The Goodbye Boyfriend (The Boyfriend Series Book 3)

by Christina Benjamin

  39

  Cami

  Camille enjoyed every aspect of prom. The food, the photos, the music, dancing with Nate, admiring everyone in their dresses and tuxedos. Xavier Hale even showed up to surprise Ashley Dupree. After a dramatic scene where she screamed and leapt into his arms, she was crowned prom queen and the Ashleys were each awarded tiaras in her court. Everything was as it should be.

  “Still sure you didn’t want to be up there?” Nate asked as they watched the prom queen and princesses waving like royalty.

  “Absolutely. You know I hate the spotlight. Besides, I want to spend every second of tonight in your arms.”

  “I like the way you think,” Nate said, pulling her back onto the dance floor.

  They swayed to the slow jazz tune until one song bled into the next. Camille was in heaven, her head nestled against Nate’s broad chest as they swayed back and forth. He’d taken his tux jacket off and she liked it better that way. There was only a thin white shirt between her and Nate’s skin, and she was drunk on his smell of sunshine and possibilities.

  At some point, Ronnie tapped her on the shoulder. “How ‘bout a dance, baby cakes?”

  Nate bowed as he passed her off to Ronnie. Camille watched him walk over to the Ashleys and shake Xavier’s hand after getting a big hug from Ashley Dupree.

  “That boy sure is something,” Ronnie crooned as if reading Camille’s thoughts.

  She smiled. “He makes me feel like anything’s possible.”

  “It is, bebe. There’s a lot of magic in this world. And that boy is full of it.”

  “I love him so much it hurts, Ronnie.”

  “Well that’s how you know it’s real, sugar.”

  “You think?”

  “I know.”

  “I feel like it’s not fair to him.”

  “Love’s not supposed to be fair, baby cakes. It’s real and all consuming. It lights your heart on fire and sometimes all you can do is hang on. And I’m pretty sure he couldn’t ask you for anything more.”

  “I want more time,” Camille whispered. She’d kept her sadness at bay all night, but now in Ronnie’s arm, it was seeping back. He always had a way of making it easy for her to speak her greatest fears.

  “We all do, bebe. But sometimes that’s not up to us.”

  “What do I do?”

  “Live in the moment. And stop worrying about the things you can’t control. Life doesn’t come with a road map. All you can do is live with no regrets.”

  Camille smiled up at Ronnie. “So, live like you’re dying?”

  “Exactly, bebe. What you two got, you ain’t never gonna get enough of. Whether it’s one month, one year or one hundred. But I promise you, it’ll last a lifetime. Don’t be afraid to tell him what’s in your heart.”

  Cami wrapped her arms around Ronnie, hugging him tight. “I love you, Ronnie.”

  “I know, baby cakes. I love you, too.”

  Camille looked up at the tears sparkling in his eyes. “You said no crying.”

  “You don’t have to be clairvoyant to know I’d be a blubbering fool by the end of this night. My girl’s all grown up.”

  Camille kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you, Ronnie. For everything. I don’t think I would’ve made it here without you in my life. ”

  “Oh, Lord, child. Go back to that boy a yours before my mascara starts running. I’m still on the clock here.”

  She laughed. “Okay. I’ll see ya, Ronnie.”

  “Yes, you will, bebe. Now go make some memories.”

  Camille flounced back over to Nate. She waved to Ronnie, who was still staring after her like a proud papa who’d just given his daughter away. She blew him a kiss and let Nate pull her onto the dance floor. ‘As Time Goes By’ started playing and Nate scooped her into his arms. “Here’s looking at you, kid.”

  Camille kissed him. “Thank you for this, Nate. Now we’ll always have Paris.”

  40

  Nate

  Nate glanced at Camille, barely able to contain his excitement. “No peeking,” he ordered.

  “Nate! You are ridiculous. Are you going to keep me blindfolded the whole time?”

  “Just a little bit longer.”

