by Ginna Gray
His decision to ask her to marry him had been a spur-of-the-moment thing, brought about in part by Henry's avuncular catechism and in part by a surprising possessive streak in his makeup that he had only just discovered. He had never been particularly proprietorial with women, but he had a fierce need to claim Alissa as his own, thereby marking her as off-limits to other men.
Especially that damned Jack. Every time Dirk turned around lately, there was Jack, flirting with Alissa, doing his best to charm her. Well, no more. Soon she would be his and his alone.
Nuzzling his chin against the top of her head, Dirk stared out the window above the sink and frowned. She might change her mind about marrying him, though, when he told her what she needed to know.
Reluctantly, he shifted her away from him. Gripping her shoulders, he looked at her, unsmiling. "There is one more thing I have to tell you before you make up your mind completely. There won't be any children from this marriage, either, natural or adopted."
Alissa looked up at him calmly, but inside she experienced a pang. "Because you don't want them? Or because you can't have them?"
"Both."
"Oh. Do you mind telling me why you don't want children?"
"Let's just say that I don't think I'm father material, and leave it at that. The point is, if you marry me you will remain childless."
"I see." Only then did she realize that in the back of her mind there had been a tiny kernel of hope that this time she would finally have the family for which she yearned, but apparently it was not to be. A wave of sadness washed over her, but she weathered it and tucked the pain and disappointment away, alongside much older, similar sorrows.
She smiled wanly at Dirk. "That doesn't change anything for me. I accepted years ago that I would never be a mother. Anyway, it's a little late to be thinking of starting a family at my age."
"You're only thirty-six. These days, many women wait until they're in their forties to have a baby."
"Yes, well, that's not a decision I'll have to make, is it?"
"Are you sure you're okay with that?"
Since she had no choice, she would have to be. She didn't think she could refuse Dirk now. "Yes. It's foolish to pine your life away wishing for the impossible. I've already done my grieving for the children I'll never have and put all that behind me."
"In that case…" Dirk reached out and plucked the jeweler's box from the countertop. He removed the ring and, holding her left hand, slipped it on her finger. The exquisite diamond solitaire was at least three carats, and it sparkled up at Alissa like a thousand stars.
Dirk lifted her hand and placed a kiss on her knuckle, just above the ring, watching her all the while. Then he pressed her hand against his heart and drew her into his arms again, fitting her body against his. A smoldering heat glittered in his eyes as his head tipped to one side and began a slow descent.
"I'll do my damnedest to make you happy, sweetheart. I swear it," he murmured against her lips, an instant before his mouth settled over hers.
Dirk had kissed her many times during the past few weeks, but never quite like this. This took her breath away. The kiss was masterful and erotic and unapologetically possessive. His hands roamed her back and hips with shocking intimacy, while his mouth rocked over hers in the proprietary way of a man staking his claim.
Alissa's head spun, and her heart pounded in her chest like a wild thing. When his tongue speared boldly into her mouth in an erotic imitation of an even more intimate act, her knees threatened to give way beneath her. Helplessly enthralled, she could only cling to him as she absorbed the incredible power and potency of his kiss.
"I want you," he whispered hoarsely, breaking off the kiss to trail his mouth over her cheek. "I want to make love to you, Alissa."
"Y-you mean now? H-here?"
"Yes. Here. On the floor, on the counter, on the table. I don't care, so long as it's now."
"I … um…" A shudder rippled through her, and when Dirk felt the tremor, he leaned back and looked at her again.
"You're shaking all over. What's the matter, sweetheart, don't you want to make love with me?"
"Of course I do. It's just that … that … well … I, uh … I've never been with any man but Tom. It's a little intimidating. Almost like … well … like the first time all over again."
Dirk sucked in a sharp breath that swelled his chest. He stared at her, astonished. "No one?"
She caught her lower lip between her teeth and shook her head.
He continued to stare at her for a long time, as though it were too much for him to take in. Then, suddenly, he snatched her back into his embrace. "Oh, sweetheart. You have no idea how that makes me feel." Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tight against his aching body and stared over her head into the distance.
In the past, he had never cared, one way or the other, how many men his bed partners had slept with before him. It simply hadn't mattered. Probably because they hadn't mattered, he realized. Now, however, he understood why some men valued purity so much.
Perhaps it was chauvinistic and archaic, even unfair, but he loved knowing that Alissa had been with no man other than her husband. That he would be the only man on the face of the earth who had intimate knowledge of her.
His mouth twisted at the arrogance of his thoughts. Most likely it was some bred-in-the-bone instinct left over from caveman days that demanded exclusive possession of a mate. Whatever the reason, there it was, and there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it.
His hands ran over her back, massaging her soft flesh and delicate shoulder blades. A shudder rippled through him. Holding her like this was torture. He wanted to plunge into her, loose himself in the sweet warmth of her body and absorb her into his flesh so tightly that it was impossible to tell where he ended and she began. Instead, he nuzzled the hair at her temple.
"I want you, Alissa. More than you can imagine," he whispered in her ear as he rubbed his beard-roughened jaw against her temple. He drew a deep breath, grasped her shoulders, then reluctantly set her away from him. "But I can wait."
