A Promise of Forever

by Marilyn Pappano

  “I can’t be the only person in the world who doesn’t want that life.”

  “No, of course not. I’ve seen a lot of divorces. A lot of spouses who got tired of the hours, the deployments, the separations, the pay, the stress. But I assumed that wouldn’t be my spouse because I am Super Soldier.”

  “I’m not Super Spouse.” The admission pained him, like a giant hand grabbing hold of his insides and squeezing hard. He had always believed with everything in him that his father’s heartbreak over the divorce had contributed to his death. He was more sure of it now than ever.

  But he wasn’t his dad. He wouldn’t shut down over this. He might not be Army husband quality, but he was strong. He would miss Avi like hell for a while, and then he would move on. Eventually. Somehow.

  “I’m sorry, Avi.”

  Her only response for a long time was a squeeze of his fingers. It wasn’t until they’d reached the sidewalk and turned toward Main Street that she spoke. “It’s all right. Neither of us is any good at compromise. That’s good to know before Ben and Avi Junior come along.”

  Ben rubbed the knot in his gut and bleakly said, “I could have lived my whole life without knowing.”

  “Me, too.” Then she laughed and flashed him a wicked look. “I’ll ask Lucy to set you up. She’s got lots of single friends.”

  There wasn’t a single tiny place inside him that felt like teasing. He dug deep, though, for a voice that didn’t sound miserable, for words that didn’t plead. “You do that, I’m putting a profile for you on every online dating site I can find.”

  “I’ll hook you up with Iron Curtain brides wanting to come to the U.S.”

  “I’ll post your picture and write your phone number on every men’s room wall in Georgia.”

  “I’ll start a Facebook page: Find Ben Noble a Wife.”

  “I’ll take semi-naked pictures of you, add your phone number and e-mail address, and put them on Instagram.”

  She stuck her tongue out at him, then said airily, “There can’t be any naked pictures if I don’t let you see me naked again.”

  “You mean, no sex this week?” He didn’t need to feign the dismay in his voice. The thought was enough to scare him. Like saying good-bye to her did. Facing a future without her. Wondering how much he would lose—they would both lose—for their stubbornness.

  “Only under cover of darkness. I’ll dress and undress in the bathroom behind locked doors, then disrobe under the covers.”

  “You don’t have a robe,” he pointed out.

  “I’ll buy one.”

  They stopped at the next intersection to allow a car to pass. In the light from the streetlamp, she looked so damn beautiful and sweet and just the littlest bit sad. For a moment, just a moment, he wished he’d never met her, but immediately he recanted. Friday night he’d asked her, Would you be willing to give up all the affection, all the memories, in exchange for getting rid of the pain?

  He wouldn’t. Loving Avi was special. Losing her would break his heart, but the time with her was worth that. The heartbreak would eventually fade, scarred over, like his mother had said, but the memories would remain forever.

  The best memories he’d ever had.

  * * *

  “What are you doing up so early?”

  Avi lifted her cup from the coffeemaker, breathing deeply of the rich, bold aroma. She needed coffee every morning, but she absolutely could not start a Monday without it, the stronger, the better. Something had to jolt her heart and brain awake. “I thought I’d go to work with you today,” she said as she turned to face her mother.

  Beth blinked. “Did your father coerce you into doing this?”

  “No, I haven’t seen Dad yet this morning. I have experience, you know. GrandMir and Popi took me to the nursery all the time.”

  “I’m not worried about your experience.” Beth swatted her as she passed to make her own coffee. “I’m worried about your muscles. Your dad’s starting a new project today, and if you’re there, he’ll surely rope you into helping him.”

  “What kind of project?” Normally Avi didn’t use cream in her coffee, but her mother bought a bottled kind that was hazelnut flavored and incredibly rich. She used it with a heavy hand, then left the bottle for Beth. After her first sip, she closed her eyes and sighed happily.

  “A fountain with a multi-level retaining wall creating terraces around it.”

  “Sounds lovely.”

