by Kennedy Fox
“You want some coffee?” she asks as she pours water into the top of the maker.
“Sure, that’d be great.”
Chelsea’s stalling, that’s more than obvious, but I’m happy for it. Once the drip is finished, she grabs two mugs from the cabinet and fills them.
“Cream?” she asks.
“Nah, I’m good.”
She hands it over, then sits in front of me once she’s added milk and sugar to hers.
We sigh in unison, which causes us both to let out our nervous laughter.
“I don’t really know what to say.” Her words break through the silence. “Except that I’m pissed off at my sister.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because it wasn’t my plan to ever find you. I didn’t know anything about you except that you lived in Texas. You were a complete stranger to me, and it made the most sense to keep it that way given we only hooked up once. Guys like you have handfuls of one-night stands, and it’s not like it meant anything to either of us. It was purely physical, and I was being realistic with my expectations of a twenty-one-year-old.”
“Realistic?” My nostrils flare at her assumptions. “You were being selfish, Chelsea. I have a son—who’s had birthdays and celebrated holidays—and I didn’t get to take part in that. I don’t care what your preconceived notions about me were, didn’t you think it was my right to know? What about his right to know his father?” I lean over the table, keeping my voice low so I don’t alarm Dawson.
She stares down at her coffee, not making eye contact with me. I can tell she’s trying to find her words, and I understand me barging into her life isn’t the easiest thing to deal with. Not to mention, I’m pretty fired up now that I’m here and see he’s real.
“I don’t know what my reaction would’ve been three years ago, but I deserved a choice at least,” I add. “Instead, you made it for me.”
“Diesel, I’m sorry.” Chelsea’s eyes finally meet mine, and I see a tinge of regret. “You have to put yourself in my shoes for a minute. I’m not the type of girl who meets a guy on vacation and hooks up with him. When I got home, I went on about my life and realized I missed my period. My sister forced me to take a pregnancy test; though after being sick for a week, I had a feeling I was. When it was positive, I had an ultrasound to confirm it. I saw the little flutter on the screen, and my entire life changed.” She chews her bottom lip and shrugs. “I was scared.”
“And you’re sure I’m the father?” I ask gently.
“I hadn’t been with anyone else but you at that time. The last guy I was with was over six months before we met in Vegas. I knew for a fact it was your baby, but all I had was a stupid nickname because we didn’t share personal details about ourselves. I thought about asking Zoey since I knew she ended up with Riley, but then I started second-guessing myself. I didn’t know how you’d react or if you’d care, and my heart wouldn’t be able to handle it if you wanted me to abort or give up the baby. I also didn’t want to be forced to co-parent with a complete stranger who I knew nothing about. So instead of risking it, I didn’t say anything at all. I guess at the time, being a single mom was easier than the what-ifs of telling you. You living in Texas meant sharing him would be super complicated, not to mention confusing since you’d be in and out of his life, assuming you’d even want to be in it. I know I’m rambling, but I did what I thought was best for Dawson and being shipped between states wasn’t the right thing for a little kid.”
I put myself in her situation and think about how we’d only hooked up that one time and didn’t know each other. I really do get why she’d have concerns about telling me.
“I can understand your situation, Chelsea. It must’ve been hard for you to make that decision, and while I wish you’d told me sooner, I can’t fault you for putting his needs first ”
“I’m not saying what I did is inexcusable, but I’m relieved you know now and can accept why I didn’t reach out. I love Dawson more than anything—more than life itself—and the thought of a stranger taking him from me was terrifying. I didn’t want to be something you had to deal with.”
Nodding, I take a sip of my coffee, happy it’s cooled some. “I’d never think that, but there was no way of you knowing that. It takes two to tango, but I’d never take him from you. If anything, at least, Dawson deserves financial support. Laurel said you’re strugglin’ to make ends meet.”
She groans and shakes her head. “And I hate that she told you that too. The last thing that I’d ever do is come to you for money.”
