Coffee in Common

by Dee Mann

  They chatted for a few minutes about their workdays, which had been uneventful, and Paul's evening, which encompassed some web surfing, some television, some laundry, and some beers. Jillian gave him a few more details about the dinner and everyone's reaction to Priya.

  When a pause in the conversation stretched out, Paul decided it was time to get some answers. "Jilli, can I ask you something?"

  "Of course."

  "What's wrong? I know something's been bothering you all week. It's like part of you has been somewhere else whenever we talk, even when we've been together. Is it that guy you thought you saw Sunday? Is there some problem? I mean, that's when it seemed to start. Whatever it is, I want to help."

  Jillian heard the worry in his voice and felt terrible as she listened to him all but plead with her to talk to him, to let him be there for her.

  "I'm sorry, Paul. You're right. A part of me has been somewhere else this week.

  "Sunday morning, well, it dredged up some very unhappy memories. Memories I'd buried because they were too painful. But I know I can't keep hiding forever. Painful as they are, the time has come to face them."

  She paused to collect her thoughts.

  If Aiden's really back in town, telling Paul will only make him worry more. But I can't lie to him. I won't. I've been hurt too many times by lies and I won't start a new relationship with a lie.

  "I've been avoiding my past for a long time, Paul, building walls and dodging hurt. But meeting you changed everything. Somehow, without even trying, you've reopened a part of me I kept closed off and it feels wonderful. Just knowing you'll be there for me if I need you has given me strength I forgot I had. This ghost or demon has been with me long enough, and now it's time to deal with it. But it's something I need to work through on my own."

  "So, you're telling me I can't fix this for you?"

  He sounded like he was pouting, which drew a short laugh from her. "You probably could. I've started to believe you could do almost anything. But you've already beaten off one bad guy for me." Her voice turned serious again. "Paul, I have to know that I can face this myself, on my own. If I don't, I'm not sure I'll ever be the girl I see reflected in your eyes. And I want to be that girl, Paul. I want to be her for you, but I need to be her for me.

  "There'll be lots of things in the future we'll have to face together, but this one I have to do alone, to know I can do it alone. But I can't talk about it until it's done. Okay? Please?"

  Ten minutes later, after saying goodnight, Paul sat and stared at a silent beer commercial.

  Something doesn't feel right. Whatever it is, or whoever it is, it's huge…maybe big enough to change everything. But she didn't sound worried. Scared maybe, but sure of herself, of what she thinks she has to do. I guess I should feel good about that. But I hate not knowing. Or maybe I hate feeling helpless. But she knows she can count on me. She knows how I feel about her. I guess all I can do is take her at her word and carry on as if nothing's wrong.

  And hope it's enough.

  4:10 AM

  Rob woke with a start, still locked in the arms of his best friend and lover. Her head rested on his left arm, her cheek nestled against his chest. As usual, she'd thrown her left arm and leg over him, maximizing body contact as they slept. He wanted to lean his head back and watch her sleeping, but in this position, he could hardly move.

  A dream had awakened him, one he'd found both exiting and disturbing. In the dream, he'd been in bed with Lisa, much as he was now. They'd talked some as usually happened at bedtime and they'd made love. But then…

  He shook his head. Was this a sign? Were the fates telling him something? Or was he trying to tell himself something? As suddenly as he'd awoken, he knew what he wanted to do, what he had to do. And right now.

  Gently, he began to caress her cheek and neck until she began to stir.

  "Lisa."

  "Hmmmmm."

  "Lisa, wake up baby."

  She groaned and asked, "What time is it?"

  "I don't know. You're head's on my arm and I can't move to look at the clock. Lift your head up a little."

  Without opening her eyes, she complied. Rob extricated his arm then turned to check the time. "It's almost quarter past four."

  "Ohhhh. What are you waking me up now for?"

  "Come on, honey, please. Open your eyes. I need to talk with you about something."

