Silent Scars (Surviving #4)

by Ada Frost

  Closing my eyes tightly, I clenched my jaw.

  “For example,” she said in a silvery tone. “My last date was so boring I feigned food poisoning and left after the first course.”

  Warm relief spread through me, and I turned to glance at her over my shoulder. She lifted her gaze from my ass and blushed. Well, that was satisfying. I pulled my attention from her and back to the soup to hide my grin.

  “That’s not so bad.”

  “No? How about he didn’t like being ditched and tried suing the restaurant for my poisoning and I had to admit I lied? He even brought a bottle for me to do a stool sample, so he had evidence. Or that said date is usually at functions Dad insists I attend, and he makes snide remarks every time. Or that he’s now engaged to the friend that originally set us up, who doesn’t talk to me anymore. I am the social outcast of the elite. And by elite, I mean I’m the daughter of business mogul Doctor Graham Cavendish, and no one even wants to attempt to date me even for my money. One bloke once said he thought my dad would shit gold, and even he wasn’t interested.”

  She placed her hand over her eyes and sighed dramatically before lying back on the counter. Her position didn’t look at all comfortable, but she was so dextrous, a part of me wanted to find out what other positions I could get her body into. Would her ankles go behind her head while I slid my aching cock inside her. “I thought you abandoned your date?”

  “Hmm?” She uncovered her eyes and turned her head to glance at me.

  “Food poisoning.”

  “Oh, yeah. Well, they weren’t all boring. Some I really liked but they just didn’t like me enough to warrant anything more than a quick fumble.” Her voice turned brittle.

  “If they didn’t see you, Aloura, they don’t deserve you.”

  She laughed, a bitter sound so at odds with her light personality. “You sound like my dad. Okay, enough of this self-pitying rubbish. I want to know why you haven’t dated since you were a teen. I believe it’s a lie by the way.” She smiled, but it was forced. Her head was tilted my way, but she still lay across the counter. Her hands were folded over her stomach, her legs crossed and tucked close to her body.

  “Not much to tell really.” I ducked my chin and stirred the overly worked soup. The poor thing was probably inedible now. The buzzer sounded for the timer. I relished the distraction of taking the corn bread out of the oven. I didn’t turn it off. I would need it for when we finished the soup to bake the s’mores.

  “Okay.” Her voice was so soft I knew she wanted more but wouldn’t push. How the hell was this woman crawling under my skin, infiltrating barriers I had never let anyone through? Will wasn’t aware, and I didn't think Jo understood what had happened with Chrissie. I poured us some soup, cut the bread, and placed it on the other end of the counter. I sat on a stool and waited for Aloura to climb down and join me. As soon as she moved, Hercules stood from his spot on the couch and wagged his tail.

  “No. Stay,” I commanded. He cowered and gave me a ridiculous wide eyed pout, as if that would change my mind. But I wouldn’t because Aloura fed the damn dog as we ate. He lay back down and propped his head on the arm of the couch. I refused to feel guilty.

  “Ooh, this smells divine. You have plenty of time to tell me about your lack of a dating past.” She smiled, and this time it was a real one. She tore a slice of bread in half and dipped it into her soup. When she parted her lips, placed the chunk in her mouth, and closed her eyes, I stopped breathing. When she moaned, I needed something, anything to distract me.

  “She was paid to date me.” My words burst from me like a cannon.

  Her eyes snapped open, and she stopped chewing. Her lashes fluttered like a butterfly’s wings as she blinked repeatedly.

  “What?” She covered her mouth.

  I dropped my spoon into the bowl and scrubbed my hands over my face. This was why having a dick gets you into all kinds of shit. You’re brain stops working when a gorgeous woman moans.

  “Like you, I came from money. Like a shit load. My mom was the sole heiress to an oil baron’s fortune. My dad, also came from a wealthy family, but nowhere near the money Mom’s family had. Dad married Mom not long after my grandfather died. Do I believe he married her for her money? Yes, because he was an unfeeling bastard who was born without a fucking heart.”

