Cleave (Cutting Cords Series Book 3)

by Mickie B. Ashling

  “Oh? Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “You can give me a little bit of insight on the powerful draw between him and Cole.”

  “They were friends as children and lovers for over five years. That’s pretty powerful right there.”

  “And yet, Cole had no qualms replacing Sloan with a woman?”

  “True.” Max shrugged. “What’s going on?”

  “Do you have the time?”

  “Sure.”

  “I was about to get into the sauna.”

  “I’ll join you,” Max said. “I need a few minutes to change.”

  I nodded and walked away. When he finally settled down beside me, I wasn’t so sure this was a good idea. Sloan was Max’s friend long before I ever came into the picture. I wondered if he could be objective. On the other hand, he was a Dom who knew Sloan better than anyone else and would be the only one I’d trust with this information.

  “So talk already.”

  “Sloan had sex with Cole.”

  “When?”

  “He went to the funeral home this morning, to pay his respects, which apparently included a fuck on the side.”

  “Ouch.”

  I paced back and forth. Fortunately, we were the only members present, so I felt at liberty to rant. “Part of me is ready to walk away from this situation. The boy is unpredictable and a pain in my ass.”

  “Welcome to my world,” Max commiserated.

  “Seriously, Max. How do you put up with him?”

  “I love him,” Max said quietly. “It’s that simple.”

  “Goddamn it! Any other sub would have seen the back of my hand or worse after this revelation.”

  “I’m surprised you’re even discussing it.”

  “Son of a bitch….”

  I flopped down beside Max and leaned my head against the wall in resignation. “I guess I love him too.”

  “Does he know?”

  “How could he not?”

  “Have you said the words?”

  “I told him I wanted to collar him.”

  “Did he realize the implications?”

  “I explained, but he turned the tables on me by saying I was closed off and mysterious. He said he didn’t even know if I loved him.”

  “Did you set him straight?”

  “I never said the words. Look, Max, I suppose it was premature on my part to ask for the collaring, but the phone call from Cole tripped my wires. In retrospect, I should have waited for a more appropriate time.”

  “Cole never offered to make their union legal. So in essence, this is Sloan’s first proposal. I’m sure it would have had a more positive result if you’d accompanied it with something romantic.”

  “I know.”

  “Listen, Trent. I don’t know what you do for him, but whatever it is has worked for the last seven months. He must feel something for you.”

  “It’s nine months, but who’s counting, and yes, he does feel something. However, Cole is more of a threat than I realized, and I’m not about to hand Sloan over without a fight.”

  “Is he thinking of going back?”

  “I don’t know what he’s thinking. I was too angry to stick around and listen to him babbling. Max, I almost lost it.”

  “But you kept your head, which is more than I could say if I were in your shoes. I admire your restraint, Trent, but you haven’t worked it out of your system yet, have you?”

  “Not yet, but I’m getting there.”

  “Go back and talk to him once you cool off.”

  “I will, but I need to think of a suitable punishment in case I decide to pursue this―whatever this is.”

  “I have every faith in your ability to come up with something creative,” Max said, making it sound like an insult instead of a compliment.

  “What the hell? Has Sloan ever complained about me?”

  “Never, which is shocking in and of itself. I didn’t think you’d last more than a month.”

  “You couldn’t keep him in your bed, so I wouldn’t be too quick to criticize.”

  Max frowned and wagged his finger at me. “Don’t even go there.”

  “I apologize,” I said quickly. “That was uncalled for.”

  “Accepted.” Max stood and got ready to leave. “If I were you, I’d hunker down and treat this like a covert operation. Don’t underestimate Cole. He may be blind, but he’s a very intelligent man who knows Sloan better than either one of us. If he wants him back, he’ll use all his knowledge to pull at Sloan’s heartstrings. The kid is a sap when it comes to Cole.”

  “I didn’t realize how much until today. What an eye-opener.”

  “Honestly, I would rather he stay with you. Sloan has never been this happy; he positively glows when he’s around you.”

  “Wasn’t he happy with Cole?”

  “Sloan loved Cole, but his life revolved around the parameters set in stone by Cole and his disability. With you, things are different. Sloan is more in touch with himself and satisfying his own needs, therefore, happier and less encumbered.”

  “Thank you. That makes me feel a lot better.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  “I appreciate your honesty.”

  “Oh, hell,” Max huffed, “we Dominants have got to stick together.”

  “I know,” I said, chuckling. “Can’t let the inmates run the asylum.”

  Max barked out a laugh. “Don’t ever let Sloan hear you call him a prisoner.”

  “Do I look like a fool?”

  “Not at all.” Max smiled. “Good luck with your mission impossible.”

  Chapter 7

  I sat with my father’s corpse long after the visitors had gone. Mom and the rest of the family went to get some lunch, but I insisted on keeping vigil until they returned. I didn’t want Dad to be alone in this strange place. It wasn’t rational to be worrying about his feelings anymore, but the last year had been all about Dad and his needs. The piped-in organ music, the smell of the flowers, and the muffled footsteps of people coming and going in the funeral home amplified his death somehow, and I was struggling with the loss.

