Minus Me

by Ingelin Rossland

  ‘Calm down. I only asked what you believed. Surely that’s allowed!’ Linda protests.

  ‘Yes, I suppose so,’ Zak says, sitting back down. ‘But one thing I do know is that the people who built Nidaros Cathedral believed in God, or at least in a power that was bigger than themselves. Perhaps that’s why we say things are heavenly, when we mean they’re beautiful? Because God is in them . . . because God is in everything that’s beautiful.’

  ‘Do you think so?’

  ‘It’s a nice thought at least, because it means we’re in contact with God whenever we’re kind or feel happy.’

  ‘You make it all sound so simple. But what about the times when we do stuff that’s bad – does that mean we’re in contact with the Devil?’

  ‘The Devil, hmm. I think the Devil is just an idea we’ve come up with, to explain the fact the world isn’t always exactly rosy. We need opposites. Just like there’s no life without death; there’s no good without evil. Agreed?’

  ‘I suppose.’

  ‘Human beings have good and bad in them. It’s a compass, in a way, for how we should behave. When we do something right then we feel good, and when we do something wrong we feel bad,’ he says, suddenly throwing Linda up onto his back before she has a moment to think.

  ‘Hey! What are you doing now?’ she says, flinging her arms round his neck. She can feel that his body is very slender; how can he be so strong? Again, the thought hits her that he might be supernatural, and possibly dangerous too.

  ‘You’re very strong,’ she says carefully. If he’s dangerous it’s probably best not to provoke him in any way.

  ‘Thanks. But you’re not exactly heavy. Typical girl! Thinking she weighs a ton when she’s a skinny little thing!’ he jokes, setting off up the stairs again.

  When they reach the final landing Zak puts her down. The last flight of steps is too narrow for him to have her on his back.

  ‘Can you manage the last few stairs yourself?’ he asks.

  ‘Of course,’ she says, following close on his heels.

  At the top Zak takes out the same key as he has used the whole time, and opens the door out onto the night.

  ‘Does that key fit everywhere?’ asks Linda.

  ‘Seems like it,’ he answers.

  He stands aside to let her go out first. She has just stepped out when her mobile bleeps in her pocket. Linda feels her heart beat a little harder as she takes it out and reads the text. I want to be the first one to say Happy Birthday Linda! Axel Xxx :o)

  ‘There, you see!’

  ‘What?’

  ‘That you don’t need to spend so much time worrying. Well? Are you going to text back and tell him you love him?’

  ‘No. But I’ve got a plan.’

  ‘Good. But don’t worry about your plan just yet. Right now, we’re going to look at the moon. And don’t forget; the only place we can be is here and now.’

  He laughs and gives her a little poke.

  ‘Alright, Mr Wise Guy,’ answers Linda.

  She glances up at the moon and across the town. She has a plan. A great and wonderful plan that she can’t possibly stop thinking about, however much Zak tells her to be in the here and now. She’s not going to die in her own bed with a pathetic little whimper. She’s going to ride like a knight on a white charger, and fix all those stupid things that happened last summer. If Zak’s right about the inner compass that shows the difference between good and bad, hers is now telling her to go south and straighten things with Axel. She can feel the thought soothing her, and when she looks up at the moon again, she can see how beautiful it is.

  Chapter 28

  Saturday afternoon, Linda stands on the front steps and looks at the doorbell. She has one hand in her pocket. She’s fiddling with the clown nose. It’s like a soft ball, and it’s nice to squeeze. Linda rings the doorbell, then walks back down a couple of steps and puts the clown nose on.

  Maria opens the door. She says nothing. Just looks at Linda.

  ‘I’m really sorry, Maria. I’m sorry for being so vile yesterday. You’re so kind and always mean well. You are the best friend in the world, and you’ve unfortunately got the worst friend in the world. Me! I’d do anything to—’

  ‘Oh, stop it,’ interrupts Maria, stepping aside to let Linda in.

  Linda charges up the steps and kicks off her shoes in the hallway, as she has so many times before. She throws her arms round Maria’s neck and gives her a big hug.

