Cattywampus

by Ash Van Otterloo

  Delpha beat at the flames with a naptime mat as they licked their way across the melting carpet. In a corner, Katybird growled in pain, clutching her greenish arms to her body. Tyler yanked the extinguisher pins, aimed the nozzle, and swept the foam across the flames. In a frenzied few minutes, the carpet stopped smoldering. Katy’s luminescent arms dimmed through the haze. Tyler waved smoke away from his eyes and wheezed loudly. Katy stamped her foot in frustration.

  “On the bright side, something happened, Katybird—” Tyler quipped weakly.

  She scowled, and Tyler bit his lip. Katy was bein’ so fierce and brave. Tyler was tryin’ so hard to have a good attitude. Delpha pretended not to notice all these feelings flying around. If you want to keep them safe, stay focused, Delpha.

  “We’ll assume the Reverse-Curse didn’t work, then,” Delpha snarled. “We’re going out to find your dumb skunk.”

  “Raccoon!”

  “Whatever. Once you have your bond, we’ll try it again.” With that, Delpha shouldered her satchel and stalked down the hall toward the back exit, leaving Katy red-faced.

  Tyler gasped for air behind her as the toes of his sneakers nipped Delpha’s heels. Puff, puff went his inhaler. “Or, wild suggestion here, how ’bout you call your mama, Delpha? And keep”—he inhaled deep and exhaled—“whatever just happened from happening again?”

  “Snap your trap and let me help Katy!” Delpha spat. She pushed the door open and stomped across the tiny vacant parking lot of the church to where Puppet hid in the brush behind the hardware store next door. With a quick yank-grab-SLAM!, she retrieved her spellbook, then marched back to where Tyler and Katy waited by the church’s rear door. There, she planted her boots on the crumbling asphalt and opened her book, flipping until she found a page that seemed like it might do the trick. Ignoring Tyler’s glare, she raised her wand.

  Tyler tensed suddenly. “The air smells wrong.”

  “Hush, Nimble.”

  “Delpha McGill, listen. Something ain’t right.”

  “Is your tongue hinged in the middle?”

  “No, really, it—” Without warning, Tyler shifted into Yow form. It happened so fast, he yelped in surprise and staggered, disoriented. Then his eyes locked on something darting out from behind the church’s rusted dumpster. Delpha shivered, following his gaze. It was a skeletal cat.

  A Hearn zombie followed a split second later. Cackling, she aimed her withered hands straight at Delpha’s chest. But somehow, Tyler was faster and sprang at the undead witch with teeth bared. He growled as they both slammed into the side of the dumpster. Katybird screamed from behind them, and Delpha ducked, instinctively curling her body around the McGill spellbook.

  The zombie popped from her back to her feet like a click beetle, then spun to the ivy-draped fence behind the dumpster and hissed something to the plants. Green tendrils shot out toward Delpha, winding up around her legs before she could run. Twisting around and around, the vines encased her arms and chest so tight, Delpha yowled in pain. My ribs are gonna pop, she thought, panicking.

  Tyler exploded in rage, snapping and growling. He lunged at the zombie again, but she was quicker this time and shot an arc of electricity through his left leg. He slammed into the ground so hard, his head bounced with a sickening thwack. When he tried to get up, he cried out in agony, unable to get his clumsy foot beneath him.

  “Help!” Delpha hollered, clawing. The zombie chuckled and hobbled toward Tyler menacingly. If I could just get free and use my wand … The edges of Delpha’s vision began to go dark. “Somebody help me!”

  Katybird shouted orders at the ivy in vain, then resorted to kicking and ripping at it with her hands, but it was no use. As soon as Katy tore one tendril loose, another vine grew in its place.

  A streak of gray rushed past Delpha’s face, then tackled the zombie to the ground. Clement. He and the zombie became a blurred tangle, both moving too fast for Delpha to see, hissing and snarling and ripping. Tyler managed to struggle to his feet just as Clement clamped his teeth around the nape of the Hearn zombie’s neck.

  “It can’t be killed,” shrieked Katybird. “You have to trap it!”

  Tyler limped to the dumpster, still in Yow form, and heaved at it. The dumpster groaned and tipped easily. “Throw ’er in here!”

