Embrace The Suck (A Stepbrother Special Forces Novel)

by Kenzie, Sophia

  Finally, the flare went off, and our assessment began. It was scary. I don’t know why, but it felt real. The sky was dark; it looked as though it would open up at any second. And let’s face it: a downpour of rain would be the only thing that could make this whole experience even more challenging.

  There was gunfire – blanks, of course – so I kept my eyes open for any wounded comrades. I was meant to stay in the back, as protected as I could be as our line pushed forward. It wouldn’t make sense if the medical sergeant were the one to fall.

  I wiped mud from my eyes, trying to stay focused with everything going on around me. People were running, the noise was so loud, and I had a really hard time telling my team from the other team.

  Come on, Hannah. You can do this.

  I saw a flash of red hair, and then Amanda fully popped out from behind a tree. She held her Beretta M9 in front of her and with a calm breath, pulled the trigger. I watched her aim, which led to her target. I saw a spark of shock spread across her face, but there was no time to contemplate her fear. I had to get to… Charlie.

  He was down. I slinked across the ground, trying to get to him without being hit myself. Once I did, I managed to grab his ankles and pull him to safety behind the cover of a patch of trees. Then, I grabbed my kit.

  “Sergeant, tell me your symptoms.” I screamed over the roar of gunfire.

  “Hannah.” Charlie whispered. “Hey.”

  I almost yelled at him. This was my assessment. I didn’t need him to be playing around.

  “Sergeant!” I repeated myself as I turned back to him.

  But instead of doing as he was meant to, Charlie grabbed my hand and placed it over his chest.

  “Charlie, stop it.” I growled. “Not now.”

  “Apply pressure.” His voice was weak. I understood what he was doing- playing the role- but it was stressing me out. That was not how we had practiced. He was supposed to yell out his symptoms.

  Still, I did what he asked. My hands covered his chest, and I applied pressure.

  “Now what, Sergeant?” I tried to get the vital information out of him so I could continue on with my ‘procedure’. If I didn’t save him, I would fail out.

  “I love you, Hannah… I really love you.” And with that, his eyes closed.

  “Charlie!” I screamed. “Charlie! This is not funny.”

  But he didn’t answer. I looked up, hoping someone would tell me what to do, but all I saw was Amanda, still standing in the same place, staring at me. Something was wrong. Why was she staring?

  And then I felt Charlie stop breathing.

  And then I felt the warm liquid hit my hands.

  “Charlie? Charlie?!”

  I looked down at his chest, still under the pressure of my shaking palms.

  It wasn’t a game. And the gun certainly wasn’t filled with blanks.

  “Charlie? No! Oh, God, please, no!”

  There was just so much blood.

  * * *

  Hannah

  “I love you, Hannah… I really love you.” And with that, his eyes closed.

  “Charlie!” I screamed. “Charlie! This is not funny.”

  But he didn’t answer. I looked up, hoping someone would tell me what to do, but all I saw was Amanda, still standing in the same place, staring at me. Something was wrong. Why was she staring?

  And then I felt Charlie stop breathing.

  And then I felt the warm liquid hit my hands.

  “Charlie? Charlie?!”

  I looked down at his chest, still under the pressure of my shaking palms.

  It wasn’t a game. And the gun certainly wasn’t filled with blanks.

  “Charlie? No! Oh, God, please, no!”

  There was just so much blood.

  BOOK FOUR

  Chapter One

  Hannah

  Of course I wanted to crumble. I wanted to curl up in a ball, cry my eyes out, and ask the heavens to take back the day. I wanted someone else to fix this mess.

  But there was no one else. There was only me. Aside from a still shaking Amanda, the rest of the team was still going about their business, fully believing that this was all part of the exercise. I could stop everything by screaming out, but what good would that do? I was the only one in this field with any real training on how to help him. This was an exercise to see how I handled the situation on my own. It wasn’t as if there was another Medical Sergeant hanging around watching my every move. Actually, that was Charlie’s job. If Charlie was the one who was supposed to be shot in the training program, then Charlie was the one would report back on how I handled the job in the training program. It was just the two of us in this specific circumstance. And unless I saved him now, there would be no reporting back.

  I had to focus.

  My bag was just out of reach, but I didn’t want to leave him without pressure on his chest.

  “Amanda, get over here.” I screamed out to her.

  She looked as though she was going to throw up. It was obviously unchartered territory for her. The poor girl had been an analyst before this. Dealing with gun shot wounds was definitely not in her previous job description. “Am I allowed?” She finally called back.

  I didn’t have time for rules. “I don’t give a fuck if you’re allowed. Get the hell over here!”

  Without another question, she shuffled to my side. Although she was nervously rocking back and forth, asking me how this could have happened, what she did wrong, and if he was going to survive, I knew when push came to shove, I’d be able to count on her. I had to be able to. She was the only one.

