Bernard returned two days later, late in the afternoon. Joanna’s heart leapt when she heard the shriek of the children who were playing at the front of the house. She stood rooted to the ground in the front room, wondering whether to go and meet him or to wait for him to enter the house. Finally, she threw caution to the wind, picked up the baby and ran out.
The two boys were cradled in his arms and when he heard her steps he looked up. Time stood still and Joanna slowed down. Sheer joy infused her whole being and her face lit up into a smile. He hesitated at first and then he smiled back at her. They seemed to communicate without speaking. She stopped in front of him, her palms sweaty despite the cool weather. His face looked ravaged and he had dark circles under his eyes. His eyes normally dark and intense now looked weary and dull. Joanna hoped it was as a result of the exhaustion of the journey rather than bad news. Her protective feelings rose and she ached to take care of him.
“It’s good to see you,” she finally said.
“It’s good to see you too,” Bernard replied and turned his attention to the two boys.
He took each boy under his arms and rotated them round and round. They shrieked in response. Joanna was left standing there alone with David in her arms, as the trio went into the house, with Bernard tickling them as they walked. Bernard gave her one last hard glance, and then entered and shut the front door. The sudden and unexpected wave of heartache left her knees weak and threatening to buckle under her. Bernard disliked her.
The connection she had felt between them was her own imagination, Joanna decided. She was falling in love with a man who did not reciprocate her feelings. Why had he disliked her from the start?
David started fussing, reacting to her unhappiness.
“Hush baby of mine. It’s ok, daddy will come around,” she whispered to him in a broken voice. David had been rejected as much as she had. They were both clearly unwanted.
Ever since she met Bernard at the station, she had got nothing but negative vibes from him. No matter how much she searched, she could not figure out what she might have done to cause it. Then a scary thought came to her mind. It was something so obvious that she had completely disregarded it—her disfigurement.
That was it, Joanna knew without a doubt. She repelled him. Tears filled her eyes. That was the one thing that she could do nothing about. Would the events eight years ago haunt her for the rest of her life? She saw images of Bernard as he looked at her, from that first time to minutes ago. She saw the repulsion in his eyes, which she had missed until now. Her shoulders slumped. Clutching the baby she lumbered towards the side of the house and made for the back entrance. The last person she wanted to see was Bernard, but he was in the kitchen talking to Rhoda. She slipped in and walked past, obscuring her face by cuddling the baby, only for him to follow her into the dining room.
“Joanna?”
She turned to him dully.
“I want to say thank you for taking care of the household expenses and seeing to Joshua. I’d like to reimburse you for what you spent,” he said.
She noticed that he kept his eyes on her face, refusing to drop them to the eyesore that was her missing arm. Never had she felt more awkward. She shook her head.
“There’s no need for that,” Joanna said and turned to leave.
“Please, it is only right that I do so,” Bernard persisted.
Joanna pretended that she did not hear him and she went through the living room and up the stairs to her room. Only when the door was safely shut did she give in to the tears. If only she did not love him already, it would have been so much easier to deal with his rejection. As she cried her eyes out, the baby lay on his back, his chubby little hands gripping her locks in fascination.
EIGHT
Under a New Light
“The new breed is a cross breed between a merino and a foreign breed. The wool is said to be of a higher quality than what we have,” Bernard explained.
“You ought to think of wheat farming,” Henry said, cutting a piece of his steak delicately.
“That’s not much help to Bernard now,” Naomi said and Bernard smiled. “What will you do?”
He had thought about it on the way back. McGraw and the others had decided to sell off their wool at the offered price. Bernard had decided to keep the wool and sell it to small buyers who wanted it but overall he had decided to change his production. Nothing as drastic as wheat farming, he thought with amusement.
“I’ll breed sheep for mutton, rather than the wool. Mutton is still in high demand and the demand is not likely to diminish. I refuse to be at the mercy of those greedy wool merchants.”
Henry nodded his approval. “That’s a good plan.”
Bernard’s glance shifted to Joanna. He was worried about her. The light seemed to have left her eyes and she kept her glance on her food. Sounds from the kitchen of Joshua and Jasper having their meal reached him. It all felt so right. The house had become a home and the only person he could attribute it to was Joanna. He remembered her reaction when she had seen him and his heart skipped a beat.
Her untied hair had risen behind her head like a halo and her eyes had been lit up and her cheeks glowing. He had never wanted to take a woman into his arms as much as he had wanted at that moment. He had been ready to ignore the consequences and then she had thrown her hair back, and used her hand to lift it from her neck, and in that single movement, the magic had been destroyed.
In her place, stood Susan. She had liked to do that, especially when her sights were set on a new conquest. His heart had grown ice cold and he had turned his attention to Joshua and Jasper. Susan holding David. David who was not his son, but some other mans.
After Rhoda had briefed him on the time he had been away, he now felt utterly confused. Joanna had spent a considerable amount of money on the household and had also increased supplies for the animals. Susan would not have spent her penny on such things. Her money was spent on more important things like clothes and jewelry.
