My Winter

by Nikki Young

  “He’s really wonderful, Leah,” she says quietly. She comes over to where I’m standing. She smiles weakly and pulls me into her embrace. “It’s okay to love him back,” she whispers.

  I step away from her and sigh. I had been so nervous about the evening and now that it’s slowly coming to an end, I feel my body grow tired. I smile at my mom, leaving her to finish cleaning up.

  “Love you, Ma,” I say before walking out.

  “Love you, too, Leah.”

  I find Adam sitting on the couch and I curl up next to him. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and my head finds that spot where it fits perfectly. I look up to find Tommy and Joe watching me, smiling and it nearly kills me. They look just like my dad. I close my eyes and press against Adam a little more, finding more comfort in him than I ever thought was possible.

  A while later I awake to the sound of Adam’s voice whispering my name.

  “Leah,” he says softly. “Wake up, baby. We gotta get home.” I look around and the house is dark with the exception of the living room.

  “What time is it?” I ask groggily.

  “It’s late,” Adam says. “The game went into overtime.”

  Adam is standing holding my coat as Joe and Tommy wait at the front door. My mom is obviously already in bed judging by the quiet of the house. He helps me into my coat and pulls me against him once it’s on.

  My eyes are heavy and I lean against Adam as we walk out to the car. He opens my door and my brothers shout their good-byes. I toss my hand up in a quick wave to acknowledge them. Just before Adam closes the door, I hear Joe say, “You better be good to her or we’ll be painting prick on the side of your car.”

  I hear Adam laugh and it brings a smile to my face. He climbs into the car, presses a kiss to my head and as we make our way home, when he thinks I’m asleep, I swear he whispers, “I love you.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  This is the third time Adam reminds me that he needs to leave town for work next week. Every time we talk about it I get a lump in my throat. I’m being ridiculous. It’s not even a full week. Leaves on Monday and returns Friday afternoon. I tell myself repeatedly that I don’t need to spend every day with him, but I do. That’s what makes this so difficult. I see him every day. Every single day and I love every second of it.

  Adam begins to talk about leaving and I tune him out. I don’t want to think about it. When I don’t acknowledge his comment, he calls my name again.

  “Leah? Did you hear me?”

  “What?” I respond and he laughs.

  “You’re not listening to me, are you?”

  “Not really, sorry.” I pause for a second before quietly adding, “I don’t want you to go.”

  “I know,” he says sweetly as he lays his head in my lap. Looking up at me, smiling, I lean down and kiss the tip of his nose. “Come with me,” he says firmly.

  “Okay,” I respond instantly. “Wait, seriously?” I add feeling like an idiot for answering so quickly.

  “Why would I ask if I wasn’t serious?” he says, but his tone is more joking. “Yes Leah, I’m serious. I hate the thought of you being here without me.”

  Adam sits up, pulling me onto him until I’m straddling his hips. I press my lips to his and within seconds Adam deepens the kiss and a low groan vibrates in his chest.

  “God, Leah, you have no idea what you do to me. This,” he says digging his fingers into my hips and then sliding them under my shirt, up to my breasts, “is why I can’t be without you. You give me a semi every time I think about you.” He pushes himself against me.

  I throw my head back laughing. “You really know how to ruin a romantic moment, don’t you?”

  “I can’t help it.”

  I playfully slap the side of his arm and he grabs for my wrist. The next thing I know he’s the one on top and I’m giggling as he shoves his head under my shirt.

  “Adam,” I squeal wiggling underneath him. “We have to meet Cari and Jimmy for dinner in an hour and I still need to shower.”

  “I could help you,” he says as he slips his head out from under my shirt.

  I just shake my head and leave him sitting on the couch with a scowl on his face. As I step into the bathroom, I look around at the counter, which is covered with my stuff. Makeup bag, blow dryer, toothbrush, hair ties and a few pairs of earrings—all of which have accumulated over the past few weeks. When I strip off my clothes and toss them into the laundry basket that is on the floor, I notice it’s at least half filled with my clothes. The shower is no different: a razor, a bottle of shampoo, a few different types of conditioner and some coconut shower gel. Taking it all in only makes me feel conflicted.