  Nate eased his dad’s pickup truck off the road. He’d stolen Cami away from prom early to make sure she didn’t wear herself out on the dance floor. His dad had dropped off the truck with the prom valet service and packed the things Nate asked for in the back.

  Nate was sure the smell of salt air would alert Camille to his plans, even though he’d blindfolded her after they’d crossed Lake Pontchartrain. He didn’t want her to get any ideas where they were headed.

  “I promise it’ll be worth it,” Nate said.

  Camille made what she probably thought was a growl, but it pretty much sounded like an angry kitten—basically, it was adorable.

  “Come on, is it that bad?” he asked. “They say taking away a sense heightens all the others.”

  “So.”

  “So enjoy your heightened senses.”

  “Are you trying to tell me that my surprise is your voice sounding extra sexy?”

  Nate grinned. “You think I have a sexy voice?” he asked, in a low growl.

  “Nate!”

  “Okay, I couldn’t resist,” he said not even trying to hide his amusement. “I’ll give you a hint.”

  Nate rolled down the window as they left the road, creeping along the abandoned stretch of sand he’d scoped out a few days ago. The salt air must’ve surprised Camille, because she inhaled sharply as the wind ruffled the short fringe of her baby-fine hair. The moonlight washed everything silver and Nate had the strange feeling that he was staring at an angel again as he drank in Camille’s ethereal glow.

  He shivered at the goose bumps that assaulted his skin. The sound of the ocean was unmistakable to him, and he had the sensation of being home as he listened to the push and pull of the sea. He missed that sound—the breathing of the ocean. It had been the soundtrack of his life in California, and he couldn’t wait to share it with Camille.

  He reached over to take her hand and she jumped. Her skin was cool and stippled with goose bumps. She was trembling. “You okay?” he asked.

  She turned toward him, her blindfold still secured. “Are we at the beach?” she whispered her voice as fragile as glass.

  “Take your blindfold off.”

  With shaking hands she removed the blindfold. He saw tears instantly fill her eyes as she gasped at the scenery. Nate had parked the truck on the moonlit beach facing the ocean. Camille gazed around in wonder, her large eyes reflecting the shimmer of the water like a mirror. The look of pure awe on her face slammed into Nate’s heart. He wanted to remember it forever.

  Cami

  “Nate . . .” Camille exhaled his name like it held magic. She couldn’t tear her eyes from the water, but she reached for his hand, squeezing it with trembling strength.

  He slid across the bench seat so he could be closer to her. “Do you like it?”

  “It’s more beautiful than I ever could’ve imagined.” She sucked in a breath. “I can’t believe I waited so long to come to the beach.”

  “Me either,” he said kissing the top of her head. “Come on.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “We’re not here to just look at it. The beach is meant to be experienced.”

  Camille let Nate unlace her boots and lift her out of the truck, his steady hands firm at her waist. The coolness of the sand on her feet surprised her and she let out a tiny yelp.

  It made Nate grin wide enough to rival the moon for brightest light source on the beach. “God this was so worth it to see your face. You’d think I brought you to the moon.”

  “It sorta feels like you did,” she admitted. “Where are we anyway?”

  “Biloxi.”

  “I had no idea there was something this beautiful an hour and a half away.”

  “This is nothing,” Nate teased. “I wanted to take you to Florida o
r to an island, where all you can see for miles is white sand and crystal blue water. But I was trying to tick all your bucket list boxes, so I’m hoping Biloxi will do.”

  “It’s perfect.”

  Nate laughed. “I don’t think anyone’s ever said that about Biloxi before.”

  “I’m serious, Nate. Tonight has been like a dream.”

  “Good,” he whispered against her lips. “Because that’s all I want to do, Cami. I want to make your every dream come true.”

  She looped her arms around his neck and kissed him. “You already have.”

  It took everything in Camille’s power to let Nate stop kissing her, but he was inching them toward the water. “Wait. What about my dress?”

  “What about it?”

  “I don’t want to get it all sandy.”

  Nate raised his eyebrows and gave her a crooked smile. “Take it off.”

