Gaming for Love

by Crystal Perkins

  “I can try. But I don’t want to be dating you for a year and not be allowed in your house.”

  “A year. You can see us a year from now?” He smiles at me.

  “Yeah, I think I can,” I reply honestly.

  “Me too,” he tells me. “Now, I better go or I am going to make sure neither of us leaves the house today. He kisses me lightly and then scoops up his clothes from the floor and dresses quickly. “So, tonight?”

  “Yeah. I’ll see you tonight.” As he leaves, I realize that he never said that he would be letting me into his house a year from now. I can be patient but I do have my limits.

  * * *

  Scott

  I pull up to my house and get out of the car.

  “Well look who made it home,” Owen says, walking out the front door of the main house. “Good to see you back in the saddle, bro.”

  I flip him off and walk around to the backyard and my place. I go inside and head up to take a shower. While I’m soaping up, I think about Yas.

  Not in a sexual way, though. I think about her crying because I wouldn’t let her come here. I did that to her. I know I’m normally a bastard to girls but I don’t want to be like that to her. How can I tell her about Amber, though? She won’t look at me the same. Even as I tell myself that, a part of me shouts that that’s bullshit. I think she would still like me—care about me if she knew what happened. My brothers and my parents have said that I need to forgive myself because they don’t blame me. I think that Yasmin could help me with that. She comforts me just by her presence. I know that I have to tell her if I want to save whatever this is that I have with her. I still don’t think that I can say the words to her. Then it comes to me. I don’t have to say the words in order to tell her. I can write them.

  I get out of the shower and towel off then throw on a t-shirt and shorts. I go downstairs to sit at my desk and start to write. It’s not easy, but it’s not as hard as I thought it would be either. Once I’m done, I feel a little lighter. I grab my keys and head out the door to set up the next delivery to the bookstore.

  * * *

  Yasmin

  I’m going to have to make some hard decisions soon. The online business is helping the store but I don’t know how much longer I can keep all three employees on. It’s starting to wear on me and I don’t know what to do. We have such loyal customers who shop as much as they can, but new business isn’t coming in. I’ve called every publicist I know and even some I don’t but as much as I begged, they couldn’t send me a big author for an event. Some of them were apologetic, telling me that they just couldn’t send someone big to a small store. Others dismissed me when they heard me say “Las Vegas.” I wanted to scream at them and say that Vegas is not all about The Strip and showgirls. We have a thriving reading community here. I wish that they would take a chance on me, but I understand. They have their bottom line too.

  “Hey Yasmin,” Sean says to me as he walks into the store. “Is Erika around?”

  “Yes, she is. Let me call her for you,” I tell him with a smile and a wink.

  I call Erika out from the stockroom and a glowing smile takes over her face when she sees Sean. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” he says back and then adds, “I was wondering if you were free for lunch.”

  “Umm, I’m not sure if I’m taking a lunch. We have a lot to do in the stockroom.” She glances my way and I immediately step in.

  “You’re taking a lunch and I think sharing it with Sean would be a great idea.”

  “But, we have the online orders and you had to cancel Danny’s shift,” she protests.

  “I can handle it for an hour—or two. Go have lunch, Erika. Enjoy yourself. Besides, Alex should be in soon to help out.”

  “You’re sure?” I nod and she turns to Sean. “I would love to have lunch with you, Sean. Let me grab my purse.”

  We both watch her head to the back and then Sean turns to me to ask, “Are things not better, even with the website?”

  “They’re better, but it’s not enough yet. I’m not sure if it ever will be.”

  “Did Erika tell you about the new book software that is being developed? From the latest interview that I saw with the CEO of the company, they are looking to sell to indies first before going to Amazon and Barnes and Noble.”

  “She did tell me. She gave me an article but I haven’t had time to read it. She didn’t say anything about the indies, though. I would hope that they would make it more affordable for us little guys. Maybe I could try for a loan and not have to sell my house to afford it when it comes out.”

  “You should definitely look into it,” he tells me as Erika returns.

  “Look into what?” she asks.

  “We were talking about that software you told me about.”

  “Did you read the article yet?”

  “No, but I have it in my purse and if it stays slow, I’ll grab it to read up here by the register. Now go enjoy your lunch!”

  “We will.” They both say it at the same time and I can’t help but smile.

  It does stay slow. Ryan drops off Alex and I put her to work shelving. I also ask her to write some recommendation tags for YA. She’s doing a great job and is smiling more and more every time I see her. I hope that I have contributed to that in some way. I think I have.

  I’m just getting ready to grab that article when a delivery person comes in with a huge basket of chocolate. “Are you Yasmin?”

  “Yes, I am,” I tell him, noticing the thick envelope among the candy bars. Yas is written on it and my heart skips a beat.

  “These are for you and the tip is already taken care of. Enjoy,” he says, handing me the basket.

  “Thanks,” I tell him, looking over the basket. It has everything from Hershey’s bars to Lindt, Ghirardelli and Godiva. Hershey’s Kisses are sprinkled liberally throughout the basket as well. Looking closer, I notice some candy themed pens mixed in there. My heart flips thinking of him buying me pens, keeping that up. As much as I love chocolate and pens, it is the envelope that tempts me the most. I pluck it out and realize that it must have several pages in it. I think that I’ll have to wait for Erika to get back so that I can go to my office and read it in private.

