Cattywampus

by Ash Van Otterloo

  “A wand?” Katy said, sniffing and wiping her nose on her sleeve. “No one in the Hollow but Delpha has a wand.”

  Delpha’s stomach began to churn.

  Tyler shook his head, chin wobbling. “As they left, I got a good look at ’em in the sunlight. They looked like mummies. It was your zombies from the graveyard.”

  “What?” Delpha screeched, reaching across him to deadbolt the door and pull down the shade. “Why didn’t you say that in th’ first place??”

  “The ‘Stayeth Put’ spell must not’ve lasted long,” Katy groaned, settling into a chair shakily.

  Delpha winced, her insides tying themselves into knots. They were in trouble. “The book said they’ll murder anyone who gets in the way of their war.”

  “They can turn animals to stone,” Tyler mumbled to himself. He almost looked angry. “If they can do it to a cow, they can do it to people. That ain’t cool. Couldn’t y’all just … undo whatever you did?”

  His words were obvious, but the look on Tyler’s face cut Delpha to the quick. Tyler Nimble was judging Delpha for screwing up badly, and, worse, he wasn’t wrong. She’d been flat-out reckless and lost control of the situation. Delpha shot Katybird a meaningful look. Not a nice one, either. She knew Katy couldn’t keep her magic from going haywire, but Delpha’s fear kept souring to anger. If Katybird had just left Delpha’s book alone in the first place …

  Katy bit her lip and studied her fingernails. “I … I can’t do my half of the Reverse-Curse. My magic’s kinda messed up.”

  Tyler’s face softened. “What about your mama? Can she help fix it?”

  “No,” the girls said in unison.

  Tyler frowned. “O-kaaaay. How can I help, then?”

  Delpha rocked on her heels. “We have to fix Hearn’s magic. Seems we need some water from an old well, and to get her a ‘bond,’ whatever that is,” she grumbled, waggling her fingers to make air quotes. Her to-do list was stretching longer by the minute.

  Katy sniffled loudly, then did it several times more, until Delpha growled at her to go get a tissue. Katy made a face and left for the bathroom.

  As soon as she left, Delpha grabbed Tyler’s arm. He flinched but seemed to understand now that this wasn’t some fun game. She needed to make sure. “Pay attention,” she whispered. “Katy’s magic’s about to blow her up or something. She’s workin’ hard to control it, but if we don’t help her fix it …”

  “What do you mean, blow her up? You don’t actually mean … explode, right?”

  Delpha nodded. “Her dead ghost cousin sure thought so. Seems like it runs in the family or somethin’.” Delpha told herself that she was just relaying the facts—that she wasn’t actually worried about Hearn—but a twang of pain shot through her belly anyway.

  “Dead … cousin?”

  “Don’t ask. So, if I let you help us get what Katybird needs for her magic, do you promise not to get in the way?”

  Tyler hesitated. Then, chin wobbling, he nodded. “I’m in. Whatever you need.”

  Their conversation halted awkwardly as Katybird reappeared, red-eyed. Her wavy, pastel-streaked hair was back in two matching turquoise barrettes, and she wore a baby-blue Tar Heels jacket with the sleeves rolled back. She looked ready to work. Good.

  “All right, then,” muttered Delpha, blowing a feather off her nose. “If the zombies are out, we need a plan. We need to find the old Hearn well.”

  “I think our family property used to be downtown,” Katy offered. “They sold it off to the city for the park a while back and used the money to open the museum.”

  Tyler clapped his hands together, sounding a hair too cheerful. “What are we waiting for? Let’s go find the Hearn well!” Delpha nodded and began to pack her spellbook.

  Katybird wrinkled her nose. “We?”

  “Delpha says y’all could use a pair of hands,” Tyler said. “And I’m pretty quick on my feet.”

  “In the cemetery you weren’t on your feet much at all. Hearn had to drag you,” Delpha drawled, somewhat enjoying the horror that spread across his face.

  “If it happens again, y’all can leave me to the zombies, no hard feelings! I brought a bag of water bottles and some good luck charms, too, just in case. Sea salt, a horseshoe, and—” Tyler stopped talking as Katybird let loose a yelp of pain. Yellow jelly beans rolled in every direction across the floor. “Katy?”

  KATY FELL TO HER HANDS AND KNEES, FRANTIC with pain. Her fingers had gone translucent and bright as fireflies. Whimpering through pressed lips, Katy looked to Delpha for help. Delpha only shifted from foot to foot, frowning and tugging the end of her braid.

