by Smooth Silk
“I told you to watch yo’ mouth, didn’t I?” Ray said. “When will you ever learn, TD? When will you ever fuckin’ learn?”
For the next few minutes, my nose gushed blood. The moment we got home, I went into the bathroom to clean myself up. When I came out, Ray was sitting next to Chyna on the couch. He rubbed her hair and kissed her forehead.
“I changed my mind,” he said. “She does look like me. Those other two, I’m not so sure.”
Chyna looked straight ahead without saying a word. I hated to keep questioning her about Ray, and this time, when Ray went to the other apartment, I begged Chyna to tell me the truth.
“Please,” I said to her. “If he’s doing something—”
“Quit asking me that,” she shouted. “Stop asking and leave me alone!”
Chyna rushed off to the bathroom and closed the door. It was obvious that I needed to hurry up and get the fuck out of there.
* * *
I was a nervous wreck. The plan was in motion, and I needed for Honey to come through for me in a major way. He asked three of his uncles to help him set this up. I didn’t even know who the uncles were, nor was I sure if we could trust them.
“I got you,” Honey said as we sat on the steps in the apartment complex, talking about tomorrow. “I promise you that everything gon’ go down as planned and we gon’ be set. Stop worrying, ma, all right?”
This kid not only had brains, but he also had a whole lot of guts. More guts than I’d had, because I couldn’t stop thinking about what if something went wrong. What if Honey’s uncle didn’t follow through with the plan? What if they told Ray that it was all a set-up? I had a “trust no niggas” policy, so I didn’t have as much faith as Honey did about all of this.
The next day, the girls were tucked in bed and put to sleep. I got dressed for my gig, and like always, I went to Ray’s other apartment and waited for him. This time, I sat on the couch, waiting for Ray and Honey to get finished in the kitchen.
“Pass me that shit over there,” Ray said to Honey. “I’ma need to spread a little love around tonight.”
Honey passed Ray several of the tiny bags with little white rocks in them. They continued to work hard, until there was loud pounding on the door. Almost immediately, my heart dropped to my stomach. My palms started to sweat and there was a little shaking of my legs.
“Do you want me to get that?” I asked Ray.
“Naw, stay there.”
Ray strutted to the door in his black suit and red tie that he intended to wear tonight. He looked through the peephole, and obviously not recognizing who the men were, he told Honey to toss him his gun that was on the table. Honey did so and that’s when Ray approached the door again.
“Speak,” he said.
“Lorenzo sent us to take care of that,” one of the men said, using code to speak.
Hearing Lorenzo’s name caused Ray to open the door. The second he did, the three men rushed in, knocking Ray down and yelling for me and Honey to hit the floor with our hands in the air so they could see them.
“Now, and don’t none of you muthafuckas move!”
One of the men kicked Ray’s gun away from his hand. He aimed his gun at Ray’s temple and sent him a threat. “Place yo’ hands behind your head, nigga! If you move, you die.”
It was that plain and simple. Ray sat with his hands behind his head. I raised my hands in the air, and Honey rushed over to sit next to his father. He pretended to be scared and his body shivered all over. All I could say was the kid was one damn good actor.
“Please don’t hurt us,” Honey cried out. “Don’t hurt my dad!”
One of the men pressed his gun against Honey’s heaving chest. “Shut the fuck up, boy! Open yo’ mouth again, and two holes gon’ go into your daddy’s head.” He looked over at me. “Ho, get over here on the floor so I can keep my eyes on you.”
I got so tired of being called a bitch that I kept my mouth shut and settled for being called a ho. I then rushed off the couch and joined Ray and Honey on the floor. I could tell that Ray’s mind was racing, especially as he watched the men swipe the table clear of drug paraphernalia. They ransacked every room, cutting the sofa and mattresses and cleaning out every drawer. Ray was so sure that they wouldn’t find out where his money was hidden, and when one of the men asked where it was, he refused to tell him.
“I don’t have nothin’ else. You niggas done took all that I got, so why don’t y’all just get the fuck out here and call it a good day’s work?”
