Cockpit

by Joanna Blake

  Well, to be honest, I had seen it. That first night together, I'd been starry eyed. Just about everything Jagger said or did had felt and seemed perfect. But I'd let those rumors about him ruin everything. I could have told him everything so long ago. I could have kept in touch, instead of just worrying if he was okay.

  And I had worried. I'd checked the reports for his name, more often than I would ever admit to anyone. But maybe that was natural. Anyone who loved an active military man or woman, they would tell you how it was. When I was a little kid and my dad was far away, my mother and I had both gone through it.

  You pretend not to worry, but it's pretty much there all the time. You had to just get up and get on with your day. But it was always there. Worrying became like breathing.

  You did it every minute of every day.

  That's when it hit me. I'd felt that way when he shipped off. Even after I'd heard the rumors about him.

  I was in love with Derek Jagger. I think I had been, ever since that night. That crazy, perfect, unforgettable night.

  I smiled at my daughter, who had been sleeping peacefully in her crib. She stretched her little hands and feet out in her sleep, her chubby legs kicking slightly as she let out a half-hearted cry. I stood and rubbed her belly gently.

  That did it. She yawned and was instantly back into deep sleep again.

  I stared at her, imagining that Jagger must have looked like this as a baby. I frowned, realizing he probably didn't have any baby pictures. So he wouldn't know that he looked like her.

  He must have been so lonely growing up... maybe he still was.

  Well, other than all the female companionship he'd had.

  I sighed and slipped out of the room, leaving the door open a sliver. My door was just across the hall and I'd leave that open too. I'd always been a deep sleeper, but the slightest noise from my daughter had me up and awake instantly.

  It was just one of those things. I figured it must be biology at work.

  Speaking of biology...

  I was sore between my legs, but in a good way. My back had red marks from the runner on the stairs. But I felt good. Better than good.

  I felt satisfied. Whole. Complete.

  I decided not to worry about how long that feeling would last. How long before Jagger moved on to another girl. How I would tell him about his daughter.

  The last thing I wanted to do was try and trap him.

  If he thought I wanted him to do the right thing by me... that wouldn't be the same as if he'd stuck around on his own. I'd give him a chance to prove me wrong before I told him.

  I rolled over and hugged my pillow, figuring I'd solved my problems, for now.

  The ball was in Jagger's court. I'd just have to see what he did with it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jagger

  ✈

  I sat on the playground bench, waiting for Jenny. We'd been on five dates over the last two weeks, all of them amazing. All of them ending in sweaty monkey sex.

  Screetching, banana throwing, crazy upside down monkey sex.

  Well, almost all of them.

  We'd had slow, melt in your mouth, kissing all night sex too.

  Except she lived with her dad, who would murder me if he knew what we were up to. So 'all night' was a stretch. But our dates had started earlier and earlier, and we'd ended up at my place earlier and earlier too.

  We both wanted as much quality alone time as possible.

  I walked her home from the bar each time she had a late shift too.

  Basically, we were going steady.

  I just hadn't gotten her to agree to it yet. Or anything really. She seemed determined not to talk about the future, or even see me during daylight hours.

  So I was waiting. I was going to pin her down dammit. I wanted her by my side, ring on her finger, living under my roof.

  And this was phase one of my operation.

  I saw her coming and twisted to the side, hoping she wasn't going to turn tail and run when she saw me. She'd done it twice already, disappearing down another street the moment I clapped eyes on her. It was like she was a damn vampire and didn't want to see me with the sun out!

  Like I'd care. I'd be in love with her even if she was a werewolf. I'd love her if she was pigeon toed or buck toothed. I didn't even care how beautiful she was anymore. Not on the outside.

  Because Jenny was so beautiful on the inside, it gave me faith in humanity.

  She was such a damn sweetheart, she could have looked like anyone and I would have loved her.

  But every time I mentioned the L word, she cut me off or changed the subject.

  Every damn time.

  I was starting to wonder if I had BO or something. She didn't seem to mind being with me though. She just shied away from any serious relationship talk.

  I peeked over my shoulder as she pushed the stroller into the playground. Our eyes met and she froze, her eyes wide as saucers. I jumped up and ran after her as she peeled off backwards and started pushing the stroller back the way she came.

  "Jenny! Hey, wait up."

  "Sorry, forgot something."

  I caught up to her, practically jogging to keep up.

  "What did you forget?"

  "Kid needs her sunblock."

  I looked at the sky. It was overcast.

  "It's not even sunny today."

  "Babies can burn, even on cloudy days. Need her hat too."

  I tugged a pink hat out of her bag. It had been right on top. She definitely knew it was there. What the hell was going on with her?

  "This one?"

  She looked at it and kept going. I kept up, not ready to let her off the hook yet.

  "They work you too hard."

  "Who?"

  "The kid's parents."

  She stopped in the street and stared at me, her face looking like I'd just said something awful.

  "Hey, no offense."

  "It's fine. I have to go-"

  "Uh uh. I need to know why you are avoiding me."

  "I'm not. I saw you two days ago. And last night when you walked me home."

  She chewed her full bottom lip, looking nervous.

