Marley (Carnage #3)

by Lesley Jones

  In March 1990, Ash gave birth to our son. Watching what she went through to give me a gift I’d never be able to thank her enough for, was the most moving experience of my life.

  I’d like to say that Ash was amazing and coped brilliantly with the labour, but I’d be lying. She was a fucking nightmare.

  She screamed at me, the midwives, and doctors, and when a team of student obstetricians came into the room to ask some questions, she threw her jug of water at them.

  Finally, when none of us could take any more, the anaesthetist arrived to set her up with an epidural. I requested he put it in her jaw, but apparently that’s not standard practice, so I got a no.

  The rest of the labour was a piece of piss. No idea why women bang on about that shit.

  Joe was delivered safely after just twenty-eight hours of unnecessary ranting and raving from my wife.

  Calm yourselves, women of the world! I’m joking. I will never, ever understand why any woman would choose to go back and do that more than once. I was in pain just from watching the pain she was going through and it’s something that will stay with me forever.

  When Joe was put into my arms and wrapped all of his little fingers around one of mine, the world fell from under my feet. I quite literally fell onto the bed next to Ash, and as the doctors cleaned and stitched her up, we both stared at him in wonder. He was totally and utterly perfect.

  I would give up everything that I’d ever achieved in my life for this one success. In my head, I prayed to a God I’ve never been quite sure existed and asked him to help make me the dad that this little boy deserved and as I did. Joe opened up his eyes and looked right at me and I knew that I would do anything, lay down my life, sell my corrupt soul to the devil if necessary, to love and protect him for the rest of my days.

  Within the space of five years, we’d added two little girls to our tribe, and within six, Len and Jimmie had two of each. When you added Billy and Tom’s five to the mix, touring sometimes became crazy.

  I wanted Ash and the kids with me when I was away, but waking up a five and three-year-old at three in morning to get off a plane when it’s below freezing outside, is not fun. Add a newborn to the mix and it actually becomes a nightmare.

  My kids woke up starving at two am and were ready for bed at eleven in the morning by the time they were on their fourth time zone in ten days. They were miserable, Ash was miserable, and I just felt guilty.

  On the few occasions they did stay home, I’d end up exhausted due to flying back to them on our days off.

  On top of that was the press. The fucking press and their ridiculous, made up stories. We were nowhere near as wild as we were in the early days, but we still liked to party and you could always guarantee that if there were women in the room, a photograph would somehow be leaked of them standing within a twenty foot radius of myself or Maca.

  Georgia was never very far from Maca’s side, but for Ash, being the one sitting at home with three kids, sometimes the rumours were hard on her. Picking up the paper every day to read who your husband was apparently fucking was no fun.

  Luckily, we were tight. I missed her and the kids like fuck when we were apart, and Georgia always backed me up when the stories got too much for her.

  I’ve never strayed. Not ever. Ash and I had a threesome once with another woman, but even then, she was all about Ash and didn’t touch me.

  I could go into detail about that experience, but my wife will have my balls and my kids might read this so yeah, not happening. You’ll all just have to use your dirty minds.

  I totally understood why George and Maca held off on having kids. Touring with them put a massive strain on our marriage, and we’d have some huge blow-ups because we were both so tired and stressed. Studio time was the best time for us. It meant I could be home for dinner most nights and able to bathe and tuck my kids into bed. That’s all I wanted from life, my family. The rock and roll lifestyle held no appeal to me anymore. Like I said, we still liked to party, but I did it with my wife beside me nowadays. Ash and I have always had a fiery relationship, we’re both passionate people, so that will never change.

  George and Maca finally decided to tie the knot in October of 1998. The stars finally aligning to put us all together in the same place at the same time.

  We had just finished a short tour of the States and were taking a break in Florida before flying home.

  Maca brought my mum, Dad, Bailey, and Sam over and the happy couple said their ‘I do’s’ in front of us all on a beach in St Petersburg at sunset. The day was perfect; chilled, laid back, and without a single member of the press in sight.

