R.I.L.Y Forever

by Norah Bennett

  Monday morning came too fast and Julia was sleep deprived. She went through the day feeling groggy, irritable, and unsettled. In the short time Ethan was back in her life, she became accustomed to hearing his voice and seeing him, neither of which happened until late Monday evening and then their contact was brief. Ethan hit the ground running at the hospital and he didn’t make it home until well past 10 p.m. By the time he was able to call Julia, she was half asleep.

  The next four days weren’t much better. She was busy at work and poor Ethan seemed to be running from dawn till well past dusk. Although they exchanged texts and brief phone calls, by Thursday the weekend they shared seemed like a lovely dream. She almost wondered if it actually happened. Julia’s body remembered just fine. Every time she recalled how he touched and kissed her, her entire body warmed all over again and she ached for his touch.

  On her lunch break Thursday, Julia returned a call from Leslie Donaldson, an attorney specializing in child custody Lexi recommended. They spoke briefly and made plans to meet the following week for an official intake. Talking about fighting for custody made Julia anxious and she lost her appetite. She was tempted to call Ethan to see how his day was going and to tell him about her conversation with Ms. Donaldson, but after staring at her cell for ten minutes, she decided it could wait until the evening. Although she and Ethan hadn’t made any specific plans, she thought she would see him that night for a quick dinner. She was wrong.

  Right before she picked up Lilly from the sitter, she received a text from Ethan saying he was invited to dinner with the Chief of Staff and had no choice but to go. He asked how she and Lilly were doing. Feeling anything but cheerful, she forced herself to sound peppy and sent a text back saying all was well, not to worry about them and to have a good dinner. Then she told herself to get a grip. They were both busy people, this was to be expected. Unfortunately, the lecture she gave herself wasn’t convincing because her mood plunged even lower.

  It was late by the time Julia got Lilly fed, bathed, dressed and in bed. After cleaning up the kitchen and family room a bit, she gave into her bad mood and total body and mind exhaustion. Settling for a glass of wine and a handful of peanuts, Julia lay in bed with the TV on. She vacillated in and out of sleep when she her cell vibrate. She grabbed it sleepily. It was Ethan.

  “Hi,” she mumbled as she glanced at the bedside clock and saw it was 11 p.m.

  “Hey, I’m sorry I woke you. I wanted to see how my girls are doing.”

  His girls … she loved it when he called them that. The implication of ownership and belongingness warmed her each time he said it. She tried to de-fuzz her brain enough to have a real conversation with him, but she was exhausted and had downed a large glass of wine on an empty stomach.

  “We’re okay. Lilly is asleep and I’m almost there. How was your day?”

  “My day was fine. Long, but that’s to be expected. Are you all right? You sound funny.”

  “I’m fine. I’ve had a long day too. I’m wiped.”

  “Okay. I’ll let you go back to sleep then and we can chat tomorrow. Sweet dreams. Give angel a kiss for me in the morning.”

  “I will. Goodnight.”

  Julia hung up feeling remarkably lonely. The house was silent and felt empty. She grabbed the pillow Ethan had slept on and brought it to her nose. She smelled traces of his cologne and the scent soothed her. She hugged the pillow and fell into a fitful sleep.

  Friday morning Julia woke up to the sound of heavy rain pounding the roof. Mother Nature was making a show of force: thunder, lightning, hail, and wind. You name it, it was happening. Lord she hated rain! She considered calling in sick, but thought better of it and dragged herself out of bed. By the time she got out of the shower, she missed a call from Ethan. Although she called him back after she dressed and was attempting to feed a cranky Lilly, she never got a hold of him.

  The day went to hell from there. Traffic was a nightmare and she was late dropping Lilly off, late to work, late for a meeting, and then to make things fun, a patient threw up on her. By lunch, she wasn’t fit to be around humans. Noticing it had finally stopped raining, she sat outside on one of the picnic tables behind the hospital and deep-breathed until she felt more settled.

