Marley (Carnage #3)

by Lesley Jones

  “So as long as I write songs about how much I love and miss your sister, we’re all good, but if I write something honest, if I write about how she shut me out with no chance to explain or apologise, or I write about how she let me shag her when she was just fifteen, that’s—”

  He didn’t get a chance to finish before Len flew at him, knocking Jimmie over in the process.

  “He seriously has a death wish.” Jim said as I was helping her up. We stood back and watched as Len and Maca rolled around on the floor for a few minutes before Tom and Billy separated them.

  They were both breathing heavy, bleeding from the nose, and had split lips. Surprisingly, it was Maca that was trying to break free from Billy’s grip and get at Len again.

  “This is bullshit, fucking bullshit. How much money did you all make out of the songs I’ve written about her the past couple of years, ay?” He looked around like a crazy man, still breathing hard. His white T-shirt was ripped at the neck with blood stains.

  “She broke my fucking heart. She’s a cold-hearted bitch who won’t answer my calls or reply to my letters.” He’d actually gone beyond shouting and was screaming at us.

  Jimmie stepped up. “How dare you. How fucking dare you. You broke her heart—You.” She punched him, like a girl, with the flat side of her bunched hands on his arms and chest. “You broke her heart, you stupid fucker, and you almost broke her mind. She’s shut you out because that’s the only way she can survive. You’ve no idea, you have no idea what she’s been through. She’s hurt and humiliated. They wrote horrible things about her in the papers and she didn’t ask for any of it. She gave you her virginity when she was just fifteen because she’s loved you since she was eleven years old, since that very first day we set eyes on you in their back garden. She loved and trusted you and what did you do, Maca? You went off to a hotel room with that slut, that fucking oxygen thief of a human being. Just a few days after proposing to George, you go into a hotel room and snort blow from Haley Whites tits. Of all the people in the world Maca, it was with her? Why her? Have you any idea what you’ve done to my best friend?”

  Jim’s was breathing heavy through her tears. Len, Billy, and Tom were watching in stunned silence while Maca and I both cried.

  Fucking tears. They just come from nowhere.

  Guilt sat like acid in the bottom of my stomach, in my chest, and pumped through my veins, burning me from the inside out.

  “It wasn’t his fault,” I said quietly. Jimmie’s head turned quickly and her brown eyes were on me, sweat glistening on her light cocoa coloured skin. I’ve never seen Jim so angry.

  “Fuck off, Marley.” She spat. “He went to that room willingly, knowing all the while that he had a girlfriend, an unofficial fiancé. He asked your sister to marry him and just a few days later, he’s in a hotel room with the one and only person I’ve ever known George to hate. Yeah, you’re as much to blame as he is, but he was the one with a girlfriend. He was the one that should have stayed away from that conniving little cunt, but he didn’t.” Her face crumbles as she looks at Maca.

  “You broke my beautiful friend, you broke her sixteen-year-old heart and I don’t know if I’ll ever get her back. So don’t you dare stand there telling me that she’s a cold-hearted bitch. Don’t you fucking dare stand there spitting the dummy because she shut you out. What you did was shut her down.”

  “So why won’t she just talk to me? Why won’t she just let me explain?” He pleaded. His voice was full of desperation. It hurt my heart so bad to watch him, to hear all of this and know that I was to blame.

  “Because she’s not ready to see you. You hurt her so much that she can’t bear to even hear your name.” She stood in the middle of all of us, but faced Maca, shaking her head. “She’s just doing what she needs to do to get by, but never have I heard her say such spiteful things about you. Why would you want to do that to her? Why, after everything you’ve put her through, would you want to cause her any more hurt and humiliation? Just get over it, Maca. Move on and stop acting like a lovesick kid.”

  “But that’s what I am, that’s what you all forget. I may be twenty-years-old, but I’m still a lovesick kid. I always will be for her. When will you all fucking get that?”

