Julia felt her blood begin to bubble. She remembered the conversation she had with Lexi last night. She had to hold it together and not lose her mind. She had to keep communication open, be reasonable, and foster a civil relationship with Matt, etc. …whatever!
“Look, don’t give me a hard time. I didn’t have time for Lilly yesterday. Tomorrow is a must. Carla has the day all planned. We’re going to Carla’s parents’ in Long Island afterward. Pack her some play clothes as well. She’ll be fine. I’ll bring her back around seven.” After a pause, he huffed. “You said I needed to spend more time with her and now I am.”
Julia turned her back to Lilly and paced the kitchen trying to control her quickly rising temper. Carla was Matt’s new wife and the woman he’d been having a long-term affair with during their marriage. Her name alone made Julia see red. Carla was in her late twenties and came from a wealthy Long Island family. She was an only child and the heiress to a large fortune—she was used to having whatever she wanted. Since marrying her, Matt changed. He now lived the privileged life he always wanted and would do anything to keep his wife and her wealthy family happy.
Carla barely tolerated Lilly. She was under the impression Julia got pregnant on purpose and Lilly was Julia’s way of holding on to Matt when he wanted a divorce to be with her. That was ludicrous since Julia had no idea Matt was cheating on her or he wanted a divorce. Lilly was a total surprise baby. Putting all that aside, Carla wasn’t the nurturing type. She told Julia on multiple occasions, “Children aren’t my thing.”
“Matt, back up a minute, would you? Yes, of course I want you to spend time with Lilly, but I need some notice and need to be consulted when you’ve made plans for our daughter. I don’t understand the urgency.”
“This is exactly why I don’t come around more often. Why do you have to complicate things? Carla wants Lilly in our family photo and the photographer is free tomorrow. Have her ready, for God’s sake. How hard is that?”
Julia took a deep breath and attempted a new strategy. She wanted Lilly to see her father and their plans could be changed—they were going to the Bronx Zoo. But she didn’t think Lilly would do well spending the day in Long Island. Lilly hadn’t seen Matt in a month so their reunion was going to be rough. Add to that wearing uncomfortable clothes, posing for cameras, and spending the day with people she didn’t know, and the stress of the day would be too much for Lilly. She would most definitely have a meltdown. Matt would know this if he spent any time with her.
Julia collected herself and spoke in a low, cajoling voice.
“Okay, Matt, listen. Why don’t I pick Lilly up from wherever you are when you’re done with the pictures, or I could bring her to the studio and wait until you’re finished? Lilly doesn’t do well with strangers and she can be a handful. This way you and Carla can have your pictures and have a good day with her family.”
“Julia, I’m not going to argue with you any further. Lilly is my daughter and I want her for the day. I don’t have to justify my every move to you or ask your permission to spend time with her. As for her behavior, that’s your fault. She’s spoiled and willful, but she’ll have to learn how to behave in public sooner rather than later. If you can’t teach her appropriate behavior, and it appears you cannot, Carla and I have no problem doing so. Have her ready by ten sharp. Goodbye.”
Julia stared at the phone. What the hell just happened? Matt was difficult, but he never acted like this before. He never went out of his way to spend time with Lilly, never demanded to see her, and never commented on her behavior. Although Julia should be happy, he wanted to spend time with his daughter, her gut told her something wasn’t right.
As for Lilly’s behavior, Lilly was two. Yes, she was spirited, but she wasn’t spoiled. There was no way Julia was going to let him teach her child how to behave. She didn’t like his tone or the implied threat. Julia knew all too well that kind of teaching and she’d be damned if she let him, or anyone else, lay a finger on Lilly.
The sound of the doorbell brought Julia out of her daze. Ethan had arrived and she hadn’t changed out of her scrubs yet. She sighed in frustration and exhaustion. She made sure Lilly was still sitting snuggly in her chair then went to open the door for Ethan. As she walked toward the door, she ran her fingers through her hair. It was a lost cause. She was a mess. Julia took a deep breath and opened the door. Poor Ethan had no idea what he was walking into. It had been a challenging day and the phone call with Matt fried her nerves.