  Unfortunately, peace wasn’t in the cards for her. She was forced to listen to a bunch of staff from the pediatric wing discussing a hot new pediatrician who had a sexy smile and smoldering gray-blue eyes, but no wedding band. They discussed Ethan’s many assets openly admiring every inch of his body and she wanted to get up and scream at them, “Hands off and eyes off. He’s mine!” Then she realized she was behaving like a teenage girl, mentally slapped herself, and went back to work.

  At 4 p.m. as Julia got in her car, she received a text from Ethan saying he had a late consult and didn’t know what time he’d be done. She rested her head against the steering wheel and sighed in frustration as tears filled her eyes. She was being ridiculous. The man was a physician, what did she expect? His hours were going to be shit for a while. He had to re-establish himself in a new city. It wasn’t his fault.

  The more she thought about it, the more frustrated she became with herself. She didn’t want to want or need someone like this again. Becoming dependent on someone for her happiness couldn’t be healthy. Her foul mood wasn’t due to a bad day, or even missing Ethan, but of being scared of her growing feelings for Ethan. The problem was her heart knew what it wanted and as usual it acted alone, not consulting with anyone before it gave itself away. She loved Ethan and when she wasn’t with him, she felt like she was stumbling through the day like a blind person.

  As if reading her mother’s mood, Lilly adopted the same outlook on life and was irritable and difficult to deal with from the second Julia picked her up. She refused to sit in her car seat and no amount of reasoning or bribing seemed to work. Finally, Julia wrestled her into it and listened to her scream all the way home. At home, Lilly picked at her food, barely eating any of her dinner. Looking at her daughter, Julia knew she would have a devil of a time getting Lilly down for the night unless she was able to change both of their moods.

  Julia started a bubble bath for Lilly and then hopped in with her. That did the trick, at least part way. They played in the bath with the variety of toys Lilly amassed until the water cooled. Then Julia dragged them both out, wrapping a now-crying Lilly in a fluffy towel and slipping on her bathrobe. She sighed, then put Lilly’s PJs on and broke a cardinal rule and let the child sleep in bed with her.

  As she got them situated under the covers with Lilly holding tightly to George, Julia’s cell rang. The second Julia saw Ethan’s picture flash on the screen, she felt the weight of the world shift off her shoulders. All it took was a second, however, before nimble little fingers snatched the phone out of her hands and began tapping on the screen while happily crying out, “E! E!”

  Julia wrestled the cell out of Lilly’s hands as she answered the call and turned on the speakerphone.

  “E!”

  “Hi, Angel, how did you hijack your mama’s phone?” Ethan’s laughing voice came over the phone.

  “E! Come!” Lilly ordered as she continued to wrestle Julia for the phone.

  “Hi, Eth. I’m here. I’m having some issues with little miss demanding today.” Julia’s voice was weary as she tried to be heard over Lilly’s continuous yelling for Ethan and the phone.

  “Angel, you’re wearing Mama out. Be a good girl and settle down so I can talk to her and then I’ll talk to you. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Lilly said and immediately settled back on the pillows, stuck her thumb in her mouth, and cuddled with George.

  “You have to tell me how you get her to do that. She and I are in my bed because she has worn me down. This is the first time all night where she is actually looking angelic. This baby whisperer thing you’ve got going should be bottled and sold somehow.”

  Ethan chuckled and said, “Hi, beautiful. You sound tired. What’s going on with you girls?”

 
; Julia took the phone off speaker and Lilly lost it and let out an ear-piercing, “Nooo, Mama. My E. Nooo.” Then she burst into tears.

  Seeing Lilly unraveling, Julia quickly put the phone back on speaker. “Ethan, for God’s sake man, say something. Have pity on me and talk. I made the mistake of taking you off speaker and she’s become unglued. I don’t get it.”

  “Angel baby, what’s this all about?” Ethan’s low soothing voice came over the cell.

  “E, mine,” Lilly sobbed.

  For a few seconds both Ethan and Julia were silent, stunned at what Lilly said. But Ethan recovered.

  “Lilly? Angel mine? Stop crying. I’m here sweetness. How about I tell you a story?”