“I know, but if he’s mine—”
“You doubt he is?” She pops a brow. “He’s your mini twin, down to your cocky attitude too.” She chuckles, and I laugh with her, remembering I was quite arrogant the night we met.
“I’d still like to get a paternity test done so there’s no doubt in either of our minds. That way it’s a fact, and he can legally get my support and benefits..”
“Alright, then what?” she asks calmly.
“Then I’ll help support Dawson and find a way to see him more. If he’s my son, I’d love to form a relationship with him. It won't be easy being in two different states, but we’ll come up with some sort of arrangement, even if we have to wing it. I can fly here, and you can fly there. We’ll take turns.”
She immediately starts shaking her head. “I can’t afford that, Diesel.”
“I’ll take care of it.” I smile genuinely. “Seems like we’re both in a predicament. You don’t want to leave here, and I can’t leave my home either. So we’ll have to make do the best we can.”
A long breath escapes her. “Okay.”
“My return flight is in two days. If we can get the test done before I leave, then we can move forward together and figure out the details of what to do next.”
She nods, and I feel good we’ve found common ground, regardless if it’s still shaky. We don’t make small talk, but instead, I finish my coffee and then stand to leave. I thank her for the hospitality, and we exchange contact information. After her number is saved in my phone, I tell her I’ll look into a testing facility and send all the details as soon as I have them.
“I’m staying in a hotel down the road, so I’m not far if you need anything…” I say when she walks me to the door.
“Thanks.”
Turning, I smile at Dawson who’s happily bouncing around the living room to the music playing on the TV. “Bye, Dawson. See you soon!” I wave, and my heart melts a little when he waves in return.
The next two days fly by. We go to the lab for the blood tests, have lunch and dinner, and try to get to know each other between all the craziness. My thoughts are all over the place, and I can’t seem to focus past the fact that in a week I’ll find out for sure if Dawson’s my kid or not. Though a part of me is hoping he is because after spending time with him, I’m already wondering when I’ll get to see him again.
I’m grateful for the five a.m. flight because I need to get back to work and more importantly, back to Rowan. She’s texted and called, but I haven’t figured out a way to tell her this yet. I’m nervous about what she’ll say, but mostly what this’ll mean for our relationship. No doubt she’s asked Riley and he told her I had an emergency. I just hope he didn’t tell her everything.
As the plane takes off, my nerves get the best of me as reality sets in that I will have a lot of explaining to do. Telling her I got a random woman I met in Vegas pregnant three years ago and it’s quite possible I’m his dad. It’ll take a week for the results to come in, however, after seeing Dawson in the flesh, and hearing Chelsea wasn’t with anyone else, there’s really no doubt. Hopefully, Rowan will understand, and she doesn’t think less of me for something I did years ago. I told her that wasn’t my lifestyle anymore, and I’m ready to prove that, but now I’m worried she’ll think the worst.
I can’t even be that surprised this happened. Riley always warned me that my party life would catch up with me someday. I haven’t been that reckless since
I was twenty-one, but it doesn’t change anything now. Once I was promoted to oversee the cattle operation, I realized there was no room for that type of lifestyle anymore. Kicking women out of my bed at four a.m. was no fun when I had to be at work at the butt crack of dawn.
All I’ve wanted since discovering my feelings for Rowan weren’t one-sided and that she had them too was to settle down with one woman and build a family with her someday. I just never imagined it’d be like this. It’s as if the universe gave me an Uno reverse card as soon as things got serious.
Rowan deserves to be more than my best-kept secret, and I want the whole world to know we’re together and that she’s mine. But after she finds out the news of my new reality, she may write me off completely. I’m not sure my heart would ever be able to recover from losing Rowan Bishop, especially when there’s no doubt she’s my past, present, and future.
Chapter Fourteen
ROWAN
I look down at my phone, turn it off, then turn it back on to make sure it’s still working. After I go into my messages, I see the last one Diesel sent, which was yesterday morning. Since then, he’s been eerily quiet and not responded to anything I’ve texted. They’ve all gone unanswered. Every. Single. One.
