Jax (A Bastard Novel)

by J. L. Perry

‘Of course.’

  He brushes his lips against mine before walking towards Maddie’s room. I follow closely behind him.

  He places the puppy gently down beside Maddie. ‘Peanut,’ he whispers, softly shaking her.

  ‘Daddy,’ she murmurs, opening her eyes. As soon as she speaks, the puppy rises from beside her and moves towards her face. Maddie giggles when he starts to lick her. ‘A puppy!’ she cries. ‘A real puppy.’

  ‘I know he’ll never replace your Puppy, but Mummy and I got him for you. We hate seeing you so sad.’

  She sits up and hugs the puppy to her chest. ‘I love him. He’s so cute.’ She giggles again when the puppy licks her chin.

  After the afternoon we’ve had, hearing her laugh is like music to my ears. I can already tell they’re going to be the best of friends. I never thought I could love my man any more than I already do, but right now my heart is close to bursting.

  ‘I’m glad,’ Jax says as he runs his hand over her hair.

  She puts the puppy down beside her and reaches for her dad. ‘I love you, Daddy,’ she says as she hugs him.

  ‘I love you too, Peanut.’

  When she lets him go, her gaze moves to me. She extends her arms, so I step towards the bed.

  ‘I love you, Mummy.’ She gives me a hug too.

  ‘I love you too, baby girl.’ My voice cracks as I speak. ‘I love you so much.’

  When she lets me go, she picks up the puppy again. ‘Can he sleep with me?’

  ‘Of course he can,’ Jax says, ‘but put him on the other side so he’s close to the wall. We don’t want him to fall out of bed in the middle of the night.’

  ‘Okay.’ She does as he asks.

  ‘In the morning you can think of a name for him.’

  ‘I want to call him Snoopy,’ she says without hesitation.

  ‘That’s a great name,’ Jax replies, ruffling her hair. ‘Now lie down and get some sleep. Tomorrow we have to go shopping and get all the things Snoopy will need.’

  ‘Good night, Daddy.’ She yawns as she lies down and snuggles the puppy to her. ‘Good night, Mummy.’

  Jax drapes his arm over my shoulder and smiles. Thanks to him, all is right with the world again. ‘I love you, Snoopy,’ we hear her say as we leave the room.

  Jax pulls me against him when we step into the hallway. ‘Are you okay?’ he asks.

  ‘I am now. You’re an amazing father. We’re both so lucky to have you.’

  He holds me tight as he places a kiss on the top of my head. ‘I’m the lucky one.’

  ••••

  ‘I now pronounce you husband and wife.’ I wipe the tear that leaks from my eye. ‘You may now kiss the bride.’

  The look that Brendan gives my mum when he pulls her into his arms makes my heart sing. It’s not hard to see how much he adores her. I know he’s going to spend the rest of his life looking after her and making her happy. Like I said to her this morning when we were getting our hair done, ‘Good things come to those who wait’, and it certainly feels like my mum’s waited a lifetime for him.

  They opted for a small, private, garden wedding. It’s nothing fancy, but beautiful nevertheless. They picked the perfect day to exchange their vows: the sun’s shining, and all the colourful flowers are in full bloom.

  Jax, Maddie and I are here, and Brendan’s parents, siblings and their partners are in attendance as well. Mum and Brendan asked me and Brendan’s older brother to be their witnesses. Maddie and Snoopy were in charge of looking after the rings. Snoopy goes everywhere with Maddie—except to school, of course.

  ‘Congratulations,’ I say, wrapping Mum in my arms and squeezing her tight. ‘I’m so happy for you. You sacrificed everything to raise me and I’ll always be grateful for that, but it’s your time now. It’s your time to be you, and to do what makes you happy.’

  ‘I’ve always been happy,’ she says. Tears fill her eyes as she runs her hand tenderly down the side of my face. ‘From the moment I held you in my arms when you were born. You changed my life for the better. I loved you then, and that will never change. Even though you’re all grown up and a mother now too, you’ll always be my baby girl.’

  ‘I love you too, Mum.’

  She’s finally come to terms with being called ‘Mum’, and ‘Nanny’ by Maddie. She’s even let go of her obsession with aging. I think she realises that Brendan will love her no matter what. It’s funny how the love of a good man can change you. Things that once seemed so important suddenly aren’t anymore.

