Love All

by Spangler, Rachel;

  “It was silly of me.”

  “It was.” Sadie grinned at her. “But it was also insensitive of me not to realize where your mind would go. I didn’t intend to stay away all night. I thought I’d be able to explain everything to you when we settled down and Des went to sleep, but we dozed off.”

  They’d dozed off. In all her hours of attempting to battle insecurity with logic, why hadn’t that possibility even occurred to her?

  “I’m so sorry for bringing up those horrible memories. I can imagine what you must have thought, and I hate myself for hurting you.” Her eyes filled with tears, and Jay hated herself a little for putting Sadie through any fraction of the emotional turmoil she’d felt earlier.

  “Stop. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just a mess. It’s been so long since I’ve trusted anyone. It feels so new again.”

  “And it is new for me. I’ve never had anyone but Des to worry about.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

  Sadie raised dark eyebrows questioningly.

  “I promise. We’ll get through this.” Jay put her hands on the perfect curve of Sadie’s hips, relishing the contact she’d craved all day. “We’ll figure things out as we go, but you make me believe we can get through anything.”

  Sadie melted into her, pressing their bodies and lips together with a fervor Jay couldn’t possibly question. As her lips parted in the most delicious surrender, Jay felt part of her heart slipping back into place. The tension drained from her body along with the fear, leaving a space that could be filled only with the love she felt. Within Sadie’s arms she was whole again, and totally immersed to the point that she didn’t even notice the door open behind them until Destiny spoke.

  “What the hell?”

  Chapter Twelve

  Jay jumped back before Sadie could even process what had happened, but as she whirled around, she couldn’t mistake the look of horror that played over her daughter’s face. She reached out for her instinctively, but Destiny jerked away as if Sadie were a monster rather than the woman she’d leaned on mere hours before.

  “Des, please,” Sadie pleaded, desperate to explain.

  Destiny pursed her lips and shook her head violently.

  “Calm down.” Sadie forced herself to model the type of tone she wanted the conversation to take despite the way her heart raced. “I understand this is a surprise, but—”

  “It’s not.” Destiny paced into the room before spinning and heading back toward them. “I saw this coming months ago. I knew something was wrong, but damn it, I trusted you.”

  Sadie followed her into the room. “Honey, calm down. You’re blowing this out of proportion. Let’s sit down and talk about this like adults. No one broke anyone’s trust.”

  But Destiny wouldn’t sit down. She wouldn’t look at Sadie, either. Sadie would have thought she hadn’t heard her words at all until she said, “Yes, she did. She breaks everyone’s trust.”

  Sadie glanced over her shoulder to Jay, who was still standing in the doorway trying to understand this rapid shift in both focus and topic.

  Jay didn’t seem nearly as disoriented as she stepped inside and quietly closed the door behind her. Her face had gone pale, but she didn’t shrink from the situation as she stood grim and stoic right behind Sadie.

  “Don’t come in here,” Destiny said vehemently. “How can you even stand here after you looked me in the eye and told me you weren’t who they said you were? You gave me your word. Is that how you dragged Katia in too?”

  “Destiny!” Sadie snapped. “You’re out of line.”

  “Am I?” Destiny’s eyes blazed at Jay. “You want to tell her about your long history of broken promises, or should I?”

  “I know about Katia,” Sadie said firmly.

  This seemed to knock some of the wind out of Destiny, who at least stopped pacing even if she didn’t reply. Sadie used the break to plow forward as rationally as she could in the moment. “Jay told me everything before we got together. She was up front and open and fair with me.”

  Destiny snorted.

  “I mean it. She’s always been calm and kind and trusting, which is much more than you’re giving her right now.”

  “She doesn’t deserve your trust.”

  “Okay.” Sadie’d heard enough. “That’s it. I won’t tolerate you speaking to her this way.”

  “If you don’t want to hear it, then get out.”

  Sadie’s eyes widened as she slowly looked her daughter up and down. “Excuse me?”