  We all remained silent, everyone realising in that moment that he was in fact right, even if he’d just behaved like a complete dick. We were still so young, stupid, clueless, horny, and emotional. Our lives had been turned on their heads in a short amount of time, cameras constantly going off in our faces, fabricated stories being written about us.

  For us it was, and always will be, about the music first. I didn’t want celebrity status. Yeah, back then I liked the amount of birds it led to me banging, but right from the very beginning, we all hated the intrusion. Billy and Tom had settled down from the very start of the bands fame so it was always Maca and myself the press focused on, especially as we were also seen as the two front men. But we weren’t men, we were still boys—kids playing in a very grown up world. We had no clue how to handle what we were feeling and we didn’t always handle things the right way. Unfortunately for us, every fuck up we made from the age of eighteen was reported on, documented, and sometimes photographed. It was just part of the deal, it came with the territory, and there was nothing we could do about it.TOO MANY SPACESAt the end of the day, I suppose all that Maca was doing with those lyrics was what came natural to him, letting it all out in a song.

  Didn’t stop me from wanting to put him on his arse again though. I knew my sister was no angel. I knew her and Maca were getting up to shit when she was far too young, but I honestly thought that they’d be together forever, that they were it for each other. At no stage did I ever account for me and my own selfish motives being the instigator in their downfall.

  Maca and I didn’t speak for over three months after that. The album was delayed because we couldn’t agree on anything and all our public appearances were strained. Billy and Tom were finally taking over the interviews, leaving me and Maca to blend into the background.

  Our studio time was cancelled, the label agreeing to let us have the summer to ourselves. Hoping that some time apart was all that was needed. As long as we agreed to regroup in September and get the tracks down in time for a Christmas release, they left us alone.

  After our March fallout, we finally had to meet in June and make a few decisions on the interiors of the apartments Maca and I had invested in together. We actually agreed on most of what we wanted during the meeting with the design team my dad’s builders had set us up with, and we went out and had a few beers together that night.

  The place the label had set us up in, near the West London studios, were too big for us once Tom and Billy had moved out, so we had found places of our own. Both of us unknowingly bought penthouse apartments in the same building, just five minutes from where our own place was being built in the Docklands redevelopment area of East London.

  We spent a bit of time together through the summer, working on new material, but things didn’t really begin to thaw completely between us until we got back into the studio in early September. Maca was still pretty quiet and withdrawn. I knew just from the limited time I’d been in his company that he was smoking a lot of weed. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to promote drug use. It was something I’d done since I was about thirteen, before I even met Maca I think, but yeah, all things in moderation. You need to be able to function and when we first got into the studio, I really think he was only just hanging on.

  And then he met Carla.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  1987

  The first day in the studio we were introduced to the team. The place Len had found for us was in a leafy suburb of London, not too far from Hampstead Heath. It was a brand new setup and we would be using state of the art digital technology, a lot of which was all new to us. The two sound engineers were a brother and sister team called Max and Lydia. We’d never worked with them before, but Len assured us that they knew our work
and were the best in the business with the new equipment now available. Trevor and Nile were our usual producers, and we had every faith in them coming up with the sounds we were hoping to create.

  We were introduced to a few office and backroom staff, and then we were introduced to Carla. She was a newly qualified sound and recording engineer who had been taken on by Max and Lydia. She was straight out of university and looked like a pixie.

  No tracks were laid down the first week. They rarely were with us. We spent the time getting our sound tight, Maca working on his voice and listening to playbacks.

  During that time, Carla was in and out of the live room with drinks and food for us, and I had noticed Maca watching her.

  She was cute, don’t get me wrong, just not my type. Short, really petite with an almost androgynous body. No curves, no tits, and spikey blonde hair. She told us that she was twenty-three, but she looked twelve. As far removed from my sister as you could get, really. Perhaps for Maca, that was the appeal.

