Coffee in Common

by Dee Mann

  "Of course not."

  "Of course not. But all those other guys would care. They'd be hinting it might be time for some nip and tuck so I could look like I was twenty-five again. And if I told them I didn't want to, that I was a person, not a doll, and didn't want to feel like a trophy, eventually they'd find someone else to show off."

  Lisa took a deep breath and held it for a moment before continuing. "In the time we've been going out, do you know how many times you told me I was pretty? Other than when we were fooling around, which doesn't count because guys will say anything in bed."

  "Uhh, a lot?" he asked, hopefully.

  "Four. Four times. And three were times when I was really dressed up because we were going somewhere special."

  "Four times? Only four times? And you're happy about this?"

  "Rob, you only told me four times how pretty I was, but you must have told me a hundred times how smart I was, how nice I was, how proud you were of something I did. Almost every day you found something nice to say to me and it never had to do with how I looked. You made me feel special, Rob. Every day you make me feel special for who I am on the inside, not for what's on the outside. Do you have any idea how much that means to a woman?

  "We kill ourselves trying to look good for our men when what we really want is for them to notice what's inside us. You notice, Rob. You notice without even trying." Tears welled up in her eyes. "It broke my heart when I decided we had to take a break. I hated that you could make me feel so good about myself at the same time you were making me so depressed at you not wanting to grow up."

  Rob put his arms around her. "I'm sorry. I really am. All I ever wanted to do was make you happy."

  "I know." She wiped her eyes and kissed him on the cheek. "You're crazy if you think I can do better than you. Let me tell you what I see when I look at you.

  "I see a guy who sees me for who I am, for who I want to be. I see a guy who's decent, and loyal, and funny. A guy who'd do anything for me if he could, who'll always be there for me when I need him, who'll love me, and care for me, and let me warm my feet on his butt when we get in bed on cold winter's nights.

  "I see a guy who won't even notice when my hair starts to turn gray. I see a guy with whom I can share a life and not be insecure about how my body's changing as time goes by. I see a man I can love with and laugh with and cry with for the rest of my life."

  She turned so she could see his eyes. "Rob, you are the nicest man I've ever known. And I thank God I met you when I did. If I'd met you much sooner, I never would have given you the time of day. I wouldn't have been ready."

  He tried to look hurt, but Lisa just smiled.

  "Before Lenny, I was still in my bad boy phase. Now, would you like to know why I got you to ask me out?"

  Rob frowned. "You got me to…"

  "Please. Don't pretend you didn't notice me throwing myself at you. Want to know why?"

  He nodded.

  "Think back to the night we met. When I first saw you, you were talking music, or trying to, with one of those girls who are the cause of all the world's blond jokes."

  "That's right! Sandi. I think her name was Sandi and she was a model or something." He chuckled, remembering the conversation. "Yes, she wasn't one of the brightest bulbs in the pack that night."

  "I could tell. I was standing to the side of you with some people and could hear you. You never once talked down to her, even when she made some really loony comments. But even more than that, during the whole time I was watching, your eyes never once dropped down to her huge boobs.

  "At first, I thought you had to be gay, but I asked around and found out that not only were you not gay, you were something of a hound dog."

  "Who told you that?"

  "Pretty much everyone. But forget it, it doesn't matter. I was intrigued that a guy with your reputation would act so contrary to it, so I sort of shadowed you for a while, eavesdropping, watching, getting a feel for you. Twice you hit on women that night. Neither one was what you'd call model material but both had other things going for them, which you picked up on. Both turned you down because they were in relationships, but even then you were gracious and sweet, leaving each with the thought that their boyfriend was the luckiest guy in the world. I mean, what kind of guy gets rejected, and then takes the time to make the person rejecting him feel good about doing it?

  "After the second time that happened, I decided I had to get to know you, if only to find out if it was all an act, or if you were the real deal."

  "And what have you decided?"

  His hands started to wander beneath the comforter.

  "I don't know," she replied breathlessly, squirming as his fingers made it hard to think. "The jury is still…ah… deliberating. I…ohhh… Mmmmmm…I'll have to let you know in the morning."

  11:25 PM

  After seeing Priya safely on her way, Paul decided to walk the one and a third miles home. He really needed time to think about all the incredible things that had happened to him since yesterday morning.

  It's unbelievable, really. Two days ago there were no women in my life I'm not related to. And now there's this incredible friendship with Priya and tomorrow, with some luck, I'll have a new romantic thing with Jillian! Two great women now. Two very different relationships. Am I really this lucky?

  As he walked through Copley Square, he considered what Priya said.

  It makes sense, I guess. Still, no matter how close we get, there'll always be that one thing we'll never share. We'll never be a When Harry Met Sally thing. And what a shame. Sure would have been nice to get a look at her as nature intended, but there was nothing. Damn! Even a little spark and I could have talked myself into it, maybe. But no. Me and Pri are destined for friendship. At least that much was clear tonight. I get the feeling we're going to end up closer than if she was my sister.

  He groaned inwardly at the possibility of one day actually thinking of her as a sister, then started to laugh out loud at himself and at the whole situation, drawing curious looks from passersby.