  “What?”

  “Last one in the water’s a rotten egg.”

  “Are you crazy?”

  “Crazy ‘bout you,” he said nipping her lips with a kiss before pulling off his shirt.

  “We’re gonna freeze to death!” she exclaimed.

  But Nate was already kicking off his shoes and unbuttoning his pants. “Cami, trust me. I’ve got you covered.”

  She blushed when Nate shimmied down to his boxers. “Are we really doing this?”

  “Says the girl who made me swim in the Mississippi?”

  “Oh, I so did not make you do that.”

  “All I know is you’re about to be a rotten egg,” Nate taunted jogging backward toward the water.

  “Not fair!” Camille cried. “I can’t get this off by myself.” It was a total lie, but she didn’t want to lose.

  “Camille LaRue, are you asking me to take your dress off?”

  “Why yes I am. I have no morals and low standards. You know this about me.”

  Nate laughed coming back to her. His breath was warm on her neck as he slowly unzipped her dress, peppering kisses down her spine. “That’s precisely what I love about you, Miss LaRue.”

  Camille couldn’t help but shiver. The warmth of Nate’s lips against her wind-chilled skin was like ice crackling in fire. Her whole body came alive under his touch, and suddenly, she didn’t want to beat him to the water. She didn’t want to be anywhere but in his arms.

  Nate unfastened the last clasp on her dress. Only her hands held it up. She turned slowly to face him. The moonlight made him glow. He was all shadows and bone. And in that moment Nate looked more like a statue carved from marble than the boy she knew and loved. He was so staggeringly beautiful it took her breath away. She let go of her dress, feeling the rich fabric pool at her feet. She stepped out of the dress toward Nate, nearly naked.

  Camille had never felt more exposed, but Nate made her feel secure. The last time she and Nate had been together like this had been such a frenzy. It was a rush of emotion and passion, over almost before she realized it’d started. But this time would be different. She could tell from the smoldering gaze with which Nate regarded her.

  Tension pulled every muscle taught across his chest and abdomen. He was holding himself back. Camille shivered as she pulled off the last of her undergarments. She stood completely bare in front of Nate. The muscle in his jaw twitched as she took a step toward him. Then another. Then another. Until there was no space between them and finally Nate gave in, his arms circling around her, pulling her closer and closer, as if they could dissolve into each other.

  Nate hoisted her up and Camille wrapped her legs around him. Her fingers twisted in his hair and across the muscles of his back as he kissed her, carrying her into the water. She gasped when it first reached her toes, clinging tighter to Nate, until the water was lapping at her waist. They moved deeper still, until the water took her weight and they floated together, kissing and bobbing with the gentle roll of the waves.

  The water was warmer than the air and Camille relaxed into it, focusing only on Nate. His lips were soft and cool and tasted like salt. She clung to him as he traced feather-light kisses across her throat. She felt her pulse throbbing beneath her skin as Nate captured her mouth with his. She couldn’t get enough of him. She was broken and he was the only thing that could fix her.

  “Is this okay?” Nate asked when their passion started to progress.

  “Yes,” she panted between kisses.

  “You’re sure?”

  “Nate, I’ve been sure since the moment I met you. I’m just sorry it took me so long to figure it out.”

  “Cami . . .”

  “Nate, I don’t want to talk. I want this. I want us.”

  It was all the coaxing he needed and Camille lost herself in him.

  Nate kissed her as wave after wave of bliss crashed over. Her arms shook as she tried to contain the joy erupting inside her. It was like a million stars exploding under her skin at once, and she was sure even the heavens could see her glow.

  41

  Nate

  Nate lay in the bed of the pickup truck staring up at the clouds. Camille was curled against him. Her breath warm on his neck was enough to make his heart turn over in his chest. It was a soft reassurance that soothed him like nothing else. The rise and fall of her breath matched the ocean, creating a euphoric lullaby that made him close his eyes.

