Diving Deep

by Megyn Ward

  When we did get to the ocean, we didn’t squander our hard-earned cash on ice cream or lobster dinners. We usually sought out the local grocery stores and ate budget meals from our hotel room. It worked for us. We ate so well at the sorority house that a couple of weeks of minimal rations was a small price to pay for the luxury of spending time underwater.

  Blake stands next to me, shifting from foot to foot. His Hawaiian print board shorts flapping in the ocean breeze. The faded, hot pink t-shirt he pulls over his wild curls barely covered his flat, muscled belly. It’s a shirt someone had left on the boat last week. We all dress from the lost and found. Most of the tourists’ castoffs had designer labels. Better quality than we could afford on our salaries.

  I hate that Blake might have been drawn down with this situation. “Charlie Jerk-off didn’t insist you get fired, did he?”

  Blake shakes his head, looks ashamed that he’d been allowed to keep his job. “I tried to explain to him about the buddy system and about the guy that needed help. I thought Mike would take up for you if I put it all out there in front of them.”

  I lean out and watch for the bus. “But he didn’t buy it.”

  Blake clenches his fists as if he’d like to punch something. “Nope. He told Mike to put me on probation.”

  Despite everything, I laugh at the thought. “Do we even have probation?”’

  Blake shrugs. “Not that I’ve ever heard. But Mike said, yeah, he’d do that and so for the next month I can only be the second, I can’t take a group down.”

  I put a hand on his sleeve. “That’s bogus. I’m really sorry.”

  He shrugs. “Thanks, but it’s not your fault.”

  That was true. And it burns in my gut.

  “Let me give you a ride home,” Blake says.

  “Don’t you have work to do?” He’ll not only have to do his job but make up for me, too.

  “Mike is out there.” He reaches for my dive bag. “What’s he going to do, fire me, too? Then he’d be short-handed. I’ll come back after I drop you off.”

  Why the hell not? “Thanks.”

  We walk side-by-side, the sun warming my skin and soaking from the pavement through my flip flops. Blake opens the hatchback of his rusted-out Hyundai. He tosses my bag in and slams it closed. I start around to the right side and when Blake does too, I pull up. Even after six months here, I sometimes forget that traffic drives on the left side of the road. I reverse direction and climb into the passenger side on the left.

  Blake pulls onto the road and we head back to the center of the island. We ride in silence for a few miles. “What are you going to do?” Blake finally asks.

  Bougainvillea flowers zip by the car window in a blur of pink and white and I can’t help but curl my lip up at them in disgust. They were too bright and beautiful for my foul mood. “I’m going to wait tables tonight at The Green Frog.”

  “Of course you are.” He smiled. “Never admit defeat.”

  “I still have to pay rent.” Just the thought of it hurts my stomach.

  He shoots me a quick, narrow-eyed look. “Diana and I will carry you, you know that.”

  Yeah, I that. But even though I’d do the same for either of them, I don’t want them to have to. The three of us have only roomed together for a few months but I already think of us as a family. We have a ratty little shack in a settlement in the middle of the island. Diana came here to dive and to find the love of her life, whom she described as any guy that doesn’t suck and has an enormous trust fund. She thought the rich, banking community in Cayman would be like shooting fish in a barrel. She’s dated several richies, but hasn’t succeeded in hooking anyone for more than the time it takes to vacation.

  Blake’s here purely for the diving. His parents, a decent couple from Michigan, support his decision to take a year or two off college to pursue this adventure. They don’t pay for it, so he has to work, but he’s okay with that.

  Me? I told them both I was here to dive. To be young and carefree and shed the heaviness. I’d spent two years totally focused on Mom. When she got her diagnoses, we’d pulled together in a whole new way. We’d always been close, but her illness welded us together as into one spirit, one will.

  We researched and tried every holistic approach we could find. We did everything her oncologist suggested. She did the chemo, the therapies, all of it. And still, she slipped away, bit by bit, one piece at a time. Until she’d shrunken to half her original weight. Until my mother disappeared. Until I crawled into her hospital bed, the room enveloped in pre-dawn dark and quiet to pull her into my arms. “It’s okay, Mom,” I whispered against her temple. “You can go.”