  As suddenly as he started laughing, he stopped.

  Oh crap! If things work out with Jillian, she might not like me having such a close friendship with another woman, especially one as hot as Pri. Damn! If things go well tomorrow night, I'll tell her about Priya right up front, tell her the whole story, from the day she first started work right up to when we said goodbye earlier. I want both of them in my life and the only way that'll happen is if I can make Jillian understand that Pri will never be a threat.

  He massaged his scalp with his fingers as he passed the Prudential Center.

  Am I crazy to think the fates will really let me have a lover like Jillian and a friend like Priya?

  He groaned softly and shrugged.

  Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be and all the worrying in the world ain't gonna change it.

  I wonder how her yoga class went. She must go with friends. She looks pretty good…must have been going for a long time. Hmmm…does she wear one of those spandex body suits? Man, I bet she'd be smokin' hot in one. Maybe I should look into taking a yoga class myself.

  He glanced at his watch.

  I wonder where she is now. Probably still out with her friends. Girlfriends…I'm pretty sure she said she was going out with her girlfriends. Hmmm…I wonder if women think of gay men as girlfriends of a sort. Seems that way in movies. Hey! I can ask Priya! And Jillian! I wonder if she told her girlfriends about me.

  He flashed back to the first time he saw her smile and the way it had made him feel so warm and excited. He could hear her voice in his head, the sound of her laugh, the way it would suddenly climb an octave when he said something a little naughty and she pretended to be shocked; the way it sounded when she said his name.

  Then he shook his head, suddenly realizing he was acting like a schoolboy.

  "So what?" he muttered.

  Thinking about her makes me happy. And if just thinking about her makes me feel this way, is my heart gonna
be able to stand it when I'm with her?

  Again he shook his head.

  Cripes! I'm going off the deep end. I really do have it bad.

  He was running on auto-pilot as he unlocked his front door, stepped inside and threw the deadbolt. A quick glance at the clock told him it was almost midnight.

  I wonder if she called yet?

  He checked the answering machine. There were two calls, one from his brother Steve and another from one of those annoying sales machines.

  Why the hell didn't I give her my cell number instead of this one?

  Despite her promise to call, he wondered if she'd really feel free to phone at this hour. Just in case, he picked up the handset and dialed her number. On the fourth ring, her voicemail answered.

  "Hi. I only sound like Jillian. If you want to talk to me anyway, here's the beep. Beeeep."

  "Hi, it's Paul. I guess you weren't kidding when you said you'd be getting in late. I was about to get ready for bed and was thinking of you, which is not to imply that the two are connected, I just happened to be doing them at the same time."

  Shit. Did I really just say that?

  "Anyway, I thought I'd try you in case you thought it was too late to call. I hope you're having fun wherever you are. It's okay to call when you get this, whatever the time. Really. I miss your voice. The machine was okay, but I'd much rather hear the real thing. Okay, enough of this. Talk to you later."

  11:58 PM

  Jillian sat on the edge of her bed, listening to Paul leave his message. She'd been crying. Her eyes felt puffy and she could only imagine what the rest of her face looked like.

  Why didn't I mind my own business? Why didn't I listen to Liz and stay at the restaurant? At least then I could have fooled myself and gone out with him one time.

  Despite everything that happened, I still feel him tugging at me. Just like it was with Aiden.

  Her brain was speeding out of control, rushing from thought to thought

  How can I still feel something for this guy? He lied to me. Didn't he? Lied by omission. He never told me he was involved with someone else. But would it have mattered if he had told me?

  "Of course it would."

  But I still could have gone out with him. No! But what if he isn't serious about…about her. What if he was breaking up with her. What if it was just a business thing. Or they were just friends. But it couldn't be. Not after…

  Jillian grabbed her pillow and screamed into it all her anger, frustration, and hurt.

  He made me feel special. In less than a day he made me believe in him, made me care. Is that his game? Does he make every girl he wants feel this way? Did he make her feel that way, too?

  She took the pillow from her face and hugged it to her chest.

  Why does this always happen to me? Why do I keep attracting men who hurt me? Ever since Aiden…

  Her phone rang again. When the greeting was done, she heard Liz's voice. Her hand was halfway to the receiver when she let it fall away.

  "Hey Jilli. I was going to call your cell, but then I figured you might not want to talk, and this way, you'd at least hear me." She paused. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. Just remember that he probably had a tiny little dick to match his tiny little brain. So stop crying, get some sleep, and call me when you wake up in the morning. You know I love you sweetie. Goodnight."

  Jillian fell back on the bed. Tears flowed anew. They ran down her cheeks creating small wet spots on the patchwork quilt her grandmother had made for her when she was 16.

  Earlier, at the restaurant, after she and her friends watched Paul and the woman leave, nobody wanted to say anything. If only someone had, perhaps she wouldn't have been so impulsive.

  Instead, after half-a-minute of quiet, she jumped up, grabbed her coat, told the other girls they'd be back in a while, and she practically dragged Liz toward the door. It all played back in her head as she wept.

  * * *

  "Jilli!"