  “Ryan.” Aloura’s sweet voice and gentle hand over mine stopped the tirade I was about to unleash. Her brown eyes held a note of understanding

  “I’ve never been good at trusting people, and the one person I did was my high school girlfriend. I thought we were moving to a more...I don’t know...loving stage, and I confided in her, and she betrayed me. Turns out Dad was paying her to fuck with me.”

  Aloura was silent, but the tight squeeze on my hand gave me a sign she was listening. I expected a barrage of questions. But the glistening tears in her eyes and silent understanding confused me. And scared me. Why wasn’t she hounding for more? Wanting me to bleed the truth?

  “She never deserved the honour of your trust.”

  “Why the fuck did I start this?”I yanked my hand away and stood. I paced in front of the counter.

  “I won’t force you to keep going. Stop, if you want.”

  “What, my past is too fucked up for you to stomach?” I snapped.

  “Not at all. The agony of you reliving it is incredibly painful to watch. I refuse to force that on you. If you want to stop, we close the issue.”

  “Why?”

  “Why, what?”

  “Why wouldn’t you push? Isn’t that what women want, for us guys to pour our hearts out? Watch us suffer while you analyse the crap out of us?” Her tinkling laughter caused a red haze to cover my vision. “Am I a joke to you? You think this is funny?” I snarled. My voice was like ice, cold and deadly. Many a man had cowered to it.

  “Contrary to what you believe, Ryan, not everyone is out to hurt you. If I could enter your mind and claw out those memories, I would. If I could give you a memory of a first love to rival a Jane Eyre novel, I would. Would I laugh at your pain? Never. Now sit your arse down, finish your soup. If you want to tell me about a bitch from your past, continue. If not, fine. I have plenty of stories to fill the void.” She picked up a hunk of bread and bit into it, all the time grinning at me.

  For a moment all I could do was stare at her. Was this woman real? Or something my mind had created, another fucked up way to break me down. Keeping my gaze on the enigma before me, I seated myself on the stool and watched her eat. The slight tremble in her hands indicated she wasn’t as confident as she tried to make out. But a sick twisted part of me liked that she didn’t fall apart.

  “This is really good,” she mumbled as she stuffed another piece of bread in her mouth.

  “She was in the same grade as Kyle, so really I should have known she wouldn’t be interested in me,” I said, staring into my soup. “Although, for some fucked up reason everyone assumed I was older than him. I was bigger, but still...” I trailed off, leaving the rest unsaid. I had to admit it pissed me off no one knew me enough to care I was younger. And responsibilities I had faced were not mine to take.

  I lifted my gaze when Aloura remained silent. She watched and waited. She wasn’t going to push. A surge of something fierce raced through me at her quiet acceptance. I didn’t know how to handle that. People always demanded something from me. But her, she simply accepted what I wanted to give.

  Why? My chest cracked when thoughts seeped in. She wanted what the rest of them desired. I gritted my jaw and scowled at her. She was just taking the stealth attack to get it.

  “I’m not having sex with you.”

  She gasped and spluttered before releasing a loud bold burst of laughter.

  “My God, it would take more than a bowl of soup to get in my knickers. Stop being a bellend. If you don’t want to talk about it, I already said I’m fine with that. I swear to you, I’m simply curious, nothing more sinister than that.”

  I dipped my chin in a jerky nod
. Why was I getting so angry with her? I was acting like she was begging for this shit.

  “So you have more brothers?” Aloura asked.

  “Yeah. Five.”

  “Five. Wow. Older or younger?”

  “Both. Chase and Kyle are older, the twins, Tate and Gray are younger, and Jace is the youngest. He’s the same age as Jo.” Her eyes widened when I mentioned Chase and a look of confusion marred her brow. I stirred my soup aimlessly; it had been forever since I’d seen them. I knew about them. I’d never truly let them go. But they had let me go. It had taken a year for the visits to stop with the twins and Jace. Kyle never really wanted anything to do with me, so I made an excuse not to see him. Really I was desperate to see him, but I didn’t want to put him through that shit if he hated me so much. I glanced up in time to see her frown at me.

  “Jo and Will younger or older?”