  "Thank you for that by the way. You don't have to do it every time."

  I pushed her hair out of her face.

  "Yes, I do."

  "Jagger..."

  "Why won't you commit to me, Jenny? Did I do something wrong?"

  She stopped, staring at me.

  "What?"

  The baby let out a soft coo and I looked down at her and smiled. Then I looked back at Jenny and took her hand.

  "I've been trying to talk to you about- the future- for two weeks now. You keep shutting me down."

  She stared at me. Then she pulled her hand away and started walking again. Damn. This was not going well.

  "I didn't think that's what you were trying to do. We can talk. Just not now."

  I had to run to catch up to her again.

  "Hey, where are you going?"

  "Home."

  "Don't you need the kid's stuff?"

  She stopped again.

  "Yeah. I..."

  She shook her head, as if she was distracted.

  "I'll see you later Jagger."

  I stood there in the middle of the street, wondering if I was going crazy. Something felt off. Really off. I watched as Jenny walked away. I had a bad feeling in my stomach. Like she was walking away for good.

  Jenny

  ✈

  I slammed the empty mugs down on the counter. Hard. I wanted to smash something. Break something. I wanted to-

  "Easy there, Red."

  Margie gave me a look, grabbing the mugs and sliding them into the sudsy water in the sink.

  "Sorry."

  "Something wrong?"

  I shook my head and told her nothing was wrong. But that was a lie.

  Something was wrong. For the first time, Jagger wasn't here to walk me home. My shift was almost over and the place was already shutting down. />
  By trying to avoid reality, I'd ruined everything.

  If I'd been keeping score I would have been losing. Jagger was being so sweet to me, and I was shutting him out. Because he scared the hell out of me.

  Jagger: two. Jenny: zero.

  Margie dunked the soapy mugs into clean water and turned them upside down on a clean towel. It wasn't exactly sanitary, but it got the job done. I sighed and pushed the mop across the floor.

  "If you're looking for Prince Charming, he's outside."

  My head snapped up.

  "He is?"

  She nodded. Then she nodded at the mop.

  "That's good enough, hon. I can finish up."

  I practically tore off my apron and grabbed my purse, fishing out a compact hairbrush and lipgloss. Margie laughed, shaking her head.

  "He's a good one. I'd hold onto him if I were you."

  I smiled at her.

  "Thank you Margie. I'm going to try."

  I stepped outside to see Jagger leaning on his bike. He hadn't wanted to come in tonight apparently. I couldn't say I could blame him.

  He just held out his hand and handed me the helmet. I took it, strapping it on. He didn't say a word. Neither did I.

  But I didn't want him to take me home yet. I wrapped my arms around him while he straddled the bike and put his helmet on.

  "I don't want to go home yet."

  He glanced over his shoulder at me.

  "We're going to talk, Jenny."

  I rubbed my shoulder against his leather jacket in response. He started the bike and took off. This time he didn't go slow.

  Maybe it's because he was upset. Maybe it's because I was dressed properly this time. Maybe it's because he didn't feel as protective of me.

  But this time, Jagger went fast. I could still feel the tight control he had as he drove a half hour into the mountains. Up and up we went until I could smell the green and the trees and water.

  There was a cool mountain lake up here. I'd never been, though Crystal and I had talked about going when the babies were a little older. I knew that's where he was taking me.

  By the time he stopped, I knew I had to tell him the truth.

  He got off the bike and took his helmet off, staring at me in the darkness. The moon was almost full, shining brightly on the lake. It was cool up here, not like the blazing hot sand where the base was situated. I looked around at the trees.

  That was the thing I missed the most since Dad had been stationed here. The trees.

  We walked towards the lake in silence, then along the shore until we found a large rock. I sat and waited. He stood there for a while, one leg up, just looking at me.

  "Jenny..."

  He ran his hands through his hair, staring out at the lake.

  "I want to know what we are doing here. Together, I mean. If this is going anywhere."

  He looked at me.

  "I want it to. Do you?"

  I inhaled sharply at the look in his eyes. He was open to me. No arrogance. No walls.

  I tried to make light of it and failed.

  "How far do you want it to go?"

  He leaned forward and cupped my cheek. He was utterly serious, ignoring my lame attempt at humor.

  "All the way Jenny. If you'll let me in."

  I wasn't ready to hear him. To let him make me soft and vulnerable. I gave him a flirtatious look.

  "I thought I already had."

  He stepped back, anger darkening his eyes.

  "Dammit Jenny, that's not what I mean!"

  I took a deep breath. I had to take a moment to calm my heart. When I looked at him, I was serious too.

  "I know."

  He gave me a small, crooked smile. As if he was laughing at himself. At us.

  "We are both kind of a mess, aren't we?"

  I nodded.

  "What was it back then? My reputation? Is that why you didn't write to me?"

  I shrugged, but it felt false.

  "I don't know."

  That was a lie. And I was tired of lying. He deserved the truth. I sighed and looked at him.

  "Yes. I heard about you and- I. I was hurt, I guess. I didn't want to be another notch on your bedpost."

  He sat down beside me, turning me to face him.

  "You were never that. Not from the first second I laid eyes on you."

