Pain

by E. M. Leya

  "Call me Matt, please." He shook Beau's hand. "How is she?"

  "She's upset and will be happy to see you. It's best if we wait until we get in back before I talk about her injuries." Beau looked around the busy waiting room.

  "Right." Matt nodded.

  "And you are?" Beau looked at Xander.

  "Xander, I'm a friend."

  "Family," Beau said in a low whisper.

  "Oh, I'm sorry." Matt caught on to what Beau was saying. "He's my…" He didn't know what to say.

  Beau smiled. "Your fiancée? Congratulations." Beau grinned as Xander cast a quick glare at him.

  Matt ignored them. He didn't care what they called Xander as long as they hurried and let him back to see Faith.

  "All signed in?" Beau looked to the lady behind the desk.

  She nodded and held out two wristbands. "You can scan these to get in the main doors. If you don't have them on, or should you want to remove someone from the approved list, just go to any of the information areas and someone can help you." She put the band on Matt's wrist before putting another around Xander's.

  "If you'll follow me." Beau led them through a door and into the main part of the emergency. "We can talk in here." He opened a door to what looked like a small waiting room. Once the door was closed, Beau seemed to relax. "I'm going to be blunt because I know you saw the file and the pictures."

  Matt nodded, glad that Xander reached for his hand and stepped closer to him.

  "She's got some vaginal bruising and tears, but other than that I can find nothing wrong with her. The tears are nearly healed, and the bruising should heal quickly. Understandably, she's scared and worried. She's a strong little girl, Matt. She has cried, but answered every question I've had to ask her. I'm sorry I couldn't wait for you to be with her while I examined her, but there was a rape crisis team present the whole time to get her through it."

  Xander glanced up. "You don't need parent permission to run a rape kit?"

  "Not when she's brought in as an emergency case. We had to make sure there were no medical issues that needed immediate attention. From here on out, all questioning and exams will be approved by Matt," Beau told them. "She's going to need counseling, but that is for later. Tonight, just let her know you're there and she's safe. I've given her some medication to help with any pain she has, and something to help calm her, so if she seems tired, it's probably from that. The best thing to do right now is let her rest. I'll give you a bit to reunite, then I'll move her up to the medical wing. They've already been told to bring in a cot, so you can stay with her."

  "Thank you." Matt gripped Xander's hand tighter.

  "Let me know if she complains of any pain or if you're concerned about anything. There will be a few more tests to run tomorrow, but for the most part, we just need to keep her a night or two for observation." Beau stepped back. "Ready to see her?"

  Matt nodded.

  Xander released his hand. "This is where I go. You don't need me in there scaring her the first time you see her. I'll run and get her things. Call me if you need me, but I should be back in an hour or two." Xander leaned in and brushed a kiss over Matt's lips. "Go see your daughter."

  "Thanks." Matt almost asked Xander to stay, but he was right, taking a stranger into her room right now wasn't the best idea. He'd get through this himself for now and let her know Xander was coming later.

  "Good luck." Xander slipped out of the room, leaving Matt with Beau.

  "Anything I need to do or say?"

  Beau shook his head. "Just listen if she needs to talk and let her know she's safe."

  "Thanks." Matt took a deep breath. "Okay, let's do this."

  In his mind over the last few months, he'd always imagined himself running into Faith's room, a crazed parent, so excited to get his daughter back, but it was nothing like that. He was scared to death as he followed Beau down the hall, hoping that when he stepped into the room, Faith wouldn't hate him.

  "She's in here." Beau stood to the side of the doorway.

  Matt took another deep breath, forced a smile on his face, and walked through the door.

  A nurse was sitting beside Faith as he walked in, but the moment Faith looked up and saw him, it was like there wasn't anyone else around.

  "Daddy!" Faith sat up, tears flowing down her face as she stretched her arms out for him.

  "Baby!" Matt was at the bed in two long strides, pulling Faith into his arms as he turned and sat down on the bed with her. "I'm so glad you're home." He didn't even try to fight his own tears as he kissed her head several times before pulling back and looking at her.