  Lilly stopped crying and with little sniffles and a sad little voice said, “Okay, E.”

  Lilly settled back against the pillows with her thumb back in her mouth and George clutched tightly to her. Julia lay next to Lilly and gathered her in her arms, waiting for Ethan to begin his story. As Ethan told Lilly the story of the Three Little Bears, Ethan-style, Julia watched her daughter’s eyelids become heavier and heavier and then close.

  Lilly said everything Julia wanted to say with that one word, mine. Lilly staked her claim on Ethan, just as he, seconds later, claimed her as his, angel mine. Julia’s heart ached for her child who never cried like this for her own father, but knew where she could find love and without hesitation reached out and grabbed it. She wished she were as brave as her girl. Her day had been shit because she started it without him and she felt his absence deep all day. Now, like her child, she was soothed by the sound of his voice.

  “Jules,” Ethan’s soft whisper broke into her thoughts.

  Julia glanced at Lilly. She was deep in slumber. Julia took Ethan off speaker. “Hey, Ethan. Thanks. She’s asleep. You’re off speaker now.”

  “Glad she’s down. Now what’s going on with you two? What happened today?”

  Julia hesitated. She didn’t want to sound needy, but the truth was she needed Ethan. He knew her too well and would know if she lied. It was now or never. She took a deep breath.

  “Jules? Come on baby. Just tell me.”

  “I’m well, that is … I think Lilly and I missed you,” she said, trying to get the words out as fast as she could before she chickened out.

  When he didn’t say anything and there were a few seconds of total silence, Julia panicked. Had she misread him, misunderstood him somehow?

  “Ethan, I’m sor—”

  “Julia, don’t finish that sentence. Come downstairs and open your front door. I’m here.”

  “What? You’re here?”

  “I was driving home from dinner when I called you. Will you come downstairs and let me in before your neighbors call the police, please?” he said, a grin evident in his voice.

  Julia jumped out of bed, tucking Lilly in the center of the bed and placing pillows all around her so she wouldn’t fall out. A grin spread across her face so wide she was sure she looked like a lunatic. She was thrilled Ethan came to her and she wasn’t going to hide it.

  “I’m on my way down,” she whispered. “Hold on.”

  She glanced down at the pink tank top and boy-shorts she wore; not very glamorous, that’s for sure. Her hair was a mess. She was a mess, but she didn’t have time to change. She flew down the steps and scanned the family room and kitchen. It looked like a toy store threw up all over the house, but there was no time to rectify that either. Ethan would have to accept her as is. This is what single working moms and their homes looked like.

  Her heart did acrobatics in her chest. She stood in front of the closed door feeling a little like a wobbly bowl of Jell-O. She tried to will her body to open the damn door. So she’d admitted she missed him, what was the big deal? Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and was swept up into strong arms that held her so tight she could barely breathe.

  Ethan kicked the front door shut as Julia wrapped her arms around him. She stood on tiptoes, buried her face in the side of his neck and breathed him in. Every single damn thing that had gone wrong all week slipped away. She was in Ethan’s arms and all was good again. The elephant that had made himself comfortable on her chest all week stood, stretched, and sauntered off. She was as light as a butterfly floating in the summer breeze and it felt great.

  She rained kisses up the side of his neck and under his ear and whispered, “You’re here. You came. I missed you, sweetheart. We missed you.”

  “My girls needed me and I needed them. And Julia?” He pulled her gently from him and raised her chin with his fingers, forcing her to look him in the eye. “I missed you too. I missed both of my girls. It’s been a shit week without you guys.”

  Ethan brought his mouth down on hers in a hard claiming kiss that seemed to last an eternity and took stole her breath. His lips devoured hers and his tongue dueled it out with hers, rediscovering and reclaiming every inch of her mouth. By the time he finished kissing her, her legs were Silly Putty and she clung to him for support. Sometime during the kiss, he walked them over to the couch and pulled her down on his lap. As he held her in his lap, she burrowed into him and rested her head on his chest, trying to catch her breath and slow her galloping heart. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. Looking up at him, she studied every inch of his face and slid her fingers in his thick, wavy hair.

