No Ocean Deep

by Cate Swannell

  David smiled. For once… finally… he just let his daughter’s good intentions override their history. She’s got a lot of her mother in her, he thought, watching the anxious blue eyes across from him.

  “I can’t let you do that, Josie,” he replied quietly, stilling her response with a touch of his hand on her thigh. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer. I do. But you’d be throwing good money after bad. And I’m not going to let you do that when you’ve got your own business and future to look after.”

  “Dad, it’s not going to jeopardize any of that,” Jo insisted. “We can afford it. Really.” She shifted around so she could face him. “I could understand if you have a lot of questions about where I got that kind of money, and that’s okay. I’ll answer ’em.” She dropped her eyes again, the old shame welling up for a moment. “But I figure it’s time that money was put to a good use instead of burning a hole in my conscience like it has been doing.” She met her father’s eyes again. “Let me help, Dad. I owe you that much at least.” Long seconds ticked by as they let the truth of that pass between them.”

  Finally David broke the silence.

  “That’s not the point, love,” he said quietly. “The fact is, your mother and I have been doing a lot of thinking as well.” He took a deep breath and expelled it in a long, pensive sigh as he looked around at the harsh, beautiful landscape. “This place has been home for us for a very long time, but we can’t make it work anymore. And neither of us is getting any younger.”

  Jo looked at him quizzically. Where’s he going with this, she wondered.

  “I’m almost 62,” he continued. He laughed at the look of surprise on Jo’s face. “Come off it,” he said. “You can’t tell me I don’t look a day over 70.” He grinned.

  She shook her head. “I just never really thought about it before,” she said. “I don’t think of you as being that …” She hesitated.

  “Old, love. The word is old.” He patted her thigh again. “Well, that’s the truth of it, and at some point I have to start thinking about how your mother and I are going to live when I’m too old to work this place.” He looked at Jo. “And the truth of that is it’s not too far away. And we don’t have any savings to speak of. We’ve poured everything into this place for 40 years.”

  “That’s why Cadie and I want to help,” Jo said again.

  David shook his head. “That’s not going to work, Josie,” he said. “There’s more debt here than your average third-world nation, and no amount of cash is going to bring rain, or make sure that another drought doesn’t come again in 10 years when we’re even less able to survive it.”

  Jo looked puzzled. “So what’s the answer?”

  David sighed again and turned back to the landscape. Blood, sweat and tears I’ve poured into this place, he thought sadly. Bugger the cash. Blood, sweat and tears. But that’s not enough anymore. Maggie deserves better. So do I.

  “It’s time to sell up, Josie,” he said softly, a faraway look in his eye.

  “Sell up?” Cadie looked at Maggie incredulously. It had never occurred to her, nor Jo either she suspected, that leaving Coonyabby was an option for the Madisons. Maggie had said it matter-of-factly as they had begun preparing the evening meal. Almost as if it was as everyday as peeling the potatoes. Cadie stood dumbstruck, a knife in one hand and a half-denuded potato in the other. She had started this conversation with a view to making the suggestion that she and Jo help the station survive the drought, but Maggie had turned it on its ear. The blonde wondered briefly if David was doing the same to her partner. “Things are that bad?”

  Maggie shrugged. “Not yet,” she said. “But we’re getting too old to fight this battle constantly, year in, year out.”

  “But that’s not true,” Cadie protested. “You’re both so full of energy. Surely …” She stopped at the tolerant look on her mother-in-law’s face. “You guys have been thinking about this for a long time, huh?”

  Maggie nodded. “Yes. Since the last time we had some decent rain. David said at the time that he didn’t know when the next lot would come and that maybe it was time we started thinking about how we were going to live for the next 30 years.” She finished peeling the potato she was working on and cut it deftly into quarters before dropping the pieces into the roasting pan where they snuggled against the leg of lamb that was on the menu for the evening. “We’re at the point now where if we sell up we’ll have enough to pay off all the debts and have a bit left over to set ourselves up. Then we can both settle in and do some of the other things we like to do when we get the chance.”