  The happy couple delayed their honeymoon until the following year and then took off on a world tour of their own, spending most of their time in Australia.

  I did very little in 1999, except kick back and enjoy time with my family. We’d stayed on in Florida, loving it so much that we’d bought a house there before we left, three weeks later.

  We had been booked to play at the opening game of a European football competition in September and George and Maca returned from their travels just before then.

  The album we had released the year before had been recorded in the South of France, and the bloke that owned the studio was also part owner of one of the teams that were playing. He’d invited the whole production team to watch the game from a private box.

  Carla was in attendance. It was the first time we’d been in her company since Maca’s wedding and I could tell straight away she wasn’t happy. She’d started the evening ignoring us, but as she got slowly pissed up, she got brave.

  “Dude, you seriously have to get her away from me, otherwise I’m leaving.” Maca told me quietly over his beer. It was the third time Carla had tried to engage him in conversation and he’d brushed her off.

  “I don’t understand what her problem is. You’ve been back with G for years. She must’ve known that you’d get married at some stage.”

  He let out a long sigh before looking me in the eye.“She didn’t. She’s always thought that G and I were bad for each other, and that she and I should be together.”

  I fucking knew I didn’t like the girl.

  “And how the fuck do you know that?” I asked, sliding from best mate to big brother mode in an instant.

  “Because she’s told me, more than once.” He admitted.

  “And you’ve said what? Told her to fuck off, I hope.”

  “Yeah, pretty much. I love my wife, Marls, you and me both know that. I’m not interested in Carla. She was a diversion. Even when I was seeing her, it was nothing more than sex and a bit of company. I told her from the start that it wouldn’t lead anywhere.”

  “Don’t think she got the memo, mate.” I told him as I watched Carla sway towards us.

  “Maca, can we talk? Can we go somewhere in private and talk please?” She stood in front of him and asked.

  His eyes swung to me, looking for help.

  “We’re here to watch the game, Carla. Call on Monday to talk business.” I told her.

  “I want to have a private conversation with Sean, if that’s all right with you, Marley.” She spat back.

  “No, Carla, we can’t go anywhere and talk. Anything you’ve gotta say, you can say it here.” Maca finally spoke up for himself and told her.

  “You sure?” she asked, and I got a horrible feeling in my belly.

  “Absolutely.” He reassured her.

  “Why’d you marry her, Mac? You know how much I love you, so why would you just take off and marry her like that?”

  Maca’s eyes dart all around the room as Carla stands in front of him and cries. Luckily there was a ban on the press in private boxes, so we were amongst friends.

  “Are you fucking delusional?” I asked her. “They’ve been together since she was eleven years old. Whatever made you think they wouldn’t get married?”

  She glared at me for a few seconds. “You have no clue about me and him, no fucking clue, so why don’t you s
tay the fuck out of our business.”

  “So come on, enlighten me? He’s married to my sister so no, I won’t stay the fuck out of your business when it involves my family.”

  The little bitch was pissing me off and Maca was pissing me off for not shutting her down.

  “Carla, what we had was ten years ago. I don’t know what you—”

  “What we had was a fucking baby, Maca. That’s what we had.”

  Oh fuck!

  “Wh-What d’ya mean, a baby? When? What are you talking about?” Maca’s eyebrows were drawn together in confusion.

  “You fucked me, just before you went off on your holiday to Ibiza. You fucked me and you got me pregnant.”

  My heart beat so loud, I swear it could be heard over the crowd cheering.

  “Well, what happened? Where’s... I don’t understand?” Maca stuttered out. He had beads of sweat forming on his forehead, and I had them running down my back.

  “You wouldn’t take my calls,” she said through gritted teeth.

  “I was back with Gia.” He replied, using the same tone.

  “Yeah, and didn’t I know it. Well, good for you and your happy new life, and tough fucking luck for me and the mess you’d left me in.”

