by Jess Dee
Without Daniel, it held no purpose.
She loved the man. Wanted him back. She couldn’t live without him. Her sorry state of mind bore testament to that fact.
A knock on the door disturbed her despondent musings.
“Come in!” She blotted her eyes and blew her nose, clearing her throat as she stared expectantly at the door.
Maggie walked in with Miranda, one of the other fertility counselors.
“Hi Ame, we need your help, if that’s—” Maggie broke off mid-sentence and stared at Amy.
Amy shook her head, hoping Maggie would understand she didn’t want to say anything right now, especially in front of Miranda. “Hayfever,” she lied.
Maggie looked uncertain for a moment, even opened her mouth a few times to say something, but in the end she gave a short nod and simply said, “We were hoping to get your help with this case, if you have the time.”
“Of course.” She temporarily shoved her misery aside, figuring she had about four minutes until the pain came reeling through again. “Come sit down.”
Maggie handed her a folder. “I know you’re familiar with the basic details of the case,” she said. “But there’s been a new development.”
Without even glancing at the folder, Amy knew they were talking about the gay couple.
“Maggie and I have just had a meeting with them,” Miranda said. “They’ve decided to go ahead with artificial insemination through the clinic. They’re using a known donor, a gay friend of theirs.”
“Are they fully aware of the legal rights the man will have once the child is born?” Amy asked.
“Fully. So is the donor. That’s why we’re here. We all think he should have counseling before he donates his sperm. Although he has indicated his willingness to give up his parental rights, both women want to make sure he is one hundred percent okay with his choice.”
“And you want me to counsel him?”
Miranda nodded. “It wouldn’t be ethical for me to counsel him, not when I’ve seen the couple. He needs someone objective.”
Amy nodded. “I’ll do it with pleasure.” She had wished she was involved in this case and now here was her opportunity. Besides, it would give her something to focus on, apart from Daniel. “What timeframe are we looking at?”
“The sooner you see him, the sooner we can start the treatment,” Maggie said.
“All the details are in here?” She held up the file.
Miranda nodded.
“Okay, I’ll read through it now and give him a call. Is he expecting to hear from me?”
“He knows someone’s going to contact him,” Miranda said, standing up.
“I’ll let you know what happens,” she promised as Miranda left. Maggie didn’t move.
With Miranda no longer in the office, Amy’s defenses dropped.
“Still feel shitty?”
“Worse,” Amy admitted. “And don’t be nice, it’ll only make me cry.” It was too late though. Her tears were already starting.
“Call him,” Maggie urged. “Tell him you made a mistake. Ask him for a second chance.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. He doesn’t want to hear from me. If he did, he’d have contacted me.”
“Bull,” Maggie contradicted her. “You kicked him out…right after he told you he loved you. Why would he try get in touch?”
“He doesn’t love me.” She felt her heart heave again and she blotted her eyes. “If he did, he would have phoned, he would have tried. The truth is he’s relieved. He’s free to sleep with other women. With…with that journalist. I bet he’s having the time of his life.” The last sentence resonated with bitterness.
Maggie frowned at her. “You really dealt Daniel a bad hand, didn’t you? You’ve been bloody unfair to him. I know you’re hurting, but how do you think he feels? His closest friend suddenly decides she doesn’t want to see him again. The woman he loves kicks him out. He laid his heart on the line and what do you say? He’s talking crap? Exactly how much rejection do you think one guy can take?”
“How much rejection can I take?” She refused to acknowledge Maggie’s point. “I’ve already been dumped by one man I loved.” Even as she said it she knew she didn’t give a damn about Simon or his actions any longer. Her only concern was Daniel. “I can’t risk it happening again, especially with someone who means so much to me.”
“So without giving him a chance, you dump him.”
“You’re not being very sympathetic.”
“You’re not being very logical,” Maggie rebutted. “For weeks now I’ve comforted you and been on your side, but there’s another side to all of this. There’s Daniel’s side. I suspect he’s just as miserable as you are. If you weren’t so stubborn, you’d see that.”