  Cadie tilted her head to one side, taking in all that Maggie was telling her. “It’s not worth hanging on a bit longer?” she asked.

  “No,” Maggie said with a sigh as she looked out the back window over her beloved garden. “Now’s the right time to sell. If we waited another season and no rain came we’d be beyond the point where we could make any profit at all by selling. It’s now or never, really.”

  Cadie nodded, understanding that Maggie and David had made a considered decision. “It has to feel kind of weird though,” she pondered. “Leaving after all this time.”

  Maggie looked at the petite blonde, liking her more with each passing minute. “More so for David than me,” she said with a quiet smile. “He was born in that bedroom over there.” She nodded in the direction of the room she and David slept in. “So was his father. So was Josie for that matter.” She tucked the last of the potatoes into the pan and opened the oven door, bending down to slide the roast inside. “It was different for me,” she continued as she straightened up. “I wasn’t born to it like he was.”

  “It’s still home, though,” Cadie said softly, watching as the older woman moved around the kitchen.

  “Yes,” Maggie admitted. “But I’m not a sentimentalist like David. I’m more the wherever-I-lay-my-hat-that’s-my-home kind of person.” She filled the kettle with water and placed it on the stovetop. “But it was his idea to sell. I never would have suggested it. That’s when I knew that it really was time to leave.”

  Cadie reached up into the cupboard above the counter, pulling down two coffee mugs and handing them to Maggie.

  “I’m glad I got to come out here and see Coonyabby,” she said. It made her a little sad to think this place would pass out of the family’s hands. “I wish it didn’t have to be the last time.”

  “Me too, love,” Maggie said. Her voice cracked on the last word and Cadie moved closer, placing a gentle hand on the older woman’s shoulder. Disconcerted, Maggie wiped away her tears with an impatient hand. “See, not a sentimental bone in my body,” she laughed tearily.

  Cadie laughed along with her, knowing that tomorrow’s departure was going to be infinitely more emotional than she had expected it to be, for them all. I wonder how Jo-Jo is doing with all this?

  “Where will you go?” Jo asked quietly. They were all seated around Maggie’s dining room table, the family matriarch having decided that Jo and Cadie’s last meal at Coonyabby should be a more formal affair. Hughie had joined them too, though he had stayed largely silent through the continuing discussion about the decision to sell the property.

  It was the question Jo had been avoiding since her father had told her of his decision that afternoon. Asking it meant she had conceded defeat and was accepting her parents’ judgment that life on the land was no longer a going concern. I hate the thought of them leaving, but it’s their decision, not mine. I gave up any right to have a say in this a long, long time ago. She had even, at one point during dinner, offered to buy the property outright, keeping it in the family by hook or by crook. But her father had shaken his head and said no, again.

  “Josie, buying the land doesn’t solve the problem,” he had said. “Keeping the stock fed and healthy, maintaining the equipment, staying ahead of the weather – those are the things that suck the money away. Look, I appreciate the offer, believe me, but all you would be doing is saddling yourselves with a lifetime
of debt. For every good year, you’ll have three bad ones that will bleed you dry. And I’m not going to let you do that.”

  It had been David’s last word on the subject and Jo had lapsed into silence for a while, letting Cadie and Maggie drive the conversation while she sorted through her emotions. In a way it was weird how she felt so strongly about wanting to keep Coonyabby in the family. After all, I couldn’t wait to leave it when I was 17, she had thought glumly. And it’s not like I gave much thought to ever coming back to it. But she was willing to admit to herself that those had been bad decisions on her part. The last three weeks out here have been great. I’ve really enjoyed rediscovering the place. A piece of self-realization floated to the front of her consciousness. Maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m just pissed off that I don’t get to indulge myself with it for any longer.

  That’s when she accepted that her parents’ decision was made and that it was for the best.

  She shook herself back into the conversation. “So, where will you go?”

  Maggie took another sip of port and put her glass down. “Well, we haven’t really settled on that yet, to be honest,” she replied, looking at her husband. They’d talked around a few ideas, to be sure, but having Jo and Cadie in their lives for the last three weeks had given them one or two more suggestions.