  “Sade,” Jay whispered, “she’s got a right to her emotions.”

  “She doesn’t have a right to disrespect you.”

  “Let her speak her piece.”

  “I don’t need your permission. Either of you. I’m going to have this out,” Destiny said resolutely. “I’m not a child, and I won’t bite my tongue again. I won’t let her do this again.”

  “She’s not doing anything again. She didn’t do anything in the first place.” Sadie pleaded with Destiny to listen. “I understand what you saw was jolting. It’s not the way I wanted you to find out, but I’m in love with Jay. I want to be with her. No one tricked me or misled me. She makes me tremendously happy, and I’d hoped that once you understood that, you’d be happy for me too.”

  Jay brushed Sadie’s hand with her own, and Sadie looked up to see some of the color had returned to her face. Sadie felt a flash of relief at knowing the declaration had bolstered Jay, and hopefully laid to rest any of the fears that had resurfaced.

  “You can’t love her,” Destiny said. “You don’t even know who she really is. She plays people. She misleads women and uses them. She lies.”

  Sadie held up a hand to cut her off. Her sympathy for Destiny’s position had worn off. “Enough. You’re being completely unfair in bringing up things you know nothing about.”

  Destiny rolled her eyes again.

  “I mean it,” Sadie snapped. “You’ve let people you don’t even know fill your head with lies instead of taking a hard look at the woman who has worked side by side with you for months. I’m disappointed in you. How can you not know for yourself who she is by now?”

  “I thought I did. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and I let her fool me too, but this” — she waved her hand between the two of them— “proves she’s exactly who they said she was, a predator who can’t keep a promise. Her word means nothing.”

  Something about those phrases triggered a memory that washed over Sadie so quickly she had to put a hand on the wall to steady herself from being bowled over. Jay’s anguished voice echoed through her ears, calling her back to the first night they’d kissed. I promised . . . I gave my word.

  Sadie turned slowly from Destiny back to Jay, who still stood so strong and steady beside her. She’d changed so much over the last few months, it was hard now to summon the image of her stalwart features twisted with the agony of that night, but the images had been burned deep into Sadie’s consciousness by the fear of causing such torment again. Jay had been wracked with guilt about the kiss that had broken a promise. A promise to herself? Or a promise to someone else?

  “You promised.” Sadie whispered the words aloud.

  Jay nodded slowly. “I did.”

  “You promised her what? To stay away from me?”

  “Yes!” Destiny sounded victorious.

  “No.” Jay cut back in quietly. “I promised not to do anything to put your heart or your reputation in jeopardy.”

  “And you think you found some kind of loophole?” Destiny asked disgustedly.

  “I know I didn’t handle the situation the way you wanted, and I don’t expect you to understand how hard I tried to fight these feelings, but I swear I love your mom, and I’d never do anything to put her at risk of being hurt in any way.”

  “That’s bullshit,” Destiny said fiercely, and Sadie was still reeling too much to do more than wince at the profanity. “You’ve already weaseled your way into her heart. She says she loves
you.”

  “And I love her.”

  “You don’t,” Destiny said flatly. “If you loved her, you would’ve put her needs above yours. You wouldn’t have put her in a position to lie. You wouldn’t have snuck around like a dirty little secret. You wouldn’t have exposed her to the possibility of scandals in the press.”

  “We’re not going to get caught by the press,” Jay said, but her voice trembled in ways it hadn’t earlier. “I’ve been careful. I’m going to protect her. I meant what I told you. I’d lay down everything I have before I let the press get ahold of her.”

  “Stop!” Sadie shouted. Everything was moving too fast. She could barely keep up, much less process all the new information, but the words being thrown around now were the ones that had raised her ire all her life, and she had to clear a few things up. “You promised her you’d protect me before you even kissed me?”

  “Yes,” Des said, as if she’d scored a point.

