“I worked like a dog Tim,” Her voice was so sad it was breaking his heart. “I worked two jobs and between that and my stipend money from the scholarship, I could rent this crappy little apartment off campus and when Maxie lost her house, she came to stay with me. She took care of the apartment while I worked and went to school. She would knit me these tacky scarves and sweaters, but because I was so broke all the time and couldn’t afford good coats and stuff, I wore them like they were freakin’ minks.” Kassie said with a little laughter. “She helped me get through school; she was like a gramma to me.”
“Whatever happened to her?” Tim asked rubbing her knee.
“Well I was getting close to graduation and my relationship with Monroe was serious. I couldn’t assume that Maxie wanted a life with Monroe and me. I knew she would never say anything, even though I suspected she didn’t really care for him. Thinking back now I wonder if maybe she saw something I was blind to, know what I mean. For so long it had been just the two of us. The more serious Monroe and I got, the more I started thinking about Maxie’s family, if she had any and if they were looking for her. So with Monroe’s help, I found them. It didn’t seem likely that someone as wonderful as she was had no family and no history. It took us months of calling, looking through directories, there are a lot of Duncan’s out there,” Kassie shook her head chuckling.
“I finally found her son and daughter. They had spent years worried and looking for her. Apparently after her husband died Maxie had some kind of mental and emotional breakdown and just left her family.” Kassie said softly. “By the time she had finally gotten herself together, she had been gone for so long she was afraid to go back for fear they wouldn’t want her.”
“Jeez Kass, that’s unbelievable. I can’t imagine that being my Mom, missing for God knows how long?” Tim shook his head sympathetically.
“They were so happy to see her. She went to live with her son, but she never forgot about me. When I married Monroe she gave me away. When he got famous, I’d send her things, perfumes from France, chocolates from Belgium and seashells from Hawaii.” Kassie sighed. “Anything I thought she would like I bought for her. A token of gratitude. She made me the woman I am in a sense.”
“You were blessed to have her.” Tim said, brushing his lips across her temple.
“She was amazing. I cried for so long when she passed.” She said tenderly. “I still miss her sometimes.”
“I’m sure you do, she was your guardian in a lot of ways.” He said softly.
“She loved me more and better than either of my parents.” Kassie said. “She would say to me, “Kassidy, someday you’re going to be something really amazing. She had so much belief in me, so much faith in me, even when I didn’t have faith in myself. She would brush my hair when I was dog tired and talk to me about my future. That I’d get married to an amazing man and have beautiful children. That I would be so happy that I wouldn’t be able to breathe.” Kassie lowered her head. “Didn’t work that way.”
“You’re still young. You’ve got time.” He said softly.
She looked up at him and shook her head.
“I don’t even look for it anymore.” She said. “At least I didn’t.”
Tim kissed her smiling.
“Keep thinking that way.”He smiled. “How did you lose your little one anyway?”
She sighed heavily as if expecting this question and Tim clutched her hands in silent support.
“Stress.” She said simply. “I was so happy being pregnant. I swear I was just beaming. I was determined to treat my baby with so much more love than I ever received from my parents,” She looked away, remembering it for a moment before lowering her head.
“I found out about Monroe’s affair from some jackass reporter. I didn’t believe it but I was suspicious. Then I asked some “friends” of mine who told me no, that they didn’t hear anything about it. During a lunch date I was in the bathroom and they didn’t know I was there, I heard them snickering about me. I acted as if I didn’t hear a word they’d said, but when I got home I asked him and he couldn’t deny it. I found out he had been cheating on me for years and he even had a son outside of our marriage.” Kassie could feel the deep betrayal in her again.” It seemed to haunt her in a sense and it almost felt like an extra skin, it was always with her.
“I went into such a rage . . . and then a deep depression. I couldn’t eat anything; I threw myself into my work, taking on extra, unnecessary projects just so I wouldn’t have to be home alone wondering where my husband was. I was trying to distract my mind but I ended up hurting myself and my baby.”