  I start the shower and stand under the stream as the hot water makes my skin burn and tingle. I can’t stop repeating it over in my head. “I live with Adam.” When the hell did this happen? The thought makes me panic slightly yet feel strangely excited. I shove the thought aside knowing it’s once again something I don’t want to confront.

  An hour later we enter the bar and Cari smirks at me when we walk in. She and Jimmy are already seated and I can’t help but laugh at her. She’s far too saucy for her own good. Adam squeezes my hand as he smiles down at me. He winks and I know he’s in on this with her.

  “Nice choice,” I say, sliding into the seat across from her. I purse my lips and stare at her. Adam doesn’t realize it, but there’s more to this situation and given that I still haven’t told him about Ellis, this is Cari’s way of forcing my hand.

  “I thought it would be cute if we all met up at the place where Adam and you first met.” She shrugs her shoulders as if it’s nothing more than that.

  “You’re a cheeky bitch,” I say and she wrinkles her nose at me.

  “I am,” she says smugly. “But you love me.”

  “You know I do.”

  This is really the first time that Jimmy and Adam have met. We haven’t all been together for a length of time and the thought of the four of us out together makes me happy. Rarely were there times that Ellis joined us, and when he did, I was reserved. Not my usual self and Cari hated every minute of it.

  As I sit with Adam next to me, I just hope he can handle Cari and me together. Jimmy’s been around a long time and has always let us be ourselves. I wonder how Adam’s going to take the two of us together.

  Jimmy reaches across the table, shaking Adam’s hand and introducing himself. He grins at Cari and then me before returning his attention to Adam.

  “I hope you know what you’re getting into,” he says. “These two are a piece of work. The day I met Cari, Leah turned to me and said that she was here first and she doesn’t like to share. I wasn’t sure if I should run or be turned on.”

  Adam laughs and slings his arm over the back of my chair, his fingers loosely playing with my hair.

  “Sounds like Leah,” Adam responds.

  “Just wait till they get drunk. You haven’t seen anything yet.”

  “Jimmy!” Cari shouts at him. “Stop scaring Adam.” Cari looks over at Adam with a sweet but fake smile plastered on her face. “Leah’s a good girl,” she says and then giggles.

  “Trust me, I know exactly what she’s like,” Adam says and pulls me close, kissing my temple.

  “No one’s getting drunk tonight,” I add and watch Cari and Jimmy both come undone at my words. The laughter that spills from them is ridiculous and I know how stupid it sounds. It’s a well-known fact that when Jimmy, Cari and I are together no one leaves without being at least buzzed. It’s just what we do when we’re together and I’ve always enjoyed it. It’s part of our friendship and what makes them different from anyone else I know. They have always been accepting of my flaws and neither of them tries to change me, which is why they are the only constant in my life besides my family.

  Adam smiles at me and shakes his head just before the waitress takes our order. We all sit around talking casually waiting for our drinks and the appetizers we ordered. Adam and Jimmy are getting
along as if they’ve known each other for years. Watching all of this unfold in front of me makes my heart melt. First my family and now the two people who I consider to be my family, all getting along with Adam. It’s effortless on his part and I love him even more for that.

  I look over at Cari and she smiles. “This is how it should be,” she says quietly and I nod in response.

  After many rounds of drinks and lots of food, we are significantly drunk. Cari has me laughing so hard I nearly pee in my pants. Adam is laughing right along with us, at points, so hard tears are streaming down his cheeks.

  “Tell me another story about Leah,” Adam says as Cari hiccups loudly making me burst into a fit of laughter. Adam wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me against him, kissing my face over and over.

  He whispers in my ear making my stomach flutter with excitement. “Your laugh gets me every time. It’s the sexiest thing about you.” I put my hand on his cheek and guide his lips to mine. I want to kiss him a million times, lose myself in him, but that will have to wait.

  Jimmy takes a long drink from his beer and settles back in his chair. He has a smug grin on his face and I can only imagine what he’s about to tell Adam.

  “This is a classic Leah story,” he says and he has the attention of the whole table. Cari is smiling like an idiot at me, just waiting for the next embarrassing thing. Adam nods and Jimmy continues. “We all went camping a few years ago. Leah and Cari camping is one of the worst things you’ll ever experience in your life.”

