No Living Soul

by Julie Moffett

  “Sometimes, cara, people are still working it out.”

  After a few minutes of intense negotiations, Elvis and Gwen came over to us. Elvis looked determined. “It will cost twenty-two bucks per person for a thirty-minute ride that includes a stop at Arthur’s location.”

  Thirty minutes.

  I wanted to protest it was twenty-nine minutes too long, but Elvis was nervous enough as it was, while Gwen was chatting happily in her enthusiasm over riding a camel. I sucked it up and tried to paste a happy smile on my face.

  I felt sick.

  As we approached the camels, my stomach squeezed. Regardless of everyone’s assurance this would be a walk in the park, this wasn’t a good idea. I knew it wasn’t a good idea. Animals and I were not a safe mix.

  But before I knew it, I stood with Elvis, Slash, Gwen and four tourists from Germany in front of the camels. They smelled—the camels, not the people. In fact, the smell was the first thing I noticed when we got close. The scent was overpowering and I hadn’t even smelled a whiff of the animal’s breath yet. Not that I was getting anywhere near a camel’s mouth anytime soon. I wanted to pinch my nose shut, but no one else seemed to mind, so I just breathed through my mouth and hoped no one noticed.

  The camel owner wanted us to pay before the ride, but Slash stepped up beside Elvis and insisted we would pay after the ride. He and the camel owner only argued for a minute or so, because the owner apparently knew a losing battle when he saw one. Finally, he nodded and motioned for us each to choose a camel.

  “Why did you argue with him like that?” I asked Slash when he came back to stand beside me.

  “What happens if we pay now and they demand more money later? I’ve heard of cases where they leave you on the camel unless you pay more.”

  That thought was so terrifying, I shuddered. “Oh my God. Good thinking.”

  He put a hand on my arm. “You sure about this, cara? You’re shaking.”

  “Of course I’m not sure. This involves animals. But Elvis needs me, right? Besides, it will make a pretty cool story, provided I survive the ride.”

  He patted me on the back. “That’s my girl. Okay, let’s get you up. This one has seemed to take a liking to you.”

  The camel stuck his head between Slash and me and was trying to chew my hair. Its breath smelled so awful I gagged. “Gross.”

  Slash chuckled. “You’ve got thirty minutes to get used to it.”

  “It would take thirty years. Not like that’s ever going to happen.”

  The camel owner went around getting all the camels to kneel so we could get on. I gingerly put my foot in a stirrup and Slash held me steady, pushing me a bit from the rear. My mounting strategy wasn’t pretty.

  I’d like to say I mounted with all the grace of an Egyptian princess, but by the time I finally managed to heft my leg over the camel, any shred of dignity was long gone. Half lying on the camel, my bottom was stuck up in the air and my nose was pressed against a colorful but pungent blanket. I was so nervous I was shaking. Sweat trickled down my neck and back. The sun was baking my head and shoulders.

  Somehow, I managed to straighten myself into a sitting position and held the handle in a death grip. I watched as Slash climbed effortlessly onto his camel. Everyone else was already seated. The camel owner had the camels stand one by one and then came around making sure our feet were secure in the stirrups. When my camel stood, I almost fell off. I slid forward and then backward as the camel awkwardly unfolded his back legs and then front legs before coming to a stand. My knuckles were white on the small handle attached to a makeshift saddle, secured by ropes and held in place by the heavy blanket.

  I looked down at the ground. It seemed far away. Reciting Fermat’s Theorem, I tried to slow my breaths before I hyperventilated and fell off.

  The camel owner and three young boys who were helping him ran around tying our camels together in a long train. Somehow I ended up at the end of the line. My reins were tied to Slash’s camel, which was directly in front of me. Gwen was in front of Slash and Elvis in front of her. The German tourists were up at the front. I held on for dear life as the camel swayed back and forth. We weren’t even moving yet and I was in serious danger of falling. I wiggled my butt in the saddle, trying to adjust.