Kassie bit her lip and shook her head. “The night I lost my son, Monroe and I had a big fight earlier that day. I had asked him for a divorce and he actually had the audacity to get upset, like I had no right to leave him. I had started feeling these pains, but I didn’t really pay them any attention, just thought that they were a part of the pregnancy. But that night they became unbearable and I called Rosie. She came right away and rushed me to the hospital.”
Kassie closed her eyes and felt a tear slide down her face, brushing it away impatiently. She hadn’t even realized that she was starting to cry.
“But it was too late, I was so lost. I stayed home for weeks and I just cried. I didn’t want to go on anymore. But Rosie, she was so determined not to lose me. She stayed with me and if she wasn’t there she called me.” Kassie smiled to herself. “She even sent poor Paul to check on me.” Kassie laughed.
“When I started to get better, she shoveled piles of work my way and it brought me out of the bedroom, but my depression was still there, it still kind of is there.” Kassie rubbed her stomach unknowingly.
“Someday Kass.” He whispered and brushed his lips across her temple.
She looked at Tim and knew in that instant that if she ever did get pregnant again, she wanted him to be the father of her baby. But Kassie quickly pushed the thought away.
“I was twenty two weeks pregnant.” She continued. “There are times when I can still feel him there.” She said. “I swear, whenever I rubbed my belly, he would move and I loved him so much. I wanted him so badly. He was my baby and I miss him.” Her eyes were filled with tears; she cleared her throat pushing them back. Tim’s heart broke staring at her as she struggled not to cry.
“I don’t think men truly realize what they do when they cheat.” He said softly.
Kassie looked up at him and swallowed hard. He looked like he wanted to cry too and it made her smile for a moment. She laid her palm against his cheek and their eyes locked. In that moment it felt as though they were one solid mass and she knew they were.
“I think they don’t care. Most women have sex with the man that they plan to build a future with. For many of us sex is an expression of how much we care or love that person. I think to some men sex is sex, one doesn’t have anything to do with the other.” Kassie said looking at him, brushing her tears away. “What happened with you and Nora?”
“We grew apart.” He said simply. “College sweethearts like you and Monroe. We still love each other; we’re just not in love with each other. I would never cheat; it’s not worth the misery it causes.”
“You are a very decent guy Timothy Baron.” She said smiling.
“I guess.” He said. “I don’t like drama and don’t like hurting people.”
“Speaking of hurting people, I’m not proud of how I acted when we met; I hate the person I was then.” She said.
“So what changed?” He asked, kissing her palm.
“Me.” She said softly. “You. The first time I saw you and Nat together, I knew you were a good person, you just light up when you’re with her. Nat is such a sweet girl she really grew on me and I found myself looking forward to our conversations over the fence. Not to mention your crazy dog is always in my yard!” They laughed, looking at Griff who was sleeping on his side under the dining room table.
Tim pulled her into his arms and she straddled his waist, cupping
his face and looking into his fathomless eyes. Kassie knew right then and there that she loved him and it didn’t scare her at all. It enveloped her in warmth.
“Don’t let go of me Kassidy,” He kissed her deeply and wrapped his arms around her. “And I won’t let go of you.” Tim whispered.
“Deal.” She said softly. Kassie kissed him deeply, loving the tenderness in his kiss. She’d never opened up to anyone the way she opened up to him. Even Monroe got what she wanted to give him and not the full story, but with Tim she just wanted to spill her guts. She wanted to tell him everything about herself, down to what color her toenail polish was.
*~*~*~*
Chapter 22
Tim was in love. Head over heels, butt crazy in love with this woman. Kassie had grown on him to the point that he could actually just sit and watch her. He loved the way she walked, laughed, smiled, ate, slept, everything! Kassie was exciting and daring one minute, and subdued and shy the next. Today he was helping her work in her garden and had never enjoyed yard work so much in his life.
