by Smooth Silk
I held the side of my face and was unable to feel my hand. I thought Ray had hit me with something, but the only thing he’d hit me with was his fist. I still hadn’t said one word. That angered him even more.
“I need some answers, damn it! Speak the fuck up and let me hear what you got to say about this shit! Yo’ ass is out of control, and what’s up with that nigga giving you some money?”
For now, I remained silent. Just glared at him with hatred trapped in my eyes, and that angered him even more. He continued to rant.
“You don’t have to say shit because I already know what’s up. And what I need to do is throw you out on yo’ ass tonight. You don’t deserve to be here, and no bitch should be allowed to get away with what you’ve done to me.”
Ray was so good at threatening me, but this time, I knew he was serious. Still, I didn’t respond. I allowed him to get whatever he wanted to off his chest, and I remained crouched down on the floor, trying to soothe my pain.
“If I die,” he said, spraying my face with his spit, “bitch, what you gon’ do? You know damn well that you ain’t shit without me. I can’t believe that this is the kind of appreciation I get from you!”
He lifted his foot and punted my midsection. I curled up in a knot and did my best to shield my face and the rest of my body from his brutal attack.
“I will never touch yo’ nasty ass again,” he yelled. “Never again, but if you think I’m gon’ allow you to be free, you’d better think again. Yo’ ass stayin’ right here with me. You gon’ continue to make me all the money I need, and if or when I get tired of you, I will let you know.”
Ray stood and unzipped his pants. He pulled out his stubby dick and shook it with his hand. I thought he was going to order me to give him a blowjob, but instead, he dropped his head back in relief and started pissing. His piss flowed all over me, especially on top of my head. My hair fell flat and his liquids ran down my face. The smell of his urine was awful, and as some of it flowed into my eyes, it burned.
Needless to say, pissing on somebody was one damn way to get them fired up. Catching Ray off guard, I rushed off the floor and started wildly swinging on his ass. Like a raging madwoman, I pounded his back and head. This time, he was the one crouched down. He tried to grab my waist, but I was too fast for him. I realized that my hands alone weren’t enough, so I started picking up shit and throwing it at him. I started with shoes and then wound up with the lamp in my hand. He ducked but the base of the lamp still hit him. It was a good thing that he was drunk, because as he charged at me, he stumbled. I whacked him with one of the speakers from the stereo and then swung out a chair like it was a baseball bat. The chair cracked across his back and sent him flying into the wall.
“Goddamn it!” he shouted as he grabbed the curtain to break his fall. The rod broke and sent him crashing down to the floor. He sat there, eyeing me with a heaving chest. I too was out of breath, and I held the chair up high, ready to throw it at him again.
“Pu . . . put that damn chair down,” Ray said, panting and waving his hand. “We . . . we’ll talk about this shit tomorrow.”
My arms were so weak that I dropped the chair on the floor. I could barely catch my breath as I stared at Ray in a lot of pain.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. What’s done is done. If you don’t want to touch me ever again, I’m perfectly fine with that. But, nigga, don’t you ever do that mess to me again. Piss belongs in a toilet, not on me.”
I turned to leave the room. Ray’s comment stopped me dead in my tracks. “Damn, bitch. It was only pee. You act like I sprayed yo’ dumb ass with poison.”
I cut my eyes at Ray and left the room. I wasn’t sure what else was going to happen to me that night, but I was damn proud of myself for fighting back again.
By morning, Ray was still slumped over on the floor, next to the window. He’d used the curtain as a sheet to cover up and was knocked out. I was in the kitchen making toast for Karrine and Chyna to eat with their cereal. Simone was in my arms, but she was irritable and crying.
“What’s wrong with her?” I asked Chyna. “Was she like this last night?”
Chyna moved her head from side to side. “No. She went to sleep early while Karrine and me watched TV.”
I looked at Karrine. She was always the quiet one who didn’t have much to say. She and Chyna were very close. It was obvious that they loved each other a lot. When Chyna went to the bathroom, I turned to Karrine for answers.