  Tyler squatted beside Katy and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Katy could feel his heart thudding and skipping out of rhythm. My messed-up magic is scarin’ him, she thought. It’s scarin’ them both. Her hands started shedding sparks. It was happening more frequently now, and more intensely, too. Katy butted her head against the wall as searing pain tore through her wrists.

  “Katybird,” Delpha mumbled above her in a hoarse voice, “it’s … gonna be all right. Easy, now.”

  After a few long minutes, the sparks stopped flying, and Katy relaxed. Tyler let his arm fall away awkwardly, relieved.

  “It felt like my arms were crawlin’ with fire ants,” Katy gasped. Her eyes stung with frustrated tears. “Dang it, Delpha. I’m scared to death!”

  Delpha’s forehead furrowed. “Don’t blame you.” She stalked to the window. There, she pulled out a pocketknife and began etching patterns into her wand. Tyler’s jaw dropped at Delpha’s coolness, and he turned to Katybird. Katy shrugged weakly. What’d you expect?

  “Are you … okay?”

  “Fantastic.” She pointed feebly at her half-empty bag of jelly beans on the floor. “Hand ’em here?” Tyler snatched them up, tossing them to her, sheepish.

  “Dumb question, I guess.”

  Katybird tilted the bag and dumped the candy directly into her mouth. She chomped them to a yellow sludge, telling herself not to cry again. It wouldn’t fix anything. After a minute, she let out a ragged sigh. “We gotta fix my magic. Fun as that was, I don’t wanna be greedy about it.” She didn’t add that she was starting to feel lucky every time she made it through a flare-up alive.

  “Okay. We find the old Hearn well, like Echo said.” Delpha took the reins. “Somewhere downtown. In the middle of Spring Fling. Without getting caught. Before the zombies get there. And before anyone sees them.” She lifted a finger as each new point occurred to her.

  “No big deal,” groaned Katybird, rolling her eyes.

  “I have an idea,” Tyler realized aloud, grateful to have something to add. “My uncle knows how to dowse for water. He lives a little way up the ridge. He’s kind of a weirdo, but he can help us.” Tyler slung his bag over his shoulder eagerly.

  Delpha sucked in a short breath, and her dark eyes roamed the floor uneasily. “Don’t think we have any other options. All right. Let’s go.”

  “Sounds good,” said Katy. “But how’re we gonna get there?”

  Delpha pocketed her knife. “I’m driving.”

  Katy winced. Fabulous.

  Checking that the yard was clear, the three hurried from the house. The screen door banged shut, and Delpha jogged to the woodshed. Katybird jammed her hands down into her hoodie, trying not to feel useless.

  “Everything’s gonna be fine. Uncle Clement’s a good guy. He’ll show us how to find the well.”

  “Sure. We’ll be fine as frog’s hair,” Katy muttered, then groaned. “Did I say that?”

  Tyler grinned. “Yep. You’re, like, eighty thousand years old.”

  Delpha hollered across the yard, “You two, stop jabberin’! I’m trying to help you, so if you’d let me focus, that’d be nice.” Katy ground her teeth. Delpha flicked her wrist, but Puppet didn’t move. Delpha’s ribs expanded with a deep breath, and she staggered a few steps sideways on the lawn. Katy winced as a trickle of blood escaped Delpha’s nostril.
r />   “Think we might should climb inside first?” Tyler suggested.

  “Shed’s not that sturdy anymore, after crashin’ in the graveyard. Better not climb in until after I spell it good, so we don’t”—Delpha grunted and winced—“fall through the loose floorboards.”

  “Hey, Delpha, go easy—”

  “Can’t. Ain’t time to wait around.” Delpha’s neck muscles strained, and Puppet rose upward with sluggish momentum, creaking and groaning. Delpha smiled a tiny smile, then shoved open Puppet’s door and waved them over. “C’mon, Katy. We’ll give you a hand. You don’t look s’good.”

  Delpha looked green around the edges herself, but Katy didn’t point that out. Katy stepped into Tyler’s hands, letting him boost her into the shed, then frowned as Delpha swayed.

  “Delpha?”

  “I’m fine,” Delpha muttered, bracing herself on the doorframe.

  A split second later, a guttural screech split the air, echoing off the side of the house. Katybird whirled toward the sound. Half a dozen decomposing witches stepped from the woods onto Katy’s lawn.

