by Kennedy Fox
As I pull into the parking lot, the thought of seeing her has my heart hammering in my chest. I wish things weren’t like this, and we could go back to the way we were, but it feels impossible now. My life has changed indefinitely, and all I can do is take it one day at a time.
When I walk in, she’s smiling and talking to George, and that pretty grin immediately fades when she sees me.
“Well, hello to you too, beautiful,” I say, sitting at the end of the bar.
Kenzie walks up, wearing a cheesy grin. “Hey, stranger. Where ya been?”
I lift an eyebrow at her. “What’s up with the act?”
She leans closer. “Rowan said she doesn’t want to talk to you, so I’ll be helping you tonight.”
“Seriously?” I can tell Kenzie has this all figured out, but she doesn’t say anything. Damn, maybe we’re more transparent than either one of us thought. “Rowan!” I yell across the bar. “Hey!” I wave, making a scene.
“Go away, Diesel,” she says before turning around and going to the office. I let out a huff.
“Told ya,” Kenzie gloats. “Want your usual?”
“I guess.” Within a few seconds, she pops the cap off a Bud and sets it in front of me. I try to pay attention to the preseason football game on the TV screen, but it’s so hard to focus when the woman I’m in love with is dead set on erasing our existence together. I order another beer and wait around until closing time. Rowan peeks around to see if I’m still at the end of the bar and rolls her eyes when I smile at her. I feel as if we’re back to square one, right where we were when she moved home in May. There’s no way she could so easily forget everything we shared together. I refuse to accept that one bit.
Kenzie finishes cleaning, and I close out my tab, tipping her nicely for putting up with me all night. She tells Rowan she’s leaving and smiles before walking out. Rowan comes from the office and looks at me.
“You need to leave,” she says, and I can tell she’s not playing around.
“No can do. You’ll be here alone.” I just look at her, taking the final sip of my beer. “Are you gonna ignore me for the rest of my life?”
“That’s the plan,” she snaps.
“Row,” I whisper.
“Don’t call me that.”
I stand and walk around the bar until I’m mere inches from her. Resting my hands on her shoulders, I stare into her beautiful brown eyes. She tucks her bottom lip into her mouth, and I want nothing more than to pluck it from her teeth.
“I’ve missed you so fucking much,” I tell her, gently lifting her chin. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
She lets out a ragged breath, and it causes my heart to race. Without hesitation, I lean forward and gently slide my lips against hers. Instead of fighting it like I thought she would, or pulling away, she sinks into me. Our tongues twist as the kiss deepens, and I feel as if the world has tilted on its axis.
Rowan grabs the hem of my T-shirt, and we’re so goddamn ravenous for one another, by the time she pulls away, we’re breathless. She places her fingers on her swollen lips, and I swallow as I move loose strands of hair from her face. “I know you’re scared, and you think walkin’ away from me is the right thing to do, but it feels so fucking wrong.”
“Diesel…”
“I’m not letting you go without a fight, Row. Never.”
It’s been a few days since I kissed Rowan at the bar, but it was all the encouragement I needed to know that not all is lost. She kissed me back without a fight, which means I still have a chance with her.
After work, I send her a text, telling her I’m coming to the bar, and she sends me a thumbs-up emoji in response. Not quite the attention I was aiming for, but it’s better than her ignoring me completely.
She’s started responding and has been supportive for the most part, though she’s still guarded. I have hope that once she realizes Chelsea and I have nothing between us other than my son, we can move forward. At least that’s what I keep telling myself while taking it one day at a time.
I walk in, and she tries to hold back a smile. There’s hardly anyone at the bar tonight because it’s been raining all day. Honestly, I’d swim here if it meant getting to see Rowan. Kenzie’s no longer in town because she went back to college to finish her last year, but things typically slow down when school starts anyway. I’m actually happy she’s not around because it means I don’t have to be as careful. It’s obvious she knew something was going on, but Kenzie didn’t say a peep if she did for certain.
Rowan sets a beer down in front of me, then looks past me out the large front windows where the rain is pounding against the glass.