“Hey, Ethan. Glad you found us. Come on in.”
Ethan came into the house surprising Julia with a light kiss on the cheek. His delicious scent filled her nose—cinnamon and musk.
“Hi, beautiful. Oh, oh, what’s going on? What’s that look on your face about?”
“Uh, nothing’s going on. It’s been a long day. Come on, Lilly’s in the kitchen. We can eat there.”
Julia turned before Ethan saw the blush that crept up her neck and face, warming her whole body. Even in her distracted state, she would’ve had to be blind not to notice how incredible he looked in dark jeans and a Harvard t-shirt. He was better looking than any Calvin Klein model she’d ever seen and his t-shirt was stretched to its limit, barely covering his muscular biceps and pecs. His hair was still wet from a shower and he had a sexy, mouth-watering five o’clock shadow going. The man was gorgeous and she was a hot mess. Life was so unfair.
It wasn’t lost on Julia Ethan called her beautiful. The word rolled off his lips as easily as it did years ago. He needed glasses. She wasn’t as thin or as toned as she used to be. Matt reminded her of that fact a million times. Her hair was a mess and needed a cut. It was a wild beast that grew thick and long. Another thing Matt hated. He said she needed to look less like Mother Earth and more like Anne Hathaway. But she was who she was.
Julia walked through the family room to the kitchen with Ethan trailing behind her carrying a couple of bags. The yummy scent of Chinese food filled the house making her mouth water and her stomach rumble. She hadn’t stopped to eat all day and she was starving.
“Hi, angel baby. What are you eating?” Ethan greeted Lilly as Julia took one of the bags from him and began to empty it on the small kitchen table that served as their dining room. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Ethan doing his baby whisperer routine. Lilly was relishing in his attention and filled the room with her adorable squeals of delight. Her girl acted like all women did around Dr. Ethan Sullivan. She was drooling all over him and trying to feed him peas off her plate. One day Julia would have to get him to tell her what he whispered in Lilly’s ear that gave her such joy.
“What did you do with yourself all week?” Julia asked.
“Mainly I worked on the house and met with some contractors who will be working on the plumbing, electrical, and stonework. Although I’ll be doing a lot of the work myself, I’m going to need help since I’m starting at the hospital on Monday.”
“You know I think you’re crazy, right? I didn’t even know you liked to work with your hands. When did you learn how to do … whatever it is you have to do in that monstrosity?”
“Hey now, show some respect for my humble dwellings. You can refer to my home as the castle from now on. As for my skills for home repair and renovation, I picked it up in college and med school to make extra money. I love making old things new again, although not too new. I want the place to showcase the past in all its glory. You’ll see. It’s going to be fantastic.”
“Okay, Tim the Tool Man, I’ll try to keep an open mind. I’m starving, but I got home a little while ago. I haven’t had a chance to change. Would you mind watching Lilly for a few minutes? I promise to be quick.”
“I don’t mind at all. Lilly and I will be fine. Dinner can wait. Go and change. Take your time. I’m in no rush.”
“Okay, thanks. I’ll clean her up before I go. Looks like she fed most of her dinner to her hair and ears.”
“Jules, go change. I’ve got this. Besides, I have a surprise for my girl i
n this bag.”
Grateful for the help, Julia escaped up the stairs to her room and shut the door. For a few minutes she stood, eyes closed, with her back against the door wondering what she was doing. She had to move. She needed to wash up, change, and get downstairs, but she wanted to hide here for a few minutes and get her racing heart under control. It was good to have Ethan in her home. She was way too vulnerable where he was concerned.
Ethan was decadent chocolate, ice cream sundaes, and fine wine rolled into one. He was something so good, but so bad. He was forbidden fruit. Julia craved him all the time and was powerless to resist him. She barely survived losing him the first time and after the last few years with Matt, Julia didn’t have the strength to survive another heartache.
