by Ginna Gray
"I see. Christmas is just six days away. Why haven't you told me before now that you were going?"
"I just made up my mind. Anyway, since you hadn't mentioned the holiday, I assumed you would be busy." If he had ask her to spend Christmas with him, she would have chucked tradition and abandoned her family without a second thought. The admission shamed her, but that was how desperately in love she was.
"I don't make much of a to-do over Christmas," Dirk said in a flat voice. "I don't have a family, so there's not much point."
That stunned Alissa so much she forgot her nervousness. On a few occasions, she had tried to get him to talk about his family, but now she realized that he had always cleverly evaded her questions. "None? No family at all?"
"That's right."
"No brothers or sisters? No parents?"
"No."
"Not even an aunt or a distant cousin?"
"No. No one," he snapped, obviously annoyed with the questions.
Alissa stared at him. She couldn't imagine not having a family. She and her siblings sometimes argued—about everything from politics to who had control of the TV remote—and at times they got on her nerves, as she was sure that she got on theirs. But they were family and she loved them, warts and all. She hated to think how lonely her life would have been without them.
"So when were you going to tell me you were leaving? If I hadn't come over when I did, you would have already been gone."
"I, uh … I was going to telephone you tonight from Callie's."
He stared at her, watching her face flame. "Why do you even bother to lie, Alissa? You're no damned good at it."
"I'm not—" His cynical expression silenced her, and she grimaced as she felt her cheeks heat up even more. "Oh, all right. I wasn't going to call you. I … I need to get away for a while. To think."
"I see." His eyes narrowed. "This thing you have to think about … is it us?"
She didn't say a word; she didn't have to. The answer was written all over her face.
"What happened today?"
The question startled her. It was not at all what she had expected him to say. "I … I don't know what you mean."
"When I left you last night, and again this morning at the office, you seemed happy. I come back in the middle of the afternoon from a meeting with a client and find that you've panicked and taken flight. Something had to have happened to bring about that change."
That he had zeroed in on the cause of her distress so quickly shouldn't have surprised her. Dirk missed nothing, and his lightning-quick mind could analyze a problem faster than a computer.
She looked at him, torn. Part of her—the hurt, angry part—wanted to confront him about the talk that was going around and demand an answer, but she simply wasn't ready. What if her friends had been wrong? Or, worse, what if they hadn't? "Dirk, I don't have time for this. I … I have to go." She skirted around him and went to the utility room and picked up the suitcase.
"Don't go, Alissa."
The soft statement startled her into stopping. She looked back at him, wide-eyed.
"Please. I don't want you to go," he repeated, in a quiet tone she had never heard him use before. He watched her, gauging every nuance of her expression and body language. "Stay here. With me. We'll spend Christmas together. Just the two of us."
He was playing her the way a virtuoso played a violin, shamelessly using her feelings for him to get his way. She knew that, but still she was tempted. Regardless of his reasons for pursuing her, she loved him and wanted to be with him, and she hated the thought of him being alone at Christmas.
Grinding her teeth, she forced herself to remember all the things her friends had told her.
"I … I can't. My family is expecting me. I'm sorry. Now, I really have to go."
"Dammit, Alissa!"
She jumped, and immediately he held his hands out in a placating gesture and tried to smooth over the outburst. "All right. All right, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Sighing, he rubbed the back of his neck. "Since it looks like I'm not going to get you to change your mind, I suppose I'd better give you this before you go."
Stepping closer, his face grim, he dug into his pocket, withdrew a small box and handed it to her.
Alissa stared at the exquisite package. The wrapping was a soft teal embossed foil decorated with silver lace ribbon. It was her favorite color, but not at all typical of the season. "A Christmas present?"
"No."
"Then wha—"
"Just open it, Alissa."
Without taking her gaze from the small box, she put the suitcase down. Her fingers shook as she slipped the ribbon off. When she finally removed the delicate foil and saw the velvet case, her heart began to pound. She glanced up at Dirk and found him watching her intently, his eyes glittering. Looking back at the box, she drew a deep breath and opened the spring top.
She gasped. "It's … it's…"
"An engagement ring," he finished for her. "Will you marry me, Alissa?"
She stared at him. This should have been one of the happiest moments of her life, but all she felt was pain. For a long time, she couldn't even react. All she could think of was that her friends had been right.
She loved him, but she couldn't bear this. Undoubtedly he was aware of her feelings for him, and he intended to take advantage of them. Did he think she loved him so desperately that she would marry him to help him gain a promotion? Even worse, was he right?
A trembling started deep inside her. She hated to admit it, but she wasn't sure she had the moral fortitude to turn him down, even though she knew he was taking advantage of her.
To give herself time, she walked back into the kitchen. Carefully she put the tiny box down on the counter, picked up the carafe of water and, with trembling hands, put the coffee on. Dirk followed, coming up behind her. She could feel him watching her, waiting for her reply, but she methodically went about the task. When she was done, she turned to face him.
"Why do you want to marry me?"
"Why?" Dirk's eyebrows shot skyward; he obviously hadn't expected the question. "For the same reasons everyone else wants to get married. I should think that would be obvious."