Joanna’s generosity had thrown him off guard and more importantly, so had her dismissal of his offer to repay her. He felt like he was treading in foreign land with no compass to guide his direction. Later, Naomi had told him of how Joanna had taken over the care of the baby and the two boys. How she gave the boys reading and writing lessons every day. It meant that when he finally hired a tutor, the boys would be far ahead in their reading skills.
That was another difference between Joanna and Susan. She had seen it as a tiresome chore spending time with Joshua. Joanna had taken to him as though she was his real mother, taking her responsibilities seriously and they were not even married! And despite not wanting to acknowledge it, she carried David, like he had always been hers. The baby had the entire household smiling at his antics, even Bernard. David was trying so hard to start walking on his chubby baby legs. Mostly he was falling on his bottom. But Joanna’s attention and encouragements were heartwarming. The image of who he thought she was floundered with every new thing he learned, and now Bernard had no idea what to think.
He shifted his focus to the table.
“I don’t see the unfairness of choosing a superior product over another,” Joanna said, speaking up for the first time.
Bernard cocked his head. “You see nothing wrong in breaking a contract by promising to pay one price and at the last moment offering a much lower one?”
Joanna shrugged. “That may be so, but the fact remains that one product is superior to another. If I was the buyer, I would have done the same thing. Why pay more for an inferior product?”
Inferior product, the words reverberated in Bernard’s mind and he took a moment to contain his emotions and clear his thinking.
“I’ll have you know that we adhere to all the guidelines for producing first grade wool,” Bernard said, clearly infuriated.
“Clearly the buyer does not agree,” Joanna said in a bored tone.
Bernard wanted to shake her shoulders. Then abruptly, he burst into laughter. Jo
anna was goading him and he was falling for it. He saw her smile a little at his laughter. He doubted she cared anything about the prices of wool or even the quality.
“You’re goading me, aren’t you?” he said.
‘As a matter of fact, I wasn’t. I completely believe what I’m saying,” Joanna said with a twinkle in her eye, and the boys picked that moment to enter the dining room.
Rhoda followed behind them and she proceeded to clear up the dirty dishes.
“Father,” Joshua said, coming to stand next to him. “Did you know that Joanna is frightened of horses?”
Bernard’s eyes widened in mock surprise. A lot of women were frightened of horses and he had never even seen Naomi atop a horse.
“Is she now?” Bernard said.
“Yes, I told her that we would teach her. We can do that tomorrow father, can’t we?”
“Yes, that’s a good plan,” Bernard said.
There would be a few weeks before lambing begun. Between then and now, there was not much to do and the thought of spending time with Joanna intrigued him. He intended to get to know her thoroughly. It seemed he may have misjudged her personality.
“There you go telling everyone my secrets,” Joanna was saying to Joshua.
When she spoke to him, her countenance changed. Her voice took on a gentle tone and her features softened. In moments such as those, his body betrayed him and felt a strong pull towards her. The group moved to the living room to have their evening tea. He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off Joanna, nursing her cup thoughtfully.
She was truly beautiful. Looking at her closer, he saw her resemblance to Susan fading. Her hair, while long, was curly while Susan’s had been rod straight. Joanna’s fell to her shoulders in loose curves, which one could miss if you did not look closely. Her eyes, though cornflower blue in color, had a dark hue at the edges.
Joanna carried serenity around her, as though she would be content in a king’s palace or a pauper’s hut. Susan’s eyes had scurried about, never satisfied with where she was or what she had. She had also had a way of flaunting herself by her clothes. Somehow, her dresses managed to expose white skin here and there and whenever Bernard had pointed this out, she had laughingly accused him of harboring feelings of jealousy.
Which he had. Which sane man would not have been with a wife whose whole being came alive in the presence of other men? He looked at Joanna now. The longer he observed her, the more he saw how unalike the two women were. She wore a well cut blue dress, with long sleeves and nothing of her skin showing. While she looked attractive and beautiful, no one could mistake Joanna for anything other than a lady. He felt ashamed of his earlier thoughts. He had not given her a chance and he felt bad about that. Perhaps she would turn out to be as wanton as Susan, but something told him that he was wrong. Only a fool would classify all women in the same category as Susan.
It had just been his misfortune to marry Susan. As much as he had blamed her, he was to blame as well. He had met Susan on a trip to Pennsylvania and at the time, she had been engaged to marry a wealthy businessman. He had been taken with her, but respectful of her engagement. Susan had not had any such reservations and she had flirted with him single-mindedly.
His one weakness had been not looking beyond her physical attraction to who she was underneath the exterior beauty. In a moment of wild abandon, he had proposed, expecting a negative answer. To his delight, she had accepted his proposal. In a matter of hours, they were married and on their way to Wyoming.
He had beseeched her to let the jilted man know of her marriage in person, but she had dismissed his concerns with an impatient wave. Her sights were set on an adventure and she had not given the hapless man a single thought. Who would have foretold that a few years later, he would be left not at the altar, but as a husband with a young child, the adventuress off to seek new thrills? For once, he was not bitter about the past and he was able to view it rationally.