  ‘I love you to bits,’ Linda says, before releasing her friend and flinging off her jacket. Then she takes off the red nose and presses it in Maria’s hand. Maria smiles and puts it on her own nose.

  ‘Come on, Linda, let’s go to my room. I’ll chuck Anna out.’

  Ten minutes later the two friends are sitting on Maria’s bed. On the bedside table stand two cups of hot chocolate and a plate of waffles that Maria’s mother has made for them, since, as she said, it’s Linda’s big day today. She even told Maria’s annoying little sister, Anna, to stay away and leave the older girls in peace, despite it being her room as much as Maria’s. And as if to top it all, Maria’s mother has put whipped cream on the hot chocolate. Linda loathes hot chocolate, and can’t stand cream. They make her feel sick. But Linda smiled and thanked Maria’s mum.

  Maria picks up her mug and says, ‘Bottoms up!’ She takes a big slurp and gets a creamy moustache on her top lip, which she gleefully licks off. Meanwhile, Linda stares down into her mug, watching the cream melt into the hot liquid.

  ‘Ah, I forgot! You don’t like hot chocolate! Shall I get you a Coke?’ asks Maria, already on her way out.

  ‘No, don’t worry. I can have a little sip,’ says Linda.

  She takes a spoon and stirs the nauseating cream into her hot chocolate, hoping it might improve it a bit. Instead of taking a sip, she puts her mug aside and takes out her mobile.

  ‘I got a text from Axel last night,’ she says.

  ‘He seems keen,’ says Maria, reading it.

  ‘How would you know?’

  ‘It’s obvious! He sits up until after midnight just to be the first to say happy birthday! And then he sends you kisses and a smiley face! Boys don’t bother with stuff like that unless they’re keen. What did you answer?’

  ‘I didn’t.’

  ‘Okay, good. You’ve got to write something totally neutral. He mustn’t start getting ideas. You’ve got a boyfriend now.’

  ‘But I think I like Axel more.’

  ‘You’re sure that isn’t just because you can’t have him?’

  Maria’s words hurt, partly because Linda has had so few texts from Axel recently. But there’s something else nagging her too. Linda grabs her mug, takes a slurp, and goes into defence mode.

  ‘How do you know I can’t have him?’

  ‘Okay, okay. So you can have Axel, but then what will you do about Oscar? You can’t just go breaking his heart.’

  ‘And you’re saying that now! You’re the one who wanted us to get together,’ Linda says with a sigh. Maria can be unbelievably thick sometimes.

  ‘But I didn’t think it was that serious with Axel,’ says Maria, pouting sweetly and taking another gulp of hot chocolate.

  ‘Well, anyway, I’ve decided to visit Axel this half-term,’ says Linda, suddenly feeling defiant.

  ‘But I thought your family were staying in town for the holidays?’

  ‘Who said my parents were coming? I thought you might come down to the south coast with me.’

  Linda laughs at Maria, who looks like her eyes are about to pop out of her head.

  ‘And your parents will let you go? Just like that?’ says Maria, sounding sceptical.

  ‘Not exactly. But after a lot of nagging, they said I could go with your family to your holiday cottage. Come on, it’ll be an adventure. Our first trip all on our own.’

  Maria sighs and leans back against the wall.

  ‘It’ll never work.’

  ‘Yes, it will. I’ve planned it carefully. I’
ve told my parents I’m going up into the mountains with you and your family, and now you have to tell your parents you want to stay in town with me. And since I’ve been at death’s door, they’re guaranteed to let you stay here with us. Our parents won’t know a thing. And if they do realize, we’ll already be miles away,’ explains Linda, impressed at her own cleverness.

  ‘You are completely mad. Even if your plan works, how do we get there? Flights are really expensive. I don’t even have enough money to get the coach out to the airport.’

  ‘I got some birthday money. We can take the bus some of the way, then the train, then the ferry, and then hitch-hike a bit.’

  ‘Hitch-hike?’ says Maria, her voice rising to a falsetto.

  ‘Sure, lots of people drive just one to a car,’ says Linda, wishing Maria was a bit more daring.

  ‘Do you realize we could be kidnapped or murdered if we hitch-hike?’