Surprised, she looked up at him. "You … you don't have to. I'm willing," she murmured as hot color rushed to her face. "If … if that's what you want."
What he wanted? He almost laughed aloud at that.
What he wanted was to carry her into her bedroom and sate himself with her.
"I know. But it was obviously important to you the first time that you be married before making love. You will be this time, too." Even if it killed him.
He stepped back and rammed his hands into his pocket to keep them off her. "Anyway, we need to make some plans, set a date." A quick one, if there was a merciful God. He felt an urgent need to bind Alissa to him as quickly as possible, to get her so enmeshed in plans for their wedding that she wouldn't have a chance to think and perhaps change her mind.
"Yes, I know we do, but I'm afraid that will have to wait. I really do have to go now. I'm going to be late getting to the farm as it is. My sister will be worried sick."
"You're still going?" A feeling of fierce possessiveness seized him. He wanted to demand that she stay, to shackle her to him, if necessary, and not let her out of his sight.
"I don't want to leave you, Dirk, but I have to. My family is expecting me. I was telling the truth when I said it's a tradition that we all meet at the old homestead for Christmas. There was never any question of whether or not I was going, merely when. I've already called them and told them I would be there today."
"I see. I was hoping we could spend Christmas together."
She cocked her head to one side and studied him. "Why don't you come with me?"
He frowned. "I wouldn't want to impose on a family gathering."
"Don't be silly. Callie would love to have you, and there's plenty of room."
"Perhaps. But I can't, in any case. I have an important meeting with a client tomorrow morning, and my schedule is jammed for the rest of the week."
"Oh." She thought a momen
t. "Christmas is on Sunday, and Monday is a holiday. I'm sure it would be all right with Mr. Battle if I postponed the start of my vacation until Tuesday and work out the rest of this week. I really should break the news to him, anyway, and give my notice."
"You're going to quit your job?" Dirk looked thunderstruck.
"One of us has to. Tex-Con has a rule against husbands and wives working for the company. You're an executive, so I'm the logical one to leave."
He frowned. "I'm sure that Henry would make an exception in our case."
"Probably. But I wouldn't want him to. Actually, unless you have some objection, I'd like to stop working. Contrary to popular belief, I'm really not the career-woman type. Necessity was the only reason I've worked all these years. I think I would enjoy being a housewife, maybe do some volunteer work at one of the hospitals."
"That's fine with me, as long as you're sure it's what you want."
"Good. Then why don't I call my sister and tell her we'll drive up on Christmas Eve? She'll understand, once I break the news about us."
"I don't know—"
"Please come with me, Dirk. This is our first Christmas together. I don't want us to be apart. Besides, everyone in my family will want to meet you. They think they have to pass approval on anyone I marry."
"That's not exactly an inducement."
"Ah, so the truth is out. You're leery of meeting my family, aren't you? What's the matter? Afraid you won't pass muster?" She grinned, and her eyes twinkled at him. "You're going to have to meet them sometime, you know. Just think of it as a dose of medicine—the sooner you swallow it, the sooner the ordeal is over."
He examined her teasing expression, and after a moment his mouth twitched. "I never realized you had a devilish side to your nature," he drawled in a sexy voice. "I've got a feeling I'm going to enjoy discovering what else you've been hiding behind that serene face. It should prove interesting."
He bent and gave her a quick kiss. It was over almost before it started, but even so, when he raised his head Alissa was breathless and dazed. She gazed up at him with a foolish smile on her face and blinked.
"No one accuses me of being afraid." Smiling indulgently, Dirk turned her toward the door and gave her a little push. "Go call your sister."
"All right," she replied dreamily.
His low chuckle trailed after her as she practically floated out the door. In her bedroom, Alissa sat down on the edge of the bed beside the nightstand that held the telephone, but instead of dialing her sister's number, she clasped her hands together in her lap, every muscle in her body quivering with joy. She was tempted to pinch herself.
She couldn't believe it; she was going to marry Dirk.
Only a few weeks ago, she had been secretly mooning over him, never in her wildest dreams imagining that he would be interested in her, and now she was going to be his wife. True, though he was passionate, his reasons for wanting to marry her weren't what she would have preferred, but he did care for her. She loved him, and she wasn't going to let this chance slip away. Anyway, she was a sensible woman; she'd take what she could get.
A smile curved Alissa's mouth as she thought of the years that stretched out ahead, the nights they would share, wrapped in each others arms, and she was filled with happiness.
It was more than just the sexual intimacy that excited her. It was the whole new world of little intimacies that marriage opened up, the many tiny things, like reading the newspaper together over coffee in the mornings, sharing the bathroom, having his masculine accoutrements beside hers on the counter, sleeping side by side each night, having someone to rub your back when you were tired and to talk to when you were lonely.
Suddenly she couldn't wait to share her happiness, and she reached for the telephone.
* * *
Chapter 7
« ^ »
The reactions to their engagement ran the gamut.