She studied her image in the bathroom mirror and reminded herself, for the hundredth time, tonight was about closure—not a reawakening of anything. She lectured herself on this fact all week, but that didn’t stop her foolish brain from unearthing every memory she’d tried to bury. There were plenty of good memories and plenty of painful ones. The problem was her stupid brain teamed up with her heart and only wanted to dredge up the good times, disregarding the messy parts completely.
Making quick work of it, she washed up and changed into jeans and one of her favorite t-shirts, an oldie, but a goodie. It read, “I’m still mad they never actually told us how to get to Sesame Street.” She brushed her hair until it fell in soft waves down her back and let it have its way and run wild and free. She told herself to behave like an adult and stop hiding in her room. Opening her bedroom door, she made her way to the stairs leading to the first floor.
Julia stopped dead.
There in the family room stood tall, muscular Ethan swaying with Lilly asleep on his chest, clutching a yellow and brown spotted giraffe around the neck. But that’s not what had her frozen in her place, holding her breath, her eyes filling with tears. What mesmerized her was the sound of Ethan’s husky voice singing to her baby with such tenderness her heart ached. She listened to the words and recognized Billy Joel’s Goodnight My Angel. It was her favorite lullaby. She played it for Lilly often. As the words washed over her, she was unable to stay upright. She sank to the top of the stairs and listened to the words he sang. She wondered what she did to ever deserve this man.
Chapter Five
Ethan finished the song and glanced up to find Julia sitting at the top of the stairs with a wistful look on her face. Her watery green eyes met his as tears slid down her cheeks. The look of longing and sadness he saw in them took his breath away. He wanted to go to his girl, gather her up in his arms, and rock her as he was doing with Lilly.
He climbed the stairs with Lilly snuggled against his heart, sat next to Julia and enfolded her in his free arm. Julia wiped her face with the back of her hand and laid her head against his shoulder. He felt like the king of the world with Julia in one arm and the world’s sweetest baby in the other. That’s when he decided Matt was a fool. Who could have all this and walk away from it? He would kill to have all this beauty in his life.
He kissed the top of Julia’s head and gave her a gentle squeeze.
“Let’s put her to bed,” he whispered, nodding in Lilly’s direction.
Julia stood and tried taking Lilly from him, but he shook his head and said, “Lead the way, boss. I’ve got her.”
They passed a bathroom, the master bedroom, and then came to Lilly’s room. A light pink and cream hand-painted wooden sign on the door read “Lilly’s Beach Palace.” The changing table, rocking chair and toy trunk were cream-colored while the carpet was a thick sandy brown. The crib was a large, solid hardwood piece of art shaped into some kind of ship with a beautifully carved footboard and headboard and high side-panels. It was pushed against a wall that was expertly painted like the ocean in soft blues and creams with gentle waves. This gave the illusion the crib-ship was floating on a calm ocean. Above the bed hung an exquisitely carved piece of driftwood—Lilly’s Ship of Dreams.
Beach scenes covered the adjacent walls from floor to ceiling. A soft blue sky with puffy clouds covered the ceiling while seagulls flew in the distance. The room was assembled with a great deal of imagination and love. Ethan was spellbound. He’d never seen anything like this. Lilly was one lucky little girl.
He laid his precious bundle carefully in her ship and stood, watching Julia change and tuck Lilly in for the night. The entire time, Lilly never opened her eyes, but when Julia tried to take the giraffe out of her hand, Lilly held on and mumbled, “No, mine.” Laughing, they hurried out of the room before they woke her up.
Ethan and Julia made their way to the kitchen in silence. While Julia warmed up their now-cold dinner, Ethan opened the bottle of wine she’d left out on the counter. She was lost in thought and he gave her space. When they were both seated with loaded plates, he broke the silence.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Sorry. It’s been a long day.”
“What brought on the tears?”
Julia hesitated and took a generous gulp of her wine. She looked down at her plate. “My nerves are pretty fried. Work was rough today. I lost a patient I’ve known for a long time.”
Ethan reached for her hand and squeezed it. “I’m sorry, Julia. That’s always rough. In all the years I’ve practiced medicine, although I’ve learned how to deal with death, as you have, when it happens, I still feel helpless and still grieve. Death is humbling. It reminds me despite all my knowledge and skill, I’m not God.”