At the end of the day, they sat on the old courting bench under the magnolia that his grandparents planted when he was a kid. They watched the sun set, talking and laughing for hours. It felt as if they were in their own world under that tree. Her lips were so sweet, full and warm that he would often just kiss her over and over again. It would make her giggle, but he was serious about kissing her and couldn’t bring himself to stop.
He spent almost every night laying beside her and imagining being there twenty, thirty, or fifty years later. He would love to roll over and see her every morning and every night. Tim felt her apprehension about their relationship, but he was determined to change her mind.
*****
Tim looked down at the newly pregnant Irish terrier and sighed hard, then looked at Griffin. His friend Bill was the one who picked Griffin when Nat and Nora were looking for a pet for him. Bill belonged to some local organization that loved the breed and formed a club of like minded Irish and Jack Russell terrier lovers. Now Bill just looked like he wanted to kill this particular terrier and Griff at least had the decency to look ashamed.
“I’m sorry Billy.” He said. “I’ve been apprehensive about fixing him. Of course that was before I realized he was a whore.” Tim shook his head. “Looks like I’m going to have to have it done now.” He glared at the dog and Griff hid under his paw before slinking away across the lawn. Tim kept his eyes on the coppery dog but no longer in anger.
“The good thing about this is that they’re the same breed.” Bill said softly. “I’ll sell the pups.”
“I’ll help with the vet bills for Princess and the pups and I’ll even buy one.” He said. “The runt of the litter, just like Griff was.”
“Alright sounds like a deal.” Bill said good-naturedly as he clapped Tim on the back. “So how’s it going with that writer chick?”
Tim wondered if he had blabbed about Kassie to everyone he knew. Of course he had. He couldn’t help it he was just too in love with Kassie and wanted everyone he knew to know that he was in love.
“Illustrator.” Tim corrected. “And it’s going great.” He said. “I’m pretty sure she’s the one.”
Bill’s eyebrows shot up into the shock of blonde hair falling across his brow.
“Whoa that’s a hell of a leap for you. Kinda soon don’t you think?”
“You know me Billy.” Tim said. “I don’t feel it easily. I’ve broken off every single relationship I’ve had so I can keep my Kassie.” He ran his hands through his hair and smiled. “And I don’t have any regrets at all.”
They walked onto Billy’s patio and sat at his table, sipping beers and watched the two dogs fight over a squeaky toy. They sat in comfortable silence for a while before Bill piped up.
“Even Emmanuella?” He asked.
“Even Emmy.” Tim said softly. “I think Kassie is going to play a big role in my life.”
“I have to meet her.”
“You will, soon, we’re taking things slowly. I don’t want to rush things. Kassie’s coming out of a bad relationship and is a little skittish still.”
“Gotcha.” Bill eyed his friend, “Still and all, she must have a great rack for you to become Mr. Responsible all of a sudden.” Bill said knowing his friend was a breast man.
Tim grinned at him. “The greatest.” He answered.
Bill laughed hardily and continued to ask about Kassie, Tim was all too happy to answer.
*****
Kassie was sweeping her front porch when the bright yellow sports car screeched to a halt in front of Tim’s house. She looked on in shock as a strikingly beautiful woman stormed onto Tim’s porch and rang the bell. She peeked into his window then banged on the door.
Her skin was like cream and hair was long and bottle blond. She was short, no more than five foot six inches tall and had large breast that didn’t match her thin figure. She was dressed in tight blue jeans and a purple crop top that barely covered her breast and stomach. Quite honestly, she looked a bit slutty and Kassie had a sinking feeling that this was one of Tim’s lovers. She could just imagine what they had done together and suddenly became insecure about her own sexual abilities.
“I know you’re in there you son of a bitch!” She yelled banging on his door. She yelled and banged for a few minutes, drawing curious looks from the neighbors and finally Kassie had enough.