  “I didn’t fucking know.” Maca shouted, bringing the room to a standstill.

  “Well, if you’d replied to any of the messages I left you, then you would have.”

  “So what? What happened? What did you do?” I could hear the panic rising in Maca’s voice as he asked.

  A secret kid is so not what he and George needed thrown into the mix right now—not at any time, really.

  “I murdered it. I went to an abortion clinic and had all traces of you sucked right out of me.”

  Maca’s eyes closed for an instant before opening, filled with tears.

  “Why? Why would you do that?” He asked quietly.

  “Why not? You didn’t want me. I wasn’t gonna be stuck with a kid on my own.”

  “You wouldn’t have been on your own.” He wiped a tear from under his eye as he spoke.

  “No? You would’ve left her and come back to me, would ya?”

  He shakes his head no. “I’ll never leave her, not in this life time, not in the next.”

  “And that’s why I did it. If I couldn’t have you, then why should I have your kid?”

  She is seriously a piece of fucking work, this girl.

  “I would’ve helped, I would’ve been there... I would—”

  “I wanted you.” It was her turn to shout now. “I wanted all of you, not just a part-time dad for my baby. I wanted you, us, together as a family.”

  Maca just stood there, shaking his head no.

  “Mac, come on, mate. Let’s get out of here.” I reached out and touched the top of his arm.

  His brown eyes looked across to mine. “I didn’t know, Marls. I didn’t fucking know.”

  “I believe ya, mate. Come on, let’s get out of here. We’ll see if Len can change our flight and get us home to the girls earlier.”

  “Oh, that’s right, drag him back to wifey.”

  I’ve never hit a girl, but I swear to God I came close that night. I spun around to face her.

  “You little bitch. Just shut your fucking mouth and fuck off out of my sight. You’ve had plenty of chances to tell him all this over the years, plenty of ways you could’ve contacted him and explained. Why the fuck would you do it like this, here tonight, in front of everyone?”

  “Because he should’ve married me, not her, me.” She roared.

  “You are off your fucking head if you think that was ever gonna happen.” I pointed at Macca’s neck.

  “You’ve seen the words, it’s only her, it’ll always only ever be her. Get your fucking head around that, else you can kiss your career goodbye and never work for us again.”

  I grab Maca’s arm and lead him out the doors.

  Milo was waiting for us outside and he called Len, who didn’t come to the game, but lined up a couple of meetings for that evening instead. Len contacted the private plane company, but they couldn’t get us a pilot straight away, so we went back to our hotel where Len met back up with us.

  “What the fuck’s happened.” Was Len’s first response as I let him into Maca’s room.

  We’d had a bottle of Jim Beam sent up to the room and had sat in silence for the ten minutes we’d had alone before Lennon arrived.

  He looked at both of us and noting our sombre mood, he changed his tone. “What happened ... is something wrong?”

  My chest felt tight, so I let out a long sigh before speaking. “Maca had a bit of a run in with Carla.” I started.

  “Carla, producer Carla?”

  I nodded my head, prepared to continue, but Maca interceded.

  “I was seeing her on and off right up until I got back with G.” He admitted.

  “Well, I think we all knew that, Mac. You never said it but I think we all knew something was going on between the two of you. What’s the problem then?” He asked while pouring himself a drink.

  Maca looked up, his eyes moving from Len, to me, and back again.

  “Apparently, the last time we were together, I got her pregnant and she had an abortion. She’s held on to some misplaced belief that me and her would get back together. Tonight’s the first time I’ve seen her since the wedding. She’s pissed off and decided to tell me and the rest of the room her pregnancy story.”

  “Fuck.” Len stated as he sat down on the sofa next to Maca.

  “I’ve never liked that girl. Now I know why.” I told them both as I sat down in the wing backed chair facing them.

  “Yeah, you’ve said before.” Len confirmed what I’d told him a few times.

