Beginning with Forever

by Lan LLP

  “I’ll take a Corona,” I give my order to our waitress who’s absolutely awestruck being in the presence of us both. She reluctantly walks away, but continues to secretly stare in our direction. “Do you eat here often?” My curiosity gets the best of me. I immediately want to know why he chose this place of all places.

  “Growing up in Indiana, we love hanging out at B-dubs. I guess I never outgrew that.” He smiles and shrugs his shoulders. Though his success puts him in a much older league, he’s still just twenty-two years old, like Lillian, and unmistakably young.

  “Speaking of Indiana, Lily told me you two go all the way back to kindergarten. How well do you two know each other?” There goes my subtleness.

  “We’ve never dated, if that’s what you’re getting at. She was always too busy trying to get straight A’s or staying out of trouble to impress her mother. I don’t know much about her father. I heard he left them before she was even born, so you can imagine how hard it is for her to trust men. You’re the only fortunate lad she’s ever opened up to.” He chugs his beer and then continues speaking. “I hope to God that you won’t end up breaking her heart because she deserves the best.” He obviously has a special place for her, but it doesn’t bother me like before. I think he has a lot of respect and admiration for her.

  “Thanks for sharing this information with me, especially the trust part.” I’m grateful that Hayden divulged this information with me. Maybe this is why Lil hasn’t told me she loves me yet. She probably believes that since her own father didn’t love her enough to come back for her, no one else could sincerely love her either.

  “I’m glad we had this chance to get acquainted. I’ve only heard about your bad boy reputation and didn’t know this softer side of you existed.” Hayden teasingly grins at me. “Your secretary told me that you have good news to share with me.”

  “Yes, I do. The Oss-Meta drug research is progressing rapidly. It’ll likely be available to protocol patients within the next two years,” I excitedly inform him.

  “Damn, this is definitely good news. I just wish my dad could’ve benefitted from it.” His tone saddens.

  “I know exactly what you mean, Hayden.” Quick glimpses of Emily’s last days flash before me, drawing me back to her suffering. I can still see the hurt in her blue eyes as tears stream down her face. She wanted to hang on for me even though her pain was unbearable. Why am I thinking about this again? Even after all these years, the memory of her pain hasn’t lessened one bit.

  “Are you okay, man?” Hayden asks me after noticing my dispirited expression. I nod my head. He gives me that look that tells me he understands exactly what I’m feeling.

  Hayden and I enjoy a couple more beer and extra-hot wings. We fight over the insignificant check, and the simple solution is a coin toss. I choose head and Hayden wins with tail.

  “I had a great time. We should do this again,” I suggest to Hayden.

  “Me, too,” Hayden agrees. “With my crazy schedule, I never make any time for myself. I’ll call you when I get back into town.”

  We catch our own cabs and ride off in opposite directions. I’m looking forward to getting home and cuddling up with my iPad. I’ll end my evening FaceTiming Lily. I ordered an iPad for her, and it should already be in her possession. She promised me she’d be wearing my white linen shirt and nothing else. The gift is really for my benefit, of course.

  Lillian Ly

  I have more exams this week. I’ve been cramming between classes and stressing over my pregnancy test at the same time. I finally made time for myself at the base of a red flowering tree just like the one under which Carson and I had our first dinner together. With the paparazzi still camping outside the school gates, I’ve avoided my beach hideaway altogether. My text tone alerts me of a message from Carson, and I excitedly read it.

  First Monday without you, hate italready! Want you here with me X Carson

  I wonder if he’s having a crappy Monday. He’s probably paying for the extended time off he took to be with me. How can I make his Monday a Friday? I know. It’s time for his white linen shirt to come out of the closet. I quickly reply to his text, and he responds immediately.

  You’re making me HARD and happy already! X Carson

  Even though we’re separated by thousands of miles, I can still feel the presence of his love surrounding me, and these texts validate that I’m on his mind throughout his day.