“We’ll leave when we have the money. Where in the fuck is it?” the man yelled through gritted teeth.
Ray shrugged, playing hard. Two of the men cocked their guns and aimed them directly at Honey’s chest.
“By the time I count to three, if you don’t tell us where the money is, we gon’ blow several holes right through that li’l nigga’s chest. My counting starts right now.”
Ray sat with a smirk on his face. “Do what you got to do. I said I ain’t got shit else, didn’t I? Blowin’ holes in his chest ain’t gon’ make no money appear.”
I moved in front of Honey to shield and protect him. “No,” I said as tears streamed down my face. “He’s just a kid! He don’t have nothing to do with this!”
“Do yo’ ass know where the money is?”
Ray gazed at me, not knowing that I knew where the money was. Honey showed it to me several weeks ago. I slowly nodded and informed the man that I did know where it was.
“Then get off that big ass of yours and show me where it’s at!”
I got up and Ray grabbed my wrist. “I know one thing. That is, you’d better not do what I think you’re about to do. Sit the fuck down and shut yo’ goddamn mouth.”
I snatched my wrist away from Ray. “Beat my ass all you want to, Ray. This damn money ain’t worth my life, yours, or Honey’s. Shame on you for thinking that it is.”
The man shoved my shoulder, telling me to move it. The other two stayed in the living room with Honey and Ray. I could hear Ray’s loud mouth all the way in the other room. When one of the men told him to shut up, I also heard a loud thud. Since Ray didn’t say anything after that, I suspected that he’d been hit in the mouth.
“Do your thing, baby,” the man said to me as I stood in front of a bookshelf, filled with books. I removed several of the books then lifted a light switch that actually moved the bookshelf aside. Behind the bookshelf was a tiny room with metal shelves inside. On the shelves were stacks of money and several more guns. The young man smiled at me then yelled for another to come help.
“Go back in there and sit the fuck down,” he said to me.
I did as I was ordered to do. Ray sat there with a mean mug on his face and a busted lip that was gushing blood. It was my pleasure to see him like this.
Within minutes, the men were in and out. Ray was on his feet, pacing the floor, yelling and screaming and acting a complete fool. The only person he could blame for this was me.
“As soon as I get back here tonight, I’ma beat yo’ muthafuckin’ ass for showin’ them where my stash was! I can’t believe this shit happened! How dare these niggas run up in here and take my shit from me!”
Ray was almost black as tar, but I swear his ass was turning red. Honey stayed silent and remained in a chair, as if he didn’t know what the fuck was going on. I stood close by the door, trying my best to explain to Ray why I had revealed his stash. I already assumed that he’d be kicking my ass tonight, but I told myself that if everything went as planned, this would be the last time he’d ever put his hands on me again.
“What else was I supposed to do?” I fake cried and pounded my leg with my fist. “Do you not care about your only son? Did you want your daughters to be without a mother and a father? I just couldn’t do that, Ray. I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t do it!”
Ray walked up to me and punched me hard in my stomach. I doubled over and almost vomited from his blow being so hard. I coughed and held my aching stomach.
“Fuck you and those kids. I want my goddamn money back, and you best believe that somebody gon’ have to answer for this shit. Maybe, that’ll be you. Now, move out of my goddamn way so I can get the fuck out of here.”
Ray stormed past me, grabbed his jacket, and left. From the inside, Honey and I could hear the screeching sound of Ray’s tires as he sped off.
“Damn,” Honey said in a soft, sad voice. “He was really gon’ let them kill me. I’m glad they were really my uncles.”
I hated to be the bearer of bad news, but Honey needed to know the truth about Ray. Bottom line, he wasn’t shit.
“There is no loyalty whatsoever with him, Honey. I hope you know that by now. I don’t know what that does to your relationship with him, but as long as you know who you’re dealing with, you should be fine.”
Honey smiled a little and wrapped his arms around my waist. I held him tight, knowing that he would be my right-hand li’l man for years and years to come.