"Are you saying that you love me?"
For the first time, she saw a flash of uncertainty in his eyes.
He frowned. "Look, Alissa, to tell you the truth, I don't know that much about love. It's something I haven't had a lot of in my life, so I'm not sure I even know exactly what it means. But I do know that I care for you more than I've ever cared for any woman. And I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"How can you be sure? We barely know each other."
"Sweetheart, we've known each other for fifteen years."
"But only as business associates. We've only been dating for a few weeks."
"You learn a lot about your fellow workers in fifteen years. Believe me, I know all I need to know. Good Lord, Alissa, I think of you almost constantly. I enjoy being with you and hate every second we're apart. The mere thought of living the rest of my life without you is painful."
Like the excellent businessman he was, he started his pitch by listing the advantages of a partnership between them. "I think we could forge a strong marriage, Alissa. We get along well, we enjoy each other's company, we respect one another. I know the attraction is strong—on both sides. We can talk to each other—I mean really talk—about the office, our feelings, or a hundred other things. Plus, we're both professional people. You know and understand the pressures of this business, and the demands on my time."
The coffeepot stopped gurgling. Alissa turned and dumped the grounds into the trash can beneath the sink and filled two mugs. Handing one to Dirk, she leaned her hips back against the counter and cradled her mug between her icy-cold hands.
"Are you sure those are your reasons? Or do you suddenly want to get married because you know that Mr. Battle prefers to have a married man take over the reins of Tex-Con when he retires?"
&nb
sp; "What? Where the hell did you get an idea like that?"
"It's the current rumor going around the office."
"And you believed it?" He snorted. "So that's what upset you.
"Alissa, listen to me. As I told you before, I don't pay any attention to rumors and gossip, and that's all that is. Henry has never so much as hinted that he wouldn't recommend me for the presidency if I didn't marry."
"But he would prefer it if you did."
"Possibly. All right, probably," he added, when she looked dubious. He scowled and rubbed the back of his neck again. "He has the idea that married men are more stable. Maybe he's right—I wouldn't know. But he would never make it a condition for promotion. And I sure as hell wouldn't tie myself to a woman for the rest of my life just to get one. I may be ambitious, but I'm not crazy."
"These days, marriages don't necessarily last forever."
"Mine will," he stated flatly. There was a determined set to his jaw, and his eyes bored into her. There could be no doubt that he meant exactly what he said. "You should know that up front, if you're even considering saying yes. Because if you marry me, it will be for keeps. I haven't waited this long to make the most important decision of my life to make a mess of it."
Well, that much was encouraging, anyway. He had evidently given the matter a lot of thought. No matter his reason for wanting to get married, at least he hadn't chosen her simply to please her boss.
"It would be a shame to throw away what we could have. You and I are right together, Alissa," he said persuasively, as though sensing her weakening.
Feeling pressured, Alissa panicked and blurted out, "How do you know? We haven't even … that is … we've never…"
"Made love?" he supplied. A hint of a smile softened his rugged features. So did the teasing glint in his eyes. "No we haven't. But we can remedy that easy enough, if that's all that's bothering you. Right now, if you'd like."
"No! Uh … that won't be necessary."
"You sure? It would be my pleasure, I assure you," he said, barely holding back a chuckle.
Alissa frowned at him. "That's not funny, Dirk. This is serious."
Instantly his expression turned tender. "I know. Believe me, honey, I've never been more serious about anything in my life. I want to make love to you so much it's driving me crazy. I want to bury myself in that sweet little body of yours, I want to see your face when I'm inside you, hear you call out my name. I want to sate myself with you.
"Hell, just thinking about it drives me wild," he said softly, mesmerizing her with his erotic words. They twined around her heart like a vine, drawing her in. "Do you think about those things, Alissa? Hmm? About how it would be with us? Does it drive you a little wild, too?"
Edging closer, his deep, gravelly voice seducing her, he drank down his coffee, watching her all the while over the rim of the mug.
A trembling started low in Alissa's belly. She could feel the heat rising in her face, and she silently cursed her pale complexion, which revealed the slightest change in her emotions. To hide her reaction, she sipped her coffee, too, and played for time.
"Yes, I think about them," she finally admitted.
"Good," he said, with such blatant male satisfaction she almost laughed. "I would be a good husband to you, Alissa. I know I have the reputation of being a ladies' man, but that just comes with the territory when you're my age and a single heterosexual male. What I really want is a good marriage, someone with whom I can share the rest of my life, someone who will always be there."
Now that his mood had gentled, his eyes were a soft dove gray. She gazed into them and felt herself weakening. Don't be a fool, she told herself. Think of the risk you would be taking. You can't marry a man who doesn't even know if he loves you.
It was no use. The tenderness in his eyes, the caressing warmth of his voice, tugged at her heart, pulling her closer.
"I would always be faithful to you, Alissa. You would never have to worry about that, I promise. I want to wake up beside you each morning and see that pretty face across the breakfast table. I want to share lazy Sunday mornings reading the paper. I want the companionship, the feeling of belonging, the closeness. I've never had that, and I want it with you."