  “Tell me that again after you spend your day lifting rocks and hauling dirt.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  Beth smiled at her. “Better you than me. I helped him build the first fountain. After that, I just flat refused. Since I passed the big five-oh, the only heavy lifting or bending I have to do is what I want.” She took two bagels from a plastic bag, sliced them, and popped them into the toaster, then got a tub of cream cheese out. “Do you still like the chive flavor?”

  “I do.” Avi leaned against the counter, warming her hands on the coffee mug, taking an occasional heavenly sip. Since it was a Monday, and she hadn’t slept well the night before, it seemed a good time to ask a cheerless question. “Mom? Are you happy here?”

  Beth leaned against another section of counter. “In Tallgrass? I love it. It’s home.”

  “You don’t miss the house or your job or your friends in Tulsa?”

  “The house and the job, no. Though I do wish I had a few more memories of you here. As far as my friends, I still see the ones I was really close to. They come here, I go there, or we meet in between. The ones who aren’t willing to make that effort…they’re missing out. And your father…”

  The toaster popped up, and she fished out the bagels with her fingers, dropping them on saucers. Avi set down her coffee, smeared way too much cream cheese onto hers, then went to sit at the kitchen table.

  Beth joined her a moment later. “Your dad is happier here than he ever was in Tulsa. He loves the nursery, the house, the town, the people. His job is more fun than work. He’s outside all the time, digging and building and plotting. The only thing that could make him happier is to have his little girl living here.” She hesitated, then added in an emotional voice, “That goes double for me. And in eight years, we plan to give you the retirement party and welcome-to-Tallgrass party to beat all parties.”

  Breaking her life down into eight-year segments, the wait really wasn’t so long.

  At the moment, it seemed like forever.

  They ate their bagels and finished their coffee, then headed to Avi’s car together. It was a beautiful morning, so she put the top down. Even if it was freezing, she admitted, she would have put the top down and blasted the heater on high. It was just so fun, the wind blowing through her hair, the sun beaming on her skin. It made her feel ten years younger. Freer.

  At the nursery, her dad had already started work on the fountain. It was located at the entrance, visible from the street, a temptation to customers going inside, a place for disinterested spouses to rest and wait. Beth gave the pallets of stone and bags of mortar mix a shuddering look, then disappeared into the cool, sweet-scented shadows inside.

  Avi saluted sharply. “Sergeant First Class Avery Grant reporting for duty, sir.”

  Her dad returned the salute just as sharply. “I’m glad to have the help, sweetheart.”

  The first step was digging the foundation for the half-circle retaining wall. Avi picked up a shovel, jabbed the point into the dirt, and pushed hard with all her weight to sink the tool. Up came a spadeful of dirt, which she tossed into a wheelbarrow.

  She’d missed hard work. Her leave had become a vacation from everything—not just her job, but also her diet and physical activity. She felt this work in her shoulders, her spine, and her legs, a challenge to her fitness that felt good.

  By the end of the day, she’d lost the challenge. She was exhausted. Her hands under her work gloves were tender and red. The muscles along her shoulder blades burned, and she was soaked with sweat and dirt. It was only
thanks to the ball cap and sunblock her mom had provided that she hadn’t burned to a crisp.

  “You’re a trooper,” her father said, his arm around her as he surveyed their accomplishments. The footing was in place, along with most of the wall: ten feet across and two and a half feet high at the front, four at the back. The fountain would be built of the same stone, copying the curve of the wall, and flowers would fill the two levels of the wall.

  “I’m a pooped trooper.” She carefully worked the band out of her hair, which was soaked to the scalp, then combed her fingers through it. “Do you work like this all the time?”

  “Oh, no. No, no. Your mother’s wanted this fountain for a year, and I just got around to it today because I knew I could have your help if I needed it.”

  “And you didn’t even need to ask.” She exhaled heavily. “I’m going to clean up, then head to Tulsa.”

  “Be careful.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “And stay the night. I don’t want you driving back when you’re this tired.”

  “I’ll sleep on the couch,” she said with a wicked grin, remembering his comment about his thirty-year-old virgin daughter. She waved good-bye to her mom, waiting on a customer, then walked to her car.