  Cari cuts Jimmy off quickly. “Whoa, whoa, hold it there boy,” she says, slurring her words. “Leah and I have both told Jimmy we don’t like to camp.” She addresses Adam directly. “Yet we like the drinking by the campfire and s’mores and crappy camping food. We just don’t like nature or sleeping on the ground or the dark or bugs or pissing in the woods and we definitely don’t like poison ivy on our ass. But that’s another story. I just needed to clarify that we never said we liked camping, yet Jimmy still wanted to go.” She speaks quickly but her words blend together making me laugh. You can barely understand her. Jimmy picks her hand up off the table and kisses it a few times before lacing his fingers with hers. She leans her head against his shoulder and he kisses the top of her head. I love the two of them together.

  “So,” Jimmy says looking at Cari with a fake annoyed look on his face. “Leah and Cari decide they’re going to roast marshmallows, but this is after they’ve had a few beverages. Leah is nice and giddy. Cari’s just a hot ass mess.” Cari rolls her eyes and tries to pull her hand away from Jimmy. “The two of them are babbling incessantly about who the fuck knows and not paying attention, when Leah realizes her marshmallow has caught fire.” Jimmy stops, looks over at me and smirks. “Instead of doing what a normal person would do and trying to blow it out, she starts swinging the stick around, the flaming marshmallow flying around like a fucking accident waiting to happen. All the while, I’m yelling at her to drop it and Cari is screaming at the top of her lungs like a girl.”

  At this point Cari and I are laughing uncontrollably. Adam still has his arm wrapped around my shoulders and I lean against him feeling his chest rise and fall as he laughs with us.

  “Oh, it gets better,” Jimmy says. “Now you see, Leah panics whenever anything out of the ordinary happens. You think the marshmallow torch would be enough, but no. The fucking marshmallow flies off the stick and hits the people’s tent that is next to us. The damn thing goes up in flames as if it’s made of paper.”

  Adam looks down at me with wide eyes and I giggle. Placing my hand on his chest I look up at him. “This is what you’re in for,” I tell him and he shakes his head. “Take it or leave it. I’m an idiot.”

  “I’ll take it,” he says kissing me quickly and returning his attention to Jimmy.

  “Now these two,” Jimmy says, thumbing at Cari and me, “start screaming. Cari tosses a plastic cup filled with vodka and lemonade on the fire only making it worse, while Leah, no joke, runs away.”

  Adam moves away from me slightly and when I look up at him, he’s smiling, but he also looks a little shocked.

  “You ran away?” he questions. I just nod my head in response. “Oh, Leah,” he says before asking how the fire ended up getting put out.

  “Now that’s the crazy part and I missed it,” I tell him.

  “You don’t think the part where you swung a flaming marshmallow around was the crazy part?” Adam asks jokingly, drawing laughs from both Cari and Jimmy. “So who put the fire out?”

  Jimmy interjects filling in the rest of the story, “The people’s tent is engulfed in flames, Leah’s long gone and Cari’s still screaming, so loud in fact that she’s drawn a crowd. Then out of nowhere this giant wooly dog comes and stomps out the fire.”

  “You’re shitting me?” Adam says, which is the response everyone has when we tell this story.

  “I shit you not,” Jimmy says back.

  “I missed the whole thing because I was off trying to get help,” I say. “So I still don’t believe it.”

  Cari laughs loudly and slaps the table. “I love how you just said you were off getting help. That fucking made the story. You were running to the bathroom because you were gonna pee in your pants.”

  “Well, after I peed, I was gonna get help,” I reply huffily.

  The rest of the night goes along with Cari, Jimmy and me telling stories and Adam listening and laughing along with us. Adam and Jimmy sober up, but Cari and I keep drinking and by the time we’re all ready to leave Cari and I are both still good and drunk.

  I struggle to stand up and when I do, I’m swaying precariously in the four-inch heels I have on. I look down at my feet and curse myself for wearing such ridiculous shoes, when Adam’s arms slip around my waist, holding me against him.

  “Come on my drunk little beauty. Time to get you home.” I lean my body into Adam’s and he kisses my head.

