With Courage and Commitment

by Charlotte Maclay

  She gave him a tremulous smile. “Who would have thought a pregnant woman like me could seduce a guy like you?”

  “Funny, I thought I was the one who seduced you.” Taking her hand in his, he placed a kiss in her palm. “I can’t give you what you need, Stephanie.”

  “You were doing a pretty good job a few minutes ago.”

  “I’m not good at commitment.”

  She withdrew her hand and glanced away but not before he saw tears glistening in her eyes. “Apparently I have a penchant for attracting men like that.”

  “This Edgar guy of yours is a slug not wanting to marry you the minute he knew you were pregnant. He could still come knocking on your door.”

  Her quick laugh didn’t ring true. “Not much chance of that. Edgar Jared Bresse the Third doesn’t often change his mind.”

  “The third?”

  “Hmm, old San Francisco money. Very snooty.”

  “That probably means the first Edgar was nothing more than a lucky gold miner.”

  Standing, she stepped away, turning her back to him as she pulled on her slacks. “Actually they made their first killing by selling picks and shovels to the miners. Then they bought up half of downtown San Francisco after the earthquake and fire.”

  “Opportunists.”

  “Smart business people. Going into advertising made Edgar a bit of a black sheep as far as his parents were concerned, particularly since he’s their only son.” She straightened her sweater and gave her hair a toss, then turned back to Danny looking more composed than she had moments ago. Gutsy lady.

  “Seems like if Edgar won’t take financial responsibility for the baby, maybe his parents would—”

  “I don’t need or want their money. And frankly, Mrs. Bresse is such a cold, hard woman, I’m not sure I want my baby anywhere near her.”

  Gutsy and independent. Pretty darn stubborn, too. All of which were admirable qualities but none more so than her potent sexuality. Which Danny vowed to keep at arm’s length from now on—or die trying.

  He shifted uneasily. “Guess I’d better be going.”

  “If I can’t talk you into coffee…”

  She left the thought dangling, giving him the choice to stay or leave. That wasn’t any choice at all. He was so far in over his head, he was at the bottom of an elevator shaft with no way to get back up.

  “It’s getting late.”

  She shrugged.

  “I’ll come by in the morning before I—”

  “No, don’t. I, uh, have to be at school early tomorrow.”

  “If you’re sure.”

  Folding her arms over her stomach as a shield against the emotions that were raging through her, Stephanie nodded and prayed she wouldn’t burst into tears. She didn’t want Danny to know how badly he’d hurt her. Didn’t want to admit, even to herself, what a fool she’d been.

  “I’m sure.” That she could get the words past the lump in her throat amazed her.

  She waited in the living room while he left. She heard the back door open and close. A moment later the truck started, the headlights came on and swept past the window as he drove away.

  Only then did she allow the lump in her throat to form tears, which ran down her cheeks.

  Chapter Nine

  Danny stroked his arms one after the other through the chilly ocean water. The two-and-a-half-mile swim was the hardest part of the triathlon for him, the most difficult part of his training regimen. Without much body fat, he had little natural buoyancy and sank below the surface between every stroke.

  Today he welcomed the bitter taste of salt in his mouth, the burning sensation in his eyes and in his lungs, the ache in his arms and legs.

  He hadn’t seen Stephanie in three days. He’d been punishing himself ever since the night they’d made love, and he damn well deserved this kind of torture.

  How could he have been so stupid?

  How could he have hurt her so badly?

  He staggered out of the water and dropped down on the sand. On race day he’d be looking at an endless bike ride after the swim and then a run on top of that, all in memory and celebration of the lives of the buddies he’d lost in Idaho. But for the moment he could rest.

  He looked back toward the line of waves rolling toward the shore. Tommy appeared on a crest then dipped out of sight. The kid was doing fine, getting stronger every day, although it was fortunate the junior division race involved shorter distances. But damn, the kid was determined.