  ____________________

  This Monday has dragged on forever, but thank the Lord it’s finally over. I just showered, shaved my legs, tamed my hair and put Carson’s heavenly scented white shirt on. I’m not sure why I feel compelled to go through all the extra feminine regimens since we can only see each other. I must be more excited than I realized. Earlier today, I received an expedited package through campus mail from Carson. He sent me the newest iPad with Retina Display and a note.

  Because I want to see your beautiful face like I’m sitting next to you. X Carson

  This man drives me crazy. He refuses to stop buying me expensive gifts. I was tempted to slap a ‘Return to Sender’ sticker on the package, but I didn’t want to upset him because I agreed to baby steps. My iPad is alerting me of an incoming FaceTime. I run over to it and accept Carson’s call. I see the gawky projection of my face on the upper right hand corner and then his perfect, confident face. I find myself fidgeting with my hair and adjusting my distance from the camera so my face isn’t literally in his. “Sit still, you’re perfect just the way you are,” he orders me in his deep sultry voice. “If only I can reach out and touch your beautiful face.” His eyes stare intently at my face and never once wander over to his in the upper right hand corner. After hearing his voice and seeing him, I realize I missed him more than I allowed myself to admit.

  “Any other places you’d like to touch?” I bite my lower lip to hold back a grin as I playfully tease him.

  “Lily, are you being naughty?” He leans forward so his face is closer to the tablet and whispers, “I like naughty.” I shake my head innocently. “Stop teasing, then.” He grins.

  “How was your first day back at work?” I attempt to cool down our steamy introduction.

  “Work was hectic as usual, but Owen has done an amazing job in my place. I’m planning on shifting more responsibilities to him, so I’ll be able to spend more time with you in the future. By the way, are you really panty-less under my shirt?” His one-sided dimpled smile is incredibly sweet while his sexy smoldering eyes aren’t as innocent.

  I say, “No,” out loud, but nod my head and slyly point back at Amelia, so he can see my subtle hint. She’s sitting on her bed with her back to me. I feel really naughty already, so the last thing I want is for her to catch me doing it. His sweet smile is now more devilish.

  “Baby, I enjoy both the Vixen and Angel in you. It’s a perfect balance of sinfulness and pureness.” He leans closer to the screen and whispers, “Are you wet for me yet?” I nod timidly again. He smiles and sits back in his office chair. “If not for the distance, I’d be between your legs already.” I find myself nervously biting the tip my thumb nail as I watch his frisky expression. I can only imagine what erotic thoughts are going through his head. “Stop biting your nails. It makes me hard seeing your finger in your mouth.” I immediately pull my thumb away. I need to change the subject because all this flirting and teasing is torturing us both.

  “Carson, I have a graveyard rotation, starting this Thursday. I think I’ll be okay driving myself. I really don’t want a stranger escorting me around town,” I calmly explain to him while I prepare for his objection. I have impeccable timing for bringing up mood-killing topics. His horny expression quickly changes to disgruntled just as I predict.

  “I want you to be safe. Driving around in the dark while having other strangers that I don’t know, follow you, doesn’t seem like a better option for me or for you. Lil, why do you always challenge me?” His voice is impenetrable while his arms are defensively crossed in front of hi
s chest, and his thick brows are knitted tightly above his brooding eyes.

  “I’m not trying to be difficult. I like my independence. I’m not comfortable with having people wait on me like you’re used to. Let me try it my way first and see what happens. If I run into any problems, I promise I’ll do it your way then.” I give him a pitiful pleading look.

  “Lil, you’re the most challenging woman I’ve ever known, next to my mother.” He faintly grins. I think I might be in the clear.

  “Okay, do it your way this week, but if there’s even a minute chance your safety or privacy is jeopardized, I want you to honestly tell me right away.” I nod my head immediately, not giving him a chance to change his mind. “You look more like yourself. Are you feeling better?”

  “Yes I do, thanks to you and Jean’s tea. The only thing that’s bothering me is not having you here with me.”

  “Lil, I’ll be there with you soon, and when I do, I’ll make up for all the lost time.” He beams his handsome smile. “I better not distract you for too long. Sweet dreams, Angel.” We both kiss our index and middle finger and press them to the screen.

