Cleave (Cutting Cords Series Book 3)

by Mickie B. Ashling

  Trent shook his head and pulled the key out of his pocket. He unlatched me and waited while I went to the bathroom. It felt wonderful to be released, and I was tempted to beg for a reprieve, but then I saw the look in his eyes and changed my mind. He was like an ice sculpture. A gorgeous one, but I would probably get frostbite if I touched him. Still, I opened my mouth and stuck my foot right into it.

  “How much longer will I be in this cage?”

  “You’ve just added another day, and if you dare to ask me once more, I’ll tack on another.”

  Chapter 10

  The maternity ward was surprisingly quiet this evening. The sounds I’d associated with this part of the hospital were missing for some reason, a lull perhaps in the birthing sequence. Even the babies in the nursery were silent. All I could hear was the dinging of the elevator as it stopped on our floor and the sliding doors whooshing open to let off passengers. I’d felt the raised symbols on my Braille watch at least ten times, sighing with frustration as the minutes ticked by and Sloan failed to appear. I’d tried calling him, but it kept going to voice mail. He wasn’t coming. As much as I dreaded the possibility, I knew he’d bailed. Why get sucked into the melodrama of my life when he didn’t have to?

  I knocked on the window, and a nurse came around and let me into the nursery so I could spend some time holding the boys. There was a rocking chair to simulate a home environment, and I found the few minutes I spent with each child to be a huge comfort. Kissing their soft cheeks and brushing my face against their silky hair reminded me that everything I’d done to arrive at this point had been worth it. If I had to repeat the entire year, I’d probably do the same thing, except I’d have been more honest with Sloan.

  Mistakenly, I’d assumed our indiscretion at the funeral home might have changed Sloan’s opinion of me. His absence was his not-so-subtle way of telling me to forget about it, and my disappointment was beyond description. A household with a sighted partner as co-father had been my dream for the twins, and now it would have to change. Raising them as a single parent would be hard enough, but to endure a lifetime of loneliness was intolerable. It was not the best-case scenario, and I was on the verge of tears again. Maybe Sloan would surprise me and show up at the funeral tomorrow. It would give me one last opportunity to try to convince him to forgive me.

  Someone entered the room, and I knew by her smell and body language it was Noriko. I’d become quite familiar after nine months, and for the first time in just as long, I could appreciate what she’d actually done for me. In my arms was a small miracle that would have never come to pass without her participation. Regardless of her motives, she’d made this happen. I decided it was time to bury some of the hostility I’d felt after hearing her remarks yesterday. It was only natural for her to feel territorial. After all, the boys had resided in her body for almost nine months and were as much a part of her as her heart and lungs. I would never know this special bond, and I had to concede the timing of our conversation had been all wrong.

  “Mrs. Fujiwara,” one of the nurses remarked, “you’re up and about?”

  “Hai, I feel much better today.”

  “Why don’t you sit in this chair, Noriko?” I stood, offering her the rocker.

  “Thank you, Cole.”

  I continued to hold one of the twins while Noriko nursed the other. “I’ve ordered bracelets so I can tell the boys apart.”

  “That’s a good idea,” she said. “Kenny is a little heavier, but I’m sure Nicky will catch up quickly. Then it will be difficult to tell them apart.”

  “Who do I have?”

  “Nicky,” she said.

  “How can you tell them apart?”

  “Right now, by their weight. Your bracelets will help me too.”

  “I hope they can see.”

  “The doctors have examined them and say they are both healthy,” Noriko said. “I am certain they will be fine, Cole. We have done everything necessary to make sure.”

  “I know, but I can’t help worrying.”

  “It’s only natural, but I wish you would try to relax. May I have the other baby?”

  We switched bundles, and Kenny did feel a little heavier. “What’s it like to nurse?”

  “It hurts for a minute, but as soon as the milk begins to flow, it gets better. It’s a special feeling to be able to provide for them like this.”

  “The pain you’re talking about is nature’s way of healing your uterus,” a nurse interjected. “Contractions bring it back to a normal size.”

