Love All

by Spangler, Rachel;

  Several reporters shifted in their seats as silence stretched for the longest few seconds of the press conference so far, only to be broken by a female voice that sent a chill up Jay’s spine.

  “Destiny,” she said coolly, “do you agree with Jay’s assessment of what went wrong out there?”

  Destiny’s jaw tightened.

  “She’s had a rough day, Haley,” Jay cut in, her tone more wary than tired now. “Do we really need to make her rehash every point I’ve already made?”

  “Actually,” Haley snapped back, “that question was addressed to Ms. Larsen, because what you assert as the so-called truth seems a little suspect to those of us who have followed the game for more than a decade.”

  Jay’s face flamed instantly, and this time she didn’t seek Sadie’s eyes. She felt a flash of shame at the insinuation she’d been shielded from when she was winning. She should’ve known the doubts would creep back in the moment the scoreboard turned against her. Still, she hadn’t braced herself for the bluntness of the assertion or the disdain with which it was delivered. The woman had stopped just short of calling Jay a liar to her face, and now she had to sit there helplessly while everyone turned to Destiny, waiting to see if she’d defend her.

  “Destiny,” Haley pressed again, more gently, even though Des wouldn’t look at her. “Can you please tell us what you think caused the wide array of mistakes and miscues on the court today?”

  A tiny muscle in Destiny’s tight jaw twitched, as if she was fighting desperately to keep her mouth shut. Jay held her breath until it nearly hurt. The room sat completely silent.

  “No.” Then Des rose steadily, leaned over the mic, and said, “If you want any more explanations, you’ll have to ask Jay. She’s the one who can’t control herself or keep her promises, and I’m done covering for her.”

  Then she stormed out the door.

  Silence reigned in the room, or maybe Jay could only hear the whoosh of air leaving her lungs as if it had been forced out by a punch to the gut, because once her breath rushed in, sharp and painful, so did a barrage of questions.

  “Jay, what’s she talking about?”

  “How did she cover for you?”

  “What promises?”

  “What does she mean ‘control yourself’?”

  “Jay, Jay, Jay.”

  They shouted her name over and over and over to the popping rhythm of flashbulbs. She sat frozen in place, squinting against the onslaught of light and noise without actually taking any of it in. The only clear thought she managed to have as the familiar numbness consumed her once more was, Here we go again.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sadie stared helplessly as Jay folded in on herself. Shoulders forward, back slouched, she rested her elbows on the table and hung her head.

  Without thinking, Sadie jumped to her feet, prepared to hurdle every camera to get to her, but a firm hand on her shoulder pushed her back down. She glanced up, ready to take a swing at whoever stood between her and Jay, but Hank only shook his head grimly at her.

  “Are you sleeping with Destiny Larsen?” someone called out.

  Jay shook her head.

  “Are you romantically linked in any way?”

  “No,” Jay rasped into the mic, her eyes still fixed on the table in front of her.

  “She’s mad at you about something,” someone said sharply. “Are you going to tell us what?”

  “No,” Jay repeated.

  “Jay,” one of the regular reporters, Chuck maybe, pleaded. “We have to write something.”

  Sadie’s chest constricted. He was offering her a chance, a way to save herself. Take the lifeline. She had seen Jay do a verbal bob and weave so many times. Surely she could pull off the move now. Sadie willed her to rise to the occasion, to say something funny or pithy to make this all go away.

  Instead Jay sighed and looked up at him, her blue eyes now almost as pale and gray as her skin. “I don’t comment publicly on my personal life.”

  There was a collective gasp, then rustling of paper, and more camera clicks.

  “So, you admit the conflict between you and the seventeen-year-old Ms. Larsen stems from personal issues rather than the tennis court?” Haley asked, a glee in her voice Sadie had never heard before.

  “No comment.”

  “Jay,” Sadie whispered. “Come on. Fight.”

  “Are you currently single?” someone shouted from the back.

  “No comment.”

  Sadie winced again. She should’ve been the one to answer that question. She was the only other person who had any right to, or at least she’d had that right last night. Had she forfeited it when she’d thrown Jay out? Or maybe when she’d stayed home from the match. Or perhaps she’d lost her claim to Jay when she’d refused to defend her during Destiny’s punishing play today. Had she gotten here too late? Obviously, she’d arrived too late to stop the wound from being reopened, but couldn’t she at least stop the bleeding?

  “Do any of the other tennis players know about you and Destiny?”

  “Everyone knows we are doubles partners,” Jay said.

  “Have you had any other romantic relationships with anyone else on the tour?”

  Jay shook her head.

  “Has any other player spent time with the two of you in social situations?”

  “No comment.”

  No fight, no defense, no blame. Sadie watched helplessly for what felt like an eternity as the reporters battered her with questions and insinuations that no human should have to face. And Jay sat there, hunched over, her beautiful face void of emotion, her voice as flat as her refrain. “No comment.”

  Sadie finally turned back to Hank, whose complexion now ranged somewhere between green and ash. “Do something, or I will.”

