No Ocean Deep

by Cate Swannell

  “Hi Toby. Sorry to call so late.”

  “Cadie! That’s okay, sweetie. You know we’re a couple of night owls anyway. Wow, it’s great to hear from you,” the former PR man said happily. “I was beginning to think you were never going to return my call. What have you been up to?”

  Cadie sank down into the leather armchair, glad that the man didn’t seem too put out by the lateness of the call. It was close to midnight in Washington DC, she knew, but she had wanted to wait until Jo had left for the day before calling.

  “Sorry about that,” she murmured, hooking one leg over the arm of the chair. “It was difficult to call from Jo’s parents’ place and since then we’ve just been incredibly busy.” It was a lie, and she knew it, but she also knew Toby well enough to know he wouldn’t push the point.

  “It’s okay,” Toby replied. “I’m just glad to hear your voice. How’s Jo?”

  Cadie smiled in reflex at the mention of her lover’s name. “She’s great, actually. Since we last spoke, she inherited the yacht business from her boss and now she’s kind of queen of her own country. She’s like a kid in a candy store.”

  “Excellent!” She could hear talking in the background and then Toby obviously turned his head away from the receiver. “It’s Cadie.” More talking. “Jay says hello,” he said.

  “Say hi back,” Cadie said amiably. She waited while Toby passed the message on to his partner. “So what’s new with you guys? Or were you just calling for a chat,” she teased.

  There was a momentary pause.

  “Well, uh, actually we do have some news,” Toby continued quietly. “We’ve left Naomi.”

  Wow. Cadie knew better than most how devoted Toby and Jason had been to the senator in the early days. “Seems to be catching,” she muttered. “What brought that on?”

  Toby sighed. On the one hand, he did want to warn Cadie about just how nuts Naomi had been lately. On the other hand, he was well aware that despite their breakup, Cadie was big-hearted enough to still care about her former long-time partner.

  “Things have been a little crazy lately,” he said carefully.

  Cadie felt the beginnings of a headache nagging away behind her eyes and she pinched the bridge of her nose in a bid to keep it at bay.

  “Crazy busy, or crazy as in insane?” she asked.

  “Well, insane would be a little strong, I think,” he replied. “But Naomi’s certainly been a little …” He nibbled on his bottom lip as he tried to think of the right words. “Unstable, I guess.”

  Great, Cadie thought. Unstable enough to drive away her two most loyal staff. She exhaled slowly. And me, of course. “My fault,” she said quietly.

  “No, don’t do that, Cadie,” Toby said hastily. “You did what you had to do. We know that. God knows, she wasn’t exactly giving anyone or anything more than a second’s thought towards the end there. We still think you did the right thing. It’s just …”

  Cadie waited, letting the older man find the words for whatever it was he was trying to say. Not sure I want to hear it though, she admitted glumly.

  “It’s just that she really fell apart without you,” he finally said, reluctantly. “And there’s a lot of other pressure on her too. After that whole house party fiasco on Hamilton Island, the press was just merciless when we got home.” Naomi and two friends had been ‘detained overnight’ by the Australian police after being caught in the middle of an alcohol-soaked house party on the tropical island, the culmination of a big week of sailing and revelry. “And of course the GOP went nuts and they’ve been riding her ever since.”

  Cadie swallowed around the knot of tension she felt in her stomach. She hated how easily the old, familiar guilt had settled over her. Damn it, I’m entitled to a happy life, she told herself.

  “What else happened?” she asked hoarsely.

  “Lots of little things,” he acknowledged. “She threw an ashtray at the housekeeper, who then quit, of course. There was the afternoon she was stand-up drunk in the Senate chamber.” Cadie winced. “And … well, there’s the threats.”

  “Threats?” Cadie felt a prickling at the back of her neck.

  “Yeah.” She heard Toby swallowing. “The last thing she asked me to do was to hook her up with a contact in the Customs Service. That’s pretty much when Jason and I decided we didn’t want to be working for her anymore.”

  Cadie couldn’t quite see the connection. “Um, maybe I’m just dense this morning, Toby, but I don’t get it. Why is that a problem?”

