows. She hardly spoke to me and seemed to throw herself completely into planning her father’s funeral. Every time I tried to help, she shut me down, so instead I spent time with my mom.

  Annie was skipping the Florida shows and the one in Atlanta, and then would join us two days after the funeral when we were in Alabama. I wasn’t really sure what to expect.

  In the meantime, Jessa had left me a message saying that she had found the ultimate beach house in Kauai. She texted me pictures, and the house was unbelievable. It had an open floor plan, and nearly every room had floor to ceiling windows and doors that opened out to the white beach on which it sat. I only hoped that Annie would still be around to go with me when the tour ended.

  I overheard Annie tell my mom that she wasn’t going to sell Cliff’s house but was going to give it to her instead. They argued about it, and my mom had said there was no way she could accept it. It was beyond generous of Annie.

  Her brother was supposedly coming into town, but Annie had been the one left in charge of much of her father’s property and belongings.

  Sighing, I look out at the tiny cars moving on the ground below. Had I just fucked up everything with Annie by not cancelling the shows? If so, she would never forgive me for this. I had never been a praying man, I found the whole idea grossly over-rated, but I prayed my fucking heart out, begging whoever might be listening to bring my Annie back to me.