  “Thank goodness, because I feel like a pillow right now.”

  “You’ll be as good as new in no time. Maybe we’ll see you back here in a couple of years,” she teased.

  “No way,” I replied a little too quickly. I didn’t want them giving Noriko any ideas. “I can’t handle more than two.”

  “That’s what they all say,” the nurse said, chuckling, “and then they come back for seconds.”

  “Not this time. Are you ready to go, Noriko? I can walk you back to your room.”

  “Hai.”

  She hooked her arm through mine, and we strolled down the hallway at a leisurely pace with Freddie trotting along beside us. When we got to her room and she’d settled back into bed, she asked me if I would mind if she attended Dad’s funeral tomorrow.

  “Are you up for it?”

  “Yes, and even if I weren’t, it’s important I pay my final respects.”

  “Dad would be the first to understand if you couldn’t make it.”

  “I can and I want to.”

  “I’ll have the limo swing by here on our way to the funeral home. We can all go together.”

  “Thank you, Cole.”

  “Listen, about yesterday.”

  “I don’t think we should discuss the future right now,” she said agreeably.

  “I apologize for being so inconsiderate.”

  “It’s all right, Cole. We have twelve months before any decisions have to be made. Why don’t we enjoy the moment?”

  “Christ, you sound like Sloan.”

  “Are you ever going to get over him, Cole?”

  “What does it matter?”

  “I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: Japanese people can actually separate sex and family. One has nothing to do with the other. Your orientation shouldn’t affect your bond to me and the children. I have no problem keeping them separate if you choose to resume relations with him.”

  I shook my head. “I know, but it’s a concept we Westerners are not familiar with. Sloan would be enraged if I proposed such a thing.”

  “It is his problem, then, not yours. Surely, you can find another man who would be willing to accommodate your needs.”

  “And you would be fine sharing your husband with a man? Just for shits and giggles, Noriko, what would you do for your own sexual gratification?”

  “I have learned to deal with my own needs due to our circumstances.”

  “Are you having an affair?”

  “No, Cole, I’m not. However, let’s get one thing clear. It’s not an affair if one is only there for sex.”

  “Is this your geisha persona speaking now?”

  “Do we need to have a discussion on geishas again? We are not prostitutes.”

  “Yes, yes… go on.”

  “In Japan, it is not uncommon for a man to seek sexual services outside his home. And if a male is the preferred choice, it means no disrespect to the wife. Sex is viewed in terms of pleasure, not morality.”

  “People have been killed for much less here in America.”

  “Your own grandfather had a geisha, Cole.”

  “How can I forget? This is how we met you in the first place.”

  “Precisely. There’s no need to be weighed down by guilt when I’m clearly giving you a pass.”

  I’d had enough of this discussion. It was pointless. Suggesting I get Sloan on board this incongruous three-way was beyond the pale. He would not only tell me to go fuck myself, but
he’d also hit me in the mouth. “Get some rest, Noriko. We don’t need to solve our problems in one day.”

  “At least you are willing to talk.”

  I nodded.

  “I will see you tomorrow, yes?”

  “Yes.”

  The next morning, Noriko and I stood by my father’s casket with my mother, sisters, and their husbands, bidding Dad a final farewell. The small chapel overflowed with people, and even though I couldn’t see, I felt the crowd. I kept hoping Sloan would tap me on the shoulder and announce his presence.

  Finally, I broke down and asked Mom, “Have you seen Sloan?”

  “He’s in the back row with his boyfriend.”

  “Boyfriend?”

  “A good-looking redhead in a three-piece suit.”

  I felt dizzy suddenly, and a chill ran up my spine. I should have just shut up, but I had to know. “How do you know he’s the boyfriend?”

  “They were holding hands, and I overheard Sloan introducing him to his dad. Now be quiet and concentrate. The eulogies are about to begin.”

  “What did he say to Joe?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “How did Sloan introduce the guy? Did he call him his partner or boyfriend?”