  Clement flung the zombie into the dumpster with a grunt, and Tyler slammed the lid shut. He and Clement flipped it again, so the opening rested against the ground. The zombie banged and howled, and the two Yows jumped back from the dumpster as the metal sides buzzed with electricity. But it held. Tyler and Clement whipped back into human shapes, gasping for breath.

  “The ivy!” Katybird yelled, still clawing away at the vines. Delpha felt her face going numb and cold, and her body seemed to be floating away from her.

  Clement scrambled to help. The ivy had stopped growing, but it still wound tightly around Delpha’s neck.

  “She’s got a knife in ’er pocket. Can you reach it, Katy?” Clement’s hoarse voice said.

  Strong hands yanked hard to create a gap in the tangle by Delpha’s leg, and Katybird squeezed her hands between the vines, slowly working out the knife.

  “Give ’er here.”

  A blurry mop of red hair and a worried face appeared, and the tightness around Delpha’s neck lessened, strand by strand.

  Finally, the feeling rushed back into Delpha’s face. Then Clement yanked her away from the hungry ivy, and settled her gently on the church’s back steps. Katy threw her arms around Delpha’s shoulders as Tyler took out his tattered T-shirt from earlier and handed it to Clement to staunch blood from a nasty gash in his head.

  Delpha waved Katy off and brought her knees to her chest, wheezing.

  “She’s got asthma,” Clement announced softly.

  Tyler lowered himself gingerly to the ground next to Delpha. Under torn jeans, his leg was an angry web of red welts. He didn’t look happy with Delpha, but at least he was actually looking at her now. That was something. He pressed his inhaler into her hand. “Use it. I wiped off the Yow cooties for you.”

  Delpha breathed in the medicine, nostrils flaring, then handed the inhaler back.

  “Didn’t know you had asthma, too,” Tyler muttered.

  “Only when I’m being strangled,” Delpha answered hoarsely, gazing hard at the red streaks on Tyler’s leg. “Hey, Tyler …” she whispered finally.

  Tyler’s shoulders tightened, and he looked away. “I’m good. Don’t get me wrong—this has been as fun as lickin’ a bug zapper, but I could use a minute to myself now.” He crossed his arms. Delpha frowned but didn’t blame him. The kid was sweet, but he wasn’t a saint.

  She shot a glance at Clement. With blood all down his jaw and neck, the guy looked like a barbed-wire victim. He’d showed up again. Well. Delpha put a dead bolt on her feelings. She pressed her lips together tightly, then opened her spellbook.

  “All right, Katybird. Time to find your bond.” Delpha straightened her shoulders and read a charm that sounded newer than the others. It rocked in the comforting, singsong mountain rhythm that was as familiar to Delpha as cornbread and honeysuckles.

  “Come up you critters from the valley,

  Crawl down from yonder mountain brow

  Jump out from bresh and tree and fl’ar

  Y’all be my puppets for a spell.”

  After this, Delpha closed her eyes, trying to picture Podge, and muttered, “But just the raccoon.”

  Delpha’s hands shook instantly. A squeak of concentration escaped her lips without permission. This spell was hard. Harder than driving Puppet. Blood began trickling from both her nostrils, and she grimaced in pain. Her head felt like it was being popped like a blister of bubble wrap.

  “Delpha, what are you doing?” Katybird demanded.

  Delpha ground her teeth and grabbed Katybird’s shoulder for support with her free hand. Clement hovered at her side, but Delpha was too focused to shoo him away.

  Suddenly, Katy’s raccoon chirped behin
d Delpha. And in front of her. Then from every direction. Down the alleyway and out of the woods poured dozens of raccoons, chittering in protest. Waddling, trash-fed raccoons scampered in step with scruffy, wiry-looking ones. They encircled Delpha, their number growing by the second. Katy’s face twisted in dismay.

  “Delpha, stop this! Your puppet magic is workin’ on animals! This can’t be good for them!” Katybird hollered, her face reddening.

  Delpha ignored her and spat out penny-flavored blood onto the ground—the last straw for Katybird, apparently.

  “And it’s not good for you, either!” Katy cried, knocking the wand from Delpha’s hand. Delpha staggered, then wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and blinked in shock.

  “Puppet making is the magic I’ve practiced the most,” Delpha protested, clutching her throbbing head between her hands. “Can you tell which one is Pudgy?”

  “Podge,” Katybird called. “Come find Mama, baby!”