  I never told them why I’d picked Cayman. Why I boarded the plane two hours after Mom’s funeral. If I had, they’d probably think I was crazy.

  “Besides, if you can’t take any groups down, you won’t be making tips.” I say it to the window because thinking about my mom and why I’m really here, always leaves me raw. “You can’t afford to carry me too long.”

  He glances at me then back at the road. “You know, everything I have I’ll share with you.”

  Blake is the nicest guy in the world. Kind and sensitive. Mom would have loved him. “Half of nothing isn’t much.”

  He pops his blinker and turns right in front of a produce truck. Nice guy, lousy driver. “I can get a loan from my folks. You know Debbie and Ken love you.”

  I love his parents right back. They’d been to visit a couple of months ago. They hadn’t thought much of Diana, mainly because she’d been hung over and laying around the house in her bikini when they stopped over. But Debbie took right to me. I think she feels bad about me being an orphan. When their week-long visit ended, she and Ken drew me aside, offered to let me move in with them in Michigan and go to school.

  They’d withdraw their offer if they knew I wasn’t really an orphan. And in fact, might be even more a gold digger than Diana. At least Diana is honest about it.

  Blake drops two wheels off the cracked edge of the blacktop road and stops the car in front of our pink and lavender shack. The low roof sags, the pink paint is peeling off the shutters. The stucco is chipped, and the windows leak, but I have a warm spot in my heart for the sad little house. When I’d first crossed the threshold, I’d been full of darkness. Grieving my mother, determined to meet the man I hold responsible, and dead set on making him pay.

  But Diana and Blake live one day at a time. They might have a life plan, but they weren’t in any hurry to make it happen. At first, I’d told myself I needed time to get used to the island. I needed to understand the people and culture, get my bearings. I took a job at the bar where Diana worked and between working for Mike and schlepping drinks three nights a week, and having fun hanging with Blake and Diana, I’d put off the real reason I’d come to Cayman.

  Now that the bar job is my only income, I have a bigger incentive to get moving.

  Blake jumps out of the car and around to the hatch. He gets there before me and lifts out my bag.

  I hold up my hands. “Okay, this has got to stop. I can carry my own equipment. Getting fired doesn’t make me a cripple.”

  He gives me a guilty look. “I just want to do something. I feel bad.”

  “I know. It’ll be okay.” I pull the heavy bag from his grip. “It’s one job, not like I’ll never work again.” Why am I giving him the pep talk instead of the other way around?

  He follows me up the cracked cement path to the front door. We step onto the porch to stand under the wooden awning. I put my hand on the doorknob.

  He speaks quietly. “I’m afraid.”

  I turn around. “Afraid?”

  He looks above my head, focusing on the door behind me. “Yeah. I’m afraid you’re going to up and leave. Head back to the states. You’ll walk out of my life and I’ll never see you again.”

  I laugh even though I can tell he thinks the situation is far from funny. “You’re crazy! You and Diana are all the family I’ve got.” At leas
t, all the family I can claim at the moment. “I’m not leaving Cayman.

  He still doesn’t meet my eye. “What are you going to do?” he asks again. He doesn’t believe me.

  “This is Grand Cayman.” I give him a smile, even though I die a little at the thought of an office job. “If you’re not here to dive, you’re here to bank, right?”

  He nods. “I guess… so?” He doesn’t follow.

  “So—” I drop my bag and lean against the door, the plan forming a flash. Maybe losing my job at Dive Love is a sign. Is the kick in the ass I need to get back on track. “I’ve got a Bachelors in accounting.”

  “You do? How?” His eyes pop open. “You’re too young to have gone to college.”

  I shrug. “Homeschooled. Graduated early. Online classes and finished up on campus with my Mom. It can be done.”

  He shakes his head. “God, you’re the hardest working person I know.”

