Embrace The Suck (A Stepbrother Special Forces Novel)

by Kenzie, Sophia

  On the top of the sandwich he had already made, he would add another layer of peanut butter. Then, he’d go through the process of swiping the extra peanut butter off the knife before jumping into the jelly. The jelly would go onto a different piece of bread, and then that jelly soaked piece would complete the layered beauty.

  It was silly, stupid even, but I cherished the memory.

  “You still make a mean sandwich.” He smiled after his second bite of the perfectly built double decker I made for him.

  “Thanks, Dad.” I bit the inside of my cheek, not knowing what to say.

  Luckily, he didn’t need me to initiate the next bit of the conversation. He was more than giddy to take that initiative all on his own. “Your door was open. Were you hoping someone else was going to show up?” He smiled the smile of someone who knew too much.

  Damn.

  “It was just an oversight.” I lifted my hands, palm up, to express that I just didn’t know. It was awkward and not a real reaction, and he knew that.

  His eyes got big, and his smile was meant to prove a point. “When did you and my soon-to-be step daughter start fucking around, Charlie?”

  “What?” I almost yelled. The shock was real, as I had never expected him to just come out with that assumption. “We’re… not.” I tried to remain flabbergasted.

  He shook his head with extreme delight. “Charlie, my boy.” He patted me on the shoulder like a child. “You are the absolute worst at hiding your emotions. How did you really think you were going to get away with this?”

  I gave up; there was no use fighting it. He knew. And he probably knew for quite a while.

  “We hooked up the night before the training program started.” I looked away, begging not to see the disappointment in his eyes.

  “And yet you didn’t notate that in your report to me.” His voice called me back.

  “I didn’t think it was necessary. We weren’t involved in a relationship. It was just a quick fuck in a bar bathroom, and she practically initiated it.” I defended my actions.

  He hummed just slightly, reading me too well. “And you thought you’d live on in infamy among your brothers if you were paired with her and could completely screw up her training by getting in her head?”

  Why was he so goddam good at this? I crossed my arms over my chest. “The thought might have crossed my mind.”

  And then he started laughing, boisterously laughing. I was slightly taken aback, confused, and not sure if I should laugh along.

  “What’s so funny?” I finally asked, unwilling to wait for him to finish.

  He shook his head as he looked directly at me. His laughter died, and he became toweringly serious. “You went through all that trouble to hurt her, and she’s going to be the one who ends up hurting you.”

  His harsh, direct words stung slightly, though I couldn’t quite pinpoint why. “I broke it off with her. It’s no more.” I strongly confirmed.

  “I’m sure you did. But she’s very different from your normal type, Charlie, and she got to you.” He sat down at the table, ready for a heart to heart conversation.

  But I was not going to follow. He was trying too hard to jump back into the father role, and I didn’t need him to be my father. I had done quite fine on my own up until that point, and I was sure to keep doing just as fine.

  “I’m fine. She didn’t get to me. You can go now.” I pointed toward the front door, willing him out of my house.

  He knew he wasn’t welcomed any longer, and didn’t ask for any more hints. He grabbed a napkin, wrapped the rest of his sandwich in it, and stood from the table, leaving me with some echoing parting words. “I know you better than you want to believe I do, and there’s going to come a point very soon, Charlie, when you realize that you can’t just fuck around with the type of girl that is stronger than you are. You’re going to fall in love, and she’s going to move on. That’s just the way of things. There was more than one reason I told you to keep your hands off of her.” He turned from me and headed toward the door, stopping only to say one more thing before moving on. “You better decide how much you want her, and you better decide soon.”

  He didn’t wait for me to refute his ramblings, just offered up a smile and left.

  “What the fuck?” I asked myself as I finally sunk down, into the chair at my kitchen table.

  I didn’t understand anything that was meant to come from that conversation. Was he trying to give me advice on relationships as a whole, or was he actually giving me permission to date my stepsister? And why didn’t he find that strange at all? Why didn’t he yell at me? Why didn’t he tell me that I had royally screwed things up and that I better keep my feelings at bay and move on with my life?

  And why did I feel such a sense of relief? Could I stay with Hannah? Could we make something work? Would our families get over the extreme weirdness of the entire situation and allow us to be together?

  And was that really what I wanted?

  And was that really what she wanted?

  And if we both really did want that, did I already take it too far and mess things up between us forever?

  I wanted to see her. I wanted to go to her and tell her what had happened. I wanted her to tell me what to do.

  But I’m a man, and I was too ashamed and too confused and too stupid to talk to her.

  So instead, I went to the bar.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Hannah

  My mom, Mary, Maggie, and I were all sitting on the front porch drinking my mother’s fresh brewed sweet tea when the Command Sergeant Major returned from his brief escape.

  “Hey sweetie pie.” My mom teasingly called to him as he stepped out from his car. “Where’d you run off to?”