  Faith cried as she clung to his arms.

  "You're okay?" He ran his hands down her arms, holding them out as if he was inspecting her.

  "I think so, but I was so scared." She threw herself against his chest again, her tears wetting his shirt.

  He smelled her hair, ran his hand over her back, memorizing everything about her. He'd taken so much for granted before, but now, he knew better. He was going to make sure she was safe, make sure she healed, and more than anything, he was going to make sure she knew she was loved.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  It was strange walking through Matt's house without him home. Even though he'd spent a lot of time there, it was as if he was invading Matt's space as he pulled a bag out of the closet and started to fill it with Matt's stuff.

  Even though Matt had said he didn't need anything, Xander decided to put in a couple of changes of clothes and his toothbrush and other things that he was going to need. He doubted Matt would leave the hospital until Faith did, so the more comfortable he could make him, the better.

  Once he had Matt's things, Xander headed into Faith's room. He'd only been in there the one night he'd found Matt crying, and entering the room without Matt seemed wrong, still, he needed to get Faith her things.

  He read the list, grabbing what he could from the dresser, then moved over to the bed, picking up the stuffed zebra. He held it for a moment, thinking how one simple item could bring such comfort to a person.

  For years, he'd taken down pedophiles and moved on to the next, but now, he was going to see what happened after. He was going to see the recovery and healing that Faith would have to go through.

  It wouldn't be much different than his own recovery after his abuse. Faith would hopefully have a better support system than he did, but a lot of the emotions and feelings she would have would be exactly what he had felt too. It wasn't going to be easy for her.

  Xander sighed, the memories of his past coming back fast, haunting him even years later. He'd been older than Faith when the abuse stopped, but younger than her when it started. He still remembered the fear and the pain of each attack. It didn't matter how much time had passed, he could remember it like it was yesterday.

  He forced the thoughts back, needing to focus on the here and now. Faith was who mattered, and he would do whatever he could to help her heal and to make sure that Matt had all the support he needed while she did. In many ways, Matt would need to heal as well. Already, he could see the guilt starting to eat at him. This was not Matt's fault and Xander would do everything he could to make sure he knew that.

  After grabbing a few more things from her room, Xander headed back out to his car. It was nearly dawn, and he was tired, but he wouldn't stop and rest until he was sure that Matt and Faith were okay. There would be time to catch up on sleep later.

  He made his way to the hospital, wondering how Faith would take to him. He didn't have a lot of experience with kids. There weren't any around in his life, but he'd always liked them. There was something refreshing about a child who hadn't been tainted by the world. Of course, Faith didn't fall into that category anymore. She had experienced the worst of the worst. Much more than most children would ever have to face in their lifetime.

  The hospital parking lot was more crowded than it had been when he'd left, and he had to park farther away. With the two bags in hand, and a stuffed zebra under his ar
m, Xander made his way inside.

  He stopped at the information desk, sure that Faith had been moved upstairs by now. Once he gave her name, showed his wristband, and explained why he was there after visiting hours, he was allowed inside after being directed where to go.

  The hospital was eerily quiet as he walked down the halls. It broke his heart to glance in so many rooms and see children sleeping in the hospital beds. He could only guess what brought them there, but it didn't change the fact that in a perfect world, a child would never need a place like this.

  Xander paused as he came to Faith's room. Her door was partially closed, but there was a light coming through. Glancing in, he saw Faith sleeping in her bed. His heart skipped at his first sight of her. She was the spitting image of Matt but in female form. She shared his dark hair and his ivory skin. She looked so young, so innocent as she slept.

  Beside her bed, Matt was asleep on a cot, and Xander almost hesitated entering, not wanting to bother either of them. Deciding that he would quietly drop off the stuff and leave, giving them a chance to rest, he eased into the room, trying to be as silent as he could. He set Matt's bag down on the floor beside the bed, but as he went to set Faith's down, he found her staring up at him, her eyes wide, tinged with fear.