  On the Friday at the end of our first week, Max suggested we all go to the pub together and we ended up at The Spaniards Inn. It was a beautiful evening and we were able to get a table out in the beer garden and enjoy some late summer sun.

  Drinks were drunk, conversations flowed, and we all learned a little bit about each other.

  Max and Lydia were in fact twins. Their dad was a well-known session musician who had played with some of the biggest bands in the world over the years.

  Max, it turned out, was married to Nile’s sister, Nicole, who joined us with their two kids an hour after we arrived at the pub.

  It felt good to be in a crowd of people who just accepted you for who you were. No bullshit, no pretences. No one wanted to touch us or have us sign parts of their bodies. It was like being with family and I suddenly felt very homesick.

  Over the coming weeks, it became a regular thing for us to all have a drink together on a Friday, and at first, I enjoyed sitting back, watching Maca and Carla get closer. After a while though, I noticed that she was a little bit flirty with all the blokes; single, married, she didn’t care. It was almost like she was just after someone, anyone, even me, and it made me uncomfortable. Maca wore his heart on his sleeve and the last thing he needed was to get his heart broken again.

  Max, Trevor, and Len had all given Maca the ‘Don’t shit on your own doorstep’ talk. I still wasn’t exactly sure what was happening between the two of them. I’m not sure if it was because of George that he didn’t confide in me, but we could all see that Maca was happier. Despite that, I still had my reservations. Call it gut instinct. There was just something about the girl I didn’t like.

  That year, Georgia’s birthday passed without a mention of it from Maca. I sent her a card and a Beastie Boys T-shirt that I’d managed to get signed for her. Jimmie passed on her thanks and a message to say that she loved it.

  By mid-October, the album was finished and Maca and I had moved into our new place together in Docklands.

  Although I knew he was seeing Carla, he never brought her back to our shared apartment. I’m not sure how serious things were between them at that point, but I knew for a fact he wasn’t seeing her exclusively. She was a distraction, I got it, but I did feel a bit sorry for the girl, even if I didn’t like her. By the end of our time in the studio, it was obvious to everyone that she had a massive crush on him, but I wasn’t sure how deep his feelings went for her, or how at that stage he was feeling about Georgia.

  We were lying in front of the telly at home one Sunday night when Jim and Len came around.

  “Big brother Lennon, to what do we owe this pleasure?” I asked as he shoved a nicely chilled bottle of Bolli into my hand.

  “Come to ask a favour, bro.” Is all he said before sitting down and muting the sound with the remote control.

  “What the fuck, Len? Make yourself at home, mate.” Maca sat up complaining. Jimmie sat down on the sofa next to him.

  “Thanks, Maca, I will.” Len winked as he spoke.

  I got us all a beer from the fridge and called out to Jim, asking if she wanted me to crack open the bubbly. “Well that depends on your answer to our question,” she called back. “A beer will do for now.” I brought her a beer and went and sat on the opposite sofa with my brother.

  “What’s up then? Spill the beans,” I told them both.

  “The wedding’s all booked for the 3rd of June, 1989.” Jim said with a smile.

  “Congratulations,” Maca and I said in unison, all of us raising our bottles in a toast.

  “I’ve asked Bailey to be my best man.” Len added. I feel a little stab of jealousy, but that’s just a long held sibling rivalry issue. I knew that as the older brother, it was only right that Bailey was best man.

  “But we’d like you two to be groomsmen.” Len quickly adds.

  “Of course, it’d be my pleasure.” I told them both, having no idea what a groomsmen was, but happy to be given a role.

  It was quiet for a few seconds and I just knew there was a ‘but’ coming. I watched Jimmie flick her dark hair over her shoulder and lick her lips. She was nervous. I’d known the girl since we were in play school, and I knew when she was shitting herself about something.

  “Maca?” She looked at him, waiting for his answer.

  “It’d be my absolute pleasure to be a part of your wedding, but I totally understand if you change your minds about me being there. I don’t wanna cause you issues with other members of your families.”

  Of course, Georgia.