  "Now?"

  "Yes." He ran his fingertips along her side and hip.

  Lisa scooted away from the tickling fingers, but opened her sleepy eyes. "What's wrong, Robbie?"

  "Nothing. Nothing's wrong. I had a dream, and it started me thinking, and I need to talk to you about it right now."

  Lisa rubbed her face with both hands and leaned up slightly on one arm. She regarded him with a mixture of curiosity and amusement, unable to imagine what had him so riled up at this hour.

  "Remember last night, after we made love, we were talking about how much we love each other?"

  "Of course."

  "Well, I've been thinking. In the two weeks since we've been back together, I've stayed over here every night but one, and that night you stayed over my place. And in the month or so before…ahh…the break, it was pretty much the same thing. And two people who love each other as much as we do, who get along the way we do, who have so much in common yet complement one another as well as we do, well, I think those two people should be considering their future together. Don't you?"

  "I don't know," she said cautiously. "I guess so. But at four in the morning?" Through the fog in her still-sleepy brain, she wondered what this was all about. Waking her at this hour to talk about anything, much less their future wasn't like him.

  Rob jumped out of bed and started to turn slowly around. "Lisa, this is me, standing naked before you. Not just naked in body, but in mind and heart and soul.

  "You are the best person I've ever known and I love you so much that sometimes I think I'll burst from happiness. When I walk out the door each morning, all I can think about is walking back through it after work so I can see you again and talk to you again, and hold you again. When I think of how close I came to losing you…" He visibly shuddered at the thought, then fell to his knees at the side of the bed.

  Lisa's eyes widened.

  Oh no! He's not…he can't.

  "Lisa, the break made realize that I don't want to live without you, that I can't live without you. You're my sunshine, my music, my sugar and spice. You're everything I could ever want."

  "Robbie…"

  His hand came up.

  "I know I'll never be the best looking guy, or the funniest guy, or the richest guy who wants you. And I'll never be the smartest, the buffest, or the best read. But Lisa, I swear that no guy will ever love you as much as I do. No guy in this world will ever care for you the way I will. And no guy will ever be as thankful as I'll be each morning when I wake up beside you."

  Please, Robbie. Don't.

  "Lisa, I want to love you and care for you and make you happy for the rest of my life. I…I never thought I'd ever ask a girl this, but Lisa…will you live with me?"

  Oh thank you, lord. Live with him.

  "Live with you?"

  "Yes. Live with me. After."

  "After? After what?"

  "After we're married, of course. Please, Lisa. Please. Will you marry me?"

  6:12 AM

  Priya glanced at the clock as she lay a blanket over the sleeping form on the sofa. There was no way she was going to work today. She left a message on Tom's voice mail then walked into to the alcove that held her computer, removed two sheets of paper from the printer tray, and wrote two notes.

  The first she placed on top of Maggie's purse.

  Good morning, unless it's afternoon in which case, good afternoon.

  If you're reading this, I'm still asleep. I'm really glad you stayed last night. In case you don't remember, you called in to work about 2:30. I called in, too, so we both have the day off.

  I too
k your clothes out of the bathroom and folded them. They're in the plastic bag next to the sofa but they're pretty messed up, so don't try to wear them. I have some things that should fit you.

  Please come in and wake me. I'm guessing we'll both need strong coffee when we get up.

  Priya

  The second, written in big red letters, she taped to the door to the apartment, over the lock.

  Don't you DARE leave this apartment without waking me first.

  Please.

  I want to talk with you.

  Priya

  She returned to her bedroom and slid under the covers. As she reached to turn off the ringer on the phone, she noticed the message indicator on the answering machine was blinking. She pressed the play button and heard

  "Hello, Priya. Please, I really need to talk with you. I don't know what…"

  She hit the delete button, not bothering to listen to the rest of the message. She was tired. And happy. And even Brian and his games couldn't get her down today.