  Sundance was at the door when she got home, dancing the dance of joy. She didn’t get to spend days at the nursery yet, Beth had said, since the few times they’d tried taking her, she’d peed in the flower beds and slipped off to sit in the middle of Main Street. But Beth had hope. After all, she’d trained Avi up right, hadn't she?

  Avi kicked off her shoes and socks so she wouldn’t track dirt inside, then let the dog out the back door. Stepping into the laundry room, she stripped down to her underwear before guzzling a bottle of cold water while waiting for the dog to finish her business. As soon as the setter came back in, Avi headed upstairs to shower.

  She looked like crap in the bathroom mirror, but she’d looked worse. Iraq and Afghanistan had some hellacious sandstorms, called haboobs, and she’d been caught in her share, hunkered down, every exposed part of her turning brown or red. She had coughed and sneezed dust for the next six months.

  After toweling off, she dressed again in a black jersey dress and piled her hair on top of her head. She put on makeup, sprayed cologne, and fastened a silver chain around her neck, then with a yawn and a shrug of her stiffened shoulders, she lay back on the bed just for a moment to let her spine relax. Maybe Ben could do some OMM on her as soon as he got home.

  When she opened her eyes again, the first thing she noticed was that the sun was low on the horizon, its rays reaching only the bottom slats of the window blinds. Blinking, she checked the bedside clock, saw that it was nearly eight o’clock, and jumped up with a gasp. She grabbed her phone and called Ben’s number, wondering if her dress was too wrinkled, if she’d rubbed off her makeup, if her hair was sticking out at strange angles.

  “Hey, gorgeous.”

  His voice made her close her eyes and draw a deep, relaxing breath. “Hey, Doc. I’m so sorry—”

  “Don’t worry. Your mom called and said your dad worked you like a red-headed stepson.”

  “That’s one way of putting it.”

  “We decided it would be wiser to postpone tonight. She said she’ll throw you out after lunch tomorrow. She also said that if you wore something really tight and short and snug to this place called TwoSteps, you could pick up an entire work crew for nothing more than the cost of a few beers.”

  “What?! My own mom is suggesting I pimp myself out at the sleaziest soldier bar in town?”

  Ben chuckled. “I think she said it’s not pimping if you don’t flash anything or let them touch.”

  Avi opened the blinds and stretched out on the thick pad of the window seat. “My mom’s gotten a little strange since I moved out.”

  “Maybe it comes from living so close to my mother.”

  “Wouldn’t you hate to send them off on a road trip together? First, neither of them can read a map. Second, my mom knows how to operate a gas pump. She just refuses. She says for the prices they charge today, she should get full service. She’s lucky she hasn’t been stranded in the middle of nowhere. Funny thing, though, she always finds someone who will pump the gas for her.”

  “They both get distracted by good-looking young men,” Ben added. “I don’t know about yours, but mine tries to mother everyone she meets.”

  “Mine flirts with them. The only reason she hasn’t tried it with you is because Patricia told her you were hands-off.”

  “Patricia went to buy ice on the Fourth of July and brought home three soldiers who didn’t have any plans. They stayed for dinner, watched the fireworks, and had a great time.”

  Avi thought of several holidays where she’d been the one alone with nothing to do and someone had invited her to join their family or friends. It had been a lifesaver. Patricia had spent so many holidays away from her family that, of course, she couldn’t bear it for someone else. “Aw, that’s sweet.”

  “Hmm.” Ben’s voice vibrated over the phone. “She showed them where she lived. She gave them a tour of the house. She introduced them to all the margarita girls and pointed out Lucy’s house across the yard.”

  Avi hoped this story didn’t have a bad ending, like they came back and stole everything they could carry. “So what did they do?”

  “They cleaned up the mess when the evening was over, and the next day they sent her flowers. A week later, they all chipped in and took her to dinner at Luca’s.” There was a tone in his voice, as if he hadn’t expected that outcome.