  “Will isn’t –” Fuck. What an idiot. I had well and truly opened that can of worms. “Will’s family adopted Jo when he was a kid. Jo is my nephew, son to my eldest brother Chase.” I scrubbed my hands through my hair; my pulse was racing. “A lot of shit went down when we were kids, and we were all separated. Jo, who was called Chase Junior back then, came to live with us. His dad, Chase, is in prison for murder. The others don’t – we don’t talk.”

  “So Jo isn’t your brother? He’s your nephew.”

  “Yeah, but he’s more like a brother. And that’s what we call one another. He was brought up as one of us.”

  “Why don’t your other brothers talk to you?”

  “Because I fucked up, and they hate me,” I choked. No matter what pain I’ve suffered, hurting them always causes a suffocating ache in my chest.

  “Where are they now?”

  I shrugged like I didn’t give a shit. “Don’t know.”

  She released a small huff and placed the bread onto the counter. “Tell me to shut up or that you don’t want to talk. But don’t lie.”

  I closed my eyes tightly. Her gentle patience was pulling the truth from me, but strangely I wanted to share it with her. “Kyle is married, has two boys. He was recently promoted in the county sheriff’s department. Tate moved into an apartment in New York with his girlfriend. Gray has a house down in Florida with his wife, no kids yet. And Jace works in the same station as Kyle I believe. As far as I’m aware, he’s single. But it’s been a while.”

  “How do you know all this?”

  “I have ways.” I shrugged. She didn’t need to know what I would do for my family.

  “Why do you check on them?”

  “They let me go. But I don’t know how to let them go. How do you make your heart stop loving someone?” My throat closed. Agony wrapped around my heart and squeezed. I rubbed at my chest, trying to loosen the grip.

  “You don’t have to. They are your brothers regardless of distance.”

  “They fucking hate me,” I roared, and felt like a monster when Aloura flinched. “Why aren’t you asking why they hate me? Why are you avoiding that question?”

  “Because you will tell me when you’re ready.”

  “Is this some mind trick?”

  “When you feel you can trust me, you will tell me. No timescale, I’m not here to open old wounds, Ryan.” She headed over to the sink to put her empty dishes away. I could only stare in confused silence. Why wasn’t she demanding more? Insisting on knowing the depravity within me?

  Last night after our ‘chat’ in the kitchen. Aloura had all but begged to go out and leave the house, do something different. At such short notice I wasn’t comfortable taking her anywhere I hadn’t scoped out but she was feeling penned in. Cabin fever had set in, and she was beginning to drive me insane. So I had agreed to take her to the park. But unfortunately as we were driving in that direction, the rain started falling. I decided I would take her somewhere else, where I trusted the people with my own life. I repeatedly glanced in the rear-view mirror and checked no one was following us. I’d taken a super extended route which had added twenty minutes onto our drive. But I needed to be sure we weren’t being tailed. As I pulled into Jo’s drive, Aloura turned to face me with an expectant look on her face. I existed the car.

  “Shouldn’t we knock first?” she asked as we approached the house. After hours of watching her and Harry dancing, I couldn’t stand to be locked up with her either. Thoughts of his hands in places I wanted to touch her plagued me. We needed space, and plenty of it.

  I’d cleared it with Will, and he had suggested having a guy track our movements and wait nearby. I was happy with that scenario. Extra eyes and ears were always a bonus. I couldn’t keep her a prisoner. And besides there hadn’t been any direct threats since I had moved in. I was beginning to think the guy had backed off.

  “Nah, I never knock. The kid likes it if I sneak up on him, commando style. He likes to pretend he’s a Marine like Uncle Ry.”

  Aloura chuckled. the sweet tinkle of her laugh had me wanting to back her against the wall and kiss the life out of her. I’d practically dragged her out of the house after she had changed from her dance session with the cocky bastard. Watching her body move, stretch, and look so damn tempting, I needed to get us somewhere open, somewhere I couldn’t just bend her over and fuck her stupid. Because in my gut I knew if I tried, if I took that leap and touched her, she wouldn’t resist. I could see the longing in those chocolate eyes of hers. And the desperation inside me to take her was increasing, and I couldn’t risk losing that control. She was worth more than a fast hard fuck.

  I wasn’t worthy of her.

