Pain

by E. M. Leya

  "Go grab one. You can steal a pair of sweats out of my dresser if you want after. I'll scoop up some ice cream and meet you in the kitchen."

  "Thanks." Xander kissed him softly, then headed down the hall.

  It was the first time he'd showered there without Matt showering with him. Even though he was glad they didn't shower together tonight, there was a distinct feeling that something was missing as he stood in the stall, letting the water wash over him, rinsing the night away.

  Once he was out, he found a pair of sweats, and quickly pulled them on. They were tighter than his own, but would work for the night. He didn't bother with shoes or a shirt as he made his way out to the kitchen.

  "Coffee?" Matt asked as he pushed a bowl of ice cream across the counter to him.

  "If it's hot already, yes, but don't make some just for me." He took the spoon and dug into the ice cream. "How'd you know I needed ice cream?"

  "You never come over after a sting. You send a quick text telling me you're headed home and safe. Something had to have gone wrong."

  Xander raised a brow. "Perhaps I was just horny."

  "If that was the case, you would have thrown me up against the wall the moment you walked in the door like you did the other day." Matt slid a hot cup of coffee to him. "You aren't subtle when you want sex."

  Xander laughed. "I guess that's true."

  "So, what happened tonight? Why are you here eating ice cream at one in the morning?" Matt took a bite of ice cream, but he never stopped staring at Xander as he ate.

  Xander closed his eyes. He shouldn't talk about what he saw. The last thing he wanted was Matt worrying that Faith was going through the same thing. "It was just a hard sting. Things I didn't expect."

  "He had a child with him, didn't he?"

  Xander looked at Matt, not wanting to answer, but his silence must have answered for him.

  "I was part of this case, Xan. I know what he was like, what he was looking for. I'm not as shocked as I wish I was. He's been looking for a girl for days, and from the evidence, he had one picked out. The photos of her increased in the last day or two."

  Xander nodded. "I'm not sure if it was her, but he had a girl with him. I hate leaving kids behind. I fucking hate not being able to take them with me when I go."

  "She was safe?"

  "Injured, but safe. I watched until the police got there. It still doesn't help how I feel. I had to tell her the police would come. I had to leave her just as I found her. I couldn't risk evidence, risk outing the team. I couldn't risk not doing things by the book. I moved him out of the room, did what I was there to do, and left." Xander stirred the ice cream absently.

  "You did the right thing. If you'd been caught, think of how many other kids you wouldn't be able to save. There are rules for a reason. You know she's safe now." Matt came closer to Xander, hooking an arm around his waist. "The evidence is more important."

  "I hate when they see me. I mean I'm masked and scary looking. I only added to her fear."

  "She saw you take the bad guy away, right? You said you moved him out of the room?"

  "Yeah, I had to shoot him when he went for his gun, then I drugged him and pulled him out of the room after making sure she was okay."

  "Then she should have known you weren't going to hurt her. You went after him. Hell, you shot him. That showed her you were trying to save her. You told her the police were coming."

  "She was so scared." Xander straightened. "Fuck, you don't need to hear all this. I shouldn't have come here."

  "I'll be there with the team when you debrief tomorrow. I would have heard it all anyway."

  "You shouldn't have to hear it all. Hell, you shouldn't even be doing what you're doing."

  Matt shrugged. "I put myself in the middle of it. I was doing this before you guys came to me, remember? I know what is going on out there, and as hard as it is, I know what Faith is probably going through. I've cried myself to sleep more nights than I care to admit. It doesn't stop me from wanting to help. If I hadn't found this guy you visited tonight, that girl would still be there. She wouldn't have been saved, and there is no telling what he would have done once he needed to get rid of her. Because of what the team does, people are being saved. I just have to hope that Faith is strong enough to wait for us or someone else to find her."

  "If she is anything like her father, she's strong enough to get through anything." Xander bumped his shoulder into Matt's. "Thanks for letting me come over. I just didn't want to go home and think about it all night."