  “It’s not a problem for Georgia. She understands that we obviously want you all there with us and she’s good with that.” Jimmie reassured him.

  “That’s not the sort of thing Gia would say. Tell me honestly, Jim, how’s she really feeling about it?” Maca asked.

  She looked between the both of us.

  “She’s promised to make an effort to get things back on track between her and Marley before the wedding.” She smiled and looked at me as she talked and I swallowed down the lump in my throat. I promised my mum I would go home for Christmas that year. Perhaps that would be a good time to start building bridges.

  “And what about me?” Maca asked again. “How does she feel about seeing me there?”

  Jim takes a swig of her beer, looking at Len for guidance and when he gives his head a small nod, she looks at Maca.

  “She said that for me, she could do it. To give me the day that I want, she would be able to deal with being around you, just for one day.”

  “Well that makes me feel wanted.” I felt so sorry for him in that moment and pissed off with my sister.

  “All I ask is that she doesn’t take anyone else with her.” Maca requested.

  “What?” Len and Jimmie ask at the same time.

  “A bloke, whoever she’s seeing. Ask her, from me, if she could just come on her own.” His eyes looked around to each of us. “I don’t think I could handle seeing her with another bloke.” He told us honestly.

  “Maca, you have got to be kidding me? She doesn’t go anywhere to meet blokes. She goes to work and the gym, that’s it. That’s her life. She goes nowhere, sees no one. She doesn’t see any of her friends. Well, in all honesty, she doesn’t really have any friends outside of us.” Jimmie turned her gaze solely on Maca as she spoke. “When you did what you did, not only did she lose you and Marley, but in a way she lost me and Len too. Even Billy and Tom. The biggest part of her life, the part that she planned on being her whole life, her world, went too. I thought you got that? I thought you knew how isolated and alone she’s been.”

  I watched him as he stroked the two middle fingers of his left hand over his lips. His eyes shined with tears, but he managed to swallow them down.

  “No, Jim, I had no fucking idea that was the life she’s been living. I don’t know if you realise this, but you lot don’t tell me much about what’s going on in her life. You can talk about her around me, ya know? I’m fully aware that I’m a pussy where she’s concerned,
and that my behaviour’s not normal for a bloke my age, but what we had—what I have with G ain’t normal. I don’t know what love’s like for others, but I’ve seen people go through breakups, I’ve listened to them declare that they’re heartbroken, and then a month later they’re seeing someone else, declaring their undying love for them, but that’s not possible for me. I know that I shag other birds...”

  He took a swig from his beer as Jimmie chimed in with, “Lots of other birds, lots and lots and—”

  “Yeah, yeah, Jim, we get it.” I cut her off.

  “I don’t wanna say that I’m glad she’s as miserable as I am. You’re her brothers and her best mates, but fuck. As much as it hurts me to hear that she’s hurting, hearing it gives me the tiniest bit of hope, and shit yeah, in a weird and twisted way, it makes me fucking ecstatic.”

  He drained his drink and tilted his bottle towards me.

  “Let’s crack open the Bolli. Looks like we’ve got a wedding to go to, dude.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  1987 / 1988

  The Christmas of 1987 turned out to be a bit of a disaster. We had an album and a single sitting at the number one spot on both sides of the Atlantic, and in seven other countries around the world.

  Maca and I celebrated all night on Christmas Eve, and I turned up at my mum’s in a taxi, ten minutes after dinner was served. I was high as a kite, stinking of booze and perfume, and my family were far from impressed.

  Any attempts at talking to George were blown out the window when she heard me telling Bailey about mine and Maca’s exploits from the night before.

  My parents had moved from the house we were raised in and were now living in a beautiful barn conversion. My dad had added a soundproofed room out to the side of the property and I’d headed in there with Bails for a sneaky joint after our almost silent dinner. He had recently split up with Deb, his long term bitch of a girlfriend, and was living back at home with Mum and Dad.