  Opening the door, I crouched down. I’d done this a million times with Alfie. Usually he was upon me within seconds. I wasn’t so quiet that I terrified the poor kid, but I played along the best I could. Aloura’s hand rested gently on my back as we sneaked into the house. I heard a noise in the lounge and turned with my finger over my lips to tell Aloura to be quiet. She beamed at me, covering her mouth to stifle her giggle. The playful way she followed warmed my heart. I couldn’t imagine doing this with any other woman but her. More muffled sounds came from the lounge. When we reached the lounge door, I jumped up and let out a war cry, causing Lou to scream and my butt ass naked brother to jump up from the couch, his dick flying in the wind. Definitely not a sight I needed to see. Lou scrambled to cover herself with whatever was available. She let out a loud scream just as Aloura joined in the fun and gave a war cry of her own.

  “What the fuck” Johan shouted.

  Grabbing Aloura, I pushed her from the doorway and pinned her against the wall in the hallway with my body while covering her eyes with my hand. Nobody needed to see his naked ass, or dick for that matter, especially Aloura.

  “I am so sorry. Did you see...anything?” I gasped, pressing my forehead against her shoulder. Her body started shaking, before she covered her mouth and was giggling. Lou was shouting deadly obscenities at Jo and me. She would definitely cut my balls off for this one.

  “I said we should have knocked,” she gasped through her laughter. My hand was still covering her eyes. When she realised I’d brought a woman with me, Lou screeched a sound so high pitched that dogs from far and wide would hear her. And I hoped to God Jo had his dick tucked away before she got a hold of it and did what she was threatening to do. Because no man needed that.

  “Oh God. I need to bleach my eyes,” I whispered against her neck. I was pressing against her, my body flush to hers. She had parted her sexy as fuck legs to let my thigh slide between those luscious legs. My lips grazed her soft skin, and we both froze at the intimate nature of the touch. I should pull away, apologise, and stand an ocean apart from her. But instead I opened my mouth and whispered, deliberately grazing my lips against her skin.

  “I’m sorry you had to see that.” I purposely let my bottom lip keep in contact with the gentle curve of her neck. She shivered in my arms. And her creamy skin peppered with goose bumps. Her breath was coming out in short pants, her chest rising and falling, making her breasts press against my
chest. I could see the pulse in her neck throbbing I wanted to press my tongue to it. My hand was still over her eyes. My other hand somehow made it to her hip, and my body was pressing into her harder. I needed to step away, so why the hell wasn’t I?

  “Aloura,” I said, my mouth a hairs breadth from the corner of her mouth. Slowly, painfully slow, her tongue darted out and moistened her crimson lips, before she turning her head slightly towards me.

  “Yes.” The breathy whisper was laced with so much longing my cock hardened against her thigh.

  It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Was she giving me permission to devour her mouth? Take what I desperately wanted?

  What I needed.

  I grazed her cheek with my lips as they sought out hers. Her hot breath fanned against my skin, her full breasts pressed against me. Lifting my hand from her hip to press my thumb against her bottom lip, I groaned out loud when her pink tongue snaked out to lick at the tip. Keeping my hand over her eyes, I slid the thick blunt tip of my thumb into her mouth and held her chin with my fingers. She immediately closed her mouth around it and sucked, pulling a groan from deep in my chest. I pinned her firmly against the wall, yanking my hand free of her mouth, ready to replace it with my lips. I leaned forward keeping my eyes locked on the ruby pout before me –

  “Ahem.” My obnoxious brother cleared his throat dramatically, and when I turned to glare at the fucker, he grinned at me.

  “Cock blocking is so annoying, isn’t it, Ryan?” Johan smirked.

  When did he develop into such a cocky little shit?

  “I know I’m a sexy beast, but using me to get your woman all hot is a little weird.” He guffawed when I growled, and Lou screamed at him to shut up.

  I stepped back and removed my hand from Aloura’s face. She blinked and squeezes her eyes shut before blinking again. Shit! I glanced around the floor. I must have knocked her glasses off in my haste to stop her seeing – that. I swooped down and picked her glasses up, inspecting them for any damage before handing them to her. My cheeks were on fire. I felt such an idiot. One for being so rough with her, and secondly for almost being caught kissing her. What the hell was I thinking?