  "You're always welcome here."

  "Even if it's not to throw you up against the wall and have my way with you?"

  "Even then, though I won't complain if you come by just for that as well." Matt leaned in and kissed Xander's shoulder.

  As they finished their ice cream, Xander tried not to think about how close he was becoming to Matt. This wasn't like him. He didn't do relationships, romance, he didn't need others in his life. After tonight, he could no longer tell himself he was here all the time for Matt. He'd come for his own needs this time, and that scared the hell out of him.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Matt glanced at his watch, trying hard not to think about what was ahead for the rest of the day. The last thing he wanted was to spend the afternoon with his mom and sister, but he'd put it off long enough.

  He hadn't seen his mom in person since the week Faith had gone missing and she'd blamed him for what had happened. He understood it was all because of the tension and fear they all shared, but her words cut deep. Should he have had someone walk Faith home from school? Was the half a block too far for a ten-year-old to walk alone? He still didn't think so. He refused to put blame on anyone other than the fucks who kidnapped his daughter.

  He'd spent the first few weeks blaming himself, but the more he talked to other parents of missing kids, the more he saw that it wasn't his fault. Yes, there were things that could have been done, but honestly, it would have taken building a wall around his daughter to make sure she was never at risk. He'd heard other parents' stories, and so many of them proved that bad things could happen anytime and anywhere.

  He grabbed his keys from the table and headed out the door, pausing when he saw an older woman coming up the walkway toward the house. He stepped down from the porch, meeting her. "Hi, can I help you?"

  "You're Matthew Springton," she said it as a fact, not a question.

  "Yes." Matt wished he hadn't already locked the front door, so he could have a quick escape if it was another journalist looking for an interview.

  "My name is Gretchen Price. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm a psychic."

  Matt held up his hands. "Thanks, but no thanks. The cops warned me people like you might show up and try and scam me."

  "I'm not here to scam you, I promise. I make a good living on my own. I don't need to go out and attack people during the worst moments of their lives. I know you might not believe in what I do, but if you'll give me five minutes of your time, I'll explain." She looked up at him.

  "Is it about Faith?"

  "It is. I watch the news, keep track of cases like this where I might be able to help. I know there are many who claim to do what I do just to make a dollar, but I'm not asking for anything from you. I've studied the case as best I can with what little information is in the media, and I've had some visions. Now, I can't promise that they will lead to anything, but more times than not, what I see is accurate. All I want to do is give you the information and let you decide what you want to do with it. I've tried to contact the police. I just hate going directly to families, but as you might guess, the police aren't always willing to listen to someone like me. I hope that you might at least consider my information and maybe see if you can talk the police into following leads." She lifted a folder to him. "This is what I've seen. I've also left my card if you have any questions. I don't ask for anything in return. I just want to see you get your daughter back."

  Matt took the folder, part of his mind tel
ling him to tell the woman to get lost, but the other part, the part who would do anything, believe anything to get his daughter back, gripped the folder as if it was the most important file in the world. "You think she is still alive?"

  Gretchen smiled. "I do. I wouldn't have come if I didn't. If I think a child has passed, I send the information to the police. I don't bother the family then. What they do with it from there, I don't know, but I've done my part as best I can. If I think the child is alive, I hope the family will push the police to follow up, since, sadly, I don't think they do on their own."

  Matt wasn't sure what to say. Having someone tell him his daughter was alive was huge, but then the fact it was coming from some lady who could be crazy caused him to hesitate. "Thank you for bringing this to me."

  "You're welcome. Good luck. I'll be watching the news to see her come home." Gretchen gently laid her hand on his arm for a moment before turning away. She took several steps before turning back to him. "And that man you're seeing, the one with the long beard. He needs you more than he shows. Don't let him push you away." She smiled again before turning back and heading down the sidewalk to her car.