  In his own way as stubborn as Stephanie.

  A cool breeze washed over Danny, raising goose-flesh, and he grabbed his towel, wrapping it around his shoulders while he waited for Tommy to reach the shore. Within minutes the boy stumbled up onto the beach.

  Danny checked his watch. “Good job, kid. You took ten seconds off your time.”

  The boy gulped in great lungs full of air. “A personal best?”

  “You got it.” He grinned at the youngster. “So have you told Rachel what you’re up to?”

  “Naw. I’m afraid I might drown or fall off my bike, or something. I’ll tell her after.”

  “No, no. You gotta tell her now, casual like. She’ll be impressed that you’re entering the race at all, and then if you mess up—” He shrugged. “She’ll be sympathetic.”

  “You think?”

  “Trust me, when it comes to the ladies, I’m an expert.”

  That was a damn lie. At least when it came to Stephanie, he didn’t know what to do. Or even how to act, now that he’d crossed that invisible line between friends and lovers.

  In comparison, the other women he’d known had been easy. He could love ’em and leave ’em, walk away without either him or the woman getting hurt. They both knew the rules. With a couple of small exceptions—which had proved the point he was incapable of commitment—it had all seemed so simple.

  Simple didn’t begin to explain how he felt about Stephanie. Confused was far closer to the truth.

  He’d promised to be her birthing coach. He couldn’t renege on that. She needed someone to be there with her. Her boyfriend had let her down. Danny refused to leave her in the lurch, too.

  But he wasn’t sure she’d want him around after his disappearing act the other night.

  Nor was he sure he could be close to her without wanting to make love with her again.

  “You got a problem, coach?” Tommy asked. He scrubbed at his spiky hair with a towel, then wrapped it around his shoulders, shivering.

  “Yeah, I do.” Danny got to his feet. His job was to be Tommy’s coach and Stephanie’s. He was damn well going to do the best job he could in both cases. “Come on, kid. Ten miles on our bikes before we slack off for the afternoon.”

  Tommy groaned but struggled upright. “Maybe I’ll get a chance to say something to Rachel in math class next week.”

  “Good plan, kid. A triathlon will wow her, I promise.” He could only hope he’d find something equally impressive in order to get back on Stephanie’s good side without risking a repeat of their heated night together.

  STEPHANIE WAS GRATEFUL to have a Saturday to herself. She’d done the grocery shopping, changed sheets on her bed and her father’s, and managed three loads of wash. She’d intended to take a nap but to her dismay she’d found herself looking out the damn kitchen window trying to spy on Danny, and she’d never lain down.

  When in heaven’s name would she learn?

  He had no interest in her for a permanent relationship. He was right. She—and her baby—needed a permanent commitment or they would be better off alone.

  He wasn’t into commitment.

  And she hated the thought that she’d always be alone.

  With a yank, she opened the refrigerator and stared inside. You’d think after spending a small fortune at the grocery store there’d be something worth eating in the house. She really should have called a friend to go out. Except most of her girlfriends were married now and had children of their own. Or they’d moved away.

 
She’d have to start over making a whole new set of friends. Maybe the YWCA had a single-moms’ club.

  Leaning her head against the refrigerator, she sighed. No sense to feel sorry for—

  An odd noise interrupted her thoughts. Someone was outside. In her backyard.

  More curious than fearful, she went out the kitchen door and walked alongside the house toward the backyard. The faint smell of burning charcoal scented the air.

  She turned the corner and her heart did a stutter step at the sight of Danny fussing over her dad’s portable barbecue on the patio.

  “Don’t you have a barbecue at your place?” she asked, trying to keep her unwelcome surge of excitement at bay.

  Glancing up, he shot her a quick grin. “I thought this would be easier.”

  “And why is that?”

  “Since we’re going to eat the steaks here, it didn’t make any sense to cook them at my place then let them cool off getting them here.”

  “You’re making me dinner,” she concluded cautiously.