“If something was going on with Chyna,” I said to Karrine, “would you tell me?”
She nodded and continued to look down at her cereal bowl.
“Has she ever mentioned anything to you about Ray touching her?”
Like Chyna, Karrine said no. Maybe I had been barking up the wrong tree, and even I had to admit that I had never seen Ray do anything to her. Still, there was something about the way he looked at her that bothered me.
Before Chyna came back into the kitchen, Ray walked in. He stood in the doorway with a pair of boxers on. His dick poked through the hole and was clearly visible. His shirt was off, and I couldn’t believe when I saw that he’d had a black eye, compliments of me.
“I don’t smell shit in here cookin’, so what am I supposed to eat?” he said as if something was clogged in his throat.
The second Chyna walked back into the kitchen, the direction of Ray’s eyes traveled to her ass. She sat at the table and didn’t dare to look his way. His eyes shifted back to me.
“What would you like for me to cook you?” I asked.
“Yet again, I’ve been yo’ man for almost ten fuckin’ years. If you don’t know what I like to eat by now, figure it the fuck out.”
Ray left the kitchen, and for the next hour or so, he was at the other apartment. That gave me time to cook his breakfast and lay Simone down for a nap. I also watched TV with Chyna and Karrine for a little while. When Ray returned, he ate breakfast and then told me he had to go make some runs.
“My son won’t be here until four or five o’clock. When he gets here, take yo’ ass over there and check on him a few times. I asked him to package up some shit for me. I need to make sure he do what I told him to do. As for you,” Ray said, and pointed to his black eye, “the money you will make me tonight will squash this. Be ready to go by seven, not a minute later.”
Ray left. For the next few hours there was peace and quiet. I cleaned up as best as I could, and then made my way over to the other apartment to check on Honey. After I knocked on the door, he opened it. I walked inside and saw that he was doing exactly what Ray had asked him to do. He was packaging dope with plastic gloves on. There was a table filled with narcotics. Pills, weed, crack, small bottles of a clear substance: you name it, it was there. I always knew Ray was into some heavy shit, but this was ridiculous.
“Did Ray say when he was coming back?” Honey asked me. “I forgot what he told me to do with this.”
Honey held in his hand one of the bottles filled with white liquid. I damn sure didn’t have a clue what to do with it, if anything.
“Just leave it. I’m sure he’ll let you know what to do with it later.”
Honey nodded and got back to work. As I sat there watching him, I could tell he was perfecting the drug game. He focused real hard on cooking and packaging the drugs the right way. The seriousness in his eyes said that he didn’t want to make any mistakes. I couldn’t help but to think that, one day, he could be very beneficial to me. I had already spoken to him about stealing money from Ray, but now I had some other ideas as well.
I lit a cigarette and took several puffs from it. Honey looked at me from across the table and smiled.
“I got that for you,” he said. “But you gotta promise me that you won’t ever tell Ray. If you do, he gon’ beat my ass, like he do yours. I don’t ever want to catch a beat down like that, you know what I mean?”
“I know exactly what you mean. I wouldn’t want him to ever hurt you like that either, but I hope you under
stand that I have to do what I must do to get myself out of this fucked-up situation. I hate putting you in the middle of my mess, but you’re the only person I can trust right now, Honey. And trust me when I say that I owe you a lot for helping me.”
“Naw, you don’t owe me nothing. I just feel bad for you, that’s all. I don’t like how Ray treats you, and as my grandmother says, you deserve better.”
“Your grandmother said that about me? Really?”
“Yep. She likes you a lot, and all she’s ever said about you is that you are one dumb bitch for staying with Ray. She told me that if she were you, she’d set him on fire. I told her that I don’t think you would do anything like that because you love him too much. Besides, I wouldn’t let you do anything like that either. After all, he is my dad and he does take care of me.”
It angered me that Honey’s grandmother said that about me, and even though she was right, she just didn’t understand my situation. Motherfuckers could always sit back and judge your situation, without walking one damn day in your shoes. Honey was so wrong about me loving Ray, though. There wasn’t an ounce of love left for him in my body. I hated that nigga’s guts. But I didn’t want Honey to ever know how much I truly despised his father.
