Yuletide Cowboy

by Debra Clopton

  The touch of his lips very nearly brought tears to her eyes. The gesture was so sweet. She nodded—it was all she could do. Thankfully he took a breath, backed up and closed the door with a smile. Get hold of yourself, woman! She watched as he hurried around the truck. By the time he climbed in, at least she was no longer thinking about throwing herself into his arms.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chance pulled into a drive-in spot and, after they’d decided what they wanted to drink, he pushed the button on the microphone. “When I’m on the road I eat at more of these places than I want to think about. It’s not something about my work that I enjoy.”

  Lynn tilted her head to the side. “We didn’t have to stop.”

  He cocked a brow. “I didn’t say I wasn’t enjoying it right now.”

  She smiled, despite the thoughts in her head. The thoughts of how she enjoyed being with him. Of how she knew in her heart that she could trust him. And the thought that had her insides so tied up that she’d almost not been able to concentrate on the amazing new baby that had just come into the world…. She was falling in love with Chance.

  Falling might not be the right word but it was the only one she was willing to acknowledge. Fallen was too—she just couldn’t accept that it had actually happened. The idea put her in shock. Falling in love was still controllable. She could stop it.

  How was this all clashing around inside her while she was sitting calmly at the drive-in with Chance with fifties music playing in the background?

  “Do you want to talk about why you’re so quiet and why you were avoiding me after the ceremony?”

  “No.”

  “You sure gave that a lot of thought.” The girl brought their drinks and he was distracted momentarily while he paid her.

  Lynn took the moment to talk herself off the ledge. No, she wasn’t going to tell the man that she was quiet because she’d realized she’d fallen in love when he’d pronounced Stacy and Emmett man and wife…. Fallen— she’d just admitted it to herself. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe. Tried to backtrack and replace fallen with falling.

  But it was hopeless. She knew that she’d used the right word. She had fallen for him but it was hopeless nonetheless. It didn’t change anything…. It didn’t.

  He handed her the drink and watched as she took a long sip through the straw. “You said you had something you needed to talk to me about,” she said, hoping to take the focus away from her.

  His gaze narrowed, telling her she wasn’t fooling him. He set his drink in the cup holder without taking a drink. “I’ve been officially asked to be the preacher at the church.”

  “You told them no, didn’t you.”

  His brows dipped. “You didn’t hesitate on that.”

  “No. I didn’t. You did a great job but, unlike everyone else trying to put you in the pulpit, I believe you already have yours.”

  “So I guess you’re still holding it against me that I talked about sweat in my sermon.”

  She wasn’t finding much funny right now so didn’t laugh. “I never held that against you. I just think your heart is in the arena with your riders. You don’t need to give that up because you lost one.”

  Chance looked troubled. She realized then that he’d been troubled all along—it had just been hidden beneath a thin surface. “What if I have other reasons for wanting to stick around Mule Hollow?”

  “My Girl” was playing in the background as he set steady green eyes on her. A shiver of awareness coursed over her and she could barely breathe with the knowledge of what he was thinking…. Surely she was wrong.

  “You love the rodeo circuit and preaching. They need you.” She set her drink in the holder. “And my boys need me. We’d better get back.”

  She pulled her eyes away from him but could feel his gaze on her as she put her seat belt back on. The inside of the truck was closing in quickly. She willed her emotions to calm and her good sense to rule. She was not looking for love. She was not looking for a wedding.

  She and her boys were fine.

  Chance drove. He pressed his boot to the gas pedal and glued his eyes on the road ahead of him. He’d almost told Lynn he wanted to stick around Mule Hollow be cause of her. And her boys. He’d almost told her that…he loved her. At the drive-in soda stop, no less.