  He held her tightly, willing himself to stay in the moment. He just wanted to hold onto the happiness. Making love to Camille had broken him apart and put him back together again. He laced his fingers with hers, trying not to think about how fragile she was. He could truly feel it now, with nothing between them.

  Camille was putting up a good front, but it was hard not to notice how much thinner she was. Rage ignited inside of him. Nate wanted to burn the world apart for being so unjust to someone like Camille. Nate shoved his anger aside. He’d become an expert at locking it away. He knew there would be time for it later. But right now, he just wanted to be present with Cami.

  He kissed the top of her head and she snuggled closer. She sighed into him. He tried to remain focused on the good. Like the warmth of her body and the strength with which she clung to him when they made love. Her resilience amazed him. Every day he watched and waited, knowing each moment brought them a step closer to goodbye. But she was still here. The girl he loved was still with him. And he was desperate to make himself believe that was enough.

  He took it as a good sign that she hadn’t had a relapse since the hospital. There was a time when she’d first come home when her parents had wanted to call in hospice. Nate didn’t know what that meant at the time, and since Camille hated talking about anything cancer related, he’d decided to Google lymphoma and hospice. It had been a mistake. One horrible webpage led to the next and before he knew it, Nate was being swallowed by the black hole of cancer and the stages of dying. He’d promptly thrown up his dinner and spent the next forty minutes hiding his tears in the shower until the water ran cold.

  Nate had abstained from morbid online research ever since. But still, he knew Camille was dying. No matter how tangible and warm she was, he was losing her little by little each day. It was excruciating to watch someone you loved disappear before your very eyes. Nate felt like he was constantly trying to hold water in the palm of his hand, but no matter what, it kept slipping through the cracks.

  He felt guilty thinking like this when he was with Camille. Each moment with her was so exquisite that he didn’t want to waste it not being completely present. But it still didn’t stop him from being angry. He was mad at everything. Mad at cancer and the doctors for not being able to fix it. Mad at Cami for not wanting to give them more time. Mad at God or maybe the universe, because sometimes Nate didn’t know what he believed in anymore. The world seemed upside-down. Because in what universe was it okay for someone as wonderful as Cami to be taken away? And why did it have to hurt so bad?

  Nate had never experienced pain like this. He thought losing Tyler was the worst thing he’d ever have to go through in his lif
e. And it was awful. But Nate had survived. He’d fought through the grief and suffocating depression of losing his only brother. And he’d come out the other side. Nate was stronger for it. He’d learned to grab life by the balls and soak up every opportunity to live. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to get knocked down again. Not like this. It wasn’t fair.

  With Ty it had been different. Not better or worse. Just different. Ty was there one minute, gone the next—just wiped away. There was nothing for Nate to do. But with Cami, it was a constant tilt-a-whirl of torture. And it was killing him. Nate wanted to scream and cry and shake her, begging for her to fight.

  He’d promised her he wouldn’t ask her to change her mind, but it still didn’t stop the wave of despair that pulled him under. It was worse in the quiet hours of night, when Nate held Camille in his arms, just trying to hold on—to stay in place. It was becoming impossible to do without imagining what it soon would be like without her there beside him. How could he not try to memorize her, when he knew she was going to be taken away?

  Nate knew he had no right to ask her for anything more. Not after all she’d already given. Everyone asked for more. Her parents, the doctors, teachers, students—but Nate couldn’t be one of them. No matter how much the voice inside him was screaming—Stay! Stay with me. I’m nothing without you. Don’t leave me.

  He needed to be strong for her. He needed to be what she needed. Nate pushed his thoughts down deeper, shutting them away as he studied the sliver map of scars that disrupted Camille’s perfect skin. They shimmered in the moonlight as he traced his fingers across them. It’d taken months for Nate to be able to skim his fingers down Camille’s back without her flinching. He knew she hated her scars, no matter what he told her. He saw beauty and strength, but he could see it in her eyes . . . she only saw the surgeries and biopsies. And that was why he couldn’t ask her to give anymore of herself. She’d already given too much.