  I took a second to connect to her. “Amanda, you know I love you, but I need you to shut up if I’m going to concentrate long enough to save his life.”

  That was all she needed me to say. I had somehow managed to calm her. With that, she nodded and sat down beside me. “Okay. What do you need me to do?”

  “Hand me my medical bag.” I pointed my stare in the direction of my bag.

  Now entirely following my orders, she unzipped the top. “What do you need?”

  Of that, I wasn’t quite sure.

  I lowered my cheek to his lips. Since completely covering his wound, he had started to breathe again, and I could feel his weak exhalation on the skin of my cheek. That was a good thing. He was alive, just unconscious.

  Still sure to keep the heel of my one hand firmly pressed against his upper chest; I unzipped his jacket and then pulled a knife from my boot. From there, I slipped the blade of my knife under the neck of his shirt and tore, opening his shirt down the middle. Now, I had access to his bare chest.

  I slid my free hand over his skin and under my other hand, trading my weight from my right to my left. From there, I pulled his jacket and his ripped shirt off to the side, giving me full access to his open chest wound.

  Here we go, Hannah. You can do this.

  I took a deep breath and then quickly pulled my hands from his chest to see the reaction his body would make.

  “What are you doing?” Amanda screamed.

  “Shhh!” I hushed her.

  In a matter of seconds, Charlie’s blood bubbled up, spitting out of his open chest.

  “Shit. Fuck. Damn.” I cursed the skies.

  “What is it?” Amanda hesitated to ask, but her inquisitive nature prevented her from keeping her mouth shut.

  I used his shirt to clean up the excess blood as I quickly recovered the gaping hole. “Reach inside the bag and hand me the Asherman chest seal.” I covered up his wound again. “He has a pneumothorax.” I said as if it was an everyday affliction.

  “What’s a pneumo… what?” I appreciated her interest, but it would have been much easier to concentrate without all the questions.

  Then again, maybe she was distracting me just enough that I wouldn’t freak out and go into shock before finishing the job I had set out to do.

  “He has air in the plural space between his lungs and his ribs.” I said with confidence. Without a follow up question, s
he held up the chest seal to me. I guess that was enough information for her. “Good, now, take that out of the wrapper.”

  “Done.” She breathed. “Should I peel off the back?”

  “Go ahead, just… slowly.” I cautioned.

  She did as I asked, holding out the ready seal for me to apply. I took it between my right fingers as I readied my left to release the pressure.

  You got this, Hannah.

  My hand flew off of him and into the air, while the other one carefully placed the sticky plastic on Charlie’s skin. I smoothed out the edges, ensuring that the seal was locked, and then sat back up, begging for him to wake up from his little nap.

  “Come on Charlie.” My eyes were burning.

  “Is that it? We just wait?” Amanda inched closer to me, landing her face just over my shoulder.

  “I’m not that patient.” I growled before forcefully slapping him across the face.

  Charlie’s eyes shot open and he took a deep, screaming intake of air. He blinked quickly and then moaned as he stared up at the sky. He was definitely out of it.

  “Can you breathe?” I urged, though what I really wanted to do was jump on top of him and hold him forever.

  He tried to inhale, but it took a lot of effort. His eyelids began to flicker opened and closed as he slowly shook his head. Honestly, I wasn’t quite sure if he knew it was me kneeling over him.

  “Shit.” I nervously scratched my face with my bloody hand. “What did I forget?”

  But almost as soon as I said the word, I knew exactly what it could be.

  And that would suck a lot.

  “Help me roll him over.” I ordered Amanda as I pulled the sleeve of his jacket and ripped shirt from his arm.

  We pushed him to his side, and I saw exactly what I did not want to see. I felt my entire body sink in reaction.

  “What is that?” Amanda whispered to me.

  “The bullet went straight through. I need to close up this hole too. Grab me another chest seal.”

  I mean, I guess going straight through was better than having a bullet just hanging out inside his body, but damn, for my first test as a medical sergeant in training, this was a little over-kill.

  My already bloody hand moved to his back as I waited for Amanda to come back to me with an unopened chest seal.

  “Um, Hannah?” She sounded like a child.

  “What?” I was about to pounce if she gave me bad news.

  “There isn’t another chest seal in there.” She showed me the nearly empty bag.

  “Fuck me!” I yelled out to no one. “I packed that myself! Where did my…” I gave up. It wasn’t worth it. “Throw me the surgical tape.”

  Amanda reached inside, grabbed the roll, and tossed it to me.

  “Good.” I thanked her. “Now where is the plastic that you pulled off the sticky part of the first chest seal?”

  Her eyes wandered around until they landed on the plastic piece… in the mud.

  “Can I clean it off?” She offered, knowing what my answer would be.

  “No. I’ll just find something else.” I announced as if that would be an easy task. “Okay, Charlie. Help me out here.” I closed my eyes for the briefest second to pray.