  The look in her eyes and her reaction told him she wasn’t ready to hear him. He hadn’t known until standing beside her looking at the baby that he was ready to say anything. The truth had come calmly over him, with a sense so sure and strong that it reminded him of the day he’d committed his life to the Lord. There had been no turmoil in that moment. It was as if God had been standing beside him that day and simply asked him, “Do you love me?” Chance had known the answer was yes right then. Before that moment, he’d been fighting a battle over living for God or being caught up in the world. But on that day he’d known he was forever changed. Standing beside Lynn he’d known that same peace and clarity. He loved her. He wasn’t certain what the next step was, but that didn’t change the fact that he loved her.

  He loved Lynn Perry. It was a beautiful thing.

  “Are you all right?” he asked after they’d ridden fifteen miles in silence. He wanted to pull the truck over and tell her how he felt but he knew now wasn’t the time. He was worried about her.

  “I’m fine. But Chance, you shouldn’t make a decision like this suddenly. You told me how much it means to you to be there for those cowboys on the road. I’d hate to see you make a mistake.”

  “Why don’t you think I could be happy at the church?”

  “I guess I don’t know that.”

  “How do you feel about us?” The question came out before he could stop it. He glanced at her. She looked stressed at his question. Her hands were clasped in her lap and her lips were pressed tightly together as she stared straight ahead.

  She didn’t answer for at least a mile. He couldn’t say anything. He was tied up like a ball of yarn inside.

  “Chance, I didn’t—”

  “Hold on,” he said, knowing he had to stop her. He pressed the brake and moved the truck to a shuddering stop on the edge of the road. They were within fifteen miles of Dottie and Brady’s house and there was no way he wasn’t finishing this conversation. Or letting her answer too quickly.

  He put the truck in park, opened his door and got out. He could feel her watching him as he stomped around the front of the truck. He opened her door, reached around her and unsnapped her seat belt.

  “Chance, what are you doing?”

  He stared straight into her eyes, took her hands and tugged her out of the truck. He gently cupped her face in his hands and held her still as he searched her eyes for any sign of the same feelings that were raging through him. He lowered his head and, when she didn’t protest, he touched his lips to hers.

  His heart was lost for certain in that moment. There was no turning back for him. He thought back to his prayers with Emmett and had a new understanding. He knew that he would wait for Lynn Perry’s heart to heal and pray for her to love and trust him for as long as it took. To his surprise she melted against him and returned his kiss in a sweet, hesitant response. Hope filled him. She wasn’t averse to him. She hadn’t slapped him or pushed him away. She’d kissed him.

  Joy filled his soul.

  “You snuck up on me, Lynn,” he said, moving his hands to her shoulders as he held her close and spoke against her ear. “I came home to be alone and to search my heart for answers from God and, instead of letting me be alone, God put you in my pathway. I love you, Lynn. I’ve been falling for you from the first moment we met.”

  Her hands dug into his back at his words and she stiffened in his arms. He could feel her heart pounding and could sense the strain that his words put on her. Was it fear? Was it that she couldn’t trust him? Either way, it stung. “I’m not your ex-husband, honey. You don’t have anything to fear from me. I would never hurt you or your boys. You can trust me.”

  She took
a deep breath. “I don’t know how to deal with this, Chance. I just don’t know.”

  Her words were so full of angst that a helpless feeling washed over him and he asked God to intervene. “You can pray and we can take this one step and one day at a time.”

  She pushed back from him. “I care for you, Chance. There is no denying that. I love the way you are with my boys. I love the heart that you have for others and their relationship to the Lord. You are a wonderful man and I am so blessed these last few weeks knowing you and all the help you’ve given me.”

  The man in him wanted her to return his love instantly. But he knew she had issues from her past that were holding her back. She’d been honest from the beginning that she had a problem with trust. He’d been forewarned. “Then there is hope for me.”

  “I can’t promise you anything. I’m afraid you’ll be hurt—”

  “The only way I’m going to be hurt is if you tell me right now that there is no hope for us.”

  Her eyes were bright and her lips trembled. “I want there to be hope.”