Chapter Five
Later that night, and as expected, Ray came in drunk as hell and ready to fight. He beat my ass, but since I’d learned to fight his ass back, we made one big mess in the bedroom and caused a lot of ruckus. Gaping holes were in the wall, the window was broken, mirrors had been cracked, and shit was scattered everywhere. By morning, we sat across the kitchen table from each other, slowly chewing our food and staring without a blink. One of Ray’s eyes was black and blue; so was mine. Bruises could be seen a mile away on both of us, but I was the only one with patches of my hair missing.
“You know what?” Ray said in a snobby tone. “I’m sick of yo’ ass. Yo’ pussy ain’t about nothin’ no more, and I ain’t had no desire for it in a long, long time. I’m tired of payin’ for somethin’ that I don’t really want, so why don’t you get yo’ ass up out of here and take those damn kids with you.”
His words were like music to my ears. And while I was on my way up out of this motherfucking apartment anyway, Ray made this easy for me. I pretended as if I still needed him. That way, he wouldn’t suspect that I had anything to do with the robbery last night.
“Ray, stop this, okay? We . . . Where are me and the girls supposed to go? You know that I can’t make it without you. I . . . I’ll do my best to make things right, and I swear that I won’t ever backtalk you again or fight back.”
He slammed his hand on the table, shaking it. “Bitch, didn’t you hear what the fuck I said? I ain’t got time to listen to that bullshit story you tryin’ to sell me. And as for those crocodile tears, you should’ve thought about that shit when you told them muthafuckas where my stash was at. And by the way, how in the hell did you know where it was anyway? I ain’t ever told you, so how did you know? That nigga Honey told you, didn’t he?”
I had to make this good, so I allowed a flood of tears to come out. I begged Ray not to release me from his life. “No, baby, no. Honey didn’t tell me anything. He would never betray you like that. The only reason I knew was because I saw you go into the room a few times and move the shelf aside. For God’s sake, Ray, rethink this and stop treating me like this. You gotta think about what would’ve happened if I didn’t show them where the money was. We’d all be dead right now. I did what I thought was best, and to hell with that money.”
Mentioning the money was a good way to get his blood boiling. He sucked in his bottom lip and bit into it. It was obvious that Ray loved his money more than anything else.
“I hate a beggin’ bitch. And if you ever think I would choose my money over you, you got me fucked up.” He shifted his eyes to the clock on the wall. “It’s almost ten o’clock. You got until noon to get those few rags you got and get the fuck out of here.”
I dropped to my knees and crawled over to him. “Please, Ray!” I begged. “Where am I gon’ go? Don’t do this to me, especially after all that I’ve done for you!”
I was damn good at pretending, and my performance was on point. Tears poured down my face, and I held on to Ray’s leg as he got up from the table to walk away. He lifted his other foot and kicked my shoulder.
“Back the fuck up! You down there lookin’ like a fuckin’ stupid-ass dog. Get up and move it! Now, bitch, now!”
Okay, enough was enough. I sat on the floor, sobbing. Ray was clearly irritated by my actions and he couldn’t take much more. He hurried to put on his clothes and got the hell out of there. Afterward, I got off the floor and smiled. I lit a cigarette and whistled smoke into the air, thinking about where I, my beautiful daughters, and handsome son would go from here.
Later that day, I waited at a nearby hotel with Honey. The girls were still at the apartment, so I had to hurry back to get them. Ray wanted us out, so therefore, I didn’t have much time to waste.
We waited for Honey’s uncles to arrive, and within the hour they came. They came in ready to negotiate with me, and I was so surprised when one of them asked for 70 percent of Ray’s goods.
“Seventy percent?” I shouted while sitting on the couch with my legs crossed. “I don’t think so. That’s too damn much.”
“Take it or leave it,” one of the uncles said. “We did most of the work anyway.”
“He’s right,” another said. It was apparent that they’d discussed this shit in the car. Their intentions were to get all that they could from the deal. “All y’all did was pretend to play scared and show us where to go.”