“Daniel’s glad to have his freedom. He’s busy with Janine.” Images of what Daniel might be doing with Janine floated across her vision, sending sparks of pain into her heart.
“Daniel is not Simon.”
“He’s still a man.”
“A man you’re in love with.”
“He’ll hurt me.” She refused to see Maggie’s point of view.
“You’re already hurting and Daniel had nothing to do with it.”
“He has everything to do with it.”
“Just do me a favor,” Maggie said as she stood up. “Think about what I’ve said. You’re miserable, plain and simple. The only way you’ll feel happy again is if you and Daniel get back together. Phone him.”
“That’s it?” Amy stared at Maggie as she opened the office door. “You’re giving me orders and walking out?”
Maggie shrugged. “I have a patient and you’re being stubborn. You love him, phone him.” She closed the door behind her.
“Yeah and risk having him tell me he’s fucking Janine Stillman now.” She’d rather stick toothpicks in her eyes.
The file Miranda left behind lay on her desk. She may be feeling terrible but duty still called. She opened the file and a notebook and proceeded to make detailed notes of the case as she read.
The patient, Annie Brauer, a journalist with one of the local newspapers, had made contact with the clinic, requesting details about artificial insemination using donor sperm. Maggie saw her and her partner for the first time about three months ago and made thorough notes about their meeting.
Annie and her partner…
Amy gaped at the sheet in her hand, sure she misread vital information. She shook her head, snapped her jaw closed and reread Annie’s partner’s name. Then she went over each detail of the case with meticulous care, reading the file from cover to cover. When she finished, she leaned back in her chair and spluttered in disbelief. For the first time in a month, she began to laugh.
Miranda would have to pass the case on to Olivia. Amy couldn’t do the counseling.
It was unethical to get involved in cases where she knew the patients personally. Annie Brauer’s long-term partner was a pediatric oncologist at Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs Hospital. Her name was Leona Ramsey.
—
Well, well, well. Amy left work, bewildered at the unexpected turn of events. Some days were more interesting than others. Some days, you learned a whole lot of information that you never expected.
Daniel’s married admirer was a lesbian and thus, by logical conclusion, not interested in men. Not even hot, sexy and devilishly handsome men like Daniel.
He concocted a whole convoluted plan to throw Leona off his back, when—let’s face facts here—she was never on his back in the first place. Come on. No woman planning to start a family with her female lover would try to seduce a man. It just didn’t work like that. Sure, it was almost every man’s fantasy to seduce or be seduced by a lesbian—and hopefully her girlfriend as well—but that’s all it was. A fantasy.
Duh!
So what the hell was Daniel thinking? Why did he insist she kiss him when there was really no reason? Daniel must have known Leona was gay. According to the notes in the file, their relations
hip wasn’t secret. Their friends and colleagues were well aware of the situation. Leona and Lexi were friends and colleagues, so Lexi would know about Annie. If Lexi knew then surely she would have told Daniel.
If Daniel knew Leona was a lesbian, why did he tell Amy she was married? Maybe she and Annie were married, but by way Daniel had put it, she believed Leona was married to a man.
She kissed Daniel to help him blow off Leona. He concocted a whole scheme to get rid of her, using Amy as the decoy. But Leona was a lesbian. It didn’t make sense.
Everything had changed the night Daniel kissed her. That first kiss set off a whole tidal wave of reaction. And need. And lust. And sex. All it took was one kiss and she was hooked. She no longer just wanted to be friends. She wanted to be her best friend’s lover and she wanted it bad.
There was no doubt about it, the feelings had been reciprocated.
Amy paused midstep. What if Daniel did know Leona was gay? What if he made the whole story up? What if Leona was in on the conspiracy?
“Well, I’ll be…” She spoke out loud as comprehension dawned on her. “He set the whole thing up.”