  I slip out from under Adam’s arm and give Cari a quick kiss good-bye. She pulls me into a hug and whispers in my ear.

  “Leah, he’s so wonderful,” she says, teetering in her heels. Jimmy pulls her away from me and she laughs and yells a good-bye to Adam.

  I stagger out of the bar with my arm linked tightly with Adam’s. He keeps smiling at me and it makes me giggle every time. I falter a bit and his arms steady me, pulling me against his chest. Wobbly and giddy, I run my hands up his chest and back down. Slipping them under his shirt, I hear a faint gasp leave his lips.

  Adam tosses a hand up in the air, hailing a cab as I continue my assault on his chest. This time dragging my fingernails down while I bite softly at his neck. This time a groan rumbles in his chest and it only turns me on even more. This incredibly gorgeous man wants me.

  “Adam,” I whisper shakily in his ear. “I want you to have sex with me when we get home.”

  When I look up at him his eyes are full of lust and he wets his lips and answers back with a husky, “How can I say no?”

  The cab hauls up to the curb and as I make my way to the door my ankles wobble terribly in these stupid shoes. I laugh when Adam grips my waist from behind.

  “Get in the cab boozy girl,” he murmurs over my shoulder.

  I slide in and Adam sits down next to me. I rest my head against his shoulder and sigh.

  “I shouldn’t have worn these shoes,” I mumble.

  Adam chuckles and runs his hand down my leg grabbing ahold of the heel; he lifts my leg, bending it at the knee.

  “See, that’s where you’re wrong, because when we get home, I’m gonna fuck you wearing these shoes and nothing else.”

  I can’t even speak. My body is humming with desire and I squirm slightly trying to ease the feeling that is growing rapidly. It’s building intensely and the only thing that will relieve this need is feeling him inside me.

  Dropping my shoe, my foot falls to the floorboard. This cab can’t get us home fast enough.

  When we finally make it home, I swear the windows in the cab are fogged
over from the sexual tension that’s been burning between us.

  Adam slams into me the second the elevator door closes, his lips claiming mine, aggressive and needy. My body goes limp, my arms hanging loosely around his neck as he lifts me off the ground.

  “God, Leah,” he growls pulling me even closer.

  The elevator door opens and without setting me down Adam makes his way to his apartment door, his lips still fused to mine in an intense kiss.

  He opens the door, kicking it closed; he stops and looks at me with soulful eyes. So beautiful and comforting.

  As he stares at me I grow self conscious, like I’m not enough for him. He’s perfect in every way and here I am, drunk and stumbling. A fool. I bite down on my bottom lip and whisper, “Why are you with me? I’m such a mess.” I bury my face in his shirt.

  I slide down his chest as he releases me from his hold. Taking my face in his hands he whispers back, “Because without you, I’m a mess, too.”

  I take a deep breath just before Adam claims my mouth. Running his tongue along my bottom lip I open to him and relish the feeling of being wanted.

  The kiss turns slow and soft as Adam guides me toward the bedroom.

  “I told you I was going to do something to you when we got home and I keep my word.” His voice has a steely edge to it. I lose all thought and my body feels flushed, hot and worked up at just his words.

  “Adam,” I say, but it comes out in a needy wail that makes him grin.

  He steps closer until I’m against him. I grind against his leg in desperation as he lifts my shirt over my head. At the same time I’m unbuttoning my pants, sliding them down my legs as I kick off my shoes.

  Adam takes a step back and shakes his head slowly. “Put your shoes back on,” he says brusquely and I smirk at him.

  “What if I don’t?” I respond back toying with him.

  “Don’t tempt me, Leah,” he says with sharpness to his tone.

  I’m slipping my shoes slowly back on as Adam looks me up and down. His fingers making quick work of the buttons on his shirt, then moving to his jeans, the entire time taking me in with his eyes. It only takes a second before I’m bent over the bed, Adam’s hands clutching my hips, his fingers digging in. He pulls me back until I’m fit snugly against his hips. For a few seconds he does nothing and it’s driving me crazy. My body trembles as I force myself against him even harder. I’ve never craved someone the way I crave Adam. If he doesn’t start this soon, I’m seriously going to lose it.