  He nodded to a woman in a Wimbledon polo with a clipboard standing just to the side of the stage and, as Sadie turned to eye her more carefully, the woman made a swipe with her hand just below her chin in the universal sign for cut them off. Another person in a matching polo, a man this time, sprang from his seat in the front row, blocking Jay from view. “That’s all for today, folks.”

  The press shouted their disapproval, but the man held out his arms as if trying to make his rail-thin frame take up more space. “Our next press conference will be in fifteen minutes featuring our men’s quarterfinalist and—”

  He didn’t even finish before half the reporters sprinted for the door, and the others surged toward the stage, but in the commotion, the first tour official had grabbed Jay by the upper arm and hauled her out of the chair toward a door opposite the one most players used to go back to the locker rooms.

  Sadie jumped up and took two steps after them before Hank caught her around the waist.

  “You’re not allowed back there.”

  “I’d like to see them stop me.” Her voice rose to near panic.

  “Sadie,” he said tersely, “think before you act.”

  She shook her head, unable to think about anything other than getting to Jay.

  “If you, Destiny Larsen’s mother” — he paused to let the title sink in— “go charging back into a restricted area chasing her right now, the press will have a field day. You’ll only hurt her more.”

  She started to shake, her whole body torn with indecision. She couldn’t do nothing, but she didn’t want to make things worse.

  “Go find Des,” Hank said quietly.

  “Des,” Sadie repeated. A new rush of emotions surged in her as three realizations hit her simultaneously. Des had done this. Des was alone. The press would come for her next. The anger at the first realization was tempered by the fear accompanying the other two.

  “Find her and keep her away from the reporters. I promise I’ll get to Jay.”

  Sadie squeezed his hand, unable to find any words, as the fear inside her ripped another piece of her heart. She made the choice and headed for the players’ area. Both of the people she loved most needed her now, and she could chase only one of
them. It had to be Destiny.

  ★ ★ ★

  Jay could hear Hank shouting all the way down the hall. This side of the building was made for whispered conversations, with stark walls and stone floors that only amplified Hank’s booming voice.

  “I’m her coach,” he bellowed. “Unless she’s under arrest, you’re going to have to arrest me to keep me out of that room.”

  She tried to smile but didn’t have the energy. Instead, she simply put her head down, enjoying the cool glass tabletop against the heat burning up her skin. Her internal temperature ran rapidly between fire and ice, and her teeth chattered even as the flames licked her cheeks, but the discordance in her own body barely registered over the echoes in her mind. Sadie, Destiny, the reporters, Katia, all the voices swirled together in a haunting vortex, and Jay closed her eyes, ready to surrender, until the door swung open so hard it slammed loudly against the wall.

  She didn’t have enough energy to jump, but her eyes jerked open to see Hank’s imposing frame filling most of the doorway.

  As soon as she saw the terror on his face, a bit of life surged into her. “Where’s Des?” Her voice sounded raspy and raw, but she pushed on. “Is she safe? Did they get to her?”

  Hank shook his head. “I sent Sadie back to get her. They are both in the locker room.”

  Jay blew out a relieved breath as some of the tension left her chest. “Good. Now get them both back to America. Tonight.”

  “I’m not leaving,” Hank said flatly, shutting the door behind him and taking the seat opposite her. “I’m staying with you this time.”

  The comment hit her square in the gut.

  This time.

  It was all going to happen again. They both understood what that meant, and he’d chosen her. Emotion clogged her throat, but she shook her head.

  “Don’t tell me no. I’ve seen this play before, and I’m not going to watch the reruns from the cheap seats. We need to rewrite the ending.”

  “We’re the characters, not the authors,” Jay said sadly, “and you have to play your part because you’ve seen the show before. You know what happens next as well as I do. Sadie and Des are going to need someone to help them.”

  “And you don’t?”

  “No one can help me now.”

  “Bullshit.” He smacked his meaty paw on the table. “This is not over.”

  “Of course it’s not. What happened out there was tame compared to what’s coming. Sadie and Destiny can’t even imagine.”

  “Sadie and Destiny are adults. Well, Sadie is, and Des is close enough. If she wants to be treated like one, she’s going to have to face the consequences of her actions like an adult.”

  “You don’t mean that,” Jay said softly. “You’re mad and scared.”

  “Aren’t you?”

  “Terrified, which is why I understand how people act when they’re up against a wall. The urge to lash out can overpower you,” Jay said with a shiver. “Des didn’t understand what she did. There’s no way she could comprehend what a comment like that could really do. She only wanted to protect Sadie. Fucked up as it is, she said what she did because she loves her mom.”

  Hank eyed her suspiciously. “And what about you? How do you feel about her mom?”

  Jay’s head fell forward once more as the weight of the question slammed down on her. The emotion ripped at her throat, but she let the feelings flow through her, washing away the numbness she’d clung to, and in its place found reserves she hadn’t expected.

  “I love her,” she said, then managed a small smile. “I love her more than anyone can ever know, and that’s what’s going to give me the strength to do what I have to do.”

  “You don’t have to do any of it alone,” he said softly.

  “I appreciate that.”

  “I’m not only talking about myself. She wanted to come back here. I had to physically restrain her to prevent her from breaking down the door to get to you.”

