Jax (A Bastard Novel)

by J. L. Perry

  ••••

  I wake Monday morning feeling somewhat human again. I went out for a few drinks on Saturday night and ended up picking up some random brunette chick at a bar, who I banged into the early hours of Sunday morning. The lack of sleep and a monster hangover meant I struggled through yesterday’s shift. The brunette’s name was Kate? Kristy? Or was it Kim? I’m pretty sure it started with a K. I try to stay clear of blondes. There’s only one blonde in this world for me, and since I can’t have her, I’m not interested in the others.

  I’m standing at the front counter going over my appointments for the day when Mandy arrives. I have a busy day ahead, so it’s gonna be another late night. Thankfully, I love what I do.

  ‘Morning,’ I say, glancing up.

  ‘Hi,’ she grunts, slamming her bag onto the shelf behind the counter. She usually greets me with a smile and a takeaway coffee from the café down the street, but not today. I guess she’s still pissed at me for knocking her back on Friday night. I’m inclined to say something to her, but decide against it. I’m not in the mood for her crap today.

  As the day progresses, so does her attitude. What’s this chick’s problem? She’s lucky that her bitchy attitude only seems to be directed at me—if she was rude to my clients I’d kick her arse out of here in a flash. I wouldn’t put up with that shit.

  It’s around one pm when I finish up with a client. I have a short window of time before my next appointment, so I decide to go and grab something to eat. Usually, I’d get Mandy to duck out for me, but I’m not asking her to do shit for me today. She’d probably try to poison me.

  ‘I’m going to lunch,’ I say as I pass the front counter.

  ‘Oh … you don’t want me to grab you something?’ Mandy asks.

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Sure. Okay.’ I can hear the surprise in her voice as her tone softens. ‘Your next client is at one-thirty.’

  ‘I know,’ I snap, pushing through the door. Now she wants to be normal with me? I swear I’ll never understand women. Mandy’s behaviour only makes me miss Candice more. She was always easygoing and drama free. I’ve never met anyone who can hold a candle to her, and I doubt I ever will.

  Shoving my hands into my pockets, I head down King Street. I walk straight past the café I usually eat at—don’t ask me why, I guess I just need some fresh air and time away from Moody Mandy. I don’t know what to do about her—I’m too busy to look for another receptionist right now, but on the other hand, I hate feeling uncomfortable in my own place. Hopefully her attitude will improve. At least she seems to have gotten the message loud and clear: we’re never going to happen.

  I end up at a takeaway joint not far from where I live. I flat-out refused to use any of the money my grandmother left me to start the business—that was something I felt I needed to do on my own—but I did use my trust fund to buy a two-bedroom terrace house a few blocks from my shop. The apartment I’d been living in was practically falling apart around me. My place is only small, but it’s enough for me. I have my bedroom, and a weights set and punching bag set up in the spare room. I’ve never been a big fan of sports, but I do like to stay in shape. The previous owners had a modern kitchen and bathroom installed before I bought the place. Apart from a fresh coat of paint on the walls, I didn’t need to do anything to it when I moved in.

  ‘Afternoon,’ the shop assistant says as I approach the counter. ‘What can I get you?’

  ‘Just a burger, thanks.’

  I walk to the back of the shop to grab a bottle of water from the fridge while I wait. After placing it on the counter, my eyes drift across the street. I see a homeless man sitting on the footpath, holding up a cardboard sign that says I’m hungry. Poor bastard. I hate seeing shit like that. As I stand watching, I see hordes of people just walk past him like he doesn’t even exist. One incredibly insensitive lady even shakes her head in disgust as she does a detour around him. That’s something my mother would probably do. Where’s their compassion?

  ‘Hey, can you make that two burgers?’ I grab another bottle of water, and after I’ve paid, I cross the street. ‘Here you go, buddy,’ I say to the man.

  His blue eyes light up when I pass him one of the burgers and a bottle of water. He looks to be in his sixties, possibly older, with long, dirty, greying hair and a big bushy beard. He’s in desperate need of a shower and clean clothes.

  ‘Thank you, young man,’ he replies, placing the bottle of water on the footpath beside him, before quickly unravelling the paper on the burger and taking a large bite. I pull a twenty out of my pocket and shove it in the tin can sitting beside him. When I straighten, I’m surprised to see tears in his eyes.