  Worried he would scare her, he took a step back, whispering, "I'm a friend of your dad, he asked me to grab some things from your house." He held up the stuffed zebra.

  "Zee…" She reached out for the stuffed animal.

  Xander grinned as he handed it to her. "Is that his name?"

  "Her name." Faith hugged the animal tightly. "I missed her."

  "I'm sure she missed you too. I know your dad kept her company, so she didn't get lonely while you were away. I saw him hugging her." Xander winked. "I also got you some clothes your dad said you might want and a pink blanket he said you liked."

  "Can I have the blanket?" Faith glanced up at him nervously. It was clear she wasn't completely comfortable with him.

  Xander kneeled and opened the bag he'd packed for her, pulling out the soft blanket. He was surprised that Faith didn't seem more scared of him. He thought for sure a strange man, especially one who looked like him, would freak her out. Maybe it was the fact he'd walked in holding things that were familiar to her that helped ease her mind. "Here ya go. Want me to put it over you?"

  Faith nodded.

  Xander laid the blanket over her, then stepped back. "Can I sit with you?" He nodded to a chair on the other side of the bed.

  Faith nodded again.

  Moving around the bed, he took a seat beside her. "My name's Xander. It's nice to finally meet you. Your dad told me a lot about you."

  "How do you know him?" She glanced at him, showing the first sign of nervousness.

  "Well, your dad was searching for you, and I work with a group who helps find missing kids. We met that way, but became really good friends too while we worked to get you back home." Xander had no clue what story Matt would want to tell her, but he figured keeping it as close to the truth was best. She didn't need details, simple would be enough. "I'm glad you're safe and back with your dad."

  "Me too. I was so scared." She hugged the zebra to her.

  "He was scared too." Xander looked over at Matt. "He missed you so much."

  "Where's Beth and Carrie?" she asked.

  Xander hated that he had to lie to her, but he couldn't let on he knew there were other girls with her. "Who are they?"

  "The bad guy took them too. They were with me in the room he made us stay in."

  "Were they with you when the police came?"

  She nodded.

  "Then I am guessing they are here in the hospital too, with their parents. Maybe tomorrow we can ask if you can see them if you want."

  "I want to. " Faith looked at her dad. "Is he mad at me?"

  Xander leaned closer. "Why would he be mad at you?"

  "Because I wasn't careful. Because I let the bad guy take me."

  "No, he's not mad at you. He's mad at the bad guy. He knows you didn't want to go with him."

  "I didn't even see him. He just grabbed me as I walked past the van." Faith closed her eyes. "I didn't think I'd ever get to see my dad again."

  "He hasn't stopped searching for you. It's all he thought about. He loves you so much."

  Faith smiled. "I love him too." She looked back at Xander. "Did that hurt?"

  "Did what hurt?" He was confused.

  She pointed at his arms. "The tattoos."

  "Ah, a little bit." Xander rubbed his arms. "It's uncomfortable, but doesn't really hurt. It's like a bunch of little pinches when you get the tattoo, but the feeling goes away fast."

  "Do you have them all over?"

  Xander grinned. "Almost my whole body, my back, arms, and legs."

  "How did you know what to get?"

  "It took a long time to decide. I wasn't sure what I wanted at first, but I got these." He rubbed his hand over the thick bands around his upper arm. "Then the others later."

  "I like those. They are like Zee's stripes." She lifted her stuffed animal, so he could see.

  "You're right, they are. Maybe I like zebras too."

  "Have you been to the zoo?"

  "Not in a long time. My mom took me when I was about your age. I think that was the last time."

  "That was a long time ago then because you're old."

  Xander laughed. "You're right. It was a long time ago. Maybe once you get better, you and your dad can talk me into going with you. Would you like that?"

  "Yeah, I love the zoo. It's one of my favorite places. Where is your favorite place?"

  Xander thought about it. Did he even have one? "Um, I don't know. There is this great place I used to hike where there was this huge waterfall. I liked to go up there and sit. It helped me think and feel happy when I was sad. That might be my favorite place."

