Out of Sorts Aphrodite (The Goddess Chronicles Book 2)

by S. E. Babin

  “Over a man?” Lachesis’ face softened. “You must be deeply in love to consider such an action.”

  Artemis blushed. Keto stood there looking both appalled and embarrassed.

  “Love is for less intelligent people than me,” she blustered.

  Atropos stared at her like she was the kid who had the misfortune to ask a dumb question in front of her peers. “Love is for everyone.” Her eyes got a far-off look, but she quickly masked it. “Love does not discriminate, Artemis.”

  She looked around the forest at the evidence of our destruction. “Look at what you’ve done,” she said softly. Artemis looked around for the first time, her face stricken.

  “You can create or you can destroy, Artemis.” Lachesis spoke. “Does Hestia really deserve your wrath?”

  Artie looked torn.

  Lachesis snorted in amusement. “Let me rephrase. Perhaps a conversation with Keto could have prevented this entire thing. Perhaps a longer look inside yourself could have given you the strength to walk away from Hestia’s taunts.” She gave a pitying look to the ichor soaked woman barely able to stand next to her.

  “She does not have a good heart. But you do, Artemis. Words can anger, yes, but they heal, too. Do not allow someone’s words to turn you into something unrecognizable. This,” she pointed to Hestia, “should never have happened. Aphrodite is not completely to blame.” Lachesis stared at Keto, her mouth turned down. “Ask yourself if Keto would do the same for you, or if you are merely a fun flirtation in his life right now.”

  Artie closed her eyes, pain evident in her face. Her shoulders slumped. “You are right. I ask your forgiveness, Fates.”

  “You should not be asking for their forgiveness, Huntress. You should be asking for mine.”

  My heart sank as Zeus walked into the clearing.

  20

  Chapter Twenty

  There we stood, paint splattered and ridiculous with one angry, unrepentant goddess glaring at the King of the Gods and another half dead being held up by Lachesis. It was a bizarre scene, made worse by the unexpected appearance of the Fates.

  Zeus wore a chiton, but this time he carried his staff. Bad news all around. I looked over at Artemis, silently willing her to get a whole lot less angry and a whole lot more repentant, but she stood there proud and noble meeting Zeus’ eyes. She’d always been scared of him, but I think this time she had been pushed too far.

  “Explain yourself,” Zeus said, his tone brooking no argument.

  Saying Hestia started it was not going to be a good way to begin. Artie was smart. She’d come up with something way better than I would in this situation. But she just stood there, her eyes a maelstrom of emotion. I wanted to scream, say something, anything for gods’ sakes, but opening my mouth was bound to make things a whole lot worse for everyone.

  Ares watched the entire spectacle with amusement. Hermes watched with predatory interest and a bit of fear. Our eyes met, and the feeling of desire in his eyes was almost enough for me to drag him out of the clearing by the hair and molest him in the woods.

  Finally Artemis spoke. “Hestia challenged me.” She tossed a haughty look over to the beaten Goddess of the Hearth. “She lost.”

  Oh, hell. I would have been in a puddle weeping for mercy, and Artemis decides to go full Monty. I’d have been less surprised if she had thrown off her clothes and danced a naked jig in the woods. I closed my eyes and counted to five. I didn’t want to see my former BFF as a smoldering pile of ash.

  When I was done counting, I opened one eye surprised to see nothing had changed. Artie still stood there and Zeus still stared at her in appraisal.

  “And why did she challenge you?” he asked, his tone deceptively mild.

  “Because I kicked her ass a few days ago, too.” Artemis’ posture straightened even more if possible.

  Ares sucked in a sharp breath and turned wild WTF eyes to me. I shrugged and made the universal sign for crazy discreetly.

  “And what, pray tell, did she do to have you ‘kick her ass’ as you so eloquently put it?” Zeus stepped in front of Artemis, and I saw the first stirrings of fear on her face. About damned time.

  I didn’t think flirting with her boyfriend was going to be enough of an answer to appease Zeus because Hestia was super close to keeling over if she didn’t get some much needed attention from Asclepius. Most girls in a situation like this pulled hair and called each other whores. We started a magical paintball battle, destroyed hundreds of acres of woodland, caused violent explosions, and then sent poisonous snakes and mountain lions to tear our enemies apart. All in a day’s work.