  Joy as bright as sunlight split a shaft straight through him. “You can’t even imagine how happy that makes me.” He ran his fingertips along her jaw, loving the feel of her. “Let’s take it nice and easy, one day at a time.” When she nodded, he closed his eyes and thanked God. Opening them, he found her watching him. Slowly he touched his lips to hers, relishing the sweet scent of her…. His longing to hear that she loved him intensified. This was what it was all about. Finding someone to share his life with was the best blessing.

  “So how’s everything going?”

  Lynn looked up from working on the church bulletin to see Lacy walk in holding a baby carrier.

  “Lacy, you’re out and about!” she exclaimed, coming out of her chair to hug Lacy. “I have to see Tate.”

  Lacy gently pulled the baby blanket away and exposed the infant’s face. He was sleeping soundly. “Isn’t that the cutest kiddo you’ve ever seen?”

  “He is so cute. I like his name, too. I was surprised when you didn’t name him Elvis.”

  Lacy smiled. “I love his music, and his taste in cars. But I wanted my baby to have his own name. Be his own man. Of course if God could give him a voice like Elvis I wouldn’t complain.”

  Lynn itched to pick him up but didn’t ask. She knew he’d be held too much as it was. Instead she sat back down. “What are you doing out?”

  “Clint told me to stay home but I just can’t. I thought I’d come bring this thank-you card by so you could put it in the bulletin.”

  “Sure I can.” She took the card and opened it to read.

  “So I hear you and Chance are an item.”

  Lynn’s head whipped up. “An item?”

  “Calm down, don’t throw your neck out,” Lacy chirped. “I was down at the diner with Clint and little Tater—yeah, App, Stanley and Sam have already nicknamed him Tater Man! Boy, did I have that coming.”

  Lynn laughed. “You walked right into that, didn’t you.”

  “Did I ever. That boy is going to grow up getting called everything from Tater Man to Tater Tot. I thought about naming him Cas but realized he’d get called things like Castor Oil or something. Anyway, I heard Cole and Seth saying Chance had been over at your house almost every day this week. Girlfriend, that makes you an item in our books.”

  “Oh, well, I cooked and he helped the boys repair my front porch. And, well, he’s alone and so he helped us decorate the tree—”

  “And in there somewhere did you happen to kiss the cowboy?”

  Lynn swallowed hard and met Lacy’s twinkling eyes. “Lacy!”

  “Hey, come on, Lynn, tell me you are stepping out. Tell me you are taking courage and moving forward with this handsome hunk of man God has put in your path.”

  “I’m trying.”

  Lacy sat on the edge of her seat and tapped her plum-colored nails on the desk for a second as her mind whirled behind her electric-blue eyes. “You have been an inspiration to me ever since you stepped off of that bus two years ago. You have fought hard to help yourself, the women who came with you and everyone who has come through those shelter doors. And yet you are afraid. I’ve been praying you let God set you free.”

  Lynn stood up and paced to the tiny window. She stared out toward the swings where her boys would normally be playing while she worked on the bulletin. Today they were riding horses with Chance. They were thrilled. She was in deep, and happier than she could ever remember, but she couldn’t shake her fear.

  “I’m frightened, Lacy.”

  “Of what?”

  “Myself.”

  Lacy was startled. “I don’t understand.”

  “I don’t know how to take the step to the next level. I’ve reached a comfortable place in my life and, as wonderful as Chance is, I’m terrified I’m going to break his heart.”

  “Don’t break it. Simple as that. Do you love the man?”

  Lynn knew she did but there was more to it than that. “I loved Drew, too.”

  Lacy had stopped drumming her nails on the desk and now she tapped only her index finger methodically like a clock. Lynn could almost see her mind ticking along to the beat.

  “You don’t trust yourself, that’s what you mean?”

  Lynn nodded. “I’m comfortable finally. I’m not afraid as long as I’m not thinking about love and marriage. Every time I look at Chance and think about taking that step I freeze up.”

  “Then chill and give it time. God is the great healer. I’m sure Chance totally understands this. Has he talked about marriage yet?”