  Faith frowned. "Why were you sad?"

  Xander held his breath for a moment, wondering how to answer. He glanced at Matt, seeing him still sound asleep. Did he dare open up to Faith about things or would that upset Matt? She'd been through so much, and knowing she wasn't the only one to go through bad things might be a good thing for her. He gripped his beard, trying to think. "Well, when I was about your age, someone did some very bad things to me. Sometimes, even still, I get sad when I think about it." Actually, he got pissed off and angry, but he wasn't going to tell her that.

  "They did bad things to me too." Faith stared at her zebra. "I don't want to tell, Daddy."

  Xander nodded. "It's not easy to talk about sometimes. I didn't tell anyone for a long time, but when I did talk to someone, it helped. If you can't tell your dad, there will be other people you can talk to. I have a friend who I talk to sometimes. Maybe you could talk to her too."

  "Maybe." She hugged her zebra closer to her.

  Xander got the feeling it was better to change the subject. He didn't want to push her too fast to open up. Hell, he was shocked she'd told him as much as she did. "So, I'm guessing since you love Zee so much, zebras are your favorite animal?"

  Faith slowly glanced over at him, then a small smile formed. "Yeah."

  "How come?"

  "Have you seen the movie Madagascar?"

  He shook his head.

  "There is a zebra named Marty. He's my favorite. He makes me laugh so hard." She leaned back on the pillow and grinned. "It's my favorite movie."

  "Hmm, you'll have to watch it with me one night, so I can see what it's about. We'll get your dad to make popcorn and we'll have ice cream. We'll make a party out of it."

  "Why am I the one who has to make the popcorn?" Matt mumbled from the cot.

  Xander laughed. "Because I don't own a popcorn maker and I'm guessing you do."

  Matt sat up, rubbing his eyes before standing and coming to Faith. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

  "Okay. Xander brought me Zee." She held up her stuffed animal. "And my blanket too." She ran her hand over it.

  "That was very ni
ce of him. I'm sorry I fell asleep."

  "It's okay. I did too. I woke up when Xander came in." She glanced over at him. "He says he's your friend."

  "He is. I met him and a few other nice people while I was searching for you."

  "I wanted to call you, but they wouldn't let me." Tears filled Faith's eyes.

  "I know, honey, and it's okay. You're home now, and I promise I will do everything I can to make sure nothing bad ever happens to you again."

  Xander hated that promise. There was no way to stop all bad things from happening. Sure, Matt could try, but bad touched everyone from time to time. Some more than others. He watched Matt with Faith, taking in the two of them together for the first time. The love Matt had for his daughter was evident in his eyes, and he hoped that as time went on, Matt would be able to deal with the issues that Faith was going to have. Right now, she seemed okay, better than Xander expected. He'd figured she'd be a hysterical mess. She hadn't really blinked at him when he walked in the room other than a few nervous glances. He hoped she was a fighter and could get through this better than he had. His abuse had fucked up his entire life. He still struggled to control his temper at times, and he trusted very few people because of what was done to him.

  He didn't want that life for Faith. He didn't want that for Matt.

  "How's your pain?" Matt asked.

  "I'm okay. Just tired." Faith leaned into her father's touch.

  "I'm tired too." Xander stood. "I'm going to head home and let you two rest. Is it okay if I come by later and visit again?" He looked at Faith.

  She glanced at Matt, and when he nodded, she nodded too.

  Xander smiled. "Call me if you think of anything else I can bring when I come." He glanced up at Matt. "You okay?"

  Matt nodded. "My girl's back home. I couldn't be better." He reached a hand over the bed to Xander. "Thank you, for everything."

  Xander gripped Matt's hand, nodding. "Anytime." He smiled at Faith. "Welcome home, Faith. I look forward to seeing that movie sometime." He released Matt's hand. "You two have a good night, and I'll see you soon."

  Matt brushed Faith's hair back, but still looked at Xander. "Night."