  “Sydney?” Jo asked, hoping like hell that wasn’t going to be the answer. She loathed the big city and didn’t relish the thought of having to visit it on anything like a regular basis.

  “No fear,” David replied quickly. “Can’t stand the place. I’d rather crawl under a rock and die.”

  Jo sniggered, understanding her father’s sentiments exactly, but for completely different reasons. “So, what’s the plan, then?”

  The two elder Madisons looked at each other for a few seconds, obviously having an unspoken conversation, until finally David shrugged his shoulders. Maggie laughed quietly. “Up to me then, I guess,” she murmured. She looked her daughter in the eye. “I want you to answer this question honestly, okay? Because we know that it’s only been a few weeks and the last thing we want to do is make you feel … well, crowded, I guess.”

  Cadie could immediately see where this was going and the thought, frankly, delighted her. She reached out with her right hand and squeezed Jo’s knee, hoping that her partner would see things the same way. Maggie hesitated, suddenly uncertain about how her wayward daughter would receive their suggestion.

  “Come on, Mum, spit it out,” Jo urged. She liked the feel of Cadie’s gentle grip on her leg, though she had no clue why the blonde was seeking to reassure her.

  “Okay, well. How would you feel about your Dad and me moving up to the Whitsundays?” The words spilled out in a hurry as Maggie’s eagerness to see Jo’s reaction took over.

  Elegant dark brows rose quickly as Jo absorbed that piece of news. “Really?” she finally blurted, the beginnings of a 1000-watt grin touching the corners of her mouth. Good girl, Cadie thought happily. I knew you’d like this idea. “Mum, I think that’s a fantastic idea.” Jo turned to her father who was smiling behind his cup of coffee. “You’re gonna love it up there, Dad, honestly,” she enthused.

  David took another mouthful of coffee before putting his mug down and grinning at his daughter. “We’ve had our eye on a five-acre lot somewhere out the back of Airlie Beach,” he explained. “Some place called Cannon Valley.”

  “Yes!” Jo exclaimed. “It’s inland, between Airlie and Proserpine,” she replied, naming the small sugar cane-growing community an hour’s drive west of her home. “Are you going to farm it?”

  Maggie chuckled. “We’re not sure yet, sweetheart,” she said. “We really only started thinking about it seriously a week ago. When it became obvious that you didn’t find your old parental units too obnoxious.” She smiled winningly.

  “Oh, stop it,” Jo scoffed. She turned to look at Cadie, unsurprised to see green eyes sparkling back it her in obvious happiness. “Good idea, huh?”

  “Oh yeah,” Cadie affirmed. She looked over at Hughie, who was sitting silently at the opposite corner of the table. He seemed unconcerned about the recent developments going on around him. But then he usually does take things in his stride, she realized. “What about you, Hughie?” the American asked. “What are you going to do?”

  The others fell silent, realizing that the young Aborigine’s life was likely to change as much, if not more, than anyone’s. It was the one thing that had troubled Maggie the most about their decision.

  “Not sure, Miss,” Hughie said, flashing the blonde a sunny smile. “Just go where there’s work, I reckon.”

  “You know you can come with us,” Maggie said quietly. She had tried to have this very conversation with Hughie a few days’ earlier, but he’d steadfastly refused to give it much thought, let alone come to any firm decision. It shouldn’t have surprised her, as that had always been his nature, just to go with the flow, but it hadn’t helped ease her anxiety.

  “I know,” he answered.

  Jo’s mind was running at about a thousand miles an hour. “Have you ever seen the ocean, Hughie?” she asked, the germ of an idea forming.

  He shook his shaggy head slowly from side to side. “No, Miss Josie. Don’t reckon I know what that much water could look like.”

  Jo grinned back at him. “Would you like to see it?” A look of wonder came over Hughie’s wide open face. He nodded mutely. “So, why don’t you stick with Mum and Dad and come and work for me on the boats, when they don’t need you on their land?”

  “Oh, Jo-Jo, that’s a great idea,” Cadie exclaimed. “Hughie, you’ll love it up there, I promise.”