  I could see Artie’s brilliant mind working furiously to come up with an acceptable answer. “She overstepped her boundaries as Goddess of the Hearth. She tried to take what was mine, knowing it was not up for discussion.”

  “Good,” I breathed in a whisper and felt Ares’ warning grip around my arm.

  Artie tilted her chin up proudly. “She hid amongst us as a human, deliberately concealing her identity and magic from us.”

  Hestia whined piteously. If I hadn’t seen the evidence of Artie’s destruction, I would have thought she was hamming it up for Zeus.

  Artie cleared her throat and continued. “Hestia then attacked me unprovoked inside of the bakery she owned as her alter ego, April.”

  I wanted to applaud. Zeus examined her face for a moment, searching for any hint of untruth. Artemis was one slick chick. Everything she said was true. And it was worded in such a way that Zeus would most likely be forced to back down. Hestia was in the wrong. Most of us standing here knew it.

  Clotho stepped forward, her eyes clear and guileless. “Zeus,” she said, her voice ringing out through the woods, “she speaks the truth.”

  His eyes swept to hers, a suspicious look on his face. I could see his thirst for vengeance sitting plainly on his face. Letting his children run around smacking the crap out of each other was frowned upon. Most who did it suffered horribly. I was beginning to be hopeful Artie would escape the brunt of his wrath.

  Zeus turned to me and all my happy thoughts withered like a funeral rose. I pasted an entirely inappropriate sunny smile on my face. Ares elbowed me.

  “Lose it. You look like an escaped mental patient,” he whispered.

  Through gritted teeth I said, “If I don’t smile, I’m going to cry.”

  “Can you be normal for once?” Ares rolled his eyes and shook his head.

  “This is normal,” I whispered.

  “I know,” Ares said, “that makes me sad for you.”

  Zeus strolled over to me, one eyebrow raised. “Five of my most powerful Olympians are standing in the woods covered in paint, bear shit, and mud. Reports are coming in about explosions and a mass influx of animals into one particular area, suspiciously close to your house. As much as I would like to believe all of this is some horrible coincidence and the Fates happen to be here for a campfire lesson, my thoughts only fall to one person. You, my dear.” He grinned at me and I may have peed myself a little.

  “No one was supposed to get hurt,” I said lamely.

  He looked pained and sighed like parents since the dawn of time when their children did something extraordinarily stupid. “You pretty much opened a Hunger Games arena in the woods behind your property.”

  He gestured wildly at the burning treetops. “You are not Katniss and this is not District Nine!”

  I cringed. “I wanted everyone to get their frustrations out of their systems before we took on Typhon.”

  “Typhon? No one is taking on Typhon,” Zeus boomed. “Especially not you bumbling idiots!”

  Ouch. That was harsh. Ares stiffened beside me, and I had to stifle a giggle. Yeah, you too, buddy. You’re included in that, I thought. I was used to being on Zeus’ shit list. Ares was now the golden boy who’d gone from the cool dorm into Nerdvana.

  Artemis came over to stand beside me. “We are your best shot at beating Typhon.”

  Zeus glared at her. “You�
��d best not speak to me for a while, Huntress. I am close to tearing your body into teeny, tiny pieces and using you for fish bait.”

  Artie paled and fell silent.

  “And you, Abby, of all the cockamamie, ridiculous stunts you’ve pulled –” He stopped and shoved a hand through his hair.

  I opened my mouth to apologize, but as I did, I saw his mouth twitch.

  “You are a damned eyesore to the Twelve Olympians, a disgrace to royal bearing, a child in a grownup’s body and yet…” He chuckled. “And yet,” he sighed, “people can’t help but love you. You’ve managed to wrangle four of the strongest people in my court into the woods to play a ridiculous game. And no one died.” He laughed. “God’s teeth, Abby. I should just kill you to put myself out of my misery.”