Honey walked away from the table and returned with a stash of money in his hand. He gave it to me. “Here. I don’t know how much it is, but I tried to make sure he wouldn’t notice it was missing. And you say you want me to go into his stash every week, right?”
“Yes. Every week, until I give you the word to stop. I’m going to put some of this aside for you, too, and the day will come when neither of us won’t have anything to worry about.”
Honey smiled and got back to business. “You may not have any worries, but I surely do,” he said.
“Are you talking about Ray? Don’t worry about him, okay? If he ever questions the money, I will tell him that I took it.”
“I’m not worried about the money because there’s too much of it in there. He won’t notice that it’s missing. I be getting me a little of it from time to time too.” Honey giggled and so did I.
Smart kid. Very smart kid.
“Anyway, I was talking about my grandmother. She’s real sick, you know? She got cancer and it’s just a matter of time before she dies. I’m okay staying with Ray, but if something happens to her, I’m gon’ be real miserable. I love my granny. She’s always been like a mama to me.”
I scooted in and wrapped my arms around Honey. “We will pray like hell that nothing happens to her, but if it does, please know that you always got me, okay? From this day forward, you can always count on me. In the meantime, I have some other ideas that I want to share. When all is said and done, we gon’ be on top of the world. We both gon’ be the boss, and Ray can take all of this shit over here and go to hell. Are you with me on this or not? If not, I understand.”
Honey slapped his hand against mine and said that he was down for whatever. That day, and the days and weeks following, he proved to me just how loyal he really was.
Chapter Four
That nigga, Ray, had no idea what kind of woman he had created: a real bitch who was starting to live up to the title he’d given me. Eventually, I would become a pain in his ass and a force to be reckoned with. See, it took a nigga like Ray to turn a good girl into bad. I hadn’t been feeling like myself, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It had gotten to the point where Ray would walk off and leave me the fuck alone. I would say something smart to his ass, and he would let that shit ride. He continued with his threats, but for now, they went in one ear and out the other. I was starting to get my mojo. Honey had been dropping a lot of dough in my hands, and we’d planned something big that would finally set me free.
For now, though, I was back in the streets, shaking my ass and making that fool, Ray, all the money he could get his grimy hands on. I had to laugh to myself, because he seriously thought that I wasn’t getting paid. He got a kick out of dropping those dollar bills into my lap at the end of the night, and he had the nerve to joke about it, saying that I was now up to twenty-five dollars.
I laughed that shit off too. All while putting the money that Honey kept giving me into the bank. I’d put his name on the account, too, just in case something happened to me and he needed access to it. We were a real team. He trusted everything that I said and did. Ray was too busy into what he’d been doing that he didn’t even notice how close Honey and I had gotten.
I stood at the door in Ray’s apartment, ready to go to my next gig. Honey was sitting back chilling at the table and smoking a joint. Ray rushed into the living room, scratching his head.
“I’m missin’ some goddamn money,” he said, looking around.
Almost immediately, Honey’s eyes and mine connected. Ray then turned to Honey and cracked his knuckles.
“You got my money?” Ray asked. “I know you got it, so fess up!”
Honey moved his head from side to side. His eyes grew wide and he looked at me again. “I . . . I ain’t got your money,” he stuttered. “I swear I don’t.”
Ray moved closer to Honey. He stood right in front of him and looked down into his eyes. “Nigga, you wouldn’t lie to me, would you? ’Cause see, fuckin’ with my money is a serious crime around here. Son or no son, you may find yourself sniffin’ dirt in the ground from stealin’ from me. You get what I’m sayin’, don’t you?”
Surprisingly, Honey didn’t appear as nervous as I thought he would be. I went into the kitchen and tried to throw Ray off. “You know Honey ain’t been stealing no money from you, Ray. Back away from him and let’s go. We gon’ be late.”