  Matt watched until she pulled away, wondering how she would know about Xander. They hadn't told anyone they were seeing each other. There would have been no way she could have known they were more than friends, even if she had been watching the house to gain information.

  The whole thing left him uncomfortable, while at the same time, giving him hope that by some miracle, the woman was right, and Faith was alive.

  With his mind elsewhere, Matt pulled out his phone and called his sister. "Trish, I'm not going to make it until later. Something's come up I need to do."

  "Matt, Mom is looking forward to dinner."

  "I'll be there for dinner, I promise, but I have some stuff to do first. Just let her know I will be there by five." That would give him three hours to look through the file and figure out what to do with it.

  "Alright, is everything okay?"

  "Yeah, just some personal business." Matt headed to his car, clicking the locks open. "Talk to you tonight." He didn't wait for her to say more. He ended the call and climbed into his car, starting it, and cranking the air conditioner.

  He stared at the folder, almost scared to open it, finally deciding that he would wait until he got to the team house before he read anything in case it was upsetting. The last thing he needed was to be driving, thinking about whatever it was he might read.

  As he pulled out onto the road, he reminded himself that many families had hired psychics, and many had come up with nothing. Just because some crazy lady claimed she knew things, didn't make it true. She could have written down anything to try and further her career. It was the fact that she didn't ask for anything in return that had him hoping that she was the real thing.

  The drive to the team house took forever. He walked inside, the file tightly in his hand.

  "Matt, I didn't expect to see you here." Trenton glanced up from the table. "I thought you had dinner with your family tonight."

  "I do, but something came up. I'm still going, but wanted to look into something first."

  "What's up?" Bryon walked out of the kitchen, drying his hands on a dishcloth.

  "Um, this is going to sound crazy, and maybe I'm looking for hope where there is none, but I had a lady show up at my house. A psychic. She gave me this folder and said she hoped it would help lead me to Faith." Matt sat down at the table beside Trenton. "I haven't looked yet. I didn't want to be alone when I did." He flipped the folder open, holding his breath as he started to read.

  Bryon sat down beside him. "You know that psychics usually are just looking to make a few bucks."

  Matt nodded, but didn't speak, too interested in what he was reading.

  The file was simple. Comments like, blue house, country setting, large trees, pond not far from house. There really wasn't a ton of information, but then again, there was. Already, Matt was thinking of ways he could search online for a location like this, maybe even drive around to areas that matched and look for a blue house.

  "Matt, don't get your hopes up." Trenton reached over, turning the folder slightly his way so he could read.

  "I know, but what if she is that one percent who does have a gift. I owe it to Faith to try, to at least consider what is here."

  "And we will look into all of this, but like I said, most of these people are fakes."

  Matt glanced up. "She knew things about me that no one knows. There is no way she could have known. Things that have happened in the last month." He wished Xander was there, so he could explain to him. Xander would understand how impressive it was that she mentioned their relationship.

  Matt pointed at the file. "Look, she describes the man who has her. Can we enter the information into the database and see if anyone matches, if there are any hits?"

  Trenton nodded. "She's pretty descriptive on some things. It might be worth looking into."

  Bryon reached out. "Can I see?"

  As much as he wanted to keep reading, getting Bryon to approve letting them follow the leads was more important. He could do it at home, but he'd promised the team he would quit digging for information from his personal computer. Besides, he had stronger programs and resources here.

  Bryon quietly read through the file before looking over at Matt. "What else did she say?"

  "That she only contacted families when she felt the child was still alive. That if they were dead, she sent the information to the police to follow up on, but didn't think they ever did. She sounded like the police don't believe her. I mean, I get that so many are fake, but why wouldn't they follow every lead that comes in, no matter the source?" He wondered if they had more information about Faith than they'd let him know about.

  "Did she say how she finds the cases?"

  "She said the news. Said she would watch the news to see if Faith came home." Matt sat back, rubbing the back of his neck. "What are the chances she's real?"