  A sigh escaped as her head hit the pillow, her mind reviewing the previous hours with Maggie. She felt her eyes fill with tears as she remembered Maggie's story of a lost first love, of almost unbearable pain, and of the unfortunate method she'd fallen into for ensuring she'd never feel that pain again. The tears ran down her cheeks with the memory of the agony and emptiness, the longing and suppression, the denial and acceptance.

  She thanked the gods for her father and the talk that had led to her vow. She shuddered at the thought that the same thing could have happened to her had she not eschewed sex.

  "Poor Maggie," she whispered, wiping her eyes with the sheet. She really liked the woman. They were so different, the virgin and the slut, as Maggie liked to say. But they were alike in many ways, too.

  They were both bright and quick. They both liked stylish clothes but hated shopping alone. They both desperately wanted someone with whom they could share their lives. And sex was making it harder for both of them, though in diametrically opposite ways. Physically, they were as different as could be, but both were comfortable with their bodies.

  Around three-thirty, when the vodka she consumed proved too much for her and came back up all over her clothes, Priya led Maggie to the bathroom to clean up. After getting her a facecloth and towel, she fetched a nightgown and robe only to return to find her sitting naked on the edge of the bathtub, not the least concerned with her nudity.

  "What do you think?" She stood and, a bit unsteadily, turned slowly around. "Think I could pass for a boy."

  "Oh stop. You're lovely, just a little thin. I bet if you put on ten pounds you'd have some nice curves."

  "Maybe. But nothing like yours."

  Priya conquered her own body shyness as a teenager in public school locker rooms. In those days, she enjoyed showing off her physical gifts to make the mean girls jealous. Had the circumstances been reversed tonight, she could see herself doffing her clothes exactly as Maggie had.

  "The virgin and the slut," she said softly. If this developed into a real friendship, it would be a most interesting one indeed.

  She rolled on her side, settled in, and soon drifted off to sleep, more content with her life than she'd been in a very long time.

  10:40 AM

  "Will somebody please shoot that fucking phone!"

  Tom and Paul looked up from their work, over at Rob, then at each other. Paul could read Tom's eyes. He wanted him to find out what was bugging Rob.

  "Hey Rob," he said casually, in between rings.

  "What?" his friend snapped.

  "You want me to check Priya's desk and see if I can find some tweezers to pluck out that hair across your ass?"

  Priya's phone had been ringing about every fifteen minutes all morning. Her voicemail always picked up on the fourth ring, but the constant interruptions were becoming an annoyance, especially for Rob who was distracted enough when he walked through the door earlier. He shot Paul a withering glance as he jumped up and grabbed the receiver of Priya's phone.

  "Hello," he said forcefully, as if daring someone to be on the other end. "She's not here. She took the day off, so stop calling. And take a fucking hint, will ya? She doesn't want to talk to you."

  He slammed down the handset, shaking his head in disgust. "Brian."

  Paul glanced at Tom and nodded toward the door. "Hey Tom, did we ever get those proofs back?"

  Tom smiled. "No. We should have had them yesterday. Let me walk down and see if I can find them."

  As soon as the door closed behind him Paul turned to Rob. "Okay, Rob. What the hell is going on with you today? Did you and Lisa have a fight or something?"

  "A fight? No, no fight. A fight would have been easy to deal with. No, she stabbed me in the gut and twisted the fucking knife, that's all."

  "What are you talking about?"

  "Last night, or this morning, I proposed to her and she said no."

  Paul wasn't sure if he was more stunned by the news that Rob proposed to Lisa or that she refused him. "You really asked her to marry you?"

  Rob nodded, his face growing more grim by the second.

  "And she said no? She said ‘no I won't marry you'?"

  "Just about."

  Paul took a deep breath. "Rob, what exactly happened and exactly what did she say?"

  "You know, I've been like a whole new person since we got back together. I've been everything she wanted me to be. Everything I wanted to be. And we've been great together. And then last night, I had this dream about us and I knew it was time to do it so I did. I woke her up and proposed."