  That was a little harsh. I felt my face redden at his words. “You’re right,” I said. “Sometimes I am a child. I –”

  “Sometimes?” Zeus guffawed, as all of us stood there dumbstruck watching our king slap his knee in mirth. “You’re a plague on good order and discipline.”

  I bowed my head, tears springing to the surface. He was right. I was glad he found it so damned funny. Right now I was feeling like a miserable failure. The most likely reason no one died is because the Fates had shown up when they had. Artemis would have torn Hestia into a thousand pieces and scattered her bones to the wind. I didn’t have a doubt in the world that was what would have happened.

  A strong, warm hand clapped onto my shoulder. “Look at me,” Zeus’ soft voice said from above.

  I looked into his eyes and saw leftover humor and compassion, two things I’d rarely seen from him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “Well, I’m not sure I want you to apologize,” he admitted. “I haven’t seen my children have this much fun since Ancient Greece. You’ve spurred something inside of them. Made them come alive again. I couldn’t even do that, Abby. Even though it was a completely idiotic, foolhardy idea, I almost feel like I should thank you.”

  My eyes lit up.

  “But I won’t,” he said. “Because I still think you’re an idiot sometimes.”

  “Duly noted,” I murmured.

  “Now,” Zeus gestured to all of us, “get the Hades out of here before I lose what’s left of my good humor. Tomorrow these woods better be in pristine shape. All evidence of your idiotic paintball game to the death better be cleaned up.”

  Lachesis cleared her throat. Zeus paled. “My Olympians,” he corrected. “The Fates will not be doing clean-up duty.”

  Lachesis raised her eyebrow but nodded in acceptance. Clotho glided over to me and leaned in where only I could hear her.

  “I’m not even going to mention all the thousands of ways this could have gone worse because I’m sure your imagination is better than mine.” She looked furtively at Zeus. His back was turned to us as he tried to help Hestia stand properly. Her screams of anguish blistered my ears. “You’re lucky we contained your game in a few small areas within these woods, otherwise it would have been much worse.”

  That explained the weird sense of déjà vu I experienced throughout the entire game.

  She sighed and shook her head. “The time is almost near to battle Typhon.” I stiffened. She rested a hand on my shoulder. I turned to meet her eyes as she murmured the words I knew in my heart would be true.

  “You will lose.”

  21

  Chapter Twenty One

  Our weary, bedraggled bunch blinked into the front yard of my house. All of us were uncharacteristically silent after our meet-up with Zeus.

  “Good times,” Artie muttered.

  I choked on a laugh and looking at all of us, it turned into full blown hysterical laughter. Ares rolled his eyes and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “morons.” Keto’s mouth twitched, and Hermes couldn’t help the full-fledged grin that spread across his face.

  He gathered me into a warm hug and kissed the top of my head. “You are a space cadet sometimes, Abby, but your heart is always in the right place.”

  I felt yellow paint smear across my face which made me laugh even harder. I wiped some of the globs of blue paint off my top and smeared it across his forehead. The rumble of laughter coming from him made me relax. He could be everything to me if I opened myself to him.

  “A shower sounds heavenly right about now,” Artie said. It did. We could clean off in no time using magic, but sometimes there was no substitute for a hot, steamy shower. I stepped out of Hermes’ embrace.

  Artemis looked weary. And wounded. Scratches covered almost every square inch of her skin, some light and others that needed healing. Brambles, leaves, and twigs tangled in her hair making my lovely friend look like a reggae reject. I stepped toward her, calling my magic up, and touched her cheek. Gold and silver light swirled around us as the healing magic took away most of her pain.

  Artie gasped. “You’ve never been a strong healer!” She moved her arm in front of her and turned it back and forth watching the scratches disappear into the skin like they never had existed.

  I smiled grimly. “Things change.”

  “Eris?” she asked, although she already knew the truth.

  At my nod, she smiled softly. “Well, it’s pretty cool.”

  I didn’t mention the gift Gaia had given me still swirling around in my veins. I trudged up the steps and opened the front door. “The first person to smudge paint on anything washes dishes for the next ten years.”