  The ground was a moving carpet of black-and-gray fuzz, and Delpha could barely tell where one animal ended and the next started. Clement let out a low whistle of admiration. Tyler looked at Katy doubtfully. “Don’t get too close! They could have rabies!” To Tyler’s dismay, Katy ignored him and waded right into the chirping mass.

  “Podge, come!” Out of the squirming crowd of animals, a fat raccoon scurried up to Katy’s jeans leg and climbed onto her shoulder. Katy burst into a laughing sob. She buried her face in Podge’s fur, sighing and gibbering in baby talk. The raccoon sniffed all around Katy’s face, licking away tears and touching her cheeks with its tiny bandit hands. Podge nosed through the colorful strands of Katy’s hair, making her laugh. Even Tyler couldn’t help but turn his scowl into a grin.

  Delpha picked up her wand, then relaxed as the remaining tide of little bandits receded and scampered for the hills. She teetered at the church’s back door and pressed her forehead against the crook of her elbow. She looked up to see Katy whisper to Clement, “Delpha needs food. Like, a trucker’s worth. Can you get some?”

  Clement gave a quick nod. “Y’all go in the church, though. Better lock the door, and don’t come out again.”

  “Not a problem,” Tyler muttered, limping inside.

  The red evening sun hung low. A crow cawed, and Delpha jumped, heart racing, before realizing it was just a normal bird.

  Katy stood close to Delpha, nuzzling her face into Podge’s fur.

  “I don’t like how you did it, but I’m proud you found him. Thanks.” She squeezed Delpha’s arm gently.

  Delpha shifted awkwardly, a crack of emotion threatening to widen.

  “Let’s go see if the Reverse-Curse works now you’ve got Pork.”

  “Podge.”

  “Whatever.”

  IT’S NOW OR NEVER, KATY TOLD HERSELF AS SHE settled cross-legged facing Delpha inside the little wooden chapel. She glanced around and winced, worrying over how flammable all the polished maple pews might be. A distant guttural shriek filtered through the stained-glass windows along with the bloodred sunset. Katy shuddered. She was glad to be inside.

  In the hallway outside, Clement paced from window to window as he monitored the surrounding hills and street. Tyler hobbled into the chapel with two monster-sized bags of animal crackers and several cold barbecue sandwiches.

  Wordlessly, he dropped one of each beside Delpha, and handed a sandwich to Katy. Podge darted over to snatch a cracker, then reclaimed his place on Katy’s shoulder. She nuzzled her face into his fur.

  “I’m ready. Let’s try it again.”

  Delpha gulped down an animal cracker and gave a weary nod.

  “With cunning mind an’ strongest will, I call the hex of war to still,” Delpha murmured.

  Katy hated how defeated Delpha already sounded. Believe in me, Delpha! I can do this, Katy thought. Mama and Nanny need me!

  Then Katybird had a terrible thought. “Caleb’s still out there,” she yelped, jumping to her feet. Her head spun with the realization. “I have to go look for him!” Delpha grabbed for Katy’s arm and shook her head. Delpha’s tight-pressed bottom lip quivered.

  “You’re crying. Why are you crying?” Katy demanded, heart pounding.

  “He … he got hit. With a stone hex,” Delpha whispered, staring at the carpet.

  “What? How do you know?” Katy cried, voice mangled.

  “I saw it happen,” Delpha said slowly, chewing her lip. “I didn’t wanna to tell you, ’cause you were so upset already.”

  As if on cue, another faraway zombie screech made Katy jump. Through the stained glass, automatic streetlights flickered on, announcing the arrival of nighttime.

  So that was it. Katybird’s whole family was depending on her broken magic. Katy steeled herself. Podge hopped into her lap, and Katy cleared the tears from her throat.

  “Love like hearth with coals aglow, my open heart makes magic grow,” she intoned.

  The buzzing in her fingers started before she’d gotten the last word out. Searing light erupted in her hands and raced up her arms … and didn’t stop there. Her entire body turned a shocking, translucent green, and for an eternal minute, Katy was certain her skin would split away in all directions. She couldn’t even scream. Her jaw simply locked in agony as Tyler and Delpha hollered somewhere far away.

  Work, she willed her magic. Don’t let everyone down, her head begged her soul. But the magic wouldn’t yield. As the light subsided, she realized she’d been holding her breath.