  “Sweet dreams, Carson.” I sadly close the screen to end our face to face connection. I wish I can light a match under Father Time to make the next two weeks go faster.

  ____________________

  It would be nice to have a break to recover from the crappy graveyard rotation, but there’s no such luxury. My mornings and nights are so screwed up until I can adjust. I’m so happy that I didn’t run into any mishaps with the paparazzi. I switched cars with Amelia to throw them off. This will be my little secret from Carson. Now, he can’t force his driver on me.

  I came home at the crack of dawn this morning and slept until now which is almost 11:00 a.m. Amelia has been pacing restlessly back and forth, waiting for me to wake up to take my pregnancy test. “Okay Ame, I’m awake now. Stop pacing! You’re making me more nervous.” I slowly roll out of bed, still trying my best to prolong the inevitable and take baby steps towards the bathroom. The area is meticulously prepped. The kit is opened, box is discarded and the stick is conveniently laid next to the toilet. This girl wants to know the results worse than I do. “First morning urine is the best sample for the test,” she yells from outside the bathroom.

  I grab the stick with my shaky right hand and place it underneath my warm stream of urine. A few seconds later, I recap it and lay it back on the same spot that Amelia had it. I struggle to brush my teeth while my eyes dart back and forth at the little window on the test stick. My entire future is dependent on a single pink plus sign. Amelia startles me with a loud knock on the door. “Do you have the result yet? What’s taking so long?” Why does it seem like forever when you’re anxiously anticipating something?

  “Hold your horses, Ame! It says to wait 2 minutes,” I holler back at her. Surely enough, the positive sign appears bright pink right after I ask Amelia to wait. There’s a large lump lodged in my throat as my heart throbs out of my chest. I grab the stick, walk out of the bathroom, place it in Ame’s palm and watch the color in her face flush away.

  “Oh crap and holy shit, Lil! I’m so sorry, sweetie. Can I do anything for you?” Tears well up in her eyes as she pretends to be strong for me. I’m speechless for a few minutes. With all the obvious symptoms, I knew I was pregnant, but I didn’t want to believe it. The test result only confirms my mother’s disappointment in me and that my future in medicine and Carson will change. This realization hits me hard. Heartache streams down my face as I drop to the ground and ball myself up. I’ve screwed everything up for everyone with my stupidity and carelessness.

  Amelia drops down next to me and offers her shoulder. “It might seem bad right now, but things will eventually work out. You’ll see. Besides, you have me to get you through this.” She wipes the wetness from her face and forges an encouraging smile for my benefit.

  “It’s worse than bad. I have no idea what to do, Ame.”

  “You’re not thinking of abortion are you?” Amelia sadly looks into my eyes.

  “No, of course not! I would never do that,” I assure her. “I just don’t know how to break the news to Carson or my mom. They’re both going to be disappointed.”

  “Lil, I can’t see Carson being disappointed. It’s obvious that he loves you, and he’ll love his baby, too. Your mom might not like the news at first, but she’ll get over it. You’re all that she has, and she loves you unconditionally.” Amelia’s positivity is suddenly making my gloomy situation seem more manageable.

  “Ame, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “No problem, girlfriend. Now call Carson with the good news.” She gets up and offers me a hand. I take it, and she yanks me up.

  “I’ll call him in an hour. This will give me just enough time to collect my nerves to break the news to him. He can decide if it’s good or bad news,” I heave a deep sigh. “Let’s get some brunch. I’m starving.” I rub my tummy and wipe the rest of my tears away. “Darn it! I have to drink Jean’s tea first. Why don’t you go on ahead, and then I’ll meet you in a few minutes.”

  “Are you sure? I’m not wasting away or anything.” She pats her firm abs and giggles.