  “Honey, we’re pretty sure she’s trying keep track of you any way she can. She wants to know when you come back into the country.”

  The blonde shifted in her seat. She gazed out on the glorious view over the Whitsundays and tried to reconnect with the way her former partner’s mind worked.

  “You don’t think maybe there was some other reason she wanted to talk to Customs?” she asked hopefully. “I mean, maybe a constituent had a problem or a question, and she was just looking for answers.”

  Toby snorted. “Not to be too blunt or anything, sweetie, but if it was a constituent thing, we would have heard about it first. And if there were answers to be found, she would have had us find them for her. Personal attention is not the good Senator’s style.”

  Ain’t that the truth, Cadie thought ruefully. “Yeah, I know. So, you think she wants to know when I’m back in town, huh?”

  There was a pause, and Cadie almost repeated herself, thinking that perhaps they’d been cut off or Toby had somehow not heard the question. Before she could say anything else, though, the ex-PR man spoke up.

  “Cadie, I think it’s more than that,” he said quietly. “I think she means to do a lot more than just keep track of you.”

  He can’t be serious. “Toby, come on, what exactly are you trying to say? You don’t honestly think she means me any harm?” Cadie still found it hard to believe that despite all they had been through, Naomi could mean to hurt her.

  “Oh Cadie, I don’t really know,” Toby replied, a note of frustration evident in his tone. “I know she’s been nuts lately. I mean, really. Throwing things, drinking 24/7. And …” He hesitated again. “She’s been smoking weed as well. I know that for sure.” Cadie said nothing, trying to digest the information. “I know it doesn’t sound very dangerous, or threatening, but she’s pissed, honey. And if she doesn’t mean you harm, then I’ll bet my last buck she’d do almost anything to hurt Jo.”

  The light dawned. “Ahhh. And, of course, the quickest way to hurt Jo is …”

  “… Is to hurt you, yes,” Toby finished.

  Cadie found herself suddenly short of breath. The possibility that Naomi had actually slipped into a mental state that would allow her to act so irrationally was a new and very uncomfortable thought. My fault, she couldn’t help thinking. My goddamned fault.

  “Jesus,” she muttered, rubbing again at that pounding spot between her eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Cadie,” Toby half-whispered. “I thought you should know.”

  “It’s okay, honestly. I’m glad you told me,” she replied, wondering what the hell she was supposed to do with the information now that she had it.

  “Are you going to tell Jo?” she heard Toby ask.

  Sixty-four million dollar question. “I honestly don’t know, Tobes,” she answered. “I’m going to have to think that one through a little more.”

  “Mhmm, I understand, sweetie.” Again, she heard Jason talking in the background. “Hang on, someone else wants to say hello.” There was a scrambling sound as the phone changed hands.

  “Hey you,” came Jason’s cheerful greeting.

  “Hey yourself,” Cadie replied, letting the man’s good mood push her own grim thoughts down, even if it was just for a few seconds. “So, now that you’re a free man, what are your plans?”

  He laughed. “Free, my ass. Toby’s got me roped into some Caribbean cruise next week. If I had my way we’d be pounding the Senate looking for a new job.”

&n
bsp; “Somehow, I find that hard to believe,” Cadie retorted, knowing damn well that Jason, in particular, had taken to sailing like a duck to water, and was more than likely the instigator of their new vacation plans.

  “You know me too well, Miss Jones,” Jason replied playfully. “Actually, I don’t think we have a clue what we’re going to do once we’re back from the cruise, but frankly, I could care less right now.”

  Cadie smiled. “Well, you two have certainly earned a break,” she said. “Who knows, maybe I’ve done you a favor by driving Naomi insane.” She meant the words lightheartedly, but there was an edge to them that Jason certainly didn’t miss.

  “Hey, sweetie, don’t do that,” he chastised gently. “Remember what I said to you back in Sydney Airport that day?”

  She smiled. The chaos of the day when she had left Naomi floundering in the middle of a gaggle of journalists had become a little blurry. “Remind me?”