  He smiled back at her as he made his way up the front steps of the porch and kissed her on the cheek. It was strange to see their affection for each other so openly. I was torn. On one hand, I was happy for her that she had found someone who brought color back to her face, but on the other hand, I was angry that she had found him specifically. He was a great guy, don’t get me wrong, but his job was dangerous, and he was willing to put himself in the line of fire of protect people other than just his family. And, if I’m being honest, I was still angry that he was Charlie’s father and no one told me.

  Ugh, I had gotten myself into quite a pickle.

  “I stopped by Charlie’s to see if I could get him to come back to the party.” He smiled at me… I didn’t quite know why.

  “He works too much.” My mom agreed. “I was really hoping he could stay for the day.”

  “Me too.” He held out his hand to my mom. “Come talk to me for a minute?”

  They excused themselves and snuck inside, leaving Mary, Maggie, and I to our own conversation.

  Maggie leaned in and made eye contact with the two of us. “What do you think they’re talking about?”

  Mary shrugged, but then looked at me with a single raised eyebrow. “I’m assuming it has something to do with you.”

  “Me?” I crinkled my forehead in confusion. “Why me?”

  “Charlie left because of you.” She said ever so casually. “I’m assuming my father went to figure out just why, and probably got Charlie to crack.”

  My head began to spin and my stomach to churn. It was the last thing I expected her to say. How’d she figure it out? And what’s more, how did Max figure it out? And what’s even more than that, why is he now talking to my mother?

  “Oh, no, no, no, no…” I kept repeating.

  “Oh, come on, girl.” Mary began to laugh. “You two are transparent. We all knew the night we met you.”

  I turned to Maggie for some help, but she agreed with Mary.

  “So…” Mary scooted herself closer to me. “I need to know. How’d he get you to sleep with him?”

  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh in embarrassment or just go throw up again. Either way, it wasn’t a comfortable interaction.

  “What do you mean?” I tried to
hold off from giving away anything personal.

  Maggie jumped in. “Sure, our brother’s hot, but he’s also a jerk, which means that he only brings home girls who are also hot, but have no self worth.”

  Mary chimed in. “You, Hannah, have self worth. You see where the confusion sits for us?”

  “I’m starting to.” I bit my bottom lip, wishing the entire day to rewind itself. I’d much rather be dealing with the morning hangover right now than this conversation.

  But I sucked it up, and let it all out. I told them how it started, how I wanted to do something crazy for one night. I essentially just repeated the whole story I gave to Amanda, leaving out the gory details about how great their brother was in the sack, and focusing more on why it kept going even after we found out about our parents.

  “You didn’t know Dad was Charlie’s father?” Maggie interjected. “They look alike!”

  “Ha,” I chuckled. “That point has been brought up to me before as well. I just didn’t figure it out on my own, and Charlie didn’t feel the need to tell me.”

  “See,” Mary pointed her finger out to prove her point. “Charlie’s a jerk. He knew what he was doing.”

  “Oh believe me, I know that now.” I agreed.

  I listened to their stories about all the girls that Charlie had dated, even the ones he thought they knew nothing about. He rattled on about this chick and that floozy and this gold digger and that brain-dead blonde bombshell. I wasn’t sure if they were trying to make me sick or trying to make me feel better, but somehow, both were working. I felt better about Charlie and my now sure decision that I could move on, but there was still the lingering ache in my stomach. When would that go away?

  “Point is,” Maggie smiled her sweet grin, “we know this whole situation sucks.”

  Mary picked up where her sister left off. “We want to be happy that Charlie finally found someone with brains and drive, but the sheer ridiculousness of your situation makes for some really weird emotions that must be happening between the two of you.”

  Mary grabbed my hand. “We’re sorry for you guys.”

  I wanted to thank them, at least I thought I wanted to thank them, but my head was still spinning with so many questions.

  “Just to set the record straight,” I finally spoke up, “Charlie and I aren’t together. It’s over. For good.” I tried to seem strong and confident about my decree, but inside, I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to forgive him. I wanted to understand why he did what he did and tell him it was all fine and we’d figure it out. Sure, he had done something really stupid and intentionally harmful, but I knew him better than that. I knew there was a something deep inside of him that was meant to be appreciated, and I wanted so badly to be the person who appreciated him.

  Even his own sisters had spent the last few minutes teasing him and making fun of his life choices. Did no one ever just be there for him and try to see from where he was coming? Didn’t everyone deserve that kind of love and respect?

  I stood, not really knowing why, but knowing for sure that I needed to get out of there.

  “Can you tell my mom I had to run and I’ll call her later?”

  “Where are you going?” Maggie pried. “To see Charlie?”

  “No.” I shook my head, knowing full well that I didn’t want to see him; that I desperately had to stay away from him for my own sanity.