  As if sensing my palpable fear, the camel turned his head toward me, his tongue lolling out.

  “Hey,” I said weakly. “You’re going to go gentle on me, right?”

  Its answer was to snap at me. I yelped in surprise.

  “Hey,” I yelled at the camel owner. “This camel just tried to bite me.”

  The owner strode over in his red and white keffiyeh, the traditional Arabian headdress made of cotton. His white robe kicked up dust as he walked. He clucked his tongue as the camel jerked his head back toward me again, his tongue lolling out.

  “No, no, you wrong. He like you.”

  “That’s why he tried to bite me?”

  “Exactly. Do you not know what male camels do when they like a girl? They stick out their tongue and do love bite.” He stuck out his tongue and let it fall to the side of his mouth before he started laughing.

  Ewwwwwwww.

  Sensing my discomfort, the owner jerked the camel’s head forward with the reins. “Eyes ahead, Arnold.”

  “Wait,” I said. “I’m riding a camel named Arnold?”

  “Yes. Good name. Big hump.” He flexed his biceps and laughed again.

  Slash turned around to see what was going on. “I’m riding a camel named Arnold,” I told him. “He’s got it in for me.”

  “Just stay in line,” Slash said. A smile tugged at his lips. “Thirty minutes. You’ve got this.”

  “Easy for you to say,” I grumped. “You aren’t riding a camel named Arnold.”

  As if on cue, Arnold turned toward me and lolled his tongue.

  “Did you see that?” I yelled, but Slash had already turned around.

  I narrowed my eyes at the camel. “Keep it in your mouth, dude. No funny stuff.”

  Before I could add anything else, Arnold lurched forward, following the others. My stomach bottomed out and then lurched as I swayed from left to right, holding on to the handle in a death grip. My back was as stiff as a board and my jaw was clenched so hard I could feel the ache in my ears.

  Yeah, I was having a great time.

  Our camels were led by the three young boys. The owner was nowhere to be seen. It seemed completely unsafe to be led into the desert by three boys who may, or may not, still have baby teeth, but there you have it.

  My life was in their hands.

  After a few minutes of studying and determining the mathematical cadence of the camel’s steady steps, I relaxed a fraction and felt brave enough to actually look around. In spite of my fear, my breath caught in my throat. It was a beautiful sight with the golden shimmer of the desert sand and the majestic rise of the pyramids. It was a completely different aspect in the daylight. I was awestruck.

  A totally amazing vista. What a privilege to visit the oldest of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. Despite my precarious position, I considered myself truly fortunate at that moment.

  Unfortunately, Arnold kept acting up. He bumped into the back and side of Slash’s camel a couple of times before twisting his head around and doing that thing with his tongue, like he was laughing at me.

  When Slash turned around once, I lifted one hand. “It’s not my driving, I swear. He has a mind of his own.”

  Slash grinned as Arnold made some weird snorting noise.

  I lowered my voice and leaned over the camel a bit. “If you are trying to knock me off, Arnold, it’s not funny. I’m not amused.”

  We ambled along for a while without incident, so my mind drifted. I started to imagine how I would build the pyramids using ancient tools and mathe
matical calculations when I suddenly noticed two things.

  One, my camel’s reins had come untied. Two, there was a large and growing gap between me and the group.

  “Help,” I yelled frantically, waving a hand. “I’m not connected anymore.”

  Looking back, I probably shouldn’t have yelled with such terror in my voice. It immediately alerted Arnold, who until this moment had kind of been plodding along after the other camels without really noticing anything was amiss.

  Now, Arnold lifted his head and checked out his current position in relation to the others. Then he turned his head to look at me, his damn tongue lolling out again.

  “Be cool, Arnold,” I said, a warning in my voice. “Seriously. Just stay where you are and someone will come get us.”

  But Arnold, apparently sensing freedom was within his grasp, had a plan of his own. He turned away from the group and started sauntering toward one of the pyramids.