  ‘Jax,’ I say, extending my hand to him.

  He looks bewildered as his gaze moves between my hand and face before eventually taking hold. ‘Brian,’ he replies. I get the impression it’s been a while since someone has taken the time to talk to him, and that thought tugs at my heart.

  ‘Enjoy the rest of your day, mate.’

  He nods before taking another bite out of his burger.

  I turn to head back to work, but I’m suddenly frozen to the spot. I swear my heart skips a beat as I blink a few times to make sure I’m not hallucinating. The girl, or should I say woman, who has haunted my dreams for the past three and a half years is standing before me like a goddamn apparition. Her mouth is slightly open and she looks just as stunned as I feel. She’s just as beautiful as I remember, if not more so. She still leaves me breathless.

  ‘Jax,’ she whispers before launching herself into my arms.

  Relief floods through me. After our last exchange, I was half expecting her to go all ninja on my nuts.

  ‘Candice.’ Even though my hands are full, I wrap my arms around her waist, using my forearms to hold her tightly against me. My hurt and anger immediately vanishes. It all seems irrelevant now. ‘I’m sorry.’ Fuck, am I sorry. I feel like I’ve waited an eternity to say those words to her. I stupidly let her go once, but fate has brought us back together. If she’ll have me, I won’t make that mistake again. I smile to myself as I inhale her sweet apple scent. I haven’t been able to even look at an apple since I lost her, which is ridiculous.

  ‘For what?’

  ‘For everything. The way I left … the way I replied to your text …’

  ‘I’m sorry too,’ she whispers as her hold on me tightens. She has nothing to be sorry for. She did nothing wrong. The responsibility falls squarely on my shoulders. We cling to each other for the longest time, like our lives depend on it.

  ‘What are you doing in Newtown?’

  ‘I’ve been working here,’ she says drawing back to look at me. I can see tears glisten in her eyes, and the corners of my lips curve up. I was right, she is happy to see me. ‘Mum and I moved to Sydney three years ago.’

  ‘What? You’ve been living here for that long?’ My thoughts instantly move to the letter. Is it possible she never got it? Had they already moved away when I sent it? I decide not to mention it, just in case. There’s no point dredging up the past. If this is our chance to get back the friendship we lost, then I’m gonna take it. I’d rather that than nothing at all. Truth is, I’m miserable without her.

  ‘Yes,’ she says, nodding at the same time.

  ‘I can’t believe it. Where are you working?’

  ‘In the beautician shop. Just there.’ Turning her body slightly, she points to the shop a few doors down. I pass this joint regularly. We’ve been working on the same street. I shake my head. My angel has been within reach this whole time.

  I take a step back. ‘It’s so good to see you.’ I didn’t mean to voice that aloud, but it’s true. ‘I thought I’d never see you again.’

  She reaches out and grabs hold of my wrist. ‘Same.’

  ‘So you ended up going to beauty school after all?’ I knew that’s what Sophia wanted for her, but I’m surprised she actually went through with it.

  ‘Yeah.’ She smiles, but it doesn’t
quite reach her eyes.

  ‘Is that what you wanted, or what your mum wanted?’

  Shrugging, her gaze drops to the footpath. Her reaction concerns me. She has never mentioned her aspirations, but I know her well—this isn’t what she wants.

  I use this time to take in her appearance. She’s different from the Candice I remember. She looks grown up and sophisticated in the tailored white jacket and matching slacks she’s wearing. The company logo on the breast pocket tells me it’s a uniform. Her hair is slicked back into a tight bun that sits on top of her head; she has beautiful, soft hair and I much prefer it when it falls free. I smile when I see her familiar pink Converse sneakers. It makes me happy because I know the girl I love is still buried in there somewhere.

  ‘She’s made a lot of sacrifices for me over the years, Jax. It was the least I could do. Plus, I kinda ruined her plans for me to follow her into the modelling world.’ She points to her pink hair. I’m so glad she kept it. ‘How have you been? How’s uni?’

  ‘I dropped out.’

  Her eyes widen in shock. ‘What? When?’

  ‘Eighteen months ago. I gave it my best shot, but it was too much. I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like I was suffocating.’

  Her grip on my wrist tightens. ‘Politics was never you. How did your family take it?’