  “Not exactly,” Jay corrected. “Destiny had some concerns about my feelings for you, and I shared them, so we had a heart to heart.”

  “When?”

  “Madrid.”

  Another piece of the puzzle snapped into place. “On the court.”

  “Yes.” They responded in unison, but only Destiny seemed happy.

  “You two stopped a professional tennis match to talk about your conflicting plans for my love life weeks before I had a chance to even consider my feelings on the subject?” Destiny opened her mouth, but with a shake of her head, Sadie cut her off. “And then, without consulting me, the two of you came to some sort of pact about how you would handle situations that hadn’t arisen, ones I hadn’t even dreamed about, much less consented to?”

  “Well . . .” Destiny drew out the word but couldn’t seem to find anything to add.

  “And you.” She wheeled on Jay. “You left me standing alone in that hallway and drowning in my own doubts for a week while you tried to keep some promise you made to my daughter.”

  Jay finally hung her head. “I did.”

  “Then, when you finally had the decency to include me in part of your story, you left all of this information out of your drawn-out confessional?”

  “I did.”

  “And for over a month you’ve fed me a story about how you were protecting Des by not going public when really you were protecting yourself from Destiny?”

  Jay lifted her eyes once more. “I wanted to protect you both. I still do. She’s not wrong to worry about what the press will do to you, to both of you, if this became public.”

  “See,” Destiny said, “even she admits she’s put you in danger. She can’t keep her promises, and she can’t protect you, so she’s hiding you. She’s lying about you. She’s not good enough for you.”

  Sadie turned slowly back to Destiny. “And that’s why you told her to stay away from me?”

  “Yes.”

  “How dare you.”

  “What?” Destiny asked.

  “You are the daughter. I am the mother. What in the last seventeen years of our lives together made you think you had the right to tell me who I could and couldn’t associate with?”

  “Mom—”

  “That’s right, I am the mom, a mother who has always been up front and honest and forthcoming with you. I taught you to be independent, and I gave you more trust than other parents because I believed in you. Do you have any idea how upsetting it is to find out you didn’t think I deserved the same?”

  “I tried to tell you about her—”

  “You did,” Sadie admitted, “but listen to the two people you listed: you and her. What about me? At what point did you stop to consider the fact that decisions about my life are mine to make?”

  “I just wanted—”

  “That’s right. You wanted.” She was on a roll now. The more she talked, the angrier she got. “You both came to your own agreement based on what you thought was best for me. You both made arrangements for my life without consulting me.”

  “I’m sorry,” Jay said.

  “You should be. You made me think you were looking out for Destiny’s career.”

  “I was.”

  “But you were also keeping secrets from both of us.”

  Jay hung her head again. “You’re right. It wouldn’t have changed a thing about how I wanted to handle the situation, but I should have at least told you about the conversation with Des as soon as we kissed.”

  “You shouldn’t have kissed her in the first place.”

  Sadie whirled back to face Des. “First of all, I kissed her.”

  Destiny let a little groan escape.

  “Second of all, this is why you’ve been watching us so closely, isn’t it? You thought you could just police me quietly or run interference. God, that night in Mallorca, did you even want to hang out with me, or did you just want to run Jay off?”

  “No. I mean yes. Both maybe.”

  Sadie swallowed hard, trying to force down the burn of shame and bile rising up her throat. “Get out.”

  “What?” Jay and Destiny said in unison.

  “I am so mad at both of you, I can’t even sort out my feelings anymore. I need to be alone.”

  “Um, it’s one o’clock in the morning,” Des said.

  “And?”

  “It’s her room,” Jay mumbled.

  “It was my room first, until I got manipulated out of it. It’s my name on the bill, and it’s my name that signs the checks. I made all the arrangements, and yet somehow it’s the two of you who seem to be making all the decisions around here.”

  Jay stepped back, clearly recognizing she wasn’t going to get anywhere else tonight, but Destiny managed a pathetic, “Where am I supposed to go?”