  "Not good. Most of these are fakes, but if you say she wasn't looking for money or seeking anything else…" Bryon shrugged. "We'll look into all this, but I don't want you to get your hopes up."

  Matt sighed. "All I have left is hope. I can't lose it. I know chances are slim, but we have to try." He went to reach for the file.

  "Nope, I'm sorry, but you let Carter and me handle this one. It's too close to home for you. If any of this information pans out, I don't want you running off on your own."

  "I wouldn't—"

  "You sure?" Bryon narrowed his eyes. "Because I know I would. I'd go in guns blazing to get my child back. Don't make the same mistakes I did in the past, Matt. You want this done right."

  Matt wanted to ask what Bryon did, but his mind was too focused on the file. "Let me help. She's my daughter."

  Bryon shook his head. "Carter and I will start on this right now. You go visit your family. Take some time away from here. I know how hard this is for you, but let us handle it. It's probably nothing. Don't get your hopes up."

  "I know." Matt slumped. "I just don't know how much longer I can do this."

  "You keep going until you have answers. One way or another. You don't give up." Trenton gripped his shoulder. "You know we will do everything we can, but when it's this personal, you won't be able to keep a clear head. You'll see things that aren't there, and miss things that are."

  Bryon nodded. "I'm the only one here who can honestly say, I know what you are going through, and I do know how hard this is, but you have got to let us handle it. I know it's killing you, but as soon as we find out anything, one way or the other, we will call you in."

  Matt nodded. They were right, but it didn't make it any easier. "You swear you'll call?"

  "If even just one lead pops up from this," Bryon promised.

  "Want me to drive you to your family thing?" Trenton asked.

  "No, I'll be okay. Just wish I was here helping." Matt stood. "Thanks for following up. I know it's probably nothi
ng, but I have to try. I can't ignore anything."

  "We wouldn't expect you to," Trenton said.

  Matt tried to smile, but was too nervous. "Okay, I'm off to face my mom, but I'll drop by here when I'm done. No stings tonight?"

  "Kase is going out. We'll be here if you want to come sit with us, but you're off the computers until we look into this. It shouldn't take more than a day or two."

  "I can work on other—"

  "No, you don't even need to be in the room while we search. Trust me, I know what I'm doing." The tone of Bryon's voice left no room for arguing.

  "Fine." Matt ran a hand through his hair. "Keep me posted." He turned and walked out of the house before he found himself throwing a tantrum like a child. He felt like kicking and screaming. Each day that Faith was missing seemed to push him closer and closer to having a breakdown.

  All he could do is hold on to hope, remember that somewhere Faith was out there, and he needed to stay strong for her. Falling apart wouldn't help her. No matter what, he had to get through this. Even though his world was falling apart, he would act like he had it together, because there was no other way. If he didn't focus on finding Faith, no one else would.

  By the time he arrived at his mother's house, he was ready to turn around and go back and insist that Bryon let him help in going through the information. It wasn't like he had to bring it to the team house. He could have gone through it on his own. The only reason he had brought it over was that the team had programs they could use that he didn't have. Government programs that he couldn't find anywhere else. He never asked how they got hold of the programs, but he was glad they had them to use. It gave them even more power to verify the information and find the people they needed to handle.

  "Matt." Trish opened the door as he walked up the steps.

  "Hey." He tried to smile, but the dread of walking into the house, not knowing what to expect was almost consuming. "What's the mood?"

  "It's fine. Mom's happy that you're here." Trish stepped aside as he walked inside.

  The smell of his mom's pot roast filled the house, and for a moment, he was a child again, coming home after soccer practice to family dinner. The memory was nice until he remembered the last time he had pot roast here was with Faith. They'd come over to visit and spent the night playing cards with everyone. He took a deep breath, refusing to get lost in memories of Faith. He needed to stay positive and show his family he was holding it together.