  She kisses my cheek before releasing me, and I go over to my new stepfather. The thought makes me smile. It also appears that I now have step-aunts, step-uncles and step-grandparents as well. They’re all as lovely as he is. I’m thrilled that our little family is growing.

  ‘Congratulations, Brendan,’ I say, when he hugs me. We’ve become really close. ‘I couldn’t ask for a better man for my mum.’

  ‘I was hoping, once your mother and I finally got married, that you’d start calling me “Dad”.’

  ‘What?’ I say, drawing back so I can see his face. I can tell by the look he’s giving me that he’s serious.

  ‘Only if you want to, of course. No pressure. I know I’m not your real father, but I love you like you were my daughter.’

  ‘You love me?’

  ‘Of course I love you. I love you and Maddie both.’

  I tighten my hold on him, resting my head against his chest. Closing my eyes, I fight to hold in the tears. He has no idea how much this moment means to me. He’s just given me something I’ve always been missing, something I’ve wished for since I was a little girl.

  ‘I love you too, Dad,’ I whisper. Those words are something I never thought I’d say in this lifetime. ‘If I could choose any man on this earth to be my father, I’d choose you.’

  ••••

  ‘You haven’t stopped smiling since we came home,’ Jax says as he strips off and climbs into bed beside me.

  ‘I know. My cheeks actually hurt.’

  ‘Are you gonna tell me why?’

  I roll onto my side to face him, and he slides his arm around my waist, pulling me to him. ‘I’m just happy for my mum. She deserves someone like Brendan.’ His lips trail a path along my jaw and down my neck as I speak. As soon as I feel him hardening, I’m pretty sure he’s stopped listening, but I continue anyway. ‘Their wedding may not have been elaborate, but it was still beautiful. I think that’s the type of wedding I’d like.’

  His head snaps back. ‘You want to get married?’ Okay, he was listening. ‘I didn’t think that kind of thing was important to you.’

  ‘I think every little girl dreams about finding her Prince Charming and getting married one day, Jax.’

  ‘Oh.’ He moves his body on top of me and settles between my legs. ‘I didn’t pick you for that kinda girl. You may not get the husband, but would you settle for your Prince Charming?’ I laugh when he wiggles his eyebrows.

  ‘Are you saying we’re just going to live in sin forever?’

  He lifts my right leg, wrapping it around his waist. I bite down on my bottom lip to suppress my moan as he slowly slides inside me.

  ‘There’s nothing sinful about the love I have for you,’ he says as his lips brush against mine. ‘You’re all I’ve ever wanted.’

  ‘You’re all I’ve ever wanted too.’

  ‘My sinful thoughts though … that’s a whole other story.’

  I laugh. I know all about his sinful thoughts. I love them almost as much as I love him.

  ‘My thoughts about you are pretty sinful too, Mr Albright,’ I say, burying my hands in his thick brown hair.

  ‘Oh, yeah? Enlighten me.’ He pushes his hips forward and slides all the way in, filling me completely. The pure ecstasy that only he can bring me takes over and I’m incapable of answering him. My eyes flutter shut as a long, drawn-out moan falls from my lips.

  When I finally open them, Jax is giving me that look he reserves for only me, and it’s
so sexy, it makes my stomach do flip-flops. Sliding my hands into his hair, I pull his face towards mine.

  ‘Let me show you,’ I whisper against his mouth.

  ••••

  ‘If you really want to get married, we will,’ he says as I lie in his arms, still coming down from our post-coital bliss. ‘There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, you know that.’

  ‘It’s gotta be something we both want, Jax.’

  ‘It’s not that I don’t want to marry you, it’s just that I don’t need a piece of paper to prove how much I love you.’

  ‘I don’t either,’ I say, snuggling into his side and placing a soft kiss on his chest. ‘As long as we’re together I’m happy. We’ve never been conventional types anyway.’

  ‘That’s right, we haven’t.’ He chuckles. ‘We had a child when we weren’t even together.’ He kisses my hair. ‘If it’s meant to be, babe, it will happen at the right time, and for the right reasons. Not because society says it’s what we should do.’