  I uncrossed my legs and tried to get comfortable on the hard wooden bench, but the stinging sensation around my asshole didn’t allow me to forget I’d just had unprotected sex with a man I’d dumped nine months ago. I still loved him—never stopped, truth be told—and wanted him back in my life. Slipping the lube into my pocket before leaving home was irrefutable proof that our hookup was no accident.

  Would he be pissed once he realized it was premeditated? Why did he take off without even saying goodbye? Knowing Sloan, he’d run home and confess, and I hoped his boyfriend would go nuts and walk out. Being torn between two lovers wasn’t a scenario I’d wish on anyone, but if it would move my name to the front of Sloan’s list, I was all for it. This was assuming Sloan still loved me. I was certain he felt something. After all, he’d called me Shogun. Hearing him use my nickname was the catalyst I’d needed to reinsert myself into his life. It was a dream I’d been hoarding for months, and given the opportunity, I’d grabbed it.

  Did Sloan share these same feelings, or would he be choking with remorse and denying the obvious attraction? Our reunion had awoken my desire, which had lain dormant since our breakup. I’d been living like a priest and trying to ignore my physical needs, but now they’d been unleashed, and I was desperate for more. There was something about Sloan I’d never been able to resist. When we first became roommates, another move orchestrated by my father, I fought the attraction. The sporadic sexual encounters I’d had with guys at boarding school had frightened me. I’d never considered the possibility of being bisexual until the night Sloan and I got high and we shared a kiss. It not only opened a window to my secret desire, it completely changed my life. I’d broken up with my fiancé and came out of the closet with gusto. My father had been appalled but eventually dealt with the disappointment. Or so I thought. His Machiavellian plot to get Noriko in my life was a sad reminder that, d
espite his words to the contrary, he’d wanted a straight son. To him, being blind wasn’t half as bad as being bisexual or, God forbid, gay.

  My brief experiment in Noriko’s bed had been a tragic mistake and one I’d always regret. “You’re not straight,” Sloan had tossed out during one of our many arguments. Deep in my heart I knew he was right, but I’d stubbornly believed I could compel my body to respond to Noriko on an intimate level. Life would be so much simpler if she could be my wife in the truest sense, a ridiculous assumption that blew up in my face as soon as I’d shot my load. Physically, I felt nothing for her, and I craved Sloan’s body to the point where he was all I envisioned whenever I’d take myself in hand to squeeze out a mediocre orgasm.

  Our five-year relationship wasn’t easy to forget, no matter how hard I’d tried. Our last month together had been a series of bitter arguments, which culminated in our breakup because he didn’t understand the kind of pressure I’d been under. Familial expectations were concepts he’d rejected, claiming I should have put him first. And maybe he was right, but I couldn’t undo the past. All I could do was try to convince him we’d have a future, albeit different from what we’d planned long ago. My life was entangled with new people and much more responsibility, which he’d have to assume as my partner. And after everything I’d put Sloan through, did I have the right to hope he’d accept the challenge?

  What if he turned on me because of what happened in the private office? If one impulsive fuck could jeopardize his current relationship, would he still want to have anything to do with me or the kids? Wasn’t it better to have Sloan as a friend instead? I needed his support if I was going to get sole custody of the twins. His testimony might or might not influence the judge if this ended up in court. Hopefully, Noriko would realize it would be in her best interest to follow our contract to the letter. She would walk out of the marriage a rich woman, and I’d allow her visitation rights. What more could she possibly want? Proposing to take the boys to Japan was unthinkable. I would never agree and would fight her to the bitter end. After legal fees, she’d be left with nothing if she decided to pursue this course of action.

  I knew I was being selfish, but I firmly believed my life would never be complete without Sloan. Nobody knew him as well as I did. I’d changed him from a self-destructive loser to a productive member of society by giving him love and security. In turn, I’d received unconditional support, and the strength to face my disability with dogged determination. His new man was strictly a sexual infatuation, the necessary distraction Sloan had used to get over our breakup. If I set my mind to the task and pushed for a reunion, I was confident I’d win him over.

  Looking back over the last nine months, I realized how empty my life had become. Apart from sexual frustration and the basic human need to be touched, I missed my best friend. I was too young to entomb myself in a prison I’d created because I was afraid to stand up to my father and tell him I wanted Sloan above everything else. I’d been without for so many months, and holding Sloan, albeit briefly, was like coming home. Even Freddie had been a much happier animal when Sloan was around. There was no one to take him on long walks or play ball or run around in the park unfettered. These days, the golden retriever moped around and only perked up when he had to guide me to work and back. I blinked back my tears, determined to get through the next few days by pushing aside my emotional baggage. Self-pity and fear hovered around me like ghouls, waiting to pounce at any given moment. I needed to be proactive to overcome this sense of failure, and the first order of business was to figure out how I was going to recognize my children.