  “Oh, no,” I breathed in terror. “No, no, no! Wrong direction.”

  The sauntering quickly turned into a full-fledged gallop.

  Holy runaway camel.

  “No, no, NO!” I screamed.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  I’d never seen a camel gallop before, but witnessing it firsthand, it was supreme awkwardness times a thousand. Now imagine me, the Queen of All That is Awkward, poised on its back, bouncing up and down like a freaking bobblehead.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” My teeth snapped together with every step. My eyesight blurred and my body flopped up and down on Arnold’s back with all the grace of a beached whale as I held on for dear life.

  He headed straight for some Japanese tourists. Somehow I managed to shout at them. “Get out of the way!”

  I’m not sure they spoke English, but they clearly understood the visual of a crazy camel with a terrified tourist bearing down on them. They scattered, screaming.

  Arnold swerved at the last moment narrowly avoiding hitting a guy with a large camera around his neck. I almost slid off.

  “Help!” I screamed at no one in particular.

  Although I was terrified beyond measure, Arnold seemed to be enjoying himself. Once he straightened his course, he picked up speed again.

  Figuring I’d better secure my seat, I leaned down, like a jockey at the Kentucky Derby and pressed myself against him in an attempt to lower my center of gravity. My thighs gripped his side as tightly as I could clench them. My hands ached from squeezing the handle so hard, I wasn’t sure blood could circulate there anymore. My head felt like a basketball being slammed up and down, and my brains were getting scrambled worse with every stride. The only good thing was, as far as I could tell, we were at least headed in Arthur’s general direction.

  I heard people shouting and suddenly Arnold came to a screeching halt. I lost my hold. I slid forward onto his neck, grabbing for fur, skin, whatever I could to keep from falling off.

  Suddenly strong hands reached up to pull me down off of the camel’s neck. I released my hold and fell into them.

  Slash.

  “Are you okay, cara?” he asked, setting me on the ground.

  I nearly collapsed, my legs not willing to hold me up. Slash steadied me in his arms. A quick glance over my shoulder indicated someone had grabbed Arnold’s reins and was leading him around and around in a circle, presumably to calm him down. I didn’t think I could be calmed so easily.

  “No, Slash. I’m not okay,” I shouted. “I’m pretty sure I’m might be suffering from post-traumatic camel syndrome.”

  Slash patted me down, presumably checking for broken bones. “Does anything hurt?”

  “Yes. My pride. I can’t even imagine how it looked, the two of us married in supreme awkwardness, galloping across a desert landscape.”

  I saw his lips twitch, but he knew better than to smile. Instead he cradled my cheeks between his hands and looked deep into my eyes. “You pupils aren’t dilated. I don’t think you have a concussion from all the bouncing.”

  “Forget the concussion. I’ve got stress. That lunatic camel just led me across the desert at sixty miles an hour.”

  “It was probably more like thirty,” Slash corrected. When he saw my expression he added, “Regardless, it was fast. You did a great job of holding on.”

  Elvis, Gwen and the German tourists all rode up, the young boys leading their reins looking wide-eyed and scared.

  “Oh my God, Lexi. Are you alright?” Elvis asked.

  “I’m alive. That’s better than I expected.”

  “What the devil happened? You shot off like a bolt of lightning.”

  “The reins came unhitched and Arnold decided to make a bid for freedom.”

  “Arnold?”

  “The camel,” I said pointing at it.

  “You named your camel?” He was clearly confused.

  “No, I didn’t name it. It was already his name.” I glanced at Slash. “How did you get to me so fast?”

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pocketknife. One push of his thumb and a small knife popped out. “I cut my reins from the train and came after you.”

  “You rode across the desert on a camel to save me?”

  “It happened to be the only transportation available at the time.”

  “You’ve ridden a camel like that before?”