  ‘That’s right. In my heart I know our best is yet to come. In the meantime, just keep loving me, and I’ll keep loving you. The rest will fall into place.’

  ‘I’ll never stop loving you, Candice,’ he says, brushing my hair from my face. ‘Fucking never.’

  JAX

  Five years later …

  ‘WE DON’T TURN HERE,’ CANDICE SAYS.

  ‘I know, I’m just making a quick detour.’ I wink at her when she eyes me sceptically from the passenger seat.

  A few minutes later when I put my indicator on to turn into the parking lot, I hear her growl.

  ‘Really, Jax. You’re gonna stop and buy donuts now? We’re already running late.’

  I hear Maddie snicker from the back seat.

  ‘Come on, babe, I’ve been craving donuts all day.’

  ‘You’re not the one who’s pregnant, Jax, remember?’

  ‘It’s not uncommon for fathers to get cravings you know.’

  ‘Is that right?’ She laughs. ‘And I suppose you read that in one of those baby books you always have your head in.’

  ‘It’s written in black and white, so that makes it a fact.’

  ‘I call it bullshit,’ she says. ‘People make up stuff like that all the time. You’re obsessed with those damn books.’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with being prepared. Don’t forget, this is the first time for me.’

  I look at her when I shut off the ignition. When her eyes narrow, I know she’s misconstrued what I’ve just said. Damn baby hormones. I’m not stupid enough to intentionally insult her when her emotions are all over the place. I like my balls exactly where they are. I read up about this when I first noticed that some crazy woman had possessed my fiancée. Lately she’s been normal one minute, angry the next, and more often than not, crying a few seconds later.

  ‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ I say, reaching across the centre console and wrapping her hand in mine. ‘I’m sorry. I just want to be the best support I can be, to you—to you both.’ My hand comes to rest on her stomach. ‘I hate that you went through it without me last time. I just want to be prepared—I wanna be your rock.’

  Her face relaxes and her lips curve into a smile. ‘You say the sweetest things sometimes.’ Seconds later I notice tears pooling in her eyes, and she sniffles.

  ‘Come here.’ This pregnancy is making her an emotional wreck.

  ‘I love you,’ she whispers.

  ‘I know you do. And I love you too, even when you’re acting all psycho.’ Drawing back, I gently wipe her tears away with my thumb. ‘Do you forgive me?’

  She nods. ‘Always.’

  ‘That’s my girl.’ Leaning forward, I place my lips on hers.

  ‘Gross,’ I hear Maddie say from the back seat. ‘Do you two ever give it a rest? You’re going to scar me for life, you know that right?’

  ‘I can’t help it if I’m head over heels in love with your mother,’ I say as I turn towards the back seat. Maddie rolls her eyes, but it’s quickly followed by a smile. This kid still knows how to turn my heart to mush in the blink of an eye. She has me wrapped around her little finger.

  My baby girl is growing up way too fast. She’ll be starting high school next year. As much as I love seeing her blossom into the young lady she’s becoming, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t scare the hell out of me.

  ‘You better hurry up and get those donuts you’re craving,’ Candice says. ‘Carter’s waiting.’

  When she reaches across the centre console and grabs a chunk of skin on my stomach, I slap her hand away. I know exactly what she’s implying. ‘I’m not putting on weight.’

  ‘Nobody said you were. If you keeping eating all these donuts though …’

  Candice doesn’t finish her sentence, but there’s no need. It will never happen, I reassure myself. I work out every day. In the bedroom, and with my home gym.

  ‘You are what you eat, Daddy.’

  ‘Hey, who asked for your opinion?’ I chuckle.

  ‘Well, if that’s the case, your father must’ve eaten a sexy beast for breakfast,’ Candice says, placing her hand on my thigh. In an instant, all is forgiven. Christ, I love this woman.

  ‘Puke,’ Maddie mumbles, and Candice and I laugh. ‘I have the grossest parents ever. Jessica’s parents never smooch like you two.’

  ‘That’s because Jessica’s dad doesn’t have a hot wife like I do.’

  ‘Daddy,’ Maddie screeches. ‘Ew.’

  When I wink at Candice, she mouths, ‘I love you.’

  ‘Mum, can you pass me my earphones? I’m gonna listen to music so I don’t have to hear you two.’ Snoopy lets out a bark from beside her. ‘Do you want me to cover your ears too, boy?’