  “No.” Her heart hammered painfully against her ribs. “You can’t let her near me, not here, not now. The press, if they see her back here—”

  “I know, I know,” he said quickly. “I told her. She understands.”

  “She doesn’t!” Jay hopped up and paced her small cage. “She doesn’t have a clue. You have to get her out of here. Her and Des both. Get them as far away as possible.”

  “I’ll tell them, but I want to stay with you.”

  “They won’t go without you. If you really want to help me, you have to protect them.”

  He stared at her, his barrel chest rising and falling so dramatically it nearly popped the buttons off his white shirt.

  “I mean it, Hank. If you love me, get them out of the fire and then don’t let them look back. Please.”

  He sighed reluctantly and rose. “I’ll do my best.”

  She threw her arms around him, and he squeezed her so tightly he nearly cracked her back, but she held him just as fiercely, trying to soak up every ounce of affection and human contact to fuel her fortitude.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  “Me too.” She practically sobbed, then wrenched herself away as she pushed him toward the door. “Go.”

  He obeyed, staggering out of the room. She slammed the door behind him, then fell back into the chair. There would be tour officials and interviews and formal inquiries, but whatever came her way, at least she’d know Sadie was safe.

  ★ ★ ★

  Apparently, Jay wasn’t the only one Destiny wasn’t speaking to. By the time Sadie made it to the locker room, her daughter had already showered and dressed in street clothes. Mindful of Hank’s warning not to make a scene publicly, Sadie merely followed as Des headed for the players’ entrance without saying a word. As they strode purposefully down a series of corridors, Sadie tried to hold her panic at bay by running through the facts of the situation to figure out where things had gone so terribly wrong.

  Obviously, Destiny’s comments had been the final blow, and every time she thought of her daughter’s actions, anger swelled in her, but then again, her words hadn’t been her only bad behavior. She’d acted like a petulant child during the match, too. If Sadie had been there when she’d throttled Jay, Des would’ve never made it to the press conference in the first place. The thought made her stomach clench. If she had parented the situation sooner, if she had gone to the match, or if she’d talked to Des the night before, maybe there would have been no game meltdown to deal with.

  God, she’d thrown them both out. Instead of acting like a mother or a partner, she’d kicked them both out of her room and left them to deal with all the emotions, all the uncertainty, all the fear, alone. They were supposed to be a family. Mere days ago, she had been completely enthralled with the idea of having it all. And now her whole world was fractured, with one half of her heart heading in one direction and the other left behind in peril.

  The thought finally made her find her voice. “Wait.”

  Destiny did not wait. She didn’t even slow down. She kept walking as if Sadie hadn’t said anything.

  “Stop,” Sadie said more forcefully. Destiny’s feet faltered, but she kept moving forward. She was almost to the door that would lead them to a variety of transportation options, and once she pushed through, they’d be too exposed to stay put. Their only choice would be to leave the grounds quickly, to leave Jay behind.

  A fierce, protective instinct rose in her again, this time bolstered by a righteous indignation only a parent could muster. Mistakes or not, she was still the mother in this relationship. “Destiny Marie Larsen, you freeze right this second, or God help me, I’ll . . .”

  She didn’t even know what the end of the threat would have been, because she never got to deliver it as Destiny swung open the heavy metal door, shot through, and slammed it behind her.

  Stunned, she stood with her mouth open. For how long, she didn’t even know. Nothing made sense anymore. Destiny had pushed boundaries and thrown fits and tested every limit Sadi
e had set over the last seventeen years, but she had never once dared to disobey a direct order. It was as if the last cord Sadie had attached to any sense of control snapped. She didn’t even know who she was, much less what she should do next. Time seemed to stall or race, she couldn’t tell which. All she could do was stand there, rigid in her indecision.

  “Sadie,” someone called from behind her. She didn’t move.

  “Sadie.” The voice called louder this time, but still she couldn’t bring herself to respond.

  Finally, a familiar hand landed heavily on her shoulder and shook until frozen muscles broke their shell of ice.

  “Where’s Destiny?”

  She finally turned to look up at Hank. “She left.”

  “What? I told you to keep her—”

  “I did. I ordered her to stay here, but she just walked out the door.”

  He blew out a ragged breath, then scrubbed his face with his hands as if trying to wash away everything that had happened. Then with an eerie calm he said, “Okay, we can do this, but we need to go now.”

  “But Jay—”

  “Is in a meeting with tour officials that’s going to last a long time.”

  “But I have to tell them—”

  “Nothing. You don’t tell anyone anything. Not the league, not the press, not even the bellman at the hotel.” Then before waiting for a response, he swung open the door and said, “Trust me. We have to go now.”

  She did trust him. Then again, what choice did she have? She couldn’t get to Jay. She couldn’t stand in the hallway all day. For once in her life, she accepted an order and hopped into the first cab in the front of a line of waiting cars.

  “When we get there, you might need to stay in the car,” Hank finally said, once they were winding through the streets of Wimbledon.

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s going to be a madhouse.”

  “What do you mean?” Sadie looked around for danger, but all she saw were the neat and tidy rows of houses surrounded by the hedges and low walls she and Jay had strolled by last week.