Alarm bells go off in my head, and I can’t help but feel doubt creep in. My heart tells me something’s wrong, but I tell myself he’s probably just busy on a job. There are times when he doesn’t have his cell phone on him, so I try not to overreact, especially after the amazing weekend we just had, but my thirteen-year-old insecurities are resurfacing after not hearing from him. He already thinks I’m a crazy ex-girlfriend, considering what I did to Nick’s Corvette, which has proven to be a big mistake. No taking it back now, though. What’s done is done.
The next morning, I still have zero text messages from Diesel. While I’m concerned something happened to him, all I can think is if I said or did something wrong. We shared an amazing night away, and now he’s basically ghosted me. It’s exactly what Diesel promised never to do and everything my brother said he does. Unable to lie in bed any longer, I sit up and pull my hair into a high bun. I can hear Mom chatting with someone in the kitchen. Riley.
I jump out of bed and rush through the hallway because if anyone knows where Diesel is, it’s him. Once they’re done with their conversation, and Mom briefly walks away, I glance at my brother who’s looking more grown up with every passing day. Dad life is being good to him, which is nice to see.
“Hey,” I say, casually. I don’t know how to even start the conversation without him getting suspicious, but I go for it anyway. “I haven’t seen your stupid best friend around lately. Where’s he been?”
He looks at me incredulously. “Why do you care?”
I clear my throat, finding my courage. “Well, Maize needed him to help her yesterday and couldn’t get in touch with him, so I texted him this morning and got no reply too. Just wondering if he’s being his typical asshole self when a lady needs a hand. It wouldn’t be the first time.” A part of me feels guilty as hell for making up another story, but it’s the most believable thing I could come up with on the spot. Also, I can’t blow my cover.
Riley picks up his coffee cup and takes a sip. “He’s in Arizona seeing his kid, apparently.”
I glare at Riley, who laughs, but I’m almost certain I heard him wrong. “What’d you say?”
He shakes his head, grinning as if he’s about to tell me a hilarious story. “It’s a crazy story. Remember when I brought him to Vegas for his birthday?”
I nod, trying to keep a straight face, not wanting to react, but my temperature feels as if it’s rising. “What about it?”
“He hooked up with a chick while we were there, and her sister came to the ranch the other day and told him he had a kid. Showed proof or whatever. So yesterday he went to Phoenix to figure it all out. What a total fucking shitshow!” He continues laughing. “I’ve been joking with him about having baby fever since Zoey got pregnant. Who would’ve ever thought he’d actually have his own?”
I feel sick to my goddamn stomach, and I’m actually happy I haven’t had the chance to eat anything yet. Undoubtedly, it would’ve come up. My world feels like it’s spinning out of control.
Why the fuck wouldn’t Diesel tell me this? Why wouldn’t he share something so personal and intimate, something that will most definitely affect our current relationship? I spilled my heart to him, and this is what he does to me?
“You okay?” Riley looks at me, and I know I’ve gone pale.
“Yeah, I’m perfectly fine. Also, your friend’s a dumbass, so it doesn’t surprise me one bit he knocked someone up. That’s what he gets for sticking his dick in random pussy. Probably has a handful of other children out there too.”
Riley shrugs. “That’s what I said. He said he’d be back in two days. Wouldn’t shock me if he marries the girl and returns with a wife and a kid. He’d consider it doing the right thing, then they’ll probably have another right away.”
I really wish Riley would shut the hell up. “Gross.”
Mom walks back in the kitchen and looks back and forth between us. My emotions are unstable, so I take the opportunity to leave the room. “Gonna go shower,” I say, not giving them a second glance.
Scalding hot water actually sounds great right about now and will give me the privacy I need. I go to the bathroom, turn on the shower, and step inside after I undress. The streams pound against my skin as the tears roll down my cheeks. I lean against the wall, pissed at myself for falling so quick and hard.