“There you go pokin’ that big-ass nose of yours into matters that ain’t got shit to do with you. I know damn well that I had forty dollars on my dresser in there and now it’s gone.”
I sighed from relief and so did Honey. This nigga was up in here acting a fool over forty dollars. Honey and me had already gotten him for several thousand. If he didn’t notice that, too damn bad.
“You didn’t put that forty dollars on the dresser,” Honey said. “I saw it lying on the bathroom sink. Go look in there. I bet you’ll find it.”
Ray rushed off to the bathroom and came back with the forty bucks in his hand. He was all smiles. “I guess my mind been slippin’, but that’s what happens when you spend so many years with a dumb-ass bitch. Shit like that rubs off on a nigga, so make sure you get you one who smart as fuck.” Ray looked at me. “Get yo’ jacket and let’s go.”
Every single thing was my fault. I swear to God that he never, ever had anything nice to say about me. I grabbed my jacket and didn’t bother to respond to Ray. Sometimes, ignorance needed to be ignored.
My gig had been paying off. Since I knew Honey had been taking money on the backend, I stepped it up, making all the money that I could make. Ray’s dumb ass thought that I had been doing it all for him. He sat back at each gig, watching me with a big, bright smile on his face. I never paid him a bit of attention. I always flirted with the other niggas and shook my shapely ass well enough for them to dish out the paper. And trust me, they did. Lowdown, scum-ass niggas paid. Married niggas paid. Rich niggas paid and so did broke ones. They gave their last dimes, just to get a feel of what Ray considered his Moneymakin’ Mama. He loved when the men turned to him, asking if I was his woman. With pride, he always answered yes.
“Yep, that’s my bitch but you niggas already know the play. Touch, but keep yo’ hard dicks in your pants or save them for the next ho.”
While many of the men wished they could have sex with me, they wouldn’t dare cross the line. I wasn’t sure how much clout Ray had, nor did I understand why so many of these fools feared him. But money had power. Ray had power, and for now, whatever he said was a go.
On the drive home, Ray stared straight ahead and sucked his teeth. “I’m thinkin’ about openin’ a gentlemen’s club. That way I may be able to serve up prime pussy, charge those niggas a substantial fee, and let them have at it. What d
o you think about that?”
“I can’t believe you’re asking for my opinion about anything. I’m sure that my opinion wouldn’t even matter.”
“If it didn’t matter, I wouldn’t have asked. And what’s up with you lately? I’ve toned my shit down and you need to do the same damn thing too.”
“Forgive me. I just have a lot on my mind right now. As for the club, look, do whatever you wish to do, Ray. All I ask is that you don’t involve me. I’m getting kind of tired of doing this stuff, and since I only make a dollar a night, you know I’m not that damn enthused. I barely have money to buy maxi pads, and the last time I was in line to buy a bar of soap to wash my ass, I couldn’t even afford it.”
This time, Ray reached over and dropped a five dollar bill in my lap. “Consider that yo’ raise. You need to stop bitchin’ and gripin’ all the time. While you may not have money in yo’ hands, you still got a roof over yo’ head. You got food, clothes, and water. You got a comfortable bed to sleep in at night and three nappy-head daughters to keep you busy. As for those maxi pads, I ain’t seen you buy none of those in a while. Yo’ ass ain’t pregnant again, are you?”
I rolled my eyes and gazed out of the window. “Hell, no, I’m not.”
“You’d better not be. ’Cause if you are, I know for sure it ain’t mine. Just like those other kids you got. Don’t none of them bitches look like me, not one. But this time around, if you’re pregnant, that means you’re pregnant by Miles. I promise you that I will beat that baby out of you and make you regret that you ever gave the pussy to him.”
I turned to Ray and snapped, “Just so you know, I said I’m not pregnant. And Chyna, Karrine, and Simone are definitely your daughters. If you choose not to be their father, that’s on you. Besides, you haven’t been representing a decent damn daddy anyway.”
Catching me off guard, Ray reached over and slapped the shit out of me. He had hit my nose, causing it to bleed. I caught the dripping blood with my hand and reached into my purse for some tissue.