  “No. I’m trying to talk him into going back on the rodeo circuit.”

  “So you’re the one keeping him out of this office. Does App know this?” Lacy teased.

  “I just want him to be happy and I’m afraid this isn’t right for him.”

  Lacy stood up and plopped a hand on her hip. “I’ll pray for you, sister, but why don’t you stop worrying about what is right for Chance. He’s a big boy, I bet he can figure that out…. You just concentrate on what’s right for you, and God’s going to take you straight through this to blue skies if you let Him.”

  Blue skies, clear pastures. Lynn sure wished one of the two would show up. And soon. She’d been having a wonderful and horrible week at the same time. And the worst part was that Gavin and Jack could get hurt if she didn’t come to some sort of decision soon about what to do with her life.

  “Are you going to the ball tomorrow night?” Lacy asked, lifting the baby carrier.

  “Yes, Chance is taking me.”

  “You go, girl. Go have a good time and stop worrying. God’s got this!”

  Lynn herded the boys into the car after Lacy left the church and they headed toward the shelter. She’d promised Sandra she’d come by this afternoon. Despite their conversations about what Sandra had done right, she wasn’t doing well. Guilt was eating at her. The therapist was working with her, too, but Dottie said she’d withdrawn even more over the last day.

  Dear Lord, Lynn prayed as she drove, give me the words that will help ease Sandra’s pain. That will help her understand that she’s done the right thing in getting out of the dangerous, abusive situation she was in…for her sake and her child’s sake.

  She ended with a prayer for God’s will and thought about His place in her own life. Was she allowing God to have His will? Loving and trusting were intertwined in marriage. In her mind there was no way to have one without the other. Only her problem wasn’t trusting Chance—how could she not? She didn’t trust herself.

  When she arrived at the shelter she knew immediately that something wasn’t right. Brady’s patrol vehicle was parked in front along with Deputy Zane Cantrell’s. Dottie was in the yard talking to them.

  “Hey, Mr. Brady, hey, Mr. Zane!” the boys called as they raced over and got big hugs from both men. Lynn’s heart swelled at the sight.

  “What’s going on?” she asked as soon as the boys went to play on the swings.
<
br />   Dottie was pale. “Sandra’s gone. She called her husband and told him where she was. He showed up and she and Margaret left with him.”

  “No,” Lynn gasped, looking at Brady and Zane as if believing they would tell her that Dottie was wrong.

  “But you should have stopped her.”

  Brady’s serious gaze was steady. “She never filed charges and she left of her own free will. You know our hands are tied.”

  It was true, but Lynn wanted with all her heart to go after Sandra. To beg her to listen. To beg her to accept that the situation she was in wasn’t going to get any better.

  But it was too late.

  Too late.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “And may I say you are looking particularly lovely tonight.” Chance was on top of the world. He’d spent most of his week working around Lynn’s house. He’d arrived early, before she left for the candy store, so the boys were able to sleep in and not be hauled out of bed and carried to the shelter for the day. He’d enjoyed them tagging along with him when they woke. They were fascinated with tools, hammers especially, and the front porch was better for it. They’d helped him replace the wood and were now eyeing the old barn with great interest. He’d also taken them riding at the ranch a couple of times and they’d been thrilled.

  To give Lynn some space, he’d worked cattle two days on the ranch but had felt bad that he hadn’t been there for the boys.

  Lynn had told him over and over again not to feel bad about not being there because she understood he had his own business to take care of. He’d chalked that and a few other things up to her not wanting to impose on him. He considered his time with her and the boys as time well spent. Time well enjoyed. Time to cherish.

  He hoped she felt the same. Especially after Sandra had left the shelter. The poor woman’s decision to go back with her husband had devastated Lynn and she’d been thinking about it a lot. He had tried to talk to her about it—even explained that Lynn couldn’t make Sandra’s choices for her…no matter how much she wanted to.