  Liz tried to button her coat as she hurried through the front door.

  "This is a mistake. You don't know who that was, and all this can do is lead to trouble."

  "I don't care. I'm not getting involved with another guy who'll hurt me. No more players, no more cheaters, no more jerks of any kind. I'd rather find out the truth now than have to deal with the hurt after I've let him get close to me."

  Jillian looked left, then right, just in time to see them turn onto Stuart Street. She and Liz followed them, watching from a distance as they walked and talked. From halfway across the Common, they watched them hug, then sit and talk, then stand up and kiss in a way that made clear they were anything but friends. And when the kiss ended, so had Jillian's hopes for her and Paul.

  "Asshole."

  She felt Liz's arm across her shoulder as they trekked back to the restaurant. They'd been gone awhile, but their friends were still there, all dying to know what had happened.

  * * *

  For two days he made me feel so wonderful, so special. But if I'm so special, why was he kissing another girl? It had all been a game. He was playing me after all and I fell for it.

  She breathed deeply, trying unsuccessfully to fight back the tears as she slid off the bed and walked into the bathroom. She cringed at the lost soul she saw reflected in the mirror.

  She thought a nice hot shower might make her feel better and reached into the tub to turn on the water. Slowly, she undressed, dropping each piece of clothing in a pile next to the sink.

  Steam rose over the curtain as she slid down her underpants and dropped them on the pile with the toe of her right foot. Standing in front of the mirror again, staring at her reflection, she touched her face, then her breasts. Her hands slid down, over her stomach and below, then around to cup the cheeks of her backside. Then she straightened up and threw out her chest.

  "Look what you missed asshole. Look what you gave up."

  Jillian's feelings overwhelmed her. Despite the steamy warmth in the bathroom, she started to shiver and shake, her knees suddenly weak.

  She sat down on the toilet, arms wrapped around herself, head bowed, and rocked.

  And cried.

  FRIDAY, MAY 7

  7:40 AM

  Paul stood by the window in the coffee shop, nervously scanning the sidewalk as he'd done the previous morning, the coffee in his hand all but forgotten.

  "I don't understand it," he told Rob. "She said she'd call last night and I even left a message letting her know it was okay to call late, but she never did. And she didn't answer her phone this morning either."

  Worry lines creased his forehead, though he wasn't sure what to worry about. All he could think to do was to wait here and hope she'd stop by. If she didn't, he planned to call her at work.

  "You're Paul, right?"

  He spun around to see a lanky, dark-haired girl clutching a take-out tray that held three coffees and a bag. She stood four feet away with a look of utter contempt on her face.

  He was taken aback but acknowledged, "Yes, I'm Paul."

  "I just wanted to see what a real asshole looked like up close," she said with a sneer before she turned and headed toward the door. Rob turned away from the window, interested to see what would happen next.

  "Hey! Wait! Who are you and what are you talking about?"

  The woman stopped and faced him again.

  "She saw you last night. We all saw you with that bimbo."

  "Who are you?" Paul wondered if this woman had a screw loose or something.

  "Marie. I work with Jillian."

  "Jillian?" Now the three coffees made sense, but was she saying Jillian saw him last night with Priya?

  "She saw everything last night. Everything. She liked you. She liked you a lot. She thought you were different, really special. And then to find out like that that you're just another dickhead."

  "Are you telling me that you and Jillian and…some other people saw me with Priya last night?"

  "You were out with Priya last night?" Rob was ev
en more interested now.

  "We went out after work. We…later, for pete's sake."

  He turned his attention back to Marie.

  "Where did you see me?"

  "In Legal Seafood. We were sitting across the room. And you were so into what's-her-name you never even noticed Jillian watching you."

  "But she's just a friend. I work with her."

  "What a jerk." She spit out the words with vehemence. "You guys are all alike. You think we'll believe anything, don't you. Well eyes don't lie. We all saw how you two were in the restaurant. And Jillian saw you two hugging and kissing on the Common. I hope you know you blew the best thing that will ever happen to you for the whole rest of your miserable asshole life."

  "You kissed Priya!" Rob's voice had risen an octave in astonishment.

  Paul ignored him and started to say something but Marie didn't give him the chance.

  "All you had to do was be honest. All you guys ever have to do is be honest. But you're all alike. Oooo, I think you're so nice. Oooo, I've never known anyone like you. Oooo, I miss your voice."

  "But…"

  "Forget it. I don't want to hear your excuses. Jillian's my friend and you hurt her. So leave her alone. Go play your games with the slut you were with last night."

  With that, she turned and stormed out of Coffey's.

  "Oh shit! Oh shit!"

  That's why she didn't call last night. Oh shit, what am I going to do?

  He gave Rob a capsule review of the previous night as they walked quickly to the office.

  "You kissed her? You really kissed Priya?"

  "Rob, you can never let her know that you know. And never tell anyone else at work. She'd be so embarrassed. It was nothing, an experiment to prove a point, that's all. And she kissed me. I only hugged her. Promise me, man. Promise me on our friendship that you will never mention it to anyone, ever."

  "Okay, okay, I promise. But you have to at least tell me how it was."