  “Podge?” Her hand fumbled for her pet. A whimper escaped her lips, and the weakness of the sound made her mad. She clamped her mouth tight.

  “He’s still here,” Delpha told her. Her face was stricken as she dragged Podge out from under a pew. “He hid. I think you scared ’im.”

  “He wasn’t hurt?” Katy demanded through clenched teeth.

  “No, but you were,” Tyler retorted hotly. He glared at Delpha for some reason. The two of them had been waging a silent war of dirty looks since Clement had arrived, and it didn’t take a detective to recognize there was some sort of connection between the two events. Now Tyler seemed happy to blame everything on Delpha, even things that weren’t her fault. Delpha sat stiff as an ice statue.

  “ENOUGH,” Katy spat, jumping to her feet. “THAT’S ENOUGH.”

  Delpha and Tyler startled.

  “I can’t think with the two of you feelin’ in my space. Go over to that pew.” Katy pointed across the chapel. “And sort out whatever your trouble is. It’s got something to do with Clement; I ain’t blind. Open your mouths and talk about it and let me settle myself !”

  They both started to protest, but Katybird gave them the look she often gave Podge when he’d knocked a glass off the table. They shuffled away, brooding. Fine, Katy thought. Sulk. But do it over there.

  Katy slouched to the floor and shut her eyes. She couldn’t even pray without worrying she was letting God down. So, instead, she skimmed her fingers along Podge’s coarse fur and let her mind go blank. There’s only one Katy, Mama had whispered. It’d been their special goodbye since Katy was small, to remind her to take a break from other people’s needs and think of what she wanted, too. What do I want right now? she asked herself.

  I want to be a witch. But what did that mean to Katy? She wanted good to win. But what was good? Katy thought harder. I want to put my two feet on the ground and walk in a world that gives everybody a fair shake, she realized, and not just the “normal” folks. I’d like to feel safe to be myself. She wanted balance between give and take so nobody claimed more than their fair share of things. She’d use her power to help it happen, if she could control it. If she could nudge the world into being better, she reasoned, that would be enough.

  Tyler and Delpha’s voices mumbled from across the room. They were talking. She’d accomplished that, at least.

  Katy’s eyelids were so heavy. It was her second night without sleep, and every time her hands glowed, every time she tried to do the spell, it pulled a little more strength from
her. She fought to blink her eyes open, and when she did, Delpha and Tyler stood above her, shuffling their feet.

  “We’ve been talkin’. We’ll agree to work out our differences if you agree to sleep. N-not for long! Just, like, fifteen minutes,” Tyler said. “It’s just you keep trying the spell, and it’s not working, and …”

  “No way! I can do this!” Katy whimpered, tears brimming. “I’m so close!”

  “You look like roadkill, Katybird,” Delpha muttered. “Last time you tried the spell, your face went pale as Death eatin’ a saltine. Just rest long enough to recharge your batt’ries. Then we’ll try it again.”

  Katy’s shoulders sagged. She opened her mouth to protest, but her vision was already blurring, and her traitorous head was lolling back against the wall, muzzy with sleep.

  “IS SHE ASLEEP?” TYLER WHISPERED.

  Delpha studied Katy’s face. “Out like a light.”

  Without that earnest mother-hen expression on her face, Katybird looked so young. Awful guilt weighed on Delpha, and she settled onto the floor beside Katy. Her head felt like split firewood since she’d done the spell to find Podge—fat lot of good that it had done. She choked down a bite of sandwich.

  Tyler lowered himself to the floor, wincing as his sore leg bumped the pew. “She’ll keep tryin’ that spell until she hurts herself bad, you know.”

  “I know,” Delpha said. “That’s why I’ve got no intention of wakin’ her up again.”

  “You lied to Katy? But you told her …”

  Delpha felt a door inside herself crack open, spilling a bit of her heart. “I said what I had to. If we let her try the Reverse-Curse again, I’m scared it’ll kill her.” The thought made Delpha sick inside. “I want the zombies gone, but I ain’t a monster.”

  Tyler’s lip snarled. “No, that’s me, ain’t it? I’m the monster. Nasty ol’ Snarly Yow, just like my uncle.”

  Delpha’s heart opened a little more. Oh boy. She took a long breath. “About before. I wasn’t talking about you bein’ a Yow, Tyler.”

  “I don’t want to hear it.”