  Remembering Dad’s suggestion, I called information to get the number for Tiffany & Co. After inquiring about infant jewelry and having a lengthy discussion with a helpful manager, I decided to go with a pair of gold ID bracelets. The chains holding the tiny nameplates would be different. One would be a curb chain and the other a marine link. Both had rounded edges and wouldn’t hurt the babies. Their names would be engraved in Braille, and I would be able to tell them apart by touching the metal. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment by overcoming this one obstacle and gave the manager my credit card number, which I’d memorized specifically for phone purchases. He assured me the bracelets would be ready within thirty-six hours and delivered by special messenger.

  I had planned to keep my distance from Sloan, to give him time to reflect and come to some sort of decision, but I had to gauge his state of mind. Did our encounter do anything to advance my case, or did it only make Sloan more determined to stay away? He picked up on the first ring.

  “Hey,” Sloan greeted softly.

  “Are you all right?”

  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “I just wondered.”

  “Everything’s fine,” Sloan assured me. “I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye. How’s your ass doing?”

  “Much better than my brain, if you want to know the truth.”

  “Yeah, well that makes two of us.”

  “Sloan?”

  “Don’t even say it, Cole.”

  I bit my tongue, even though I wanted to blurt out the words and beg him to take me back. “Are you planning on coming to the service?”

  “When is it?”

  “Tomorrow at nine.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  “Would you like to see the twins?”

  “Only if I can avoid seeing their mother.”

  “I guarantee it.”

  “Okay. Did you name them yet?”

  “Kenneth and Nicholas.”

  There was a long pause. “You didn’t forget.”

  “I remember everything about you.”

  “Oh, Cole… how in hell did things get so complicated?”

  “My fault entirely.”

  “Nah… it takes two to fuck up.”

  “Can we fix this, Sloan?”

  “You mean get back together?”

  “Is there any chance?”

  “No.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “You love this new guy?”

  “My relationship isn’t up for discussion.”

  “Tell me you didn’t confess.”

  “Mind your own business, Cole.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “When do want me to see the boys?”

  “Anytime you want.”

  “Are there visiting hours we need to worry about?”

  “Not if you’re the father.”

  “I’m not.”

  “You could be,” I said wistfully.

  “For fuck’s sake!” Sloan snapped. “Let’s not get on this roller coaster again. Drop it or I’m hanging up.”

  “Meet me at the hospital around five.”

  “Which one?”

  I gave him directions and hung up. I was grateful he was still willing to visit the twins, despite his brief outburst. It only proved I shouldn’t reveal my hand too soon. Letting things unfold naturally would kill me, but in the end, it would be wiser. If there was one thing I’d learned from our past, Sloan was difficult, if not impossible, to control. He’d always been his own person, even at his most insecure, and didn’t take kindly to being ordered around. Whatever he’d done for me in the past had been out of love, not duty. I’d have to rein in my impatience and my need to orchestrate every situation if I wanted any kind of future with Sloan. Of that I was certain.

  Chapter 8

  I heard the rattling of keys through a sleepy haze seconds before Trent walked through the door. After my phone call with Cole, I’d rushed over to my master’s apartment in the Village, deliberately going against his orders. Waiting for his decision on my punishment wasn’t my style. I much preferred to get this part out of the way and try to recapture the feelings Trent had for me when he’d asked for a collaring. I knew I’d absolutely blown it by fucking Cole. My only excuse was that my ex still managed to touch my heart, despite our convoluted breakup. Somehow, I had to convince Trent it shouldn’t
affect what we shared.

  I’d fallen asleep after finding myself alone in the apartment, and being caught in Trent’s bed made me feel like Goldilocks. Trent’s sharp query was as off-putting as a family of outraged bears.

  “Didn’t I tell you not to contact me?”

  “I’m sorry… I couldn’t stay away. I have to know where I stand.”

  “On very thin ice,” Trent snapped. “Get up.”

  I slid off the bed and stood in stocking feet in front of Trent, bowing my head in submission.

  “This is your second fuckup in less than twenty-four hours. You don’t deserve to be collared. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt on the first infraction. You were obviously carried away by your emotions, and seeing Cole in such a vulnerable state must have been difficult. I’m not saying it was right, but a part of me understands. Showing up unannounced, however, is not acceptable. You don’t call the shots, Sloan. Not if you want to be my submissive.”

  “Please forgive me.”

  “Everything we do has repercussions. Letting impulses rule your life has been your way since the day I met you. You play at being my submissive when in fact you have no clue what it really involves. Forgiveness is earned in my world. You’re back to square one and need to prove how much you want this lifestyle and a relationship with me.”

  “I want to be with you.”

  “Think well on your request. Being my sub doesn’t just involve sex. I can get laid anywhere, and so can you. I’m talking about handing over the power in this relationship. There cannot be two masters.”

  “What will it take to convince you my motives are sincere and I want to be your boy?”

  “Patience, trust, and blind obedience,” Trent said sternly. “In the nine months we’ve been together, have I ever asked you to do anything that went against your principles?”

  “Never.”

  “The truth is you’ve never used your safeword, Sloan. Doesn’t it prove I know what’s best for you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Yes what?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Now it’s your turn to convince me you’re worth all this trouble.”