For a few minutes they were both silent. As he ate, Julia pushed the food around her plate then put her fork down.
She sighed. “I’m sorry, Ethan. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. It’s been a shitty day from start to finish. I think I need to crawl into bed and forget it ever happened. If you stay much longer you’re going to be an innocent by-stander to my meltdown and I’m already embarrassed.”
Ethan stopped eating and studied Julia. She was as pretty as ever, but there were signs of strain around her eyes. She looked wrung out, defeated. There was more to the story than the death of a patient.
“Jules, there’s nothing for you to be embarrassed about. We’ve been friends for decades, even if we missed a few years here and there,” he said with a tender smile. “No need to hold back, go ahead and let go. I’ll catch you. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on? Maybe I can help. I promise to only listen and not sing again since that seemed to trigger the meltdown.”
She regarded him with troubled eyes for a few seconds then looked down and began shredding her napkin. “You have a beautiful voice and looked sweet with Lilly in your arms. The thing is, I had a trying day and to top it off, I got into an argument with Matt before you came. When I saw you holding Lilly and singing, it occurred to me she’s never going to have what you were giving her. I never had that and I wanted it so badly for her. But, unless a miracle happens or Matt has a lobotomy, that’s never going to happen for her. It’s like history repeating itself and it sucks.”
Julia reached for her wine glass and downed its contents then refilled her glass again and took a gulp. “Sorry, I know I’m rambling and probably not making any sense.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m following you. Tell me about Matt. What kind of father is he?”
Matt sounded like an ass, but surely he loved his child.
Sighing, Julia said, “Matt never wanted children. He had a sister who had schizophrenia. She put his family through the wringer and then killed herself. Anyway, Lilly was a surprise he never wanted or accepted.”
He was right. Matt was an ass. Lilly was a beautiful child. He couldn’t understand how any father could resist her, but he never understood people who abandoned their children. Poor Julia carried a heavy burden. He was happy she was beginning to open up to him. The wine was probably helping loosen her inhibitions a bit and he was grateful for the help.
It was strange how one second he was comfortable with her, picking up where they left off twenty years ago,
and the next second he was exploring new territory, unsure what the next step would bring. Ethan remembered feeling like this as a kid walking across a semi-frozen lake on a dare from his friends. It was March and the lake was still iced over, for the most part, but with spring around the corner it started to thaw in certain areas. He didn’t know if with the next step he was going to be safe or sink. The only difference was the lake crawl was what he liked to call a stupid human trick—not worth the risk at all. Reconnecting with Jules, getting to know this new adult version, on the other hand, would be worth the risk … he hoped.
This Julia intrigued him. Her eyes were haunted, filled with secrets and burdens that needed to be shared. He missed his young, carefree girl who trusted him with her heart and her stories. He wanted to know what happened to her and to them all those years ago. Maybe if he said and did the right things, she would trust him once again. Some would say he was crazy. He just became a free man. Why on earth would he voluntarily walk into a storm? But this was Jules and his heart and soul recognized her and insisted he do something to keep her close and comfort her. He never understood the power she had over him and keeping her at arm’s length simply wasn’t an option.
“So Matt didn’t want children, but she’s here and she’s wonderful. What kind of relationship does he have with Lilly? Does he see her regularly?”
“He sees Lilly off and on. I think she’s more of an obligation to him than anything else. He’s not warm or loving and she’s beginning to pick up on that. I’m not sure he even knows how to love her.”
“What were you arguing about before I came?”
Ethan refilled their glasses and sat back in his chair. Julia didn’t have to say much, her face told most of the story. Her lips thinned and her jaw tightened. He feared she’d snap the stem of her wine glass by the fierce pressure she exerted on it.
“He hasn’t seen Lilly in a month. He was supposed to watch her yesterday, but he didn’t show or call. Today he remembered he had a daughter. He ordered me to have her dressed in her finest by ten tomorrow for a family picture and a day in Long Island with his in-laws.”
R.I.L.Y Forever Page 5