  ‘They disowned me.’ I still find it hard to believe myself.

  ‘What! Oh Jax.’

  I can see the pity in her eyes, and I hate that. I don’t want people feeling sorry for me. It is what it is. At least Candice gives a shit—she’s the only one who ever has.

  ‘I’m fine with it,’ I say with a shrug, which isn’t exactly true. I’ve become accustomed to it, but I’m definitely not okay with it. My parents haven’t even tried to contact me since I walked away from them. I’d never admit it, but it stings.

  I can tell by the look Candice gives me that she has reservations about what I’ve just said, but I’m grateful that she doesn’t call me on it.

  ‘If you’re not going to uni anymore, what are you doing with yourself?’

  ‘I opened my own tattoo parlour.’

  ‘You did not.’ She playfully pushes my chest and I chuckle.

  ‘I did. It’s just down the street if you’d like to come and see it.’

  ‘Jax!’ she shrieks as she throws her arms around me again. ‘I knew one day you’d do it. I’m so proud of you.’

  A lump rises in my throat when she says that. I knew in my heart she’d be happy that I’ve accomplished my dream. Her unwavering belief in me is what gave me the courage to even believe it was possible. I’m so glad to have her back.

  ‘Oh my God. Jaxson Albright,’ I hear someone say from behind me.

  When I let go of Candice and turn around, I find Sophia standing there with a stunned look on her face. But what shocks me the most is the small child she’s holding in her arms. My heart starts to race—is she Candice’s child? Though I guess Sophia is still young enough to be a mother. Please let her be Sophia’s.

  ‘Sissy!’ the little girl squeals, holding her arms out to Candice, and relief floods through me. The thought of Candice being with another man in that way is something I don’t want to consider. It’s selfish of me to even think that because I’ve certainly had my fair share of other women since her, but in my heart she’ll always belong to me and I don’t want to share her.

  I watch as Candice peppers kisses all over her sister’s face. It’s a beautiful sight and you can easily tell they’re related. Apart from the different eye colour, they have the same sweet facial features.

  ‘Hi Sophia,’ I say, tucking the bottle of water under my arm and holding out my hand to her. I’m taken aback when she ignores it, stepping forward and hugging me tightly instead.

  ‘It’s so good to see you again, Jaxson,’ she says.

  ‘You too.’

  When she lets go and steps back, her eyes travel down the length of my arm. ‘Look at you, all grown up. I love your ink.’ Sophia’s always been a cool parent. I wish mine were more like her.

  ‘Thanks.’ They’re only the visible ones. I have a lot more. I love them and each one has a special meaning. Especially the tiny image of a piece of pink candy that sits right over my heart. I’m the only one who knows the true meaning of that tattoo. It was my way of ensuring I’d always have a piece of my Candylicious with me. I’m going to need to be keeping my shirt on around her.

  ‘Jax has his own tattoo parlour now,’ Candice says. Her face lights up as she speaks and I’m trying hard not to stare, but I can’t seem to take my eyes off her.

  ‘I’m happy to hear things are going well for you. You were always a good kid.’

  I nod, giving her an appreciative smile. ‘And who do we have here?’ I ask, turning my attention to the child.

  Candice’s eyes dart to her mother.

  ‘This is my daughter, Maddison,’ Sophia says.

  ‘We call her Maddie,’ Candice adds.

  Maddie has a little Snoopy stuffed animal tucked tightly under her arm. Its worn condition tells me it’s extremely loved.

  ‘Hello, Peanut,’ I say, extending my hand to her. She’s only a toddler, so I doubt she’ll get my Charlie Brown reference. She giggles as her chubby little fingers curl around mine. ‘My name is Jax.’

  ‘Jax,’ she says as her free arm reaches out to me.

  Shit. Does she want me to hold her? I’ve never held a kid before. I give Candice a look that hopefully conveys I’m not comfortable holding her sister, but when the kid leans her torso towards me and extends her arm further, I’m left with no choice. I begrudgingly take her out of Candice’s arms. I can see she’s already inherited her mother’s and sister’s stubborn streak.

  Even with Snoopy tucked under her arm, she manages to raise both hands, and places them on my cheeks. Turning my face to hers, she studies me.

  ‘Hi,’ I say.