  ‘Now you’re being negative,’ sighs Linda. She’s realizing pretty quickly that this is not going to happen. She’ll never persuade Maria to do anything so outrageous as to run away.

  ‘I’m sorry, Linda, but I can’t go along with this,’ says Maria firmly.

  ‘Okay, I’ll go without you!’ says Linda, with growing defiance. She’s damned if she’ll let this stop her. And come to think of it, perhaps it would be better to go alone. Then she won’t have to put up with Maria’s constant whining.

  ‘You’re at it again,’ says Maria.

  ‘At what?’

  ‘Being mean. Was that why you came here and apologized? Because you wanted to involve me in another crazy plan?’

  ‘Yes, but we wrote on our list . . .’

  ‘I don’t care what we wrote on our list! Why can’t you just be normal again?’

  Linda wants to scream, but takes a swig of chocolate instead. It tastes vile, and the oily globules of melted cream make her retch. Linda doesn’t want argue with Maria again. She couldn’t bear to fall out with her now. Besides, she needs her friend as an alibi. Maria has got to cover for her so she can get far enough away before her parents realize she’s gone.

  ‘I’ve got to go, Maria. Axel and I are meant for each other. It’s just that I never realized it before. And I don’t know how long I’ve got left.’

  ‘Yes, but can’t you just call him, or send an email? Do you have to travel the whole country?’

  ‘Puh, it’s barely half the country.’

  ‘Well, even so, you can’t go. Imagine if something bad happens. Imagine if you meet someone dangerous, or your heart stops again, and you’re all alone.’

  Maria grabs Linda by the arm, her fingers digging into her, and it hurts.

  ‘Oh, imagine this, and imagine that!’ says Linda, wrenching her arm out from Maria’s claws. ‘Shall I tell you a story? There was this woman who had her fortune told, and it said she’d die in a traffic accident, so she stopped going out of her house. One day a trailer drove off the road and right into the house where she lived, so she died after all.’

  ‘What’s that got to do with it?’

  ‘Everything. I don’t want sit around taking it easy, frightened that my heart might stop any minute, only for it to stop one day while I’m sitting there shivering with fear. I’m still alive, it would be pathetic to throw it away.’

  ‘You’re starting again,’ says Maria, banging the back of her head against the wall.

  ‘Starting what?’

  ‘It’s like yesterday, when you wanted to go into the cathedral. Did you go, by the way? You didn’t answer my texts. I was really worried. I lay awake for ages.’

  ‘Yes, I climbed into Nidaros. Zak came, so I wasn’t alone. It was really exciting. I’m finished with being scared, Maria.’

  ‘Are you?’

  ‘Yes, I think I am. But I need you,’ says Linda, taking Maria’s hands in hers. She kneels down in front of the bed and looks up at her friend. ‘I need you to cover for me.’

  ‘But you know I’m bad at lying,’ says Maria.

  ‘I’m not asking you to lie. I’m just asking you not to say anything. Please. You’re my best friend ever. Better than I’ll ever be,’ says Linda, kissing Maria’s hands. Kissing and kissing them until Maria can’t stop herself laughing.

  ‘Alright, alright. But you’ve got to promise me to stay in contact all the way. Send me texts and call,’ says Maria.

  ‘I promise,’ says Linda, leaping up and throwing her arms around Maria’s neck.

  ‘But what about Oscar?’ asks Maria, fixing a pair of stern brown eyes on Linda.

  ‘I’ll just send him a text,’ says Linda, extracting herself from her friend’s embrace.

  ‘Linda, there you go again. You can’t dump someone by text!’ protests Maria. And again Linda feels her sharp claws in her arm.

  ‘Perhaps you can tell him for me?’ Linda suggests, already knowing the answer.

  ‘No! There are limits to what I’ll do for you! You’ll have to do it yourself.’

  ‘Okay,’ says Linda freeing her arm and heading for the door. ‘Wish me luck.’

  ‘Good luck, you nutter!’ says Maria. Linda can see there’s a little smile lurking behind the stern mask.

  ‘You love me anyway?’

  ‘Always,’ says Maria.

  Chapter 29

  ‘Yay!’