  “Wow. Did someone send you all of that candy?” Alex asks coming up to the register.

  “Yep. Would you like some?”

  “Can I have the Godiva, it’s my favorite?”

  “Yes, you can. I have simpler tastes,” I say, reaching for a Kiss.

  It seems like hours before Erika returns when it is really only about 15 minutes. I tell her that I’m taking a break and to call me if she needs me. I go into my office, then close and lock the door. I have a feeling that whatever is in this envelope is going to change my life. I don’t know if it will be for the better or the worse, but I need to find out.

  I open the envelope, take out the papers and start to read.

  Yas,

  I know that I hurt you this morning and I need to apologize again. I also know that I need to tell you why I can’t have you over to my place and need to keep our relationship a secret from my family. I know that I didn’t tell you that part this morning and you’re probably not happy at the moment, but don’t stop reading. Last night, we promised each other that all we had to do is ask for something and we would do it for each other. I am asking you to read this letter to the end before deciding that you can’t be with me. I meant it when I said that I care about you and I really need you to understand.

  I told you about high school and how I was a nerd and never had a date, much less a girlfriend. I also told you that when I was in college, I did a bunch of experimenting and slept around. I am not really proud of that, but it is what it is. I can’t go back and change it. I can’t change anything, no matter how much I want to.

  Senior year of college, I was walking across campus distracted by a new programming code that I was trying to perfect. I bumped into someone and nearly knocked them over. I looked up to apologize and s
aw one of the most gorgeous girls I had ever seen smiling at me. She told me that instead of an apology, she would love to share a cup of coffee with me. Her name was Amber.

  We laughed and joked while drinking our coffee and I couldn’t believe that she was interested in almost everything I was. She even played video games and loved Star Wars. She didn’t like Star Trek, though, I need to tell you that. Anyway, I was beyond happy to meet a gorgeous girl who was as much of a nerd as I was. I asked her if I could see her again and she said yes.

  Amber became my first girlfriend. She hung out with me while I worked and came to Friday night barbeque at my parent’s house. My family seemed to like her and she said that she loved me. I thought that I loved her too, so I said it back. I was protective of my place even back then. So, although I took her into my dorm room, I never took her to my apartment in downtown Chicago or to my work space at my parent’s house. We spent a bunch of time at her apartment, though. I’m not going to lie to you. I was extremely happy and thought that she was the “one.”

  We were together for almost a year when I graduated. She said that she was one class short of graduating but would do so over the summer. I bought us tickets to Paris for when summer session was scheduled to end. She told me that she always wanted to go there and I couldn’t wait to be there with her.

  My sister Erin was so proud of me for graduating Summa Cum Laude. Even though she was 12 years older than me, we were very close. She was my dad’s daughter from his first marriage but my mom had always raised her as her own. My brothers and I never thought of her as our “half” anything. She was our sister and even though she was older, we all were protective of her. We used to interrogate her dates when they came to the house. Can you imagine showing up to pick up a girl and having four little kids interrogate you? The guys usually thought that we were nuts, but she told us that she loved having her little guys looking out for her.

  Like I said, most guys thought we were crazy, but Dave was different. The first time that she brought him home, he shook each of our hands. He promised to respect and cherish our sister. He said if he upset her in any way, he would lie down and let us all punch and kick him as much as we wanted to. They became exclusive and he became part of the family. He even came over to play video games with us and spent time with us when Erin wasn’t home. I loved him as much as I love my blood brothers.

  Right after their high school graduation, Erin found out she was pregnant. You’ve met my parents—they are open minded and accepting. Dave’s parents weren’t. They had big plans for their son to attend his father’s alma mater and one day take over their business. They were upset that Dave’s trust fund was released and he wanted to invest in our business—which was struggling back then—and use the rest of his money to make a life with Erin and their baby. Dave stood up to them, told them that we were more of a family to him than they ever were and walked out of their lives. He and Erin were married in my parent’s backyard in a family only ceremony. Erin didn’t need a big ceremony. She said that the marriage was more important than the party or the dress.

  I was 8 when Alex was born and I loved her at first sight. I was an uncle and I took my responsibility seriously. I knew that I would protect that girl with my life, just like I had pledged to protect my sister. She grew up and we all watched over her. We were happy, too happy I guess.

  Dave’s investment infused much needed capital into our business. We were able to expand into computer software and I am proud to say that the first program I designed—the one that is partly represented by my tattoo—was a big success. Dad insisted on paying Dave back his investment and along with other investments he had made, Dave was worth over a billion dollars.

  Erin and Dave wanted to host my family graduation party. I brought Amber, of course. Everyone had a great time and we laughed and drank late into the night. Erin, Dave and Alex were leaving on a vacation to Disneyland the next day and they gave me a key and the security code to the house so that I could walk their dog. He didn’t like the kennel and I offered to do it. I went home happy to have the love of family and of Amber. I had invited her to come to my apartment a couple of days later and I was planning on proposing to her. I went back to Amber’s apartment with her that night and stayed again the next night.