  “I told you that you deserved better. I was right then and it’s still right now. If Naomi’s brain is dribbling out of her ears because of it, then I can only think that that’s her problem to deal with.” He paused to let her absorb his words. “You know what, Cadie? Jo was the best damn thing that’s happened to you in a very long time.”

  The headache receded just a little. “No argument from me,” Cadie agreed quietly.

  “So quit beating yourself up for letting that happen. You deserved it too.” He sounded vehement. “And Naomi, well, she can just kiss my rock-hard ass.”

  That made Cadie laugh out loud and Jason readily joined in.

  “Hey don’t laugh, it IS rock-hard.”

  “I don’t doubt it, Jase, honestly,” Cadie chortled. “It just provoked a mental image that was too priceless for words.” She grinned into the phone.

  “Ewww, I don’t even want to go there,” he said. “Hey, Toby’s fallen asleep on my shoulder here, so we’re gonna call it a night, okay?”

  “Okay. Thanks again for the warning, Jason.”

  “Cadie, sweetie. You know that we’re here if you need us, right? Any trouble from the Senator, you give us a call and we’ll come get you, okay?” She could hear the very real affection in his voice.

  “Thanks. You two take care, okay? And I’ll call you once I’m back in Madison.”

  “You bet. G’night.”

  “’Night, Jason.”

  Cadie hung up the phone and sat for a few minutes more, just contemplating the clouds scudding across the sky, their shadows sweeping across the islands below her. She glanced down at the approach of Mephisto, and smiled when the big, black feline leapt up into her lap and settled in for a snooze.

  “Hi, handsome boy,” the blonde said softly as she ran her fingers through his long fur. “So, what do you think? Do we need to give Jo one more thing to worry about? Or are Toby and Jason making a mountain out of a molehill?”

  Sleepy, gold eyes blinked up at her and the cat offered no solution, preferring to knead her thigh with his front paws.

  “Thanks. That’s a big help.”

  Jo rested her forehead miserably against the cool glass of the big-paned terminal window. Outside, in front of her, was the big, grey-domed nose of the 747. She was slightly above the level of the cockpit and from her vantage point she could easily see the captain and his co-pilot going through their pre-flight checks. Not that that cheered Jo up in the least. Part of her mind was willing there to be some minor technical problem that would delay the flight indefinitely.

  I couldn’t get that lucky, Jo decided. She and Cadie had already said their goodbyes, the blonde walking backwards slowly down the ramp way, her eyes locked on Jo’s until she had disappeared around the bend. Jo had been left feeling very much alone amongst the milling crowd of still-boarding passengers and family members. Eventually, she had made her way to the window.

  It’s not that much different from the last time I said goodbye to her, she thought morosely. That day sucked too. Memories of standing on the deck of the Seawolf as Cadie’s water taxi receded into the distance floated at the front of her mind even as the big plane in front of her began to be pushed back from the gate. The plane slid backwards, turning away from the low terminal building before the tug disengaged from its front landing gear and drove away. Before long the big jet was taxiing forward under its own steam, the rumble of its engines felt more than heard by Jo as she pressed her forehead against the glass.

  At least I could see her that time. She tried to imagine where Cadie was, knowing that the American had a window seat somewhere between the wings and the rear of plane. For a moment Jo let herself believe she could see a familiar face in the one of the tiny windows, but the reality was she couldn’t see any details at all. Jo reached up to the patch of condensation her breath had formed on the glass, and absentmindedly drew a tiny heart in the mist. This time I know she’s coming back.

  A niggling doubt surfaced. I do know she’s coming back, right? The little voice of insecurity – the same one that had made her so afraid of talking with her parents, the one that had stopped her from telling Cadie the truth about her past right from the word go – piped up again now, like a worn out old recording spinning around in her mind. I mean, this isn’t just a nice way of telling me it’s over, right? Jo dug her hands deep into her jeans pockets, hunching her shoulders as the plane disappeared behind a line of buildings, its giant tailfin just visible above the roofline.

  Her fingers came up against a piece of paper at the bottom of her left pocket and she pulled it out, puzzled at its presence. Carefully she unfolded it and found it covered in an instantly recognizable handwriting. Jo smiled.