  “She obviously read them right. They were good kids, probably missing their families, who were thrilled that someone took the time to be so nice to them.” She stretched out her feet, and the muscles in the back of her calves and thighs throbbed. “You’ve never lived out of state, Doc. It can get awfully lonely to have no place to go and no one special to be with. I think the military community is more open to remedying that, maybe, than civilians are because we’ve all found ourselves in that situation before.”

  “That’s one of the benefits of not moving around. You have a place to go and people to be with.”

  Snorting, she slid lower until she was lying on the window seat, her knees bent. The firm cushion felt very good against her achy spine, but the inverted vee of her legs wasn’t doing anything to help her knees. She braced her bare feet on the wall and vowed to not give up her workout again just because she was on leave. “Lots of people never move and still have no one to do holidays with.”

  “That’s because they’re not blessed with a family like mine.”

  Her smile was bittersweet. If it wasn’t for his family, she was pretty sure he could be persuaded to give Georgia a chance. His practice was important, but his sisters and the kids were the real reason he was so tied to Tulsa, and it wasn’t even that they truly needed him. They’d been abandoned by their mother in divorce, by their father in death, and Ben, who had been hurt the deepest, couldn’t bear to do anything remotely similar.

  Of course, Avi would never wish his family away. His devotion to them was one of the things she loved about him. He would be even more devoted to his wife and children, and that was a special quality in a man.

  “What kind of project are you helping your dad with?”

  She was grateful he’d changed the subject, because all that hard work with the usual Oklahoma fall spores, molds, and pollens in the air had made her eyes watery. She described the fountain and the retaining wall/bench/flower beds. “I lifted seventeen thousand pounds of rock today.”

  “Uh-huh,” he teased.

  “I mixed twenty-nine bags of mortar. ‘To the consistency of brownie batter,’ Dad tells me. Do I look like a girl who makes brownie batter?”

  “Huh-uh.”

  “Then I hauled off three tons of dirt one wheelbarrow at a time.”

  “Poor baby. I bet tomorrow you’ll be wanting to see what kind of magic I can work.”

  Everything inside her w
ent kind of warm and fuzzy and quivery. “I’ve already seen your magic, Doc. You are the magic man.”

  He didn’t laugh, as she’d thought he might, but got very quiet and serious. “Only with you, gorgeous. Enjoy your evening with your parents, because tomorrow night’s mine, okay?”

  “Okay.” She hesitated a moment, then blurted out, “I love you, Ben.”

  “I know,” he said smugly. Her grrr made him laugh, then he went soft again. “I love you, too, gorgeous. Good night.”

  Chapter 13

  Calvin had left his cell phone behind when he’d gone out to pick up dinner, and it was ringing when he walked back into his apartment. He dropped the thin bag on the coffee table, got a bottle of water from the kitchen, sat down on the couch, and silenced the phone without looking at it. It would ring again and again until he finally answered, and he didn’t see that happening anytime soon. Sorry, Mom, it’s just not your month.

  After turning on the television, he unwrapped the sandwich he’d brought home and stared at it. Between the time he’d ordered it and the time the teenager behind the counter handed it over, his turkey and provolone with mayo on white had morphed into a ham and cheddar with mustard on wheat.

  What was so damn difficult about it? Tens of thousands of people walked into delis every day, this meat on that bread with those vegetables and these dressings. Making them was a small matter of following directions. All the kid had to do was listen to Calvin—just listen, that was it—and then do what he was told. A monkey could have done it. Hell, the idiot kid could have done it if he’d taken the damn earbuds out and paid attention.

  Anger built inside Calvin, not the good righteous kind but the ugly, irrational sort. The kid had screwed up his order. It wasn’t a big deal, but it felt like one. It felt like just one more thing in a hundred-mile string of bad things that plagued Calvin wherever he went, whatever he did. It seemed like people were just damn determined to mess with him—at work, on the street, in the damn freaking deli. Hell, even people on the phone, he added as the cell started ringing again. Grabbing it from the coffee table, he threw it the way he would have thrown a baseball, with a good wind-up, flinging it hard with a little extra oomph.