  “Cole, why are you torturing yourself?”

  “Answer me!”

  “If you must know,” Mom sighed, “he introduced him as his lover.”

  “Fuck.”

  “Cole,” she hissed. “Get a hold of yourself. This is neither the time nor the place to have an emotional crisis.”

  “This is the perfect time,” I replied as the tears streamed down my face. “Everyone will think I’m crying for Dad.”

  Chapter 11

  I had a terrible time watching Cole as they laid Ken to rest. He looked like he wanted to jump in the hole with his dad and bury himself alive. The cemetery was packed with friends and family, but Cole stood off to the side, completely isolated from any support, which included his wife. Somehow, Noriko had managed to leave her hospital bed to bid farewell to her father-in-law. It had been over nine months since I’d last laid eyes on her, and she hadn’t changed much. She was still beautiful despite the extra pounds she’d put on due to her pregnancy. Our gazes met briefly, and she quickly looked away, but not before I had a chance to catch the fury flushing her cheeks upon seeing me in the crowd. I was almost willing to risk Trent’s scathing remarks by walking up to Cole and pissing her off even further, but knowing I’d have to endure another twenty-four hours in a chastity device was a huge deterrent.

  It had been sixteen hours and counting since the metal cage was locked in place. Trent had removed it once last night when I had to pee, and early this morning, when I woke up with my usual wood. The feeling of cold metal pressing against my tender skin almost sent me through the roof, and I whimpered loud enough to rouse Trent out of a sound sleep. He quickly unlocked me before I could scream out my safeword and kissed my cock in apology, lingering for a few minutes and petting it like it was a live animal. It only made me harder, and I would have given my left nut to come, but his commanding voice ordering me to control myself was a sharp reminder—I hadn’t earned his forgiveness yet. Trent in full-out Dom mode was terrifying but so fucking sexy I wanted to climb him like a tree. Fortunately, I was able to muster the willpower to push back the immediate need.

  After my shower and my usual morning meditation, I was shoved back into the cage with another kiss and a promise of release if I behaved for the next twelve hours. That was the only thing keeping me sane. Slavery was a bitch, and my small taste of it had convinced me there was no fucking way I’d accept this state of mind long-term. To think there were couples in the lifestyle who lived like this 24/7 was mind-boggling.

  “I’m surprised he let you come,” Max whispered in my ear, moving closer. He and Tin had shown up to offer Cole some support and had gravitated over to our side.

  “What are you talking about?” I hissed. “Who can come with this instrument of torture imprisoning my dick?”

  Max snorted into his hand. “He didn’t?”

  “Yes, he did,” I answered, stealing a glance at Trent who was jawing with my dad about some Fortune 500 company. “My Master is a fucking sadist.”

  “I didn’t mean that when I said come, but thanks for sharing.” Max chuckled. “You’re getting off easy. If you were mine, I’d have put you in chains and flogged you till you bled.”

  “This is precisely why I’m not yours,” I said pointedly. Early on in our friendship, we’d been lovers, and Max had tried unsuccessfully to turn me on to the lifestyle. His methods were not as subtle as Trent’s, and I was completely repulsed by his version of BDSM. Max had flipped out when I’d hooked up with Trent in London. He couldn’t understand how he’d failed where Trent had succeeded. It had been uncomfortable for a while, but Max had surprised us by letting bygones be bygones. Now, he’d become our yenta, sticking his nose where it didn’t belong.

  “I’m just saying, Sloan. You should be happy he’s giving you a second chance. Not all Doms would be as forgiving.”

  “I’m aware, Max, but it doesn’t make me feel any more comfortable having my size-eight prick stuffed into a size-four cage.”

  “They don’t make cock cages for horses.”

  “Fuck you!”

  Max grinned like a hyena. “Settle down, darling. Your monster will be out of confinement and down his throat in no time.”

  “If only….”

  “I told you not to tell him, didn’t I?”

  “I know,” I said, adjusting my package as discreetly as possible. I was so uncomfortable I wanted to scream. “But I would have been racked with guilt. This way I pay the price one time, and it’s done.”