  “I reckon I might like that,” he said.

  “Sounds like a plan to me,” Jo replied firmly. She looked at her father. “So, how do you think you might like cane farming, Dad?” She grinned.

  “Oh, I don’t think I’ll be taking it too seriously, Josie,” he answered. “My days of worrying about yields and irrigation and all that are coming to an end, thankfully. It’ll be more of a hobby farm, if anything, and I expect Hughie will be able to do a lot of it, eh, mate?” He nodded at Hughie and received a confirming grin in return.

  “You don’t really hate it that much, do you?” Cadie asked, not believing for one moment that the elder Madison felt anything other than a passion for the land.

  “I don’t hate it all,” he admitted. “I’m just ready to take things easy. I reckon we’ve earned it.” He looked at Maggie and smiled when she tucked her hand into his weather-beaten one under the table. “Don’t you think?”

  “I think,” his wife agreed.

  “Cadie.” Jo nudged her deeply-sleeping partner. It was still dark and Jo wanted to get up and out of the house before the sun came up. “Cadie, darling, wake up.” She nudged a little more insistently.

  “Aww, just 10 more minutes, Mom, and then I’ll get up, I promise,” the American mumbled, even as she nuzzled deeper into Jo’s arms. The dark-haired woman smiled affectionately at the blonde.

  She really is utterly gorgeous, Jo acknowledged. Long, blonde eyelashes fluttered and, even in the gloom, Jo could make out the green of Cadie’s irises as she blinked awake. “Good morning, sweetie,” she whispered.

  “Morning?” Cadie grumbled sleepily. “Jo-Jo, it’s still dark. Why are we awake?”

  “I thought you might like to watch our last sunrise at Coonyabby,” Jo replied quietly.

  Tch, Arcadia, when are you going to learn that this place means more to her than she’s ever going to let on, Cadie chastised herself. She’s about to say goodbye to her home. Again. “Yes, love,” she said aloud, pushing herself up on an elbow and leaning in to kiss Jo softly. “I really want to see the sunrise.”

  Jo grinned up at her. “I love you, y’know.”

  Cadie chuckled softly and patted her lover’s stomach affectionately. “I know. So, come on, lazybones, where are we going?”

  “Not far,” Jo replied as she pulled aside the sheet and clambered
out of bed. “In fact…” She grabbed the flashlight from the bedside table and walked over to the desk on the other side of the room. Flicking on the beam, she illuminated the ceiling above the desk, revealing a small panel that obviously led to the roof space.

  “Ahhah,” said Cadie. “Why do I get the feeling we’re about to make use of a childhood haunt?”

  Jo waggled an elegant eyebrow at her. “Because you know me too well?” She looked at Cadie’s naked form. “Gorgeous as you are in the flesh, my love, you’re gonna need to put something on. It’s gonna be cool out there.”

  “You too.”

  Together they hastily pulled on some clothes, Cadie opting for a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt, while Jo reached for her sweatpants and a t-shirt.

  “Ready?” she asked a couple of minutes later.

  “Lead on, McDuff,” Cadie replied.

  Jo climbed up onto the desk and reached up, nudging the panel aside. Dust sprinkled down on her and she blinked and shook her head. “Ugh. S’been a while since anyone’s shifted this,” she muttered. “Hand me the torch, love?” She waited until Cadie placed the flashlight in her hand before she pushed the panel the rest of the way. “Hopefully there’s nothing living up here.”

  “Like what?” Cadie asked as she watched her partner readying to hoist herself up into the roof.

  “Possums, maybe,” Jo replied. She balanced the flashlight on the edge of the ceiling, the light bouncing eerily off the inside of the roof. “Snakes.” Her hands found a purchase and she sprang up, using her upper body strength to lever herself up and through the opening. Cadie watched as Jo’s long legs slithered up and disappeared from view momentarily. There was much scrabbling and scraping before Jo’s face reappeared in the opening. “All clear,” she said, smiling down at the American.

  Cadie climbed onto the desk and looked up. “Don’t think I’m tall enough to do your trick, sweetheart,” she said ruefully.