  Linda leaps off the sofa in a wild dance of victory. She never knew she was so good at racing games. She has just annihilated Oscar completely. But now she gets a weird sneaking feeling and stops mid-dance. She turns towards Oscar who is on the sofa smiling up at her. He doesn’t look the least bothered about having lost so badly.

  ‘Did you let me win?’

  ‘Perhaps,’ he says, shrugging his shoulders.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because you’re my girlfriend,’ he says matter-of-factly. He pats the cushion next to him as a signal for her to sit down again. Linda sits in a chair a bit further away, and puts the console down on the table.

  ‘Oscar, I really like you,’ she starts. She finds it impossible not to sound like a character in a movie, and right now she wishes she was, and that this wasn’t really happening. But she continues: ‘And it’s not you, it’s me.’

  ‘Are you dumping me?’

  Linda nods and bites the skin around the nail of her right index finger.

  ‘Aren’t we just going out because Maria and Markus are together, and they’re our best friends?’ she asks gently.

  ‘I reckon we are. Or were,’ he says with an awkward shrug.

  ‘So is that alright?’ asks Linda, scrutinizing him. He doesn’t look in the least upset, and although she’s relieved, she wouldn’t have minded if he’d looked just a bit miserable.

  ‘Yeah, it was probably a bit stupid,’ he says.

  ‘I like you lots, Oscar, it isn’t that.’

  ‘And I like you too, but not really in a girlfriend sort of way.’

  ‘That’s good,’ she says.

  She reaches up to unclasp the dolphin necklace he gave her.

  ‘No,’ he says. ‘That was a birthday present. And we’re still friends.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Totally. And now I’m going to take my revenge! I’m going to annihilate you completely!’ he says, starting a new game.

  ‘That’s what you think!’ she says, grabbing the console again. She moves back to the sofa to get a better view of the screen. Suddenly she feels a hand on her chest.

  ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘Just touching your boob, so you’ll crash your car.’

  ‘You’re weird,’ she says, shoving his hand away.

  ‘You can talk!’

  Oscar shakes his head before focusing on the game again. Linda thinks he looks rather handsome when he frowns in concentration. He’s not bad for an ex-boyfriend.

  Chapter 30

  Linda smiles to herself. Her feet are moving in time to the music in her ears. It’s great music to walk to. She smiles even more when she thinks about the way Osc
ar touched her. Girls are meant to get cross about stuff like that, but it wasn’t like that. Oscar is Oscar, and thankfully not her boyfriend any more.

  The tram rumbles past and stops on the other side of the street. Then as it pulls away from the stop, Linda sees Zak standing under the streetlamp. In exactly the same place as she first saw him. The sight of him makes her feel even more upbeat. She takes out her earphones and waves and shouts over to him. Zak looks up and waves back, then runs across the road towards her.

  ‘Hi,’ he says, bringing a waft of cold air with him in his coat-tails.

  ‘Do you live round here? That’s where I saw you the first time.’

  ‘Well, I suppose you could say that. Where have you been? You look happy. Not been kissing, have you?’

  ‘No. I broke up with Oscar, and then he touched my boob.’

  ‘Well, that’s the sort of thing boys do,’ says Zak, shrugging his shoulders.

  ‘Is it?’

  ‘Of course.’

  They start to walk down the road together. They go past Ila Church and cross at the traffic lights, on the red man.

  ‘I’ve decided to go down to the south coast,’ says Linda, after they’ve made a quick dash for it, to avoid being run over by an angry driver hooting and shaking his fist at them.

  Zak shakes his fist back.

  ‘Stupid idiot!’ he yells at the disappearing car, before turning towards Linda again to ask: ‘Is Maria going with you?’

  ‘No, I’m going on my own.’

  ‘You don’t have to. I can come.’

  Linda stops and looks at him.

  ‘It’s a long way. It’s even further south than Stavanger.’

  ‘That suits me fine. There’s a girl I know, and . . .’ Zak bites his lip and looks the other way.

  ‘In Stavanger? You know a girl in Stavanger?’

  ‘Now you’re asking too many questions. Do you want company or not?’

  ‘You never tell me anything about yourself, and I tell you everything!’ Linda stops, but he just walks on.