“He left, hours ago, he left.” Kassie called over. The woman looked over at her, running down the steps and Kassie groaned inside. She was going to kill Tim!
“Do you know him?” The blonde asked.
“Yes.” Intimately Bitch!
“Be careful of him, he’s a lying cheating pig!” She said vehemently and her eyes filled with tears. “I thought we were exclusive, I swore we were,” She sniffled. “Only to find out that he was lying to me all of this time.”
“I’m sorry.” Kassie said softly . . . only, she wasn’t truly sorry. Tough shit chick, I ain’t sharin’!
“He sent me a text. A text!” She said shaking her phone in the air.
“The fact that he broke up with you in a text should show you that it wasn’t that deep for him.” Kassie tried to sound reasonable and supportive. “Don’t put too much of yourself into it.” Kassie said. “It’ll only destroy you.”
The woman looked up at her with narrowed eyes, as if she wanted to say something nasty but stopped herself.
“Thanks.” She said bitchily.
“No problem.” Kassie smiled patronizingly. Hateful little slut!
The woman stomped to her car, got in and roared off down the street. Kassie lowered her head and swallowed back her doubts. Tim wasn’t Monroe and it wasn’t fair of her to lump him into that category based on what that skuzzy woman had said. But Kassie couldn’t help the little fingers of fear and doubt that were poking her heart.
Kassie went back to sweeping the steps, but realized quickly that she couldn’t see. She quickly realized the tears that were clouding her vision. A part of her was so fearful to check her cell phone. She’d die if she got a breakup text from Tim.
“Don’t cry.” She growled at herself as she finished her sweeping.
*****
Tim knocked on her door at six; Kassie was finishing some work but answered it. She wanted to see him, wanted to know if he was playing her too. Betrayal was starting to peak up in the corners of her mind.
“Hi baby.” He smiled, kissing her softly. Kassie missed him so much that she almost stopped being upset with him. But she was curious and wanted to know about the woman from earlier.
“Hello Tim.” He kissed her again but she stopped him from deepening the kiss and stepped out of his embrace.
Tim frowned and walked in behind her, closing the door.
“What did I do?” He asked.
“A woman was here for you today . . . well not here but next door. Apparently you broke up with her in a text.” She said.
He sighed softly and closed his eyes i
n frustration. “Oh.”
“Am I in a competition here? Should I be concerned?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Where’s my text?” She asked.
“You don’t get one.” Tim said tenderly.
“Why not?” She asked, suddenly angry. “So you can look in my eyes while you hurt me?”
“You’re the reason I broke it off with her.” He said quietly.
“What?” She straightened up.
“You know how I feel about you Kassie and I decided that I wanted to be exclusive to you so I called it off with every woman that I had a relationship with, either sexual or going in that direction. I only want to be with you.” He said walking to her.
“Oh.” She lowered her head, relief and shame filling her heart.
“These past few weeks have been spectacular. You’re an amazing woman.” He said. “I just want to love you.”
Kassie melted. He was so awesome.
“Great Tim, you meatball!” She punched his arm. “You’ve made me the other woman.” For the first time she wasn’t the one having her heart ripped out but she didn’t want to be the reason for someone else’s pain either.
He laughed out loud. “It’s my fault Kass.” He stroked her cheek. “I’m in love with you.”
Kassie stared into eyes for a brief moment before she sighed. He let them go because of her; he only wanted to be with her. It made her happy.
“But she thought-,”
“In all honesty I never told anyone we were together. I wasn’t ready for a relationship then and I didn’t want one until now.” He said looking into her eyes. “I wasn’t dishonest with any woman that I’ve ever dated. I have never given any woman other than Nora the impression that they were getting a wedding ring from me or that I was exclusive with anyone, I don’t play games like that.”
Kassie looked into his eyes. They were open and clear and she knew that he wasn’t playing any games with her. She felt very foolish.
“I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions, I just don’t want to share you.”
He held out his arms and she rushed into them. “Never Kass.”
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