  Max stepped away as Trent and Dad approached. They stood on either side of me like sentinels guarding a national treasure. Dad had taken to Trent in a big way and wanted to make sure I didn’t fall back under Cole’s spell. Surprising, considering our families’ history. I would have thought he’d push for a reunion.

  “I’m ready to get out of here and grab some lunch,” Dad said softly. “Why don’t we say our goodbyes?”

  I slanted a glance at Trent, and he nodded imperceptibly. Making my way over to Cole by myself, I braced for an uncomfortable moment.

  “Cole, I’m leaving.” He turned toward my voice, and the sad smile hit me right in the gut.

  “I didn’t expect you to show up after yesterday.”

  “Look, I have to keep my distance.”

  “You confessed, didn’t you?”

  “I had to.”

  Cole nodded. “What about the boys?”

  “I can’t be a part of your life anymore, Cole.”

  “Don’t you even want to see them?”

  “Not really.”

  “Why did you bother to come today?”

  “I know what it’s like to lose a parent. No one should be alone at a time like this.”

  “I’m hardly alone.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I thought I did, but obviously I was wrong. Are you still willing to be deposed if need be?”

  “Hopefully, it won’t be necessary. Try to make an effort to work things out with her. You don’t stand a chance in hell to win this case if she reveals the true nature of your relationship.”

  “We have a prenup.”

  “You also did something completely unethical and against the law.”

  “I can’t believe this is coming out of your mouth. Whose side are you on anyway?”

  “Certainly not hers, but I didn’t plan this family, Cole. You did. I was against this from the beginning. And now you’re asking me to pick up the pieces of the train wreck? No. I wash my hands of the whole thing.”

  “You’ve changed,” Cole said bitterly.

  “I sure hope so.”

  “You’re harder.”

  “Say what you will, Cole, but I’m not going to waver because you’re hurting. Call me if you’re ever in a s
erious bind, and I mean life threatening. Don’t call me on a whim. And only use our code―911. I’ll see your name on caller ID.”

  “My God, is he that controlling?”

  “We have a good relationship, which I almost ruined yesterday.”

  “I won’t offer an apology for what happened.”

  “I’m not asking for one, but don’t read more into this development.”

  “Why not?”

  “It was a pity fuck.”

  He gasped and tears flooded his beautiful eyes. I wanted to bite off my tongue, but I didn’t want to give him false hope. Better he hate me than continue to dream of a reunion. “Goodbye, Cole.”

  I headed back to where Trent was waiting, my shoes crunching on the frozen ground covering the vast cemetery. It felt fitting that our relationship finally sputtered to death amongst gravestones. Perhaps things might have been different if I hadn’t found Trent, but it was too late to speculate. Our relationship was as dead as the generation of corpses buried six feet under. A small part of me would grieve for what could have been; however, the life I’d expected to have with Cole was a pipe dream. There was no sense in drawing this out any longer than necessary. Trent smiled when he saw me walking back to him, and I was soothed by the tender expression in his eyes. Everything was going to be okay between us. I knew it as sure as I reluctantly admitted Cole and I would always have a bond, regardless of the wounds we’d inflicted on each other.

  Chapter 12

  We accompanied Dad on the ride to the airport after enjoying a steak dinner at Gallagher’s. He’d been talkative during the excellent meal, sharing stories with Trent about his golden years with the San Francisco Giants, which naturally led to bragging about my brother and his fine pitching skills. It was a good thing Trent gave a shit about baseball, unlike me. I’d never been into the sport and only took it up to please Dad. It was Junior who excelled and our father was a vital part of his sporting career. Always a favorite topic of conversation, I tuned him out―my usual response upon hearing about my younger brother’s latest achievements. He was a current pitcher for the Giants, and the rivalry we’d had as young boys never really dissipated. Even now, as I was fast approaching my thirtieth birthday, the hot lick of jealousy burned as I heard Dad extolling Junior’s many achievements.