  "And…"

  "And she just looked at me. Then she started crying. She said not to ask her that now. It was too soon. She said to take it back and ask her again in six months. Six months! Six fucking months! Am I supposed to love her more in six months? Is she supposed to love me more in six months? What the fuck happens in six months?" He was almost shouting again.

  "Did you ask her?"

  "Of course, and she kept crying and saying it was too soon." Rob was pacing now, furiously moving back and forth between the desks, unconsciously trying to dissipate his anger and hurt.

  "So?"

  "So I got dressed and left."

  "You what? Are you crazy?"

  "I couldn't deal with it, man. I mean, I was expecting her to be all happy and to jump up and hug me and…man, I freaked out. And then she started crying harder and begging me not to leave, but I couldn't face her. I felt so fucking small, so humiliated. I guess I found out how big a loser I really am."

  "What are you talking about? How are you a loser? Why the hell did you even act like that? Why…"

  "Aren't you listening? She doesn't want to marry me. She doesn't want me. She…"

  "Stop, you moron. Just stop! Don't you ever listen?"

  "I listened. I heard her. Six months. You know what six months is? It's code for ‘I don't want you.'"

  "You really are fucking nuts. And you really don't deserve that girl. She never said she didn't want to marry you. All she said was not to ask her now, to ask her later. So what? Maybe she has a problem, maybe she…who knows. But man, you walked out on her and left her crying like that. Are you trying to lose her for real? You better get your ass over to the Ritz right the fuck now and find her and beg her to forgive you for being such a humongous dick. I mean, this is way beyond the pale even for you."

  Paul glared at Rob, who could only look back, dumbfounded.

  "What the hell are you standing there for? Go. Now. I'll tell Tom you had an emergency."

  Rob didn't move. He appeared dazed, unable to process what happened and what Paul was telling him. He shook his head to clear it.

  "But what if…"

  "Rob, if you blow this with her you will regret it for the rest of your life! You'll end up drinking yourself to death or something over it. Man, if you blow this, you really will be a loser. The biggest loser of all time. You have to find a way to deal with this. You have to go talk to her. You have to apol
ogize. And you have to do it right now!

  "Tell her you freaked out. Tell her you felt like a loser. And tell her it was no excuse for leaving. Do whatever you have to but you better do it now. My God, Rob, what the hell were you thinking?

  "Now go. Get out of here."

  Rob's previous anger and misery could not stand up to the fury of Paul's diatribe. He looked up at his friend and almost cringed at the disappointment he saw on his face. That was when he knew how wrong he'd been. He nodded once and headed slowly for the door.

  "I said hurry! And don't forget to grovel. On your knees if you have to. And bring flowers. Lots of them!"

  12:10 PM

  Jillian stood at the window in the lobby of her building and scanned the crowd on both sides of the street. She was looking for Aiden.

  She was certain he was stalking her. Or if not stalking, then watching. Five times she'd seen him since Sunday, always from a distance, always watching her until he realized she noticed. Then he vanished.

  It just doesn't make sense. Liz was right. Stalking wasn't Aiden's thing. Maybe it's some sort of game. Now that would be like him. But what game? If he wants to see me or talk to me, why doesn't he just call 411? Or ring my bell? He must know where I live by now. Could something have happened to him? Five years is a long time. People change and not always for the better.

  She glanced at her watch. It was almost twelve-fifteen. As she turned away from the window, the air in the lobby filled with an instrumental version of the song that had been had been dogging her for two weeks now. She stopped and listened for a minute, letting the music wash Aiden right out of her head.

  Then it was time to go. She was meeting Paul at Coffey's and after last night's conversation she was determined to focus all her attention on him.

  There is no way I'll be thinking about Aiden today.

  She pushed open the door.

  At least not during lunch.

  12:35 PM