He leaned around her and placed his coffee mug on the counter, then took hers from her nerveless hands and deposited it as well. Smiling tenderly, he cupped her shoulders in his palms and kneaded her tense muscles. Then, holding her gaze, he deliberately slipped his fingers beneath the draped folds of the cowl neck on her sweater, his fingers gliding outward over her collarbone, finding the strap on her bra and tracing it downward to fondle the swelling curves of her breasts.
Alissa held herself perfectly still, her insides trembling from the rush of pleasure. He wasn't being fair. How could she think clearly when he was caressing her this way? Her body instinctively responded to the touch of the man she loved, and the delicious sensations he aroused drove every other thought out of her head. She was only just beginning to learn that intellect and concentration and all the will in the world could not control her body's natural desires where Dirk was concerned.
Dirk watched her closely, gauging her reaction and his chances. A soft mist of passion clouded Alissa's blue eyes. Her lush lashes drifted downward as her lids grew heavier and her breath came faster between her soft, barely parted lips.
His own heartbeat picked up speed as he felt the quiver that ran through her, felt her breasts grow warm beneath his touch. Her scent drifted up to him, sweet and womanly and exclusively Alissa. The feel of her, the smell of her, her incredible innocence and responsiveness, set his blood on fire.
He wanted her, right there, that instant.
Before it was too late and he did something that might frighten her, he released her shoulders, but the need to touch her was too strong. He reached for her again, clasping her waist and drawing her to him.
Alissa did not resist, and when she was fully in his arms she gave a shuddering sigh and nestled against him, as she had become accustomed to doing during the past few weeks. Without thought, she snuggled close, adjusting her soft body to his hard frame, and that instinctive movement made both of them catch their breaths.
"There, you see," he whispered in an unsteady voice, nuzzling his face into her silky hair. "Didn't I tell you we were good together? More than good, dammit. We're perfectly suited. Just think, it could be like this all the time, if you say yes."
Sighing, Alissa curved her arms around his back beneath his suit coat, feeling the smoothness of his shirt and the firm warmth of his flesh beneath. He hadn't worn his overcoat, and the crisp coldness of winter still clung to him, mingled with laundry starch and after-shave and his own wonderful male scent. The heady combination lured her, and she rubbed her nose against his chest and inhaled deeply.
What a terrible dilemma he had handed her. She loved him and wanted desperately to be his wife, but did she dare risk it? He claimed his proposal was not a clever career move, and she believed he meant it, but what if, on a subconscious level, he really was trying to please Henry?
It appeared that he wasn't even offering her undying love, but merely affection and companionship and sex. With Dirk, those things would be wonderful, of course, but could she be content with only that, loving him as she did, or would her heart slowly break from wanting more?
At that moment, standing there sharing a warm embrace, it felt so perfect, she could not imagine denying herself this. But a month from now, a year, five years, would it be enough? Or would her spirit slowly shrivel and die from want of his love?
Dirk's hands glided over her back, massaging and caressing. "Say yes, sweetheart," he cajoled in a gravelly murmur. "I've been alone so long. I need you to warm my life. Without you, the future seems cold and empty."
The admission, coming from this strong, self-sufficient man, touched Alissa's heart, and she melted inside, going weak with love and compassion.
"I want you," he whispered against her hair. "I think I always have, fro
m the first moment I saw you, but I could never admit it, not even to myself, because you were married. But now we're both single, and I think we can have something special together."
Leaning back, he clasped her jaw between his thumb and fingers. His gaze bored into her, piercing to her soul. "Give us a chance, sweetheart. Say yes."
Alissa stared into those beautiful, intense eyes. Her heart pounded. Her throat went dry. The marriage he was proposing was not what she had dreamed of; it didn't even come close. But at least he wanted her in his life on a permanent basis, and he thought enough of her, respected her enough, to make their relationship legal. That was much more than he'd ever offered any other woman, so he must care for her. And who knew? There was always the chance that he would grow to love her. If she turned him down, she would never get that chance.
He desired her with a hot passion that was much more than mere sex; that much she knew. Her womanly instincts told her that desire that strong could conceivably turn to love.
Offering up a silent prayer that she was doing the right thing, Alissa said quietly, "Yes. I'll marry you."
Her calm acceptance did not elicit any reaction other than a slight widening of his eyes. "You won't regret it. I swear to you."
One corner of her mouth twitched. "Well, I don't seem to have much choice, in any case. You see, I'm in love with you. I thought you should know that. If that isn't what you want, or you feel my love puts too much pressure on you, and you want to change your mind, I'll understand."
Dirk sucked in his breath and his pupils expanded as a range of emotion flashed across his face. He looked at her with such incredible tenderness that Alissa felt tears spring to her eyes. "Not what I want? Oh, sweetheart, you can't possibly imagine how much I want your love."
He pulled her against him and rested his cheek against the top of her head, rocking her from side to side. Closing his eyes, he held her tight, wanting to absorb her into his flesh. The relief that flooded through him made him feel weak in the knees. Until that moment, he had not realized just how desperately he wanted her to say yes.