  “Yes, go on. I’ll catch up with you in no time.” I wave for her to leave without me. Amelia finally agrees and takes off. I walk over to my desk and grab the tea box. Ew, I’ll be more than happy to cut this yucky drink out of my life forever, starting next trimester. I’ll never crave a hot cup of dark liquid medicinal tea again. I open the box and see a white envelope with my name on it. Why didn’t I see this before? I close the box to examine it more closely and realize this is the second one Jean handed to me before I left the resort. I also recall him whispering, be careful, into my ears. Fear and anxiety plagues me immediately. I’m afraid to see what’s inside the envelope. What if it’s bad news? I’ve never been superstitious like my mother, but I’ve heard Haitians practice powerful voodoo. I open the box again and lift the envelope out. There’s a red wax seal on the flap. I ripped it open and unfold the letter.

  Miss Ly

  Your purity will be tainted with impurity. The life you and your lover created is only temporary. I’m sorry to inform you of this bad news. My weak vision into your future is limited due to the little time we had together. I hope that it may still help you avoid the danger that lies ahead. You’re correct to have both fear and respect for heights.

  Jean-Pierre

  What the hell is that all about? This note makes no sense of whatsoever to me. Why didn’t he just come out and tell me exactly what he saw? Why all the cryptic mumbo jumbo crap? Is he trying to tell me that Carson will leave me or is he talking about my baby? What danger is he implying about? Am I or my baby in danger? I just want to grab this man by the collar and shake the answers out of him, but is he even reachable? I need to deal with this enigma or it’ll bother the heck out of me.

  Darn, I forgot that Amelia is waiting downstairs for me. I’ll have to show her this bizarre note and get her opinion on it. Jean better have a good explanation ready for me when I get a hold of him. I’m not easily spooked by something like this, but his accurate prediction of my pregnancy unsettles me. I should listen to his warning, once I figure out what it is.

  My nerves are all jittery, and then someone hysterically pounds on my door. Who can it be? “Can someone please let me in? Amelia? Lily? I can’t find my keycard, and I have to take a piss badly.” I recognize this voice. It’s Richard. I make a mad dash for the door and quickly open it. He runs through the entrance so urgently, he almost slams me into the wall behind me.

  “Sorry, Lily,” he yells out and shuts the bathroom door behind him.

  “You’re welcome—for using my bathroom,” I tease him. “Do you need a change of clothing with that?” I taunt and giggle. This is odd. It’s too unusually quiet, and I hear no wise-ass remarks from the other side of the bathroom door. “Richard, is everything okay in there?” I ask him with my ear pinned to the door, attempt
ing to eavesdrop. I can hear the toilet flush and then running water from the faucet. The door opens, and he catches me in his arms before I hit the ground, ear first. With a ghastly expression identical to mine, Richard holds my empty pregnancy kit box in his hand. Thank god he’s supporting me because my buckled knees would’ve failed me miserably.

  “I should ask you if everything is okay, Lily.” He stares at me, searching for an explanation. “Lily…,” he pauses and blows out a heavy breath. “Are you…pregnant?” Undeniably, his voice and expression already tells me that he’s disappointed. I snatch the box from his hand and disentangle myself from him.

  “Why are you looking through my trash anyways?” I defensively attack him, being unnecessarily bitchy.

  “I wasn’t purposely looking through your trash. It was facing upward on top of your wastebasket when I tossed my paper towel away,” he replies defensively. His face grows more discouraged, making my heart equally more remorseful.

  “I’m sorry, Richard. That was very bitchy of me and so uncalled for. My life has completely flipped upside down and all around. I’ve screwed everything up, and I don’t know where to begin to fix it.” I plop down on the upholstered chair, and he plops down next to me.

  “Do you want to unload now or wait until you’re ready? I’m all ears.” He puts his firm arm around my shoulders and offers me his sympathy.

  “Whether I tell you now or later, it won’t make my outcome any better—yes, I’m pregnant. I just took the test about half an hour ago. Ame was the first person, and now you’re the second. I haven’t had the chance to break the news to Carson yet. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready.” Richard pulls his arm away from me and places both of his hands on his lap. He’s speechless. Is he upset with me or my situation? Crap, I don’t need guilt to be added to my already really long list of screw-ups. I lean forward, place my elbows on my thighs and use the tips of my fingers to support my forehead. He perks up immediately after realizing that he’s failing at being a friend.