He brought his mind back to the present. Bernard felt more excited than Joshua about the riding lesson. Would Joanna agree to go ahead with it come morning? She seemed to have perked up and was now engaged in conversation with Naomi about the leadership of the State.
He listened with interest without offering his views. They seemed to be in contrast to Joanna’s and when the time was right, he voiced them and then sat back to enjoy her animated defense of her views. They were still at it when Naomi and Henry bade them goodnight. Later in bed, Bernard could not remember spending a more enjoyable evening.
NINE
The Riding Lesson
Bernard strolled past Joanna’s room, aware of her presence behind the closed door. It was earlier than he normally got up, thoughts of the day ahead on his mind.
“Hey, you’re up early,” Bernard remarked in surprise when Joshua opened his bedroom door.
Joshua grinned at him. “I want us to start on Ms. Hunter’s riding lessons. Can we do it now father?”
Bernard laughed and tussled his son’s unruly hair. “I’m excited too. Let’s have breakfast and give her time to wake up.”
“Do you think she’ll be able to hold the reins on one hand?” Joshua asked.
Bernard was momentarily startled by the question. In his excitement of spending time with her, he had completely forgotten about Joanna’s missing arm. He groaned inwardly. Did she think that he was setting her up for failure?
“She’ll be all right son,” Bernard replied.
In the dining room, breakfast was laid out and as soon as she heard them, Rhoda walked in and poured tea for him and milk for Joshua.
“Shall we say a blessing son?” Bernard asked and waited for Joshua to arrange his hands in a praying stance and then he said a short prayer. Joanna came in shortly after, looking refreshingly wonderful in a pale blue dress and her hair held in a ponytail at the back of her head.
“Good morning, you’re all up early,” she commented.
He looked for signs of discomfort on her face and saw none. She appeared her usual self but he noticed that she avoided looking at him. She sat serenely while Rhoda poured her some tea and deposited a plate of steaming eggs in her plate. She murmured her thanks and then closed her hands for what he imagined was a prayer over the food.
Her every movement fascinated him and were it up to him, he would have spent all day taking in her presence. The realization that she was nothing like Susan had opened up his reserves and he now found himself enamored by his intended bride.
“Will you be able to ride with one hand?” Joshua asked, breaking the silence.
Bernard cringed. Why did Joshua have to go and ask Joanna that? Her face tightened and she appeared to struggle with the question. Bernard came to her rescue.
“Why don’t we let Joanna try it out first Joshua? If she’s not comfortable, then we’ll stop. How’s that?”
Joanna smiled at him weakly and he could have hit himself for agreeing to the lessons in the first place. Joshua rushed through his breakfast and in a matter of seconds, he was finished.
“Can we go now?” he asked.
Bernard laughed. “Not quite yet son, Joanna and I are still having our tea. Why don’t you go ahead and choose a pony for Joanna, and we’ll be right along.”
“All right father,” Joshua replied and sped off.
The tension grew when Joshua left. Bernard searched his brain for the right words to let Joanna know that he had not meant to put her in such an awkward position. Joshua had hinted that riding was how she had lost her arm. But on a large remote farm like this, everyone had to be comfortable around horses and be able to ride them at a moment’s notice. Still, he felt like a cad for putting her through this.
“Joanna I must apologize,” he began.
“Whatever for?”
“Well, I hadn’t thought about how difficult it might be for you to get back on a horse again,” he said. “I’m very sorry and you don’t have to do it, this very minute.”
“But I want to, for Joshua,” she said no
nchalantly and he was left at a loss for words.
He had expected some sort of scolding for his grave mistake but she seemed unperturbed by the thought of holding the reins with one hand. His admiration for her grew. They finished their tea in silence and Joanna carried their dirty dishes to the kitchen. They met outside the stable minutes later.
“I’ve picked out a horse for you Ms. Joanna,” Joshua cried out as soon as he saw them.
“I can’t wait,” Joanna commented in a tone free of sarcasm.
They went inside the stables and found Derrick getting the pony ready. Bernard was happy to note that it was the tamest pony he owned.
“Good morning Miss, Mister?” Derrick said formally, and instantly, guilt rushed through Bernard.
He knew he was responsible for the formal tone that Derrick had adopted. He would have a word with him later in private and apologize for his behavior that day at the shearing shed. Derrick excused himself shortly after.
“Ready Ms. Joanna?” Joshua asked. “Tomorrow me and you can go for a ride across the hills.”
“Not so fast,” Bernard said. “First things first. Let’s get Ms. Joanna up in the pony first.”
‘I’m ready. Where do I put my leg?” she asked, moving closer to the pony. “I had only had four riding lesson when the accident happened, so I am not an expert.”
“Right here and then you have to pull yourself up,” Joshua said, and then glanced at her one hand doubtfully.
“I’ll give you a hand,” Bernard said.
She jumped back when his hand made contact with her back, as if he had stung her.
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