  The lead zombie’s jaw hung at a low, crooked angle beneath empty eye sockets, giving her a ghoulish look of surprise. Two more were dried-out and withered, the skin of their legs crackling under skirts thin as spiderwebs. Another was gooey, and her foot twisted sideways with every step. Horror rose in Katy’s throat, and she fought not to retch.

  These zombies had wands. McGills. The leader of the pack moved first, and the rest followed, fast closing the gap between the woods and Katy’s house. The zombie in charge was near enough now for Katy to hear her speak as she waved her wand. “Says right there on the mailbox, The Hearns!”

  Suddenly, in terrible unison, the zombies swiveled their grinning maws toward Puppet, locking sockets on Delpha, Katy, and Tyler. The zombies changed course and sped toward the woodshed, wands lifted.

  “Time to go!” yelped Delpha. Katy and Tyler helped Delpha into Puppet, and then Tyler tried to scramble up after her. Before Delpha and Katy could haul him in by the wrists, another group of zombie grannies emerged from the opposite end of the tree line, accompanied by skeletal cats and brandishing mossy rolling pins and garden rakes. Hearn zombies.

  Tyler froze up and swayed like he might faint. “Tyler, don’t you dare!” Katy cried. The girls pulled until their neck veins bulged, but Tyler felt like a two-ton sack of flour.

  The McGill leader let out a demonic screech. “It’s them dratted Hearns! Come over here, you daft besoms, and I’ll turn you into hogs!” This sentiment was supported by a general inarticulate cry of “Aaiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!” from the rest of the undead McGills.

  The Hearn grannies jeered at this and let loose a string of profanity that would turn a coal miner scarlet. Then, to Katy’s disgust, her undead ancestors lifted their blackened skirts and dropped bloomers, mooning the McGills in an impressive display of rotting, wrinkled hineys.

  Tyler gagged and exclaimed, “That’s nasty!”

  The undead McGill leader spun around and grinned at him. With a low, purr-like growl, she crept forward, savoring his terror. Katybird screamed, and Delpha redoubled her efforts, yanking on Tyler’s shirt. He’s going to die, Katy thought. Blood roared through Katy’s skull, and the bottom dropped out of her stomach. Delpha let go and raised her wand.

  “Delpha, we can’t leave him,” Katy sobbed.

  “Don’t plan to,” Delpha spat, sounding offended.

  Tyler Nimble slid to the ground, landing on his feet with a THUD.

  “I’m a good person. I’m a good person,” Tyler whimpered.

  He plucked off his glasses, then thrust them into Katybird’s palm with a sweaty hand. Katy took them stupidly, confused. What was he doing? The zombie kept creeping forward, its squelchy growl growing louder by the second.

  “Tyler, stop this!” Katy heard herself demanding. “Climb into the shed! Don’t just … give up!”

  “I’m a good person. I know I am.”

  “Tyler, of course you are, but the zombies don’t care about that!”

  “Nimble, move your butt!” Delpha barked, reaching down with her free hand and grabbing the back of Tyler’s shirt. Katy followed suit, pulling with all her might. The zombie cackled and hissed, just yards away.

  There was the loud riiiiiiiip as Tyler’s T-shirt lost the tug-of-war with gravity. Delpha flew backward, smacking her head against Puppet’s back wall.

  “I took my stoneroot herbs, I still have my right mind. It’s okay … it’s okay,” Tyler babbled to himself, voice cracking, as he faced off with the zombie.

  He’s lost it, Katy realized with dread.

  The McGill zombie lunged forward several more feet, a nasty rattle coming from the hole in its throat.

  “GO AWAY,” Katy screamed.

  “Don’t worry, Katy!” Tyler rolled his shoulders a few times, finding a new balance.

  When he spoke again, Tyler’s voice came out in a menacing roar. Katybird gasped at the rumbling sound and then again at the hair sprouting on the back of his neck and arms. Oh my sweet buttered stars, his fingernails! They’d gone long and black like some Disney villain’s, and dug into his massive clenched fists with sharp tips. Katy looked at Delpha to see her reaction, but Delpha still lay on Puppet’s floor, rubbing her head.

  “Leave us alone,” Tyler snarled.

  The McGill zombie faltered, then screeched and hissed. “Unfair! We got no quarrel with the Snarly Yows. We must destroy all Hearns, and she’s one of them! Her blood must spill.” It leveled a bony finger at Katybird. Katy’s blood ran cold. “The curse demands it.”