  “No. Not like that. But I’ve been on a few horses in my life and figured the mechanics would be similar. Luckily, there was a guy near you who knew how to stop a camel. He managed to redirect and then stop your camel. I did the rest.”

  I threw my arms around his neck. “Oh, thank you.”

  He patted my back as one of the German tourists held up his phone. “It was all very exciting, yah? I caught it on camera and posted it to YouTube. It has sixty-two views already.”

  I closed my eyes. Great, now the entire world could have a visual of me racing across the desert on the back of a runaway camel.

  Gwen misunderstood my concern. “Don’t worry, Lexi. I got one good picture of you on the camel at the beginning of the ride. I’ll post that one to the fan forum site. Then you’ll have something to remember the ride.”

  Like I wanted to remember this?

  “Lexi?”

  I untangled myself from Slash’s embrace and turned around. Arthur stood there.

  “That was you on the runaway camel?” he asked.

  I lifted my hands. “Yeah, I’m one for a grand entrance.”

  “Good Lord, woman. You’re lucky you weren’t killed.”

  “I told them mixing me and a camel was a bad idea, but no one listened.”

  “So, why on Earth did you do it?”

  I pulled my hair out of a ponytail, shaking out the tangles. “Because I need to talk to you, Arthur. All of us do.”

  He glanced at Elvis and Gwen who were climbing off their camels and sighed. “You’re right. It’s time to talk.”

  Slash and I waited until Gwen and Elvis joined us. Together we moved to an area beneath the tent that was not too crowded by other tourists.

  “We must know what to do with the staff, Arthur,” Slash said, keeping his voice low. “It was your find, your years of work that led to its discovery. Therefore, the decision is in your hands.”

  “My hands?” Arthur studied Slash. “Why does it even matter what I want? You could do what you want with it. It’s in your possession.”

  “True. I’m keeping it safe for the time being. But it’s your find. Thousands have sought it over millennia, but you, Arthur Zimmerman, were the one to discover it. In my opinion, nothing connected to the staff is random. You were chosen for a reason, therefore, your actions matter.”

  “Chosen? Why me?” Arthur’s cheeks colored as he looked at Elvis. “I am not the worthiest of men.”


  Slash’s fingers strayed to his neck where I knew a gold cross hung beneath his shirt. He rubbed it between his fingers. “That’s not for me to say. Perhaps it’s because God has always used flawed men and women to share hope in a hopeless world.”

  Arthur closed his eyes, but I was pretty sure I saw a sheen of tears. He cleared his throat. “So, you believe the staff wanted to be found after all these years...or at least, God wanted it to be found?”

  It seemed odd to be talking in otherworldly terms about a piece of wood. Like it had a mind of its own or something. But I’d seen enough unusual things connected to the staff, I wasn’t going to be the one to point that out.

  “But why now?” Elvis interjected. “Why would God want the staff to be discovered now?”

  We all looked to Slash, but he just shook his head. “I can’t answer that, Elvis. I’d never presume to know God’s plan.”

  Arthur looked between Elvis and Slash. His expression indicated he was clearly uncomfortable with the religious turn in the conversation. “This is not at all what I expected upon unearthing one of the world’s most elusive treasures.”

  “That’s because you expected fame and fortune,” Slash said. “That’s not what the staff is about. It’s about riches far greater than that.”

  Arthur sighed and mopped his damp forehead with his sleeve. “So, I discover the relic I’ve been searching for all my life—the extraordinary sum of my academic and professional career. But if I reveal it, it’s only a matter of time before other researchers discover what was hidden inside. Once that knowledge is out in the world, it can’t be put back.”

  “That knowledge, the plague endospores and its antidote, is already in the hands of the CDC,” I pointed out.

  “Yes, Lexi, but that knowledge can be contained in the hands of people who are experienced and who understand the consequences of that information getting out.” Arthur’s voice grew agitated. “That wouldn’t be true if the staff went on display to everyone.”

  “Good point,” I said.