  I don’t deny it. I’ve always been able to set a goal and run after it with determination. Mom taught me that. “I’ll go to the fancy banks tomorrow and see if I can get a real job.” We’ve often joked that our dive master jobs weren’t real jobs because they were so much fun.

  And I know which bank is number one on my list.

  JK Investments.

  “You’ll hate working inside all day.” Blake looks at me like I’ve contracted some sort of horrible disease. “Wearing business clothes and being all professional.”

  He’s right. “Maybe it’s time to grow up.” More importantly, it’s time to quit fooling around and do what I came to the island to do.

  Blake finally looks me square in the eye. “You aren’t going back to the states?”

  I shake my head. “Nope. You’re stuck with me for a while.”

  “Good. Great.” He let out a sigh. “Hey, I’d better get back to the shop and help Richard.”

  I nod, wishing I were going with him. The reality of it all comes crashing back and I feel like crying. I’ve never been fired. Never failed a class. I’ve had plenty of disappointments in my life, sure. I don’t get everything I want, not by a long shot but this whole shitty incident, has been something I can’t control. And that pisses me off. I slump against the house and watch Blake hurry toward his car.

  All of a sudden, he spins around and sprints up the walk directly to me. He doesn’t stop. He lunges right at me and with a move that shocks me down to my flip flops, plants his lips on mine.

  I can’t move. I can’t push him away or lean into him. I’m not even sure which of those reactions I want to choose.

  It isn’t as though I’d never thought of kissing Blake before. I’ve wondered what it would be like. But we’re friends. I like being friends. I don’t want to mess with that dynamic.

  Before I can react, Blake breaks away. “Shit.” Face flaming read, he stumbles back before turning to head down the walkway. “I’ve got to get back to the shop.”

  Chapter 9

  Zach

  Cool fingers slide along my throbbing temples and a soft voice whispers near my ear. “Wake up, Zach.”

  Lexi?

  No. Not Lexi.

  Lexi isn’t in my life anymore.

  I try to remember who I’d open my eyes to. Jesus, the way I’ve been going these past few months, it could be anybody.

  I don’t want to move, because if I do wrecking balls will careen through my empty brain and crash into my skull. The surf yells and salty air fills my nose. I spent the night on the beach.

  Again.

  A plastic straw finds its way through my cracked lips. “This ought to help,” she says.

  With effort I close my lips around the straw and suck in something cold and fruity and full of alcohol. I cough and sit up, retching into the sand. Even though I sit in the shade of a bent palm tree, the sun blinds me. I groan.

  Alicia laughs. She looks fresh in a clean red string bikini, her sun-streaked hair pulled back in a ponytail. “Hair of the dog.”

  “You’re evil.” I close my eyes and lean back against the palm. Sometimes I hate my sister.

  She laughs again. “Mom is beside herself with worry,” she says in the exaggerated tone she uses to imitate our mother.

  I reach for the rum punch and take a drag on the straw. It can’t hurt at this point. Might even help. “I’ll bet.”

  She shrugs. “It’s the drama of the morning at Casa Lowery.” She put her hand to her forehead. “Why didn’t Zach come home? Where could he be? Oh, Niles, you need to do something about that boy.”

  A couple walks hand-in-hand along the surf line. They both have the white skin of tourists, probably some Iowa couple on honeymoon. Behind me, cars and trucks roar on the street. A man the color of molasses kicks sand as he strolls along the beach, head down.

  “Let me guess…” I down the punch and toss the empty cup in the sand. “Niles checked the overseas markets, made a few phone calls and ignored her.”

  Alicia cocked her head and smirked at me. “Not this time, brother.”

  Fuck.

  I know I’ve been pushing it since we hit the island. Staying out all night. Drinking enough booze to float a boat. Fucking random chicks, I may or may not remember the morning after. Waking up half-drunk on the beach with sand in my mouth.

  Turns out I don’t deal with heartbreak very well.