  ••••

  ‘You finally made it,’ Carter whines when we pull into the driveway of Indiana’s father’s house. ‘You should’ve been here an hour ago.’

  ‘He had some make-believe cravings on the way,’ Candice replies.

  ‘You’re an idiot.’ Carter chuckles, shaking his head at me.

  ‘Fuck off, arsehole, they’re legit,’ I mumble as I get out of the car. Why doesn’t anyone believe me? I’m not making this shit up.

  ‘Uncle Jax,’ Carter’s sons, Jaxson and Levi, scream as they come bolting out of the house, heading straight for me. Indiana is following close behind with their youngest, Eve, in her arms. Carter named his first born after me—it was up there with the best moments of my life.

  After kissing Indiana, I take Eve from her. ‘How’s my second favourite girl?’ I ask, planting a kiss on her chubby cheek. My gaze moves to Maddie, and I wink. She’ll always be my number one. Eve giggles, squirming in my arms when I bury my face in her neck and blow a raspberry. Seeing her always makes me wish my own little girl wasn’t growing up so fast. I’m in no way ready for that.

  Like Candice and me, Carter and Indi went to hell and back to get to where they are today. But sometimes the fight we go through is worth it in the end. It makes you appreciate everything you have so much more. It’s like winning the ultimate prize. Something you’ll cherish for-fucking-ever.

  ‘Are you nervous about tomorrow?’ I hear Carter ask Candice, as he gives her a quick hug. Even though my attention appears to be on Indiana and his kids, I’m listening intently for her answer.

  ‘Not at all. I feel like I’ve waited my whole life for this.’

  Of course I’m grinning like a fool when she says that.

  Carter takes Eve out of my arms and passes her to Indi, before following me around to the back of my car so I can collect my suitcase out of the boot.

  ‘We should hit the road,’ Carter says, taking the suitcase out of my hands.

  ‘Okay. Just let me say goodbye to my girls.’

  Maddie is the closest, so I pull her into my arms first. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Peanut. Have fun at Nan and Pop’s tonight.’

  ‘I will,’ she says, wrapping her arms around me tightly. It’s only one night, but I’m
missing my girls already.

  ‘Look after your mum for me.’

  ‘Of course.’ When she looks up at me, I’m surprised to see tears in her eyes.

  ‘Hey,’ I say, cupping her face, ‘what’s with the tears?’

  ‘I’m just happy.’

  ‘Happy to be getting rid of me?’ I ask.

  ‘No, just happy that you and Mum are finally getting your shit together.’

  ‘Watch your mouth,’ I say, trying not to laugh. She’s got spunk, just like her mum.

  ‘I’ve wanted this for so long.’

  ‘You have?’ That surprises me. Sure, she mentioned it a few times when she was young, but once they moved in with me, it never came up again. I just presumed Maddie was content with our situation. ‘Why didn’t you say something?’

  ‘I knew in my heart it would happen one day.’

  ‘Jesus.’ I pull her face into my chest. ‘I’m sorry we made you wait so long.’ I always said I never needed a piece of paper to prove my love for her mother, but I would’ve married her years ago if I’d known that’s what my little girl wanted. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.

  ‘It’s okay, Dad. Honestly.’

  ‘I love you,’ I say, placing a kiss on her hair.

  ‘I love you too.’

  Candice steps forward and puts her arms around my waist.

  ‘I’m gonna miss you tonight,’ I whisper. We haven’t spent a night apart since we started living together.

  ‘I’m not sure if I’ll be able to sleep without you beside me.’ When I hear her sniffle, I know she’s crying again. These next five months are going to be the death of me.

  ‘I know what you mean.’ I draw back and cup her face in my hands as my mouth bears down on hers. It’s only one night, I tell myself. Tomorrow she’ll be my wife and we’ll never have to be apart again. ‘Call me if you’re having trouble sleeping. Maybe we can have phone sex.’ I wiggle my eyebrows and she laughs.

  ‘I’d like that.’

  ‘I love you. I’ll be counting down the minutes until I see you tomorrow.’

  ‘Me too.’

  I open the driver’s side door and close it once she’s seated inside. ‘Drive carefully, and call me when you get there,’ I say through the open window.