  Darling (it read), I know right now you’re feeling at least as miserable as I am. The saving grace for me is that I have a lot of traveling to do before I can sit down and really process the fact that I’m so far away from you. And if I know you – (do I completely, yet? – maybe not) – you’re already in the middle of that, and feeling a bit blue.

  Jo smiled again. The note was so characteristic of her partner’s tendency to dissect her own emotions and those of the ones she loved that it was strangely reassuring.

  I want you to know (the note continued) that you are the most important thing in my life. In a few weeks we can laugh and joke about how it wasn’t that hard being apart from such a short time, but right now I know that it hurts and that in some ways it’s scary, too. (Oh you do know me so well, my love, Jo thought). Listen, Jo-Jo, because this is important. I am coming back and when I do, we can really get started on building this life we both seem to want so much. I love you with all my heart, sweet Jossandra. Don’t ever forget that. Soon I will be home again, I promise. Kisses, your Cadie.

  Jo sighed. That woman can reduce me to mush in the space of a paragraph and a half, I swear. She felt a little embarrassed about the doubts she had been wallowing in just a few minutes earlier. Honest to god, I don’t know what I ever did to deserve her, she thought ruefully.

  A deepening rumble intensified from somewhere in the distance and Jo quickly looked up again, just in time to see the United Airlines jumbo heave itself upwards in the way only a huge 747 could. Jo didn’t mind flying herself, and she knew Cadie wasn’t bothered by it, but there was still something death-defying about the giant metal creature lurching skywards.

  “Get up there, you bastard. Go,” Jo muttered, urging the plane on. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the plane broke the shackles of gravity and suddenly became graceful, soaring as its landing gear lifted and tucked away. “Bye, sweetheart,” Jo whispered, her eyes stinging. “See you soon."

  Cadie closed her eyes as she felt the kick of the engines at her back. The plane lumbered forward, gathering speed as it rumbled over the runway. There was always that moment where she wondered if they were going to make it safely into the air. Three hundred-odd people hung in mid-air for a few seconds before Cadie felt herself relax into her chair.

  She glanced around at her fellow travelers, jam-packed into the crowded coa
ch section. She had opted not to use the return section of the business-class ticket she and Naomi had used to get to Australia in the first place. Somehow, it just hadn't felt right. Instead she'd bought a brand new, coach-class ticket.

  Cadie was sitting in a window seat on the left-hand side of the plane. The man next to her had already settled in for the 14-hour leg to Los Angeles, turning away from Cadie and tilting his seat back as he pulled a sleeping mask over his eyes. Great. He's going to sleep for 14 hours and I'm going to be trapped in this space. Cadie sighed. I should have asked for an aisle seat. Live and learn. The blonde decided she was far too awake to try and sleep and instead she reached for the airline’s monthly magazine in the seat pocket in front of her.

  The truth was she was just looking for a distraction. Despite her words in the note she had sneaked into Jo’s pocket as they had hugged their goodbyes, Cadie was by no means calm about walking away from her partner, even if it was for a relatively short time.

  They had flown down from Hamilton Island that morning, both loaded with enough luggage to see them through their respective journeys. They had transferred from the domestic terminal to Sydney’s international terminal and had spent the few hours before Cadie’s flight sitting in the various passenger lounges and coffee shops of the airport.

  The American had spent a lot of time debating the merits of telling Jo about her phone call with Toby and it was over a cup of coffee that she had finally decided to break the news.

  “He thinks what?” Jo had snapped her head around upon hearing Toby’s theories about Naomi’s latest mind games. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “Um, no,” Cadie had muttered, wondering if perhaps keeping quiet might not have been the best option after all. She stirred a teaspoon of sugar into her coffee, not meeting Jo’s intense blue gaze. “He thinks she’s going to be tracking me, though he’s not really sure what she intends to do about it.”

  “For god’s sake, Cadie, what do you think she’s going to do about it?” Jo had exclaimed, exasperated. “She’s nuts. I wouldn’t put anything past her.” She dropped her spoon onto the table and it clattered against Cadie’s mug. “That’s it, you’re not going. Come on.” She made to stand up. “Let’s go cancel your ticket and get your luggage back.”