  My mouth opened. He meant it. I should tell him- I should tell him everything.

  Now.

  "Jagger- I have to tell you something-"

  But he shook his head, putting a finger on my lips.

  "Stop. I don't care what happened when I was gone. Please Jenny, don't tell me anything else. I know what I need to know."

  I froze, the words fading from my lips.

  "I'm in love with you, Jenny Reeds." He smiled at me, his hands gentle on my face. "And you are in love with me."

  Tomorrow, I thought as he kissed me.

  I'll tell him tomorrow.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jagger

  ✈

  I perched at the bar, leaning against it. This was my seat. Now that we'd made it official, I was here every shift Jenny worked, the whole damn time.

  I looked forward to a time when she wouldn't have to work here. When she'd be home by my side at night. But for now, it was kind of fun to watch her make fools of dozens of men, night after night.

  She was doing something different tonight though. Jenny was using her feminine wiles deliberately for once. Tonight, she was messing with me.

  Jenny was deliberately and purposefully teasing the hell out of me.

  And it was working.

  I knew she was getting even with me. That it might have something to do with the fact that I wouldn't sleep with her the night at the lake. And I hadn't been keeping her out past eleven any night since. I didn't want to piss off her old man.

  Not when I was planning on asking for her hand.

  Now she was getting her revenge. She was driving me absolutely nuts with her flirtatious glances and swaying hips. I knew, without a doubt, that I'd be giving her what she was after before dropping her home tonight.

  Tonight, the General was going to have to wait a little longer to say goodnight to his little girl. Hell, the way I was feeling, I was tempted to keep her out until dawn. I could easily have found things to do with her till then.

  I sipped my beer, watching her as she served a table full of army guys.

  The prim country blouse of hers was unbuttoned a little farther than usual. Something lacey and pink peeked out at the bottom. Some sort of fancy lingerie I'd never seen before.

  Every time she bent over to get something, she arched her back. Just a little. Just enough to make those curves of hers even more pronounced.

  She slid her eyes over to me now and then, to gauge my reaction. I stared at her, rubbing my fingers over my lips. I hadn't planned on stopping at my place tonight after her shift, but now there was no choice.

  I was hard as a rock, and rapidly overheating.

  She knew it too, from the way she grinned at me, letting her eyes slide down my body. I was angled towards the bar, mostly to hide the massive erection she was giving me.

  She grinned and flounced away, that high, heart shaped ass of hers bouncing justttt enough to draw every eye in the place. Jenny's sweet ass was that rare combination of firm and soft at the same time. The perfect handful to grab onto when doing your business.

  And unlike any of the jackoffs staring at her and drooling, I actually knew that from experience.

  "Damn, that's a fine ass. Am I right?"

  My eyes cut to the guy standing at the bar beside me. He was Army. I could tell with just a glance. Our two branches of the Armed Forced did not mix well.

  Never mind the fact that he was oogling my woman like she was a piece of meat. She chose that moment to slide behind the bar and smile at me. She saw the asshole next to me and froze.

  "Hi Jenny."

  "Oh, hi Davis. How are you?"

  Great. S
he knew him. I said a silent prayer.

  Please God do not let him be her ex-boyfriend.

  The thought of his hands on her... well, it would be hard for me to get that thought out of my head. I said nothing, just sat there biding my time.

  "Please sweetheart, call me Clyde."

  The guy was oilier than a rattlesnake. I felt my nails bite into my palm and I unconsciously made a fist. Jenny didn't look too happy at the guy's cloying tone either.

  Definitely not an ex-boyfriend then. I smiled. That made me love her just a little bit more than I already did.

  My girl had taste. Not like some women who preened no matter who came near them. Or try to make their man jealous just for the attention.

  Jenny's flirtatious manner shut down instanfuckingtaneously. I smiled at her and she gave me a cute little smile. Then she shut it down again.

  "What time do you get off from this dive anyway?"

  Jenny gave him a cold stare and answered Margie, who told her to bus some pretty clean looking tables. Jenny left with a clean rag and a tray without saying a word. Margie on the other hand, had plenty to say.

  She leaned against the bar and gave Davis a look that would freeze lava.

  "Dive, eh?"

  Clyde had the presence of mind to look uncomfortable. But that didn't stop him from being a shit heel.

  "That's what it is, isn't it?"

  Margie gave him a cold look, using her rag to knock his beer off the counter. He jumped back as his shirt got splattered. The glass had been nearly full. She just smiled at him, looking kind of like a pirate.

  "Nope. It's a juke joint."

  He gave her an incredulous look and she turned away. I was hiding a smile as he used napkins to blot his shirt. He held his hands out to the side, staring at his wet button down shirt.

  "Shit. Hey, can I at least get another beer please?"

  Margie nodded.

  "Sure, honey. I'll be there in a bit. Customers."

  She waited on every single person at the bar, sliding them free drinks even if their glasses were full. After twenty minutes she tossed a beer at Davis who was fuming at that point. He caught it in mid-air. I'd been hoping it would smash his head.

  He twisted the cap off without thanking her. He just turned to watch Jenny working. He wasn't even subtle about what he was looking at.