Is that why Diesel didn’t tell me? Does he plan to come back with a wife, but more importantly, what does this mean for us? Our future? I let out a ragged sob, realizing that maybe we never had one to begin with. My broken heart almost felt whole, but now it’s shattering all over again.
I knew something wasn’t right when he didn’t answer my texts yesterday or send me one before he went to work this morning. In the end, I guess he got what he wanted, another mark on his bedpost with my name all over it. He’s officially at the top of my shit list, right above Nick.
Two days have passed since my world turned upside down, and I know Diesel’s supposed to return today. He still hasn’t responded to me, and I refuse to be the fool who reaches out again. I’m hurt that he didn’t feel like he could tell me what was going on in his life and left me hanging. Diesel’s lost my trust, and I’m not sure he’ll ever be able to get it back.
I go to work, and Kenzie immediately notices I’m in a bad mood.
“Oh shit,” she mumbles when I knock over a full bottle of beer, and it spills everywhere. George isn’t upset and laughs it off, but I soaked him.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell him. “I’m not myself today.”
“It’s okay, honey. Just get me another one quick.” He throws me a wink, and I do and don’t even charge him for the next one either. It’s the least I can do, considering his crotch will be wet for the next few hours.
“You okay?” Kenzie asks me when I walk into the office. “You’ve been acting weird for the past few days.” She looks at me concerned.
“Yeah, just a lot going through my head right now. Nick wants his money for the damage I did to his car. Like now. And I’m just not feeling like myself today.”
“I’ve heard Mercury’s in retrograde.” She laughs and glances down at the mood ring I’ve kept on my finger since Diesel gave it back to me.
I take it off and tuck it in my pocket. I’m pretty sure it’s broken anyway, considering it’s been stuck on the “in love” color for weeks. Or maybe I’m broken.
For the rest of my shift, I try to keep myself busy and clean every single nook and cranny I can while Kenzie works the bar top. Wednesdays are typically a slow night, but thankfully, the time passes by quickly.
After all the customers pay their tabs, Kenzie mops and wipes everything down as I finish counting the money and closing the drawers. “How’d you do tonight?” I ask her.
“Okay.
Fifty bucks is better than zero because that’s what I walked in with.” She gives me a smile. “Becoming a stripper seems like a better gig every single day.”
“Your parents would murder you, and Grandma Bishop would turn your body into a rug.”
She chuckles, then shrugs. “Oh well. I’d be walking out with thousands right now.”
Now I’m laughing. “No, you wouldn’t. The guys around here are cheap. But becoming a nun seems like a real possibility these days, plus no bills. So there’s that.”
“Do you think nuns masturbate?” She’s grinning so wide, I can’t help the burst of laughter that escapes from me. She’s definitely put me in a better mood without even trying.
“Oh my God. I have no idea. Probably not. But then again, maybe?”
I grab the deposit bag, lock up, and we walk outside together. She follows me to the bank drop, and then we go our separate ways. On the whole drive home, all I can think about is Diesel and how it’s been radio silence between us. He has to know I’m concerned by my messages, and still, he doesn’t respond or give me reassurance on anything.
Bastard.
I pull into the driveway, then get out of my car. As I’m walking to the front door, a dark shadow comes toward me, and I immediately open my mouth to scream, but he comes into view as I retreat a step.
“I’m sorry, Rowan. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Diesel says softly, coming closer.
With all the pent-up frustration and anger from the past seventy-two hours, I close the gap between us and push him. He’s a marble statue compared to me and barely budges.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, defeated.
“You’re sorry for a lot of fucking things, aren’t you?” I glare at him, and he tilts his head, almost as if he’s confused. “Riley told me, dumbass.”
I’m brought back to eighth grade again when he denied me, but this is that on crack. Right now, I just want to go inside, shower off the night, and go to bed. I need to forget about him, about us, though I have a feeling it won’t be so easy.