Mr. Battle was sad to lose Alissa, but euphoric about their forthcoming marriage. His transparent delight over his second-in-command finally settling down brought back Alissa's doubts and gave her a few moments' pause. Reading her reaction, Dirk gave her a reassuring look and squeezed her hand, and she pushed her doubts aside. In any case, she had come too far to back out. No matter Dirk's reasons for marrying her, the truth was, she was too much in love to give him up.
Being her friends, Margo, Dorothy, Jolene and Annie all tried to appear happy for her when Alissa told them she was marrying Dirk, but she knew they were worried. She could see the concern and pity in their eyes.
Word spread through the company like wildfire, stunning their fellow workers, especially Jack.
Dirk had intended to tell him in private, but they had barely broken the news to Mr. Battle when Dirk's secretary buzzed him on the interoffice line to say he had an important overseas call, and he excused himself to take it.
Barely a half hour later, Jack burst into Alissa's office.
"Tell me it isn't true," he demanded.
Alissa looked up, startled by his tone. "What isn't true?"
"That you're getting married."
"Oh, I see. You've heard about Dirk and me."
"That's right. That damned street tough didn't even have the guts to tell me to my face. I had to hear the news from one of the engineers."
"Oh, but—"
"I don't believe it. That son of a bi—" Jack glanced at Alissa and grimaced. "Sorry."
He began to pace her office, running his hands through his hair, making it stick out in all directions, temper shooting from him like a sparking electrical wire. Alissa watched him with amazement. She'd never seen Jack Hennesey anything but debonair and immaculate, but he was so agitated he looked ready to burst.
"I never thought it would come to this. I honestly never thought he would make that kind of commitment." He was fuming, pacing up and down the office, his eyes glittering with frustration. "And why you? Of all the women in the world, why the hell did he pick you? He's got to have a reason. That damned ruffian never does anything without weighing the advantages."
"Thank you so much, Jack. That's really reassuring. Silly me, and here I was assuming it was because he cares for me," Alissa said quietly.
Jack stopped pacing and stared at her, his expression turning chagrined. "I'll bend over if you want to give me a swift kick. I deserve it," he admitted ruefully. "Pay no attention to me, sweetheart. I'm behaving like the sore loser I am. It's just that I'm so damned ticked because for months I've been biding my time, waiting for the right moment to start courting you seriously, and now, before I can even make my first move, Dirk has jumped in and stolen you away."
Alissa laughed and shook her head. "Oh, Jack, will you be serious?" The idea of him pining for one woman, especially her, was absurd. He was handsome and charming, a man who truly loved women. The problem was, he loved all women. An incurable flirt, Jack flitted from one to another like a bee going from flower to flower.
Despite his reputation, there were women within the company who went weak in the knees whenever he so much as spoke to them, and many of them would give anything for a chance with him. It would be ludicrous for her to believe that, with all those women from whom he could chose, he had lost his heart to her.
He looked at her strangely, a sadness she had never seen before in his eyes. "I am serious."
The amusement vanished from Alissa's face in an instant. She stared at him, too stunned to speak.
As though drawn by her, he stepped closer, coming around her desk to take her hands and pull her from her chair. Confusion swirled through Alissa as he looked deep into her eyes. "I'm crazy about you, Alissa. I have been for a long time. You're the only woman I have ever wanted to claim as my own."
"Oh, Jack. I'm so sorry. I didn't know."
"Would it have made a difference if you had?"
"I wish I could say yes, but…" She wanted to lie, if only to spare his feelings, but she could not. "No. I don't think so."
"I see." He searched her face, wo
rry clouding his eyes. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"No. But I don't seem to have any choice. You see, I love him."
Jack sighed. "I was afraid of that."
He didn't say what they were both thinking, that Dirk didn't love her, but the words hung unspoken in the air between them.
"He isn't an easy man to get close to, you know. He's always been pretty much a lone wolf. And … I don't know if you know it, but … there's some heavy baggage in his past, Alissa. I'm not sure exactly what. Hell, I'm the best friend that damn ruffian has ever had, but he's never confided in me, or anyone else, for that matter, but from the things he's let slip over the years, it's pretty horrendous. A lot of it stems from his life on the streets as a young man. Maybe even from his childhood. No one really knows."
"Then those stories are true? He actually lived on the streets as a teenager?"
"Yeah, he did. That much he's admitted." Agitated, Jack ran a hand through his hair. "Hell, you have to admire the guy. By sheer determination and hard work, he overcame obstacles that would have crushed many people. In some ways, though, he still has that hard edge that allowed him to fight his way out of the gutter."
Tears welled in Alissa's eyes. "Oh, poor Dirk," she whispered. The thought of him as a young boy, all alone in the world, living from hand to mouth on the street, made her heart contract painfully.
"Yeah, he had it rough, and God knows I feel for him. But, Alissa, my point is, Dirk Matheson is a man with a lot of demons seething just beneath the surface. Life with him won't be easy. Beneath that polished exterior lurks a street fighter who's as tough as they come. Are you sure you want to commit yourself to a man like that?"
"It's not a matter of want, Jack. I love him."
For a moment, he merely stared at her in silence. Then he sighed. "I see. I sure hope he knows just how lucky he is." He gave her a sad half smile and stroked her cheek with his fingertip. "Just remember, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, you come to me."
"I will," she promised, sad for him.