  ‘Hi,’ she replies as her cute face scrunches up in a toothy smile. She has the biggest brown eyes. These Crawford women are bewitching.

  Reaching up further, the kid removes the cap from my head and places it on her own. I chuckle when she turns it backwards, just like I had it. ‘Hat,’ she says proudly.

  ‘Yes. That’s Jax’s hat, bubba. You need to give it back,’ Candice replies.

  ‘No.’

  I chuckle when she purses her lips. There’s that familiar stubborn streak again. How do these three live together without killing each other?

  ‘Are you joining us for lunch?’ Sophia asks.

  ‘I can’t. I have a client in about ten minutes,’ I reply, looking down at my watch. ‘I guess I should be getting back.’

  ‘Do you have to?’ Candice asks. I can tell by the tone of her voice that she’s disappointed and that pleases me. I’m not ready to let her go either.

  ‘Why don’t you drop past my shop after work? I’d love to show you around.’ I need to see her again. Please say yes.

  ‘I’d really like that,’ she answers. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. ‘We’d better be going too. I have to be back at work soon. My boss is a tyrant. If I’m late she’ll be pissed.’ Candice rolls her eyes as she speaks. Even if it is to please her mother, I hate that she’s working somewhere that obviously makes her unhappy.

  ‘It was nice seeing you again, Jax,’ Sophia says, taking the kid out of my arms. Candice scoops my hat off Maddie’s head and passes it back to me.

  ‘Hat!’ Maddie screams. When she reaches for it, Sophia turns and starts walking down the street. I feel bad when I hear her start to cry. It’s my favourite hat, but I probably would’ve let her keep it if I’d known she was going to get upset.

  ‘So you’ll drop by later?’

  ‘Of course.’ The beautiful full smile Candice gives me when she says that, reignites the flame that once burnt brightly within me. She makes me feel alive. Fuck, I’ve missed that feeling. ‘My shift finishes at five-thirty. I’ll come over then.’

  ‘Great
.’ I pull a business card out of my pocket, passing it to her.

  She smiles as she gazes down at it. ‘Wicked Ink,’ she whispers as her fingers skim over the surface of the card. The logo on the card is identical to the one she had embossed onto the sketchpad she bought me.

  We stand there in silence. I don’t want to leave. ‘I’m glad I bumped into you.’ It’s made my day. Who am I kidding? It’s made my fucking year.

  ‘Me too.’ Stepping forward, she hugs me once more. ‘I never stopped hoping this day would come. I’ve been lost without you, Jax.’ Her words make me smile. She’s just the lift I needed. She’ll always be my happy place … the light in my darkness.

  ‘Me too. I’ve missed you so much. Never let anyone dull your sparkle, Candice,’ I whisper as I hold her tight.

  CANDICE

  ‘IS IT ALL RIGHT IF I LEAVE NOW?’ I ASK MY BOSS. I ALREADY know the answer, but for once she may surprise me.

  ‘No. You were late back from your lunch break, again, so you can sanitise all the manicuring equipment and sweep the floor before you leave. I’m running a business here, not a charity.’

  ‘But I’ve already sanitised all the equipment.’ I was only a few minutes late. She never takes into consideration all the times I’ve arrived early, or stayed back. God, I hate working here.

  ‘Well, re-do them,’ she snaps.

  ‘Bitch,’ I mumble under my breath when she storms to the back of the shop. I know what I’d like to do with all the nail files and clippers—shove them up her arrogant, unreasonable arse.

  It’s almost six by the time I finally arrive at Jax’s shop. I practically run all the way because I’m worried he’ll think I’m not coming. Seeing him again is all I’ve thought about the entire afternoon. Regardless of what’s happened between us, I need him in my life. Truth is, I’m miserable without him. Jax’s parting words from earlier are stuck in my mind and I have a feeling my sparkle will return now he has.

  I’m relieved when I see the lights inside are still on and I spend a minute or so catching my breath before entering. I use this time to take in the shop front. My heart swells with pride—I knew he’d follow his dream. He’s always been driven. I wish I could say the same thing for myself. Things changed dramatically for me after he left. The last few years I’ve struggled, to the point where some days I even found it hard to breathe without him. All my dreams were squashed. Even though I had no real aspirations when I was at school, I hate where I’ve ended up. I think it’s more my boss than the job itself though. I actually don’t mind that part.