Beforehand, none of us knew how much money was in Ray’s secret room. Now that Honey’s uncles were the only ones who knew, I suspected that they wouldn’t be honest about the numbers, and fuck me. So in a sense, I was getting double fucked right now.
I stood and looked at the one who claimed that all we did was pretend and show him where the money was. “Pretend?” I said near tears. “Nigga, you were the one pretending, not me.” I snatched off my shirt, causing the buttons to pop off and hit the floor. I displayed the numerous bruises on my chest, and pointed to a small stab mark that was visible on my side. “Does this shit look like I’ve been pretending? I’ve been getting my ass beat for almost ten fucking years! I have endured more goddamn pain and suffering than anybody you may ever know. What that nigga Ray did to me is worth every fucking penny that you all got out of that room and then some. So don’t come up in here with no bullshit! Wrong bitch, wrong time!”
“I hear you, Miss Lady, but . . .”
I used my shirt to wipe the caked-on makeup from my face. Then I removed my jeans and stood in my panties, just so they could see the numerous bruises on my legs, where I’d been kicked over and over again. I had to be clear about this shit, and make them understand that I was having none of this shit.
“So, let’s get back to this lack of work that I’ve done. I’ve been fucked in my ass and raped repeatedly, by a nigga who once told me he loved me. There have been times when my whole goddamn body has been covered with these bruises from head to toe, and if you look in my mouth, you will definitely find several missing teeth. My muthafucking daughters have been neglected and subjected to all of this bullshit, so please do not come up in here trying to fuck me, no more than I have already been fucked! Honey told y’all niggas that y’all were entitled to thirty percent of whatever was found. Seventy percent ain’t happening, and neither is sixty, fifty, or forty. Thirty percent is what was offered and y’all are the ones who have to take that shit or leave it.”
They all looked at each other and sat silent for a few minutes. One of the uncles finally spoke up. “I get what you’re saying, and I’m sorry that you went through all that shit, but with it being three of us, we can’t take no less than forty percent.”
I got straight to the point and wasn’t budging. “Thirty percent averages out to ten percent each. Figure out a way to make it work.” Niggas were always trying to get over. Not this time, hell no.
“Fine,” one uncle said. “Thirty it is. I don’t know how we’re going to break all this dope down seventy/thirty, but I’m sure we’ll figure out a way to do it. As for the money, there was roughly $1.6 mill
ion in that room. We’ll make sure that you get yo’ cut by tonight.”
I looked at Honey who was shaking his head. “Naw, Uncle James, that ain’t true,” he said. “I used that machine and counted that money almost every single day. I know exactly how much was in there. It was $2,000,435. The change he had was shy fifteen cents of five thousand dollars. Y’all took the change too, didn’t y’all?”
All I could do was smile. Honey had a bright-ass future ahead of him, and I’m sure he already knew it. All his uncles could do was sit there, look at each other, and contemplate a plan B.
“Let’s settle this,” I said. “If not, I’m gon’ walk out that door right now and go tell Ray what actually happened to his money. All that’s going to get me is another severe ass kicking. Something that I’ve gotten used to over time, so I’m pretty much numb to the shit right now. As for you niggas, well, I can’t really say. But I will say that if the news about this hits the streets, it’s not gon’ look good for y’all. There are hating, backstabbing muthafuckas everywhere, and y’all will be forever watching y’all backs.”
“Come on, Uncle Larry,” Honey pleaded. “I thought we had a deal. If so, let’s shake on it.”
Honey held out his hand. And even though his uncles were reluctant to do it, they all shook his hand.
“Done deal,” one said. “And yo’ ass need to stop this hustling and get back in school. You ain’t got no business getting involved in this kind of mess.”
“What you talkin’ about?” Honey said, bragging. “I do go to school. I’m an A plus student, and needless to say, I’m real good at math.”
They all laughed and agreed to have the funds and dope to me later that evening. I plopped back on the couch, still in my panties. I swiped the sweat from my forehead, slowly but surely appreciating the no-nonsense bitch I was becoming.
Chapter Six