  For the first time in her life, Sadie didn’t melt at the mix of emotions in Destiny’s voice. Instead, she stood her ground and pointed toward the door. “If you two have my whole life figured out for me, surely you can work that out too.”

  ★ ★ ★

  Jay sat on the bench alongside court number two, bouncing her knees up and down. They called this court the Graveyard of Champions, because so many of the greats had suffered losses here, but she couldn’t imagine any one of them had ever endured the type of limbo she found herself in now.

  She’d seen Hank enter the players’ box, so she suspected Destiny was in the vicinity, but she hadn’t actually seen her since she had stormed off last night. Jay had offered Des the empty bed in her room, but that had gone over about as well as anyone with half a brain would expect, and she’d once again returned to her own room to stare at the ceiling alone.

  She glanced up at the box once more to see Hank looking disheveled in khakis and a white button-down shirt. Every one of his buttons appeared harassed nearly to the point of popping. He wouldn’t meet her eyes, but his expression was grim. More telling, he was alone. Sadie’s absence hurt even more than her presence had last night, but at least it made sense. Where had Tad gone? And more importantly, could American military members carry weapons in England?

  Jay shook her head and sighed. How had she gone from feeling like a champion to wondering if her doubles partner’s father/her girlfriend’s ex-lover might have the means to murder her on the court?

  “Jay.” Heather had climbed down from her tall umpire’s chair to speak to her quietly. “You’ve got three minutes left to warm up or forfeit.”

  “I’m not allowed to play doubles alone, am I?”

  Heather managed a sympathetic grimace.

  This was not good. Nothing had been good since yesterday morning when she’d awakened in Sadie’s arms. The memory seemed ages old by now, but it really had been only one day ago. Everything else since then had been only blissful steps toward disaster.

  “Okay, then. I guess I’m going to have to—”

  “Warm up quickly,” Heather said, with a nod over Jay’s shoulder.

  She turned around to see Destiny jog onto the court. Her white skirt ruffled on the breeze she create
d, and her ponytail bobbed back and forth across her shoulders, but the youthful aspects of her appearance were overpowered by the hard set of her jaw and the spite in her eyes.

  “Um, yeah,” Jay said slowly. “I guess so.”

  Heather backed away slowly as Des dropped her bag unceremoniously onto the bench.

  “Hey.” Jay offered a neutral greeting.

  A tiny muscle in Destiny’s jaw twitched, but she offered no voluntary response.

  “You okay to play?”

  Destiny wordlessly unzipped her bag and pulled out a racket, then without a word turned and strode onto the court.

  “Fair enough,” Jay said. “You serve first.”

  Destiny joined her at the net for a quick coin toss, then without so much as acknowledging anyone else’s presence, strode purposefully to her position at the baseline.

  Heather managed to discreetly raise an eyebrow to Jay, who shrugged. “At least we don’t have to forfeit.”

  That had seemed like a win of sorts at the time. An hour later, Jay suspected winning had become a relative term, one she barely understood anymore.

  The match had been nothing short of a disaster. A certain amount of tension could have been expected, and certainly in a game in which communication played a central role, she wasn’t surprised to find that Destiny’s unwillingness to speak to her proved a complicating factor. They’d been there before in the early days of their partnership, and she’d felt somewhat prepared to play amid barely hidden animosity. What she couldn’t have anticipated, though, was Destiny’s all-out determination to pretend she didn’t even exist. Destiny cut her off on the crosscourt, swung rackets dangerously close to her ear, and went up for balls directly over Jay’s head.

  “Shit.” Jay swore and hopped back, trying not to put all her weight on the foot that had just been crushed as Des came down from smashing an overhead spike into the net.

  “Game,” Heather called from the chair. “Ms. Gabler/Ms. Fradley lead five games to one in the second set.”

  “Ouch, ouch, ouch.” Jay hobbled over to the bench and wrenched off her shoe to relieve some of the pressure from the onset of swelling.