  “Yeah, I figured with your dad gone you might not be eating regular meals. You know, just eating snacks and stuff.” He poked at the glowing briquettes with the tongs.

  “I did a huge grocery shopping today.” Which somehow resulted in having nothing in the house to tempt her waning appetite. A problem she no longer had according to her loudly growling stomach.

  “You can save whatever you bought for another night. These steaks are too good to pass up.” At the picnic table on the covered patio, he unwrapped two beautiful T-bones. There was a big bowl of salad on the table and what she guessed was a loaf of garlic bread wrapped in foil. “And wait till you see what I brought for dessert.”

  “I gather you’ve decided to fatten me up?” More likely, this was his way of apologizing. But she didn’t know if he was sorry he’d made love to her or regretted he wasn’t interested in a commitment.

  From the end of the picnic table, he picked up an oversize paperback book and flipped through the pages. “According to this, a well-rounded diet including all the food groups is important during pregnancy. It helps the baby develop normally.”

  “You bought a book on pregnancy?”

  “And what to expect during delivery. I thought Maureen might forget something in the class or we’d have questions between sessions. This book seems to cover about everything under the sun. I figured we both ought to be prepared for anything that could happen.”

  Stunned by his thoughtfulness and equally confused by his touching gesture, she took the book from him. “I thought you’d want to bail out of being my coach.”

  “Heck, no. Once I make a promise, I’m in it for the long haul.”

  Instinctively she rested her free hand on her belly. Her baby needed a man like that. So did she.

  Unwilling to let him see the tears of gratitude that flooded her eyes, she sat down at the table and glanced through the book, checking the topic headings. Fetal movements. Packing for the hospital. Breastfeeding. Having sex.

  “It says the baby doesn’t know we had sex.”

  Danny choked, coughed, and the barbecue tongs clattered to the concrete patio floor. “God, I never even thought about—”

  She stifled a laugh at the look of abject horror on his face. “You’re safe. I don’t think she’d come after you with a shotgun anyway.”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I know. Let’s just forget about what happened the other night, okay?” As if she could, she thought, trying to ignore the ache in her chest. But if she couldn’t have Danny as a lover, she needed him as a friend. That was far more important. “I’ll go back to being the pesky kid down the street, and you can go on being my exasperating neighbor.”

  “Who makes you dinner.”

  “That’s obviously the best kind of exasperating neighbor, if you’re stuck having one.”

  “Yeah, right.” His wry smile eased her wounded heart, if only a little. “You’re okay, Twigs. If it means anything to you, I still think Edgar was a fool to let you walk away.”

  She shrugged. “I’m glad he showed his colors now instead of having to deal with a divorce later.”

  “I suspect my mother would have agreed with you. The worst part for her was my father simply turning his back on his family and walking away.”

  “That had to hurt.” Both Danny and his mother had been wounded by his father’s desertion. In Danny’s case, the scar was invisible but Stephanie sensed it was still there.

  “How’s your mother doing now?” She recalled hearing Danny’s mother had married the produce man at the local grocery store a few years ago. Evidently the romance bloomed between the artichokes and zucchini shortly before her groom’s retirement.

  “Great. Apparently she and Jake love being on the road in his RV. It’s been like a three-year honeymoon for her. They’re talking about finally settling down in Arizona.”

  “She deserves all the happiness she can get.”

  Danny nodded his agreement. “She’s going to give me the house, sort of a belated wedding present in reverse.”

  “That’s very nice of her.”

  “Yeah, it is.” He fussed with the charcoal, making sparks fly. “The house needs some work, though. I’ve been thinking maybe you’d help me out redecorating the place.”

  “I’d be happy to.” The possibility filled her with excitement along with the troubling thought that someday another woman might reap the benefits of whatever talents she contributed toward renovating Danny’s house.

  “That’d be great. Thanks.”