  But I didn’t have time for any more than that second. I had to get back to Charlie…

  With my free hand, I rifled through his pockets, hoping to come upon something, anything, that I might be able to use to close up the hole in his back.

  To my sheer shock and delight, I felt something made of plastic… I pulled it out… “Really Charlie?” I looked down at the condom in my hand. “A condom? Do you just carry these things around with you just in case the situation may present itself?”

  Although he was struggling, I saw a small smile spread across his face. Okay, maybe he was conscious and aware enough to have some sort of sense about what was going on around him. That was good news.

  “Don’t be proud of yourself.” I warned.

  Without any more dawdling, I removed my hand from his back, and replaced it with the condom, still in its wrapper. I then tore off a piece of surgical tape and bound the wrapper to his skin. I did that three more times, one piece of tape for each edge of the wrapper, until the hole was sealed.

  As soon as I did that, I felt his breath strengthen. His eyes blinked open, and he tried to get up. My heart just about burst out of my chest.

  Amanda screamed. “You’re alive! Oh thank God!”

  “Charlie, no.” I stopped him, afraid that any sudden movements could cause an unfavorable reaction.

  “I’m fine, Hannah.” He put his shaking hand on my shoulder to steady himself, which had me worried for a brief second that he wasn’t actually ‘fine’, but he swore to me that it was necessary I stop distressing. “I’ve been shot before. Just… get me to the bus.” He looked ahead, over the hill, to where our medical bus was stationed, awaiting our arrival.

  Amanda asked if she should help, but I told her to instead let her team leader know what had happened. My part of the test was complete; I didn’t need to know how the rest of my teammates would fare.

  I held most of Charlie’s weight as we climbed the hill, toward the back of the opened ambulance. The EMT on duty was waiting for us. “Ooh, someone got a chest seal! Nicely done, Birk. It looks good.”

  “It’s real.” I somehow calmly announced as I helped Charlie into the back and onto the bed. “There was a real bullet in the chamber.”

  “Shit, man.” His eyes seem to burst out of his face. “Are you okay?”

  I didn’t let Charlie speak. With every step I helped him take, I felt him grow weaker. “Can we just get him to a hospital? Please.”

  The EMT stuttered, but quickly called ahead to his partner in the driver’s seat. Within seconds, we were off, sirens blazing. I held Charlie’s hand in mine as I tried desperately not to replay the last few minutes in my head.

  Charlie squeezed my fingers. “You were pretty fucking awesome back there.” He choked out with a semblance of a smile.

  “I hate you. Do you know that?” I didn’t mean for anger to manifest, but I was feeling so many things. “I told you something was going to happen. I told you and you didn’t listen to me.” My words were spilling out. “Danny was behind this, Charlie. I know he was.”

  He nodded with a knowing look, but stopped me from continuing. It had happened. There was nothing we could do to change that. It was behind us now. All that mattered in this moment was that I had saved him, and now we were on our way to the hospital. He didn’t want to think of anything but that. I was his hero.

  It was so sweet, the things he was saying, and yet, I didn’t understand how he was so at peace with what had just happened. I was anything but.

  After a few more moments of silence, where I was still fuming, Charlie managed to get my attention back.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey.” I answered with a trying smile.

  “It seems our entire relationship lately has been solely about saving each other’s lives. I mean, they’ll make for great stories one day, but right now I’m thinking tht maybe we need a new hobby.”

  I laughed out loud. Even with everything that had just happened, he was able to bring me completely away from it all, if only for a second. He was lying there with a hole in his chest because I had gone and involved myself with a psychopath, and yet, Charlie was able to keep making jokes.

  I laid my head next to his. “I’ve always wanted to try my hand at fishing.”

  “Then when I get out of the hospital,” he lightly kissed my forehead, “I’m taking you fishing.”

  “Deal.” I whispered as I closed my eyes, all of a sudden feeling very sleepy.

  I fell asleep next to him on the way to the hospital.

  Chapter Two

  Charlie

  I blinked my heavy eyelids open, not quite sure where I had been or what I had been doing, but knowing full well that my chest was fucking sore.

  Or burning with pain… it was on
e of the two sensations. Or maybe it was both? Fuck, my head was spinning too. What the fuck happened to me?

  I almost cursed aloud as I repositioned myself, but I quickly noticed Hannah’s mess of brown hair, strewn upon my lap. Hannah… my chest… It all came back to me… too fast.

  Amanda. The gun. The shot. The pain. The lack of breath. Hannah. Yelling. I thought I was done. I told her goodbye. The pressure. My jacket. My shirt. The slap. The condom in my pocket. The breath. The pain. The walk. The bus. Fishing.

  “Hannah.” I stroked her head. I didn’t want to wake her up, but I needed to make sure she was okay. While I was in physical pain, I could only imagine to emotional turmoil that was swirling through her mind.

  She stirred, hummed a little bit, then sat up and looked straight at me with forced conviction.