  I sit up. “What? He decided it’s time to cut vacation short and head back to New York?” For some reason, I think of the cute little dive master from yesterday. She’d been pissed. Blonde hair shining in the sun. Blue eyes snapping at me. She’d shoved me off the dock with a surprising amount of strength and by the time I surfaced, she’d been gone. Pulling myself out of the water, I put Kate (that was her name—the girl who threw up and ruined the dive) into a cab, Kylie was nowhere to be found.

  She’d disappeared.

  Alicia shakes her head. “I doubt it.”

  I look around to get my bearings. After the dive I realized that I knew the asshole who got Kylie fired. His name is Charlie Davenport. Turns out he and Niles are cronies. Talking to him, I gathered he held the purse strings at the dive shop and after some smooth-talking, I’d been able to convince him to let Kylie keep her job. It was all good. Until she shoved us both in the drink and undid everything I’d done.

  I pestered the dive shop owner and eventually her dive partner, Blake, for her address. But everyone was in protection mode and wouldn’t cough it up. I didn’t even know her last name. I felt really bad about what happened, even though it wasn’t really my fault. I still feel bad. All I wanted was to find her, do whatever I could to help her.

  Yeah. You want to help her alright. Help her out of her bikini.

  Stonewalled, I went back to the condo. After sleeping the rest of the afternoon and evening, I hit a beach bar with a group of divers from Minnesota. They’d gone home so they could dive in the morning. What had I done? There was a girl. Yeah, a dark-haired girl with an amazing rack.

  She’d looked like Lexi.

  I struggle to remember how I ended up spending the night in the sand… then I remember.

  I actually called her Lexi and she got pissed, demanding I use her real name. I didn’t know her name and for some reason that set her off.

  She started screaming and throwing clothes and shoving me out the door. I stumble across the street. The cool sand and… that’s about it.

  “What time is it?” I ask Alicia. “S’pose I can get a beer yet?”

  She glances at the empty punch cup I tossed in the sand and stands. “Probably ought to stay sober for a few minutes.” She reaches down to help me up.

  She yanks me to my feet and I wait for the pounding in my head to ease. “Sober is overrated.”

  “Niles sent me to find you.” Her fingers tighten around my arm. “Not Mom. Niles.”

  Shit.

  I let her lead me toward the sea wall. “Niles wants to see me?” That’s a new one. He’s spent the last twenty-three years doing everything he can to avoid seeing m
e. “Since when?”

  “Poor baby.” Alicia rolls her eyes. “No one loves you.”

  Her words hit me harder than she knows. “Thanks for reminding me.”

  “When are you going to get over Lexi?” Apparently, it isn’t a rhetorical question because she pulls on my arm and jerks me around to face her.

  “Alicia.” I shake my head at her, warning her to let it go. “I’m not talking about this.”

  “That’s fine.” She squeezes my arm. “I’ll talk. You listen. It’s been a year. When are you going to get over her?”

  How about never? Never sounds about right.

  “Seventeen months,” I mumble, pulling my arm out of her grip.

  “That doesn’t make this any better, Zach.” She stops on the sidewalk and grabs my arm again to yank me to a stop. “You aren’t the only one who ever had their heart broken, you know?”

  “Shut up.” I yank my arm from her grasp. “I’m serious. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I’m sorry. I know you really loved her.” She sighs, her voice going gentle like she feels sorry for me, which is worse than her yelling. “But she was a gold digging tramp.”

  I shake my head, instantly rejecting everything she just said. Lexi was everything I wanted. The only thing I wanted. We’d been together since we were fifteen and I had no trouble believing we’d be together forever.

  When she decided to go to a state school, I declined my acceptance at Princeton and followed her. The thought of his only son going to the University of Wisconsin didn’t make Niles happy, but he’d been busy brokering a merger between two investment firms and hadn’t made too big a fuss. Mom had, of course, gone to bed for a week.

  The first two years were golden. I was living the dream. We lived in the same dorm. Both of us majoring in liberal arts. We had the same friends. Spent all our free time together. I was ridiculously happy, but looking back, I can see the cracks. How desperate I was to make her happy. How difficult she was to please.