  Smiling, she said, “Hi.”

  “Hi, beautiful. Better now?” He brushed the hair away from her face and attempted to gather it into his hand.

  Julia noticed every time they were intimate like this, he played with her hair and would try to gather it in one hand. He was like her personal human hairclip. She loved the way he touched her with such passion and how he never hid his desire for her. When he wanted her, his eyes would change to an intense dark gray and his voice would go all husky. He always put his feelings out there, never hiding any of it from her. He made her feel sexy, beautiful, and wanted.

  “Now, tell me what happened this week and don’t leave anything out.”

  Julia recounted the week’s events, including her conversation with Ms. Donaldson and her appointment with her the following week. When she was through, she admitted with the exception of the conversation with the attorney, the last few days were not that awful. Without him, though, every minor hiccup seemed so much bigger than it actually was.

  “I’m sorry, Eth. I haven’t been myself for the last few days. Lilly picked up on it and had a meltdown. We’re not usually this needy. I’m fine now. Tell me about your week.”

  He tugged at the ponytail he formed in his hand until she looked up and their eyes connected. In his eyes she saw the truth of the words he said next and was assured of his sincerity.

  “First, there’s nothing for you to apologize for. From now on I don’t want you holding back anything. I want to know it all: good, bad, everything. You’re not being needy and even if you were, I love hearing my girls missed me as much as I missed them. Jules, I know you’re scared and I know it was hard for you to tell me you missed me, but you’re not the only one who has needs in this relationship. It’s good to be needed and wanted. Thank you for giving me that.”

  Julia laid her palm against his face, leaned in, and gave him a long, slow kiss. What did she do to deserve this incredible man? He gave himself completely to her. He trusted her with his heart just as she trusted him with hers and Lilly’s. She wasn’t in this alone. She could do this. She looked into his eyes and gave him what he’d been waiting for, what he needed to hear and she needed to say.

  “I love you, Ethan. I love you, as does Lilly.”

  Without even a second of hesitation, Ethan smiled and said, “I love you too, baby, both of you. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I’ve never stopped. You’ve always had me. Do you know that? You’ve always had me.”

  Grasping the locket in her hand, she brought it up so he could see it. “Yes, I know. I’ve worn the evidence of your love around my neck for twenty-two years and I have loved you in
return. I’ve never, not for an instant, stopped loving you. I never believed I’d have you again. I convinced myself that this is all I would ever, could ever have of you. Now”—she looked back into his eyes—“now I know better.”

  “Thank God for Grandma Mildred. I’m glad she gave me that locket to give to you. I can’t tell you how happy I was when I saw you still wore it.”

  “I never took it off, not even when I was with Matt, I couldn’t. I knew it was wrong, but you’re the only man who’s ever loved me just the way I was. I couldn’t have you away from me. I needed you close and it was all I had of you.”

  “I can’t believe Matt never questioned it.”

  “He never knew about you. He thought Ella gave the necklace to me. He never opened it; never saw the inscription. I tried to take it off and put it away when we first got married. Aimee and Ella told me I should, but I think I lasted about a month. One day I opened my jewelry box and there it was. I couldn’t help myself. I put it on and the relief I felt was so immense, I never took it off again.”

  “I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. We somehow found each other again. This is a gift we’ve been given, this second chance. Let’s put the past behind us, all of it. I meant every word in that locket and nothing has changed except I love you even more, if that’s possible.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  By the tender look on Ethan’s face, Julia was sure she made the right decision. She was glad she told him she loved him. He said he loved her and Lilly and she believed him. She hadn’t thought about how he felt and what his needs were. She was selfishly thinking only about herself and Lilly while this man, the man she loved, needed her and Lilly to love him and need him. Well, that wasn’t a hardship. They could give him that. He was easy to love. He wasn’t going to let her and Lilly down, but she also vowed she’d be there for him and not let him down, either.