  I woke up two days after the party happy until I realized that the program that I had been working on was missing from my messenger bag. I had put it in there so that I could go straight to work because I needed to present it at a press conference. I started freaking out because I needed to now run to my workroom at my parent’s house to get the back up. This program was going to bring more money and prestige to our company and part of the reason I chose that night to let Amber into my home was that I was wanted to celebrate the announcement of the program too.

  Amber saw that I was stressed and offered to go to Erin’s house and walk the dog. I was grateful to her and gave her the key and alarm code. The press conference went well and I was on cloud nine heading home with Amber’s favorite Chinese takeout that night. She texted to tell me that she would be late. I was a little disappointed but I told myself that at least she was coming over. I was letting her into my heart and I knew that she would say yes. I was wrong.

  While I was waiting at my apartment, Amber and her REAL boyfriend were robbing Erin’s house. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Dave had gotten food poisoning so they had come back to Chicago early. Alex was dropped off at my parent’s house so that Erin could take care of Dave. Erin and Dave came home in the middle of the robbery and they were both shot dead by Amber. She didn’t get away, though. The neighbors had seen her car in the driveway and knowing that Erin and Dave were on vacation, they called the police.

  When she was taken into custody, Amber admitted that her relationship with me had all been a setup. She purposely walked in front of me so that I would bump into her. She never liked video games or Star Wars or me. I was just a means to an end to get close to my family. The one time I saw her, she told me that my sister begged for her life, but I’m hoping that she was lying. Like she lied about so many other things.

  That all took place nine months ago. I have been blaming myself for being so stupid and causing my sister’s death. My brothers and my parents have finally started breaking through to me. They told me that I need to forgive myself and that I was a victim. I know this but I’ve had a hard time believing it. I am starting to, though. Because, I have a reason now to want to be happy. I have you.

  At least I hope I still do. I want to shout from the rooftops or jump on a couch to tell everyone that you are mine. But, I can’t. My family told me that they didn’t really like Amber and although I know that they like you, I can’t bring a girl home yet. It feels too soon, like I haven’t mourned enough. I also hope you understand now why I can’t let you into my house yet. I tried that once. I know that you are not Amber, but like you said, we haven’t known each other long. I want to trust you and I do to some extent, but I can’t show you off or bring you home. I’m sorry, Yas. I know you deserve better than this and really, better than me. But, I can’t give it to you now. I want to keep exploring this thing between us and I hope you do too.

  I know I put a bunch of hope in this letter, but that is one of the things I feel when I’m around you, hope. I know you may not be ready to talk to me right after reading this but if you could text or call me when you can, that would be great.

  Yours,

  Scott

  Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I finish the letter. I can’t believe what Scott—and his family—had to go through. I ache for him while at the same time I want to fly to Chicago and beat the shit out of that bitch, Amber. How could she do that to him? No wonder he can’t trust me yet. Or maybe ever. No, I won’t think that way. I would never use him and he’ll see that.

  I think hard about what I want to say and then send the text.

  Me: I understand and we can keep “us” quiet. Or at least as quiet as we can. I think Alex and your dad mig
ht suspect that something is going on with us. I am glad that you are realizing that it was not your fault. You are an amazing man.

  Almost immediately my phone buzzes.

  Scott: Thank you, Yas. If my dad and Alex ask you about us, tell them the truth. While I’m not ready to show you off, I don’t want you to have to lie. You’re an amazing woman and I will try to work this out as fast as I can.

  Me: I know you will. Thanks for saying that I don’t have to lie. It would be hard for me to lie to your family. I’ll see you tonight?

  Scott: Yeah, you will.

  Me: OK, bye until later.

  Scott: Bye.

  Chapter 12

  Scott

  Things have been going great with Yasmin the last two weeks. I’ve stayed at her house every night. Waking up with her in my arms is one of the best things I’ve ever experienced. It is even better when I can convince her to go into work late and stay in bed with me longer. I know keeping our relationship from my family is bothering her, but she doesn’t say anything. She’s trying to be patient, but I am going to have to man up soon if I want to keep her. And I do want that.

  It’s not just the sex, although that is as incredible as ever. She is the hottest fucking woman I have ever met and being with her is a gift. I know she feels the same way about me since she touches and kisses me as much as I touch and kiss her. We are insatiable and it totally rocks.

  But, it’s our talks that make me feel like she is capturing my heart, piece by piece. We talk about everything but work when we’re together. Other than Star Wars and Star Trek, we don’t really have any common interests, but that seems to make us better. We go to the gym together a few times a week. She does some cardio while I lift and then we jog the indoor track together. She thought that she was out of shape, but she holds her own. Lifting all of those books must keep her in better shape than she thought.

  I explain video games to her. I bought her a PS4 and she’s started playing it with me. She talks to me about books and some of the YA ones sound interesting. I am starting to understand what people mean when they say that someone “completes” them. We are like two halves of a whole. I’m falling in love with her and, surprisingly, it doesn’t scare me.