  We piled inside only to see Dionysus sitting on my couch. I rubbed my forehead. This day couldn’t possibly get any worse, but once I noticed Athena sitting next to him I thought I was going to cry. I sighed deeply and wept inside at the thought of missing out on that shower.

  “To what do I owe this pleasure?” I asked. I used a quick shot of magic to revert my regular appearance and be somewhat presentable. I sank into the closest chair available. Everything hurt, my emotions were all over the place, and I didn’t want to have to entertain anyone else.

  Instead, since both of these jokers were here, I had a strong feeling we were all about to have a much longer day.

  Dionysus spoke first. “The Sword of God is gone.”

  I swallowed.

  “It’s WHAT?” Ares rushed in and leaned over Dionysus with bared teeth and a heaving chest.

  “Back away, War. Neither of us could have seen it coming.” Dionysus looked weary and aged.

  Ares didn’t back down. “Who has it?”

  At Dionysus’ grim look, a collective shocked inhale went around the room. “No,” Hermes whispered. “May the gods have mercy on us all.”

  Dionysus released a bitter chuckle. “The gods will no longer exist if we don’t get it back.”

  Athena said nothing but stared at us all with a horrified expression on her face. “What in Hades did you get into?”

  Artemis, in fine form today, said, “Craft time went awry. You should see the other guy.”

  I snorted with laughter, but sobered at Ares’ glare. “Are you working with Typhon?” I asked Dionysus bluntly.

  Tired eyes swept to me. “I was never working with Typhon, Aphrodite. I was under his coercion and he has…something of mine I need back.”

  Our eyes met and his silent plea made me refrain from mentioning Ariadne in front of Athena. My thoughts swept back to my meeting with Hera. She was the least likely of us to champion Dionysus. I was beginning to believe Hera’s opinion about him. It was becoming clear he was a pawn caught up in a terrible game.

  Hermes interjected. “We barely beat Typhon the last time we battled him. With the Sword of God in his possession, our odds just plummeted.”

  “Way to motivate the masses,” I sighed.

  “This is no time for jokes, Aphrodite!” Ares snapped at me.

  I flinched, taken aback. “Of course it’s not the time for jokes. But since we’re all going to die, I’m pretty sure there isn’t a better time for it. Besides, you’re so consumed with getting this sword back that you seem no
t to care about Typhon. Perhaps it was never Dionysus at all. Maybe we’re looking at this all wrong.” My eyes swept the room. Athena listened with rapt attention and a smile that seemed suspiciously like approval hovered on the edges of her mouth.

  “Any one of us could be powerful enough to release Typhon if we had Circe in our corner.”

  “Especially you, Abby,” Ares said, something malicious glinting in his eyes. “Don’t think your new burst of power has gone unnoticed by everyone.”

  I buried my face in my hands. “You know you’re talking to the woman who just organized a magical paintball game that almost destroyed hundreds of acres of protected woodlands, right? And the same woman who barely bungled her way through the Eris debacle? Seriously, if you think I’m smart enough to do a covert takeover of Olympus while controlling a monster, then maybe you need to visit Asclepius to get an exam. I’m far too self-absorbed and lazy to even consider it.”

  Eager nods all around. I was too tired to get my feelings hurt about it. Ares’ face softened and he straightened. “True,” he conceded. “You are quite lazy.”

  “Thanks,” I sighed. “Now that we’ve got all our accusations off our chests, let’s focus on the problem at hand. Someone released Typhon for motivations unknown. And now the Sword of God is gone. Zeus is going to be super pleased about that one. Where do we go from here?”

  “Frontal assault,” Athena immediately said.

  Artie snorted. “You go first, sis.”

  Ares seated his large bulk down on the floor. He looked uncomfortable, but I wasn’t nice enough to stand up and offer him my chair.

  “No frontal,” he said. “Typhon has too much raw power for that. We need to go in with stealth. Tricking him will probably be the only way to win.”

  My thoughts were moving in a disturbing direction. “Why did he let me go?” I wondered aloud.

  Hermes crouched beside me, all vestiges of paint gone. “That’s been bothering me. I don’t know. By all accounts, we never should have found you that night.”