She’d been duped by her own best friend. Leona wasn’t interested in him. It had nothing to do with the woman. Daniel was interested in her. Amy. Had been all along. He plotted and schemed to get her interested in him and he neatly organized it so she would have no choice but to kiss him.
That night on the beach he put her in a rather tricky situation, explaining the details of Leona’s lust for him and then begging her to help him. Leona must have been privy to his plans all along. Who knows, she may have even enjoyed playing the seductive doctor. Amy fell for it. She instinctively felt the need to come to Daniel’s rescue so when he kissed her, she kissed him right back. He must have known she would never kiss him under any other circumstances, so he planned the whole damned thing.
Her head spun. Why didn’t he just come right out and tell her how he felt? Why didn’t he just kiss her?
Because she wouldn’t have taken him seriously, that’s why. She would have stopped him before he ever got the chance to start. She would have been too amused or too perplexed, even too damn afraid to ever let him finish. She would have fiercely protected their friendship, refusing to allow any other factors to interfere.
This way he insinuated their romance into her life, edged it in so she would think it had crept up on her and taken place naturally. He made sure she didn’t feel threatened by his feelings, by the change in their relationship.
“Bloody hell.”
She was suffering from information overload. What was needed was a coffee infusion before she gave this ridiculous notion any further thought. She headed for her favorite coffee shop in Coogee, resuming her thoughts once she was halfway through her extra large, double strength latte.
What was it Maggie had suggested? Daniel could be more of a victim than she was in this whole break up debacle. He might really love her.
Impossible.
Maybe not.
Now that she knew the truth about Leona and suspected the truth about her and Daniel’s first incredible kiss, Maggie’s idea didn’t seem so ludicrous. What if Daniel did love her? What if he loved her from the start? She had to admit there was a miniscule possibility Daniel did love her and didn’t know what to do about it. So he set her up. Made her fall in love with him. Slowly and sneakily.
First with Leona and then with…?
Well, she couldn’t give him all the credit for what happened after the exhibition and then the next day in her flat. Hell, she was a willing participant in both of those…events.
What about the whole cricket bat incident?
What exactly was that business about Lexi attacking her own brother? Was it possible it had never happened? There were no bruises, no scratches, no real evidence to prove any assault actually took place.
Amy shook her head. Uh uh. Lexi had gone after him with a bat. It took a lot to piss Daniel off, and he was ticked that night. Furious with Lexi. But what if the incident hadn’t been quite as bad as the siblings had made out? What if Daniel’s injuries had not been quite so extensive—and he’d exaggerated a little?
The penny dropped and Amy’s jaw almost hit the table for the second time that day.
Why the sneaky, devious, no-good, scheming sod. The devilish, sexy, irresistible, adorable sod. He’d tricked her. Found a neat little way to get her close to his almost-naked body. Given her the perfect excuse to touch him—over and over again—and she’d fallen for it.
Oh God. This meant Lexi was in on it too. She had to be. Had Daniel mobilized his troops to help him seduce her?
She took another sip of coffee and heard someone say, “Hello Amy.”
Daniel’s older sister stood by her table with her three-year-old son, Ben. Amy’s heart went into overdrive. Christ. Was she in on Daniel’s whole scheme as well? And if she was here, would Daniel be here too? Was she meeting him for a drink? Supper?
She realized how obtuse her thoughts were. Just because Sarah was here didn’t necessarily mean Daniel was too. Even though she really, really, really wanted him to be here.
She smiled. “Hi yourself. I haven’t seen you since Daniel’s exhibition.” The mere utterance of his name was enough to bring fresh pain slicing through her body.
“Yeah, I’ve been pretty busy. The kids take up all my time, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Sarah looked at Ben.
“Hello.” He smiled at Amy, the creases in his cheeks reminding her of Daniel’s sexy dimples.
“Hey Ben, what have you got there?”
“Thupper. Mummy’th giving uth a treat tonight. Fith and chipth.”