  The steaks began to sizzle on the barbecue, smoke billowing, scenting the entire backyard with the smell of charcoal and meat cooking.

  Stephanie made a show of studying the book while Danny went about the business of setting the table and adding dressing to the salad. But she was acutely aware of him moving around the patio, looking very much as if he belonged there. His khaki walking shorts revealed well-muscled legs lightly furred with dark hair; his T-shirt displayed his broad shoulders tapering to a narrow waist.

  She recalled every inch of his body, the hard plains and valleys created by hours of working out, all in contrast to the gentle way he had loved her. Despite what she’d told him, she’d savor those memories for the rest of her life. There’d be no forgetting for her.

  He served their plates and sat down opposite her at the table. “Here you go, steaks a la Sullivan.”

  Tasting her first bite, she relished the succulent flavor. “You missed your calling. You should have been a chef instead of a firefighter.”

  “Oh, I get plenty of chances to cook at the station, assuming Logan doesn’t feel like doing one of his specialties. But we don’t often have steak. Too expensive for our budget.”

  Stephanie ate in silence for a few minutes, unable to shake the sensation of electricity in the warm evening air. The same sort of potent force that had drawn them together the night of the childbirth class, which Danny was now determined to ignore. So be it, she told herself. But that was a lie, too. She’d leap right into his arms if he’d so much as crook his little finger at her.

  Foolish woman.

  “So how’s it going at the preschool?” he asked between bites.

  “Fine, except the woman I’m replacing will be ready to come back to work about the time my baby is due, and Alice can only afford one teacher’s aide.”

  “Does that mean you’ve been out job hunting?”

  “If you call batting my head against the wall job hunting, yes.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “I went to a temporary agency yesterday. All the guy was interested in was my typing speed and how many different kinds of word processing programs I know. The fact that I have a college degree didn’t mean squat to him, particularly since it’s in art. I’m not exactly big-time employable.”

  “Something will turn up.”

  “I suppose. I asked Dad to keep an eye out for me but he’s being very chauvinistic about me
leaving the baby with a sitter or in day care too soon. He says I don’t need to work as long as I’m living here.”

  Danny chewed thoughtfully for a moment, then said, “Why don’t you open your own advertising company? You could work right out of the house until you built up your business. That way you wouldn’t be leaving the baby.”

  “Paseo isn’t exactly a mecca for advertising firms.”

  “But somebody is placing ads in the newspaper. And I see local ads on the TV all the time, most of which stink. You could do better, couldn’t you?”

  Yes, she could, now that she thought about it. But starting her own business would be risky, though not any more so than remaining unemployed, or worse yet, working at a local hamburger stand.

  “I don’t know,” she said. “I’m basically a stranger to the market here, and I’d have to invest quite a bit of money for start-up costs.” Mentally she ticked off the equipment she’d need. A computer capable of doing graphic art and a color printer. For video work, she could rent the equipment or hire freelancers. Her old drawing board was stuffed in her closet.

  “Your dad would help you out, I’m sure. So would I, if it came to that.” He leaned forward, pointing the business end of his fork at her. “You know, you ought to talk to Kim Lydell, Jay’s wife. She’s with the university now but she used to work at KPRX-TV. I bet she’d know something about the local market and who’s handling the advertising business around here. It would be worth a shot, anyway.”

  Stephanie considered the possibilities. It wouldn’t cost her anything to talk with Kim. She didn’t really think it would lead anywhere but what the heck. She could at least give it a try. Kim was part of the firefighter family now and would help if she could.

  “All right, I’ll call her.” Although she’d eaten only half her steak, Stephanie shoved her plate aside. “I’m stuffed.”

  “We’re not done yet.” Reaching down beside the table, he produced a blender and set it on the table.

  She shook her head in amazement. How he’d dragged all the food and supplies from his house to hers without her noticing was a mystery to Stephanie.

  He held up a bunch of bananas. “The pièce de résistance—a banana milk shake.”