  “How you feeling, Mac? That couldn’t have been good to hear, or the best way to find out?” Len asked.

  “Like a complete cunt.”

  “You didn’t know, mate. What were you supposed to do?” He looked at me for a few seconds before answering.

  “How would you feel if that was your baby?”

  I got goose bumps. If he’d asked me that when I was younger, I’d have just been relieved it had been taken care of, but now, since Ash? Since becoming a father? I filled up at his question. I could only nod my head, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.

  “Exactly.”

  “I’m sorry, dude, I really am.” Len said.

  We were all quiet for a few moments, none of us wanting to address the elephant in the room. Thankfully, it was Maca that spoke first. “I don’t want Gia knowing about this. I’ll tell her, but just not right now. We’re trying for a baby at the moment and I’d hate for her to doubt my commitment. And I don’t want her flying off the handle either. You know what she’s like.”

  I looked across to my brother and we both shrugged.

  “Your call, mate, but you sure she won’t go public with this?” Len asked.

  “Not if she wants to keep her job.” I told him.

  “Well, they’re signed for the next two albums. We start recording in January. Hope this isn’t gonna be a problem?”

  Maca shook his head no. “I’m pissed off with the way she told me, but I understand why she’s so angry. I’ll talk to her, we’ll keep it professional.”

  I shrugged and shook my head. I personally thought he should stay the fuck away from her, but if he thought he could handle her shit, then on his head be it.

  On New Year’s Eve of 1999, we played in New York’s Time Square. Georgia surprised the shit out of us all when she walked out on stage and told Maca that she’s pregnant.

  The celebrations that followed were of epic proportions. The babies were all at home in England with my parents, so even Len and Jimmie partied like it was 1999. (You see what I did there)?

  By the time we land back in England though, things took a frightening turn for the worst, and Georgia was rushed into the hospital.

  Her pregnancy was ectopic and she lost her baby, and nearly lost her life. Maca
nearly lost them both, as well as his mind.

  Jim, Len and myself were waiting outside the room they’d taken George into when suddenly all hell broke loose. An alarm sounded, doctors and nurses came running from every direction, and when the shout went out for the crash team, I threw up in the rubbish bin.

  George was wheeled past us on a trolley, a team of medical professionals working on her. I stepped into the room to find Maca in a chair, sobbing.

  “Mac, what happened?”

  He looked up at me, his eyes almost vacant. His face was a mess of snotty tears.

  “The pregnancy is ectopic and they think it’s ruptured. She has internal bleeding.” He can’t hold back the sobs anymore. “She went into shock, then cardiac arrest where they couldn’t get the blood pumped into her fast enough.”

  Jimmie walked past me and wrapped her arms around Maca, holding him as he cried.

  The next few weeks were hard. George moved back to my parents’ place so that my mum could look after her. We were busy working on a new album in the studios Maca had had built in the grounds of their home in Hampstead. That’s where we were most days. We had the usual team working with us, which included the delightful Carla.

  George and Maca had bought an old farmhouse just up the road from us and now that George was up and about, she was working with the builders and designers to modernise the place. She still looked pale and was very quiet, but at least she was focused on something, although she still hadn’t moved back home and was still staying out at my parents’ place.

  I’d worked out that things were a little strained. I could understand George going to my mums for a week maybe, but this had been almost two months.

  I’d stayed over at Maca’s one night after a late recording session and we’d smoked a little weed and enjoyed a few glasses of Glenmorangie when he said to me, “I think I’m losing her.”

  “Who?” I knew who, I was just trying to gather my thoughts before I spoke.

  “Gia. I’ve asked her to come home but she’s said no. She’s not ... we... when I go over and stay at your mum’s, she barely says a word. It’s been over six weeks, Marls. I know that this isn’t something that we’ll ever forget happened, but it’s like she’s just holding on to it, like she’s punishing herself.” He knocked back what was in his glass while I remained silent, letting him talk.