Sarah shrugged. “It’s one of those mad days. I just can’t face cooking. With Daniel back today, the kids insisted we go see him as soon as he phoned. Time just vanished.”
“Daniel got back today?” All at once Amy wanted to weep. Daniel was back home and he hadn’t even phoned her.
Sarah hesitated before nodding and saying, “Yeah, a couple of hours ago.”
“How is he?” She was desperate to hear anything about him.
Sarah looked uncomfortable. “He’s okay, I guess. He said the shoot went well. All they have to do is polish a few things before the article is complete.”
A steel band closed around her lungs, squeezing the air out. Daniel was back. “That’s good.” She was in abject misery and she prayed her face didn’t reflect the inner turmoil churning inside her. “When will the article be published?” If she could just carry on making small talk for another few minutes, she could then make an excuse about having to leave. She would go home and throw herself on her bed and sob and sob and sob. Because Daniel was back and he hadn’t phoned.
“I’m not sure,” Sarah answered. “Why don’t you ask him?”
The question caught her by surprise. “Uh, yeah…maybe I will.” There was no chance of that happening.
“How have you been?” Amy thought she detected a note of concern in Sarah’s voice.
“I’m fine,” she lied.
“Ben, give me a minute please.” Ben was tugging impatiently on Sarah’s sleeve. She looked at Amy again. “You’re looking…thinner.”
Amy guessed it was not the word Sarah had wanted to use. Haggard, gaunt, drawn, miserable…any one of those would have been more suitable. “Uh, yes…I guess I’ve lost a bit of weight.”
Sarah turned to her son and said distractedly, “Ben, can you please stop pulling me like that.”
“But Mummy—”
“Honey, I’m talking to Amy now. Can you give me a minute?”
“But Mum? Mummy?”
Sarah cast a long-suffering glance at Amy and turned to her son with a fond smile. “Yes, Ben. What is it?”
Ben stared wide-eyed at Amy. “Mummy, I don’t think Amy hath a pig head.”
“What?” Sarah’s cheeks turned crimson.
“I don’t think Amy hath a pig head,” he lisped with all the innocence of a thr
ee-year-old.
“Ben! How can you say such a thing?” She shot Amy a desperate look.
“Well, Uncle Danny thaid he’d athk Amy to marry him if she’d thtop being pig-headed. But I don’t think she hath a pig head.”
—
Operating on auto-pilot, Amy made it home. Somehow, she managed to finish her conversation with Sarah before stumbling home and collapsing into a chair in stunned disbelief.
Had she not been so astounded by Ben’s comment, she would have thought it hilarious. As it was, Sarah almost crawled out of the shop in embarrassment. She cringed as she apologized for her son’s tactlessness and then beat a hasty retreat before he could say any more.
Amy was left to figure out for herself what had preceded Ben’s astounding disclosure and what she would do with all the information once she had it. A whirlwind of unanswered questions spun through her head.
Maggie thought Daniel might have genuine feelings for her. Leona was involved in a same sex relationship and was therefore not interested in him. Ben said Daniel wanted to marry her.
Immobile with disbelief, she allowed the facts to wash over her. Let the truth settle in. She took the extraordinary line-up of events in her life the last few months and finally saw them for what they really were.
The kisses, the sudden flare of desire, the irrepressible lust… None of it was coincidental. It was all part of his carefully masterminded plan to make his best friend fall in love with him, because he loved her.
What a brilliant strategy. It worked. Amy fell head-over-heels in love with him. Crazy, mad in love with him.
She just assumed he was incapable of loving her back.
Finally she understood what Maggie had been trying to tell her all along. Her fears about Daniel had been misplaced. Because of Simon and because of her father, she was afraid Daniel would betray her, leave her. She was terrified he wouldn’t feel strongly enough about her to remain faithful. She didn’t trust him. She had no faith in him. When he told her he loved her, she dismissed his emotions as the lustful yearnings of an adult man. When he spoke about wanting to be with her for always, she told him he was talking rubbish.