  At Katy’s last name, Tyler growled—honest-to-goodness growled like a bobcat—and seemed to grow a foot taller.

  The McGill zombie arched its rotten back and spat in hatred but came no closer. “Your friends can’t hide from death forever, Yow,” it rasped through a slackened jaw. “Eye for eye, hair for hair! So demands the curse!” With an angry yelp, it turned back to rejoin the rest of its group in battle with the Hearn zombies and their skeletal animals.

  “Very heroic, Nimble. Now get your butt in this shed before those zombies change their minds an’ throttle you,” Delpha shouted, snapping her fingers impatiently.

  Tyler turned around, but instead of his usual freckled, jovial self, there stood a massive, terrifying brindled dog.

  Katy felt the blood drain from her face. She glanced at Delpha, who seemed totally unfazed, other than a telltale twitch in her left eye. The zombies are gone, she told herself. And Tyler is … a what? Her legs felt wobbly. This was weird with a beard. Too weird.

  Delpha shouted, “Butt, Nimble! In the shed! Now!”

  Tyler leaped inside, crashing onto the boards on all fours. As soon as he landed, he began to contort and change shape. It was hurting him, the pain written on his face, plain as day. That snapped Katy out of it. Whatever this was, it was still Tyler. She grabbed his shoulders. “It’s okay. It’s all right now. You’re okay,” she soothed. He collapsed against Puppet’s wall, shaking.

  By the time he was done shifting, Puppet was already running—to Delpha’s credit, she hadn’t wasted much time gawking at Tyler’s bizarre entrance. Katy felt another jab of envy. The girl had more grit than a sandal on a dirt road. Delpha grunted in concentration as she steered the animated shed into the woods opposite the zombies and up the hill.

  Both the legs of Tyler’s shorts and his Trampled by Turtles T-shirt hung in stretched-out tatters around his body. The air was musty with the smell of dog, too. His chin trembled a bit, and he shot Katy a nervous glance as he sat up.

  Katybird handed him his glasses and whispered, “You okay?”

  Tyler blushed a brilliant crimson. “I’m so sorry … about that.”

  “What for? Don’t be silly,” Delpha spat, not taking her eyes off the cutout hole in Puppet’s door as the woodshed veered left. “We got away from the zombies, and that’s what matters.” Katy nodded in agreement, biting her tongue to keep her questions f
rom escaping. They all seemed, well, rude. But Tyler could read her mind.

  “I’m … I’m a Snarly Yow. It’s like a Celtic weredog.” He twirled a shaky finger in the air in mock celebration, then shoved his glasses on miserably. “Surprise, y’all.”

  “Can’t … can’t say that I’ve heard of that before,” Katy managed. She was working too hard to be polite, her voice too formal, but she couldn’t help it. “Is that like … magic?”

  “Kinda. My uncle claims his side of the family descended from the Irish shape-shifting goddess Morrigan and the hero Cú Chulainn. It’s a kind of protective magic. It lets you change form when you need to defend something.”

  “You can change into anything?”

  Tyler shook his head, cheeks still hot. “Just the one thing. A kind of werehound, like a guard dog. I’m not too proud of it, though. I’m more of a K-pop and Great British Bake Off kind of person. I don’t like scarin’ folks. Or hurtin’ them. Makes me feel like some sort’a creep.” He swallowed hard and shoved his hands under his armpits. His hair stood on end above his round hazel eyes, making him look more like a baby bird than a magical guard dog. Katy stifled a giggle. Compared to the horrors her fight with Delpha had unleashed in the graveyard, Tyler was about as creepy as a blueberry muffin.

  “Well, I’m glad you did it. We owe you one.”

  “And you didn’t faint,” Delpha grunted.

  Tyler’s hundred-watt smile was back.

  “Now what do we do?” Katy asked in a hoarse voice.

  Delpha cracked her knuckles, nostrils flaring. “Stick to the plan. We learn how to dowse for Hearn well water. Then we Reverse-Curse the heck out of those zombies. Tyler, how do we get to your uncle’s house?”

  “You know the clearing atop Graystone Mountain? He’s the only house up there.”

  Delpha thought for a minute, then veered Puppet to the right. “Yep.”

  They were back on track.

  So why didn’t Katybird feel better?

  Beside her, Tyler chewed his thumbnail, deep in thought. The corners of his mouth turned slightly downward. When he caught Katy staring, he smiled and looked away.