  I turned and jumped off the porch, reached in my pocket for my keys, and slid into my car. I was definitely still hung over, possibly still drunk, but there was only one place in that moment where I really wanted to be.

  I sighed as the roar of my engine woke me up. “I’m going to the bar.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Charlie

  It wasn’t my normal hang out, but something drew me to the local Army bar hang out where I had first met Hannah. Maybe I was being sentimental or maybe I was just being silly, but I walked inside and it felt as though I needed to be there. I sat down, ordered a beer from the bartender, and slowly sipped on the cool, hoppy liquid. A half an hour must have passed. I didn’t even realize it, but somehow I managed to watch a full syndicated episode of some random 90’s sitcom that was playing on one of the television sets above the bar. I ordered another drink, excused myself, and escaped to the bathroom for a quick piss.

  I checked my phone, responded to a few texts from some of the guys on my team regarding a bit of barhopping later with a ‘maybe’, and then made my way back to my seat.

  I don’t know why I was surprised to see her pull up a chair at the bar right next to where I was sitting. Nothing about the coincidences of our relationship should really surprise me anymore, and yet each time she makes her way to my side, I feel as though I’ve been given a gift: another chance. How many chances was this world willing to give me?

  And how much more pain would I put her through until I figured out just what the hell I wanted.

  “Fancy meeting you here.” I snuck up behind her, making sure I was still out of punching range.

  “Fuck me.” She sighed without even turning around. “What are you doing here, Charlie?”

  Apparently she really wasn’t happy to see me. “I’ve been here.” I defended my actions. It’s not like I followed her here like I did the last time. “What are you doing here, Hannah?” I repeated her with the appropriate amount of distain in my voice.

  She lowered her forehead to the bar. “Trying to get away from all you people.”

  I chortled, slightly. Maybe I was trying to flirt with her? “It does seem quite impossible to get away from me, huh?”

  “You’re like an incurable disease.” She shot back, too quickly.

  “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment.” I teased, even though I knew she didn’t mean it to be one.

  “Suck it, Charlie. You know full well what I mean.”

  Even though I might have deserved it, she was being quite rude. It was very likely that she actually didn’t want anything to do with me. I wanted to believe she was stronger than that. I wanted to think that I didn’t really hurt her, just opened her eyes to the type of inconsiderate prick that I tended to be when dealing with the opposite sex. Had I known it would cause her to become utterly disgusted with even the sight of me, I might have taken a different approach.

  Well, maybe I wouldn’t have tried something different, but I at least would have known what to expect. Women are all so confusing.

  “Did I really succeed in making you hate me that quickly?” I ventured into the open water and crossed my fingers that the shark wouldn’t bite me.

  “Yes.” I waited for her to continue, but the single word was her only reply.

  Ouch.

  “Wow,” I tried to joke. “And my dad said you were going to be the one to hurt me.”

  The groan that emerged from her chest and out through her lips literally frightened me. I even believe I stopped breathing for a short second.

  “Your dad?” I could see the fire in her eyes. “What the fuck did you tell your father about us?”

  “Nothing!” I quickly pointed out. “I mean, well…” and now I was stuttering. Awesome. “Well, he guessed. I mean, he knew… I mean…”

  “Oh, for the love of God.” She took three massive gulps of her beer. “Stop being a fucking baby and talk to me, Charlie.”

  I didn’t like her like this. I liked when she was happy. But the look in her eyes, the look I had put in her eyes, was anything but happy. She was furious, hurt, and out for blood. And it just made it all too real that she was out for my blood.

  I succumbed. “I didn’t tell him. No one told him. He just knew.” I lowered my head, ashamed.

  “And now what? Our parents, your siblings… they’re all laughing at us kids for getting burned for doing something they specifically told us not to do. How do you feel about that, Charlie?”

  I didn’t know how to respond. Things had never been this real between us. It was supposed to be fun. We were supposed to get out before it turned in
to this.

  “Do you love me?”

  Oh my fucking God. Why did those words just escape my lips?

  Her eyes widened, but the rest of her face stayed perfectly still. There was a haunting silence between the two of us that was just made longer by the fact that I could heard my own heart pumping inside of my chest. Neither of us spoke, but neither of us was waiting for the other to speak. It was as if the silence was necessary, right. It made sense.

  And then I just went ahead and jumped in that puddle.

  “I said, ‘do you love me’?”

  I must have been having an aneurism. It was the only excuse, and it wasn’t even a great excuse.

  “I might.” Her tone was the same as before. It wasn’t questioning and it wasn’t loving; it was just there and straight and to the point.

  “Might? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” And all of a sudden, I was angry. She didn’t give me the answer I wanted, that I expected, and that didn’t sit well with me.

  She remained perfectly still. “It means just that. I might.”

  “Well, you know what?” I pushed back from the bar and threw a twenty-dollar bill down. “I don’t do ‘might’.”