“It’s still raining?”
“Yep, not supposed to stop until the morning,” I tell her, taking a swig. I place my hand on top of hers and gently brush my thumb against the softness of her skin.
“I was thinking maybe we should tell everyone we’re together.” I’m being dead serious, and she knows it.
Rowan hesitates. “It’s a bad idea.”
“It’s the best idea,” I quickly say.
She nervously shifts on her feet because I’ve put her on the spot. “Diesel. I need more time. I’m sorry. I can’t just jump into bed with you again because you kissed me.”
“You mean, just because I took your breath away?” I smirk.
She rolls her eyes. “I can’t. Not right now. You need to get adjusted to everything that’s going on in your life. Learn to be a dad. Then if there’s still room in your heart for me, we can talk about it.”
I tilt my head, grab her hand, and press it against my chest. “My whole heart is yours, Rowan Bishop. It always has been and always will be. I want the whole fucking world to know you’re mine and only mine, regardless of everything else going on in my life.”
A blush hits her cheeks before she moves away from me. I am relentless and will always be when it comes to her. I stay the entire shift and help her clean up before we walk out. On the way out, I tell her about Chelsea and Dawson coming to visit, and she gives me a small smile. I want to kiss her goodbye, but I’m hesitant to cross that line again. I’d wait an eternity for her if that’s what she wanted.
That night, I go to sleep with a smile on my face, hoping she truly understands what she means to me.
The next morning, I get to work early. Riley calls me out on the way I’m acting, and he thinks it’s because I’m picking up Chelsea and Dawson from the airport this afternoon. Little does he know it’s because his sister makes me the happiest fucking man on the planet. But I am also very excited about showing off my son.
I asked Chelsea what kind of car seat I needed to buy because I’m seriously bad at this parenting thing. There are too many choices, and I had no clue where to start, but she happily guided me. Knowing they were coming, I tried to do as many of the repairs to the house as I could to childproof the place better. The spare room is ready for them with clean sheets and freshly painted walls. I’ve worked hard to get it all together, and I hope she appreciates it. I want her to trust me so she thinks I’m suitable enough to be Dawson’s dad. Even though I have proof he’s mine, I’d never fight her for custody, knowing what she’s done to support him on her own. I can only hope one day we’ll be able to co-parent properly and both have time with him.
On the way to the airport, my nerves get the best of me. Chelsea’s right; we’re practically strangers, so introducing her and Dawson to my parents will undoubtedly be awkward. Last night, I told them about how I met Chelsea and her getting pregnant. I gave them all the details, and at first, they were upset she didn’t tell me, but I explained why Chelsea felt that way. I do wish she would’ve told me as soon as she knew, but there’s no point in being mad about the past. What’s done is done, so all I can do is try to make up for the lost time.
When I arrive, I wait for ten minutes before I see her and my son. As soon as Dawson sees me, he smiles, which makes me do the same as I grab all of their bags. He’s such a cute kid and well mannered, even for a two
-and-a-half-year-old. I just hope he’s nothing like I was as a teenager, or we’ll both have our hands full. I gave my parents a run for their money, and they always said I’d have a payback kid who did the same to me. Hopefully, Dawson isn’t it, but he does have his dad’s good looks, so I’m not holding my breath.
Once we get to my truck, Chelsea shows me how to buckle him into the car seat.
“Dawson?” She looks at him. “Do you know who this man is?”
“Mommy’s friend, Diesel.” He grins proudly.
“Yes, baby, but remember when I said he was someone very special? He’s your daddy,” she explains.
Dawson blinks up at me, then giggles. “Nuh-uh.” I chuckle at his expression.
The amount of happiness I feel is unfathomable. I didn’t expect for her to tell him right then, but I’m glad she did so I could be here for it. “Yep, it’s true. What do you think about that?”
All he does is laugh about it, which makes us both chuckle too.
After he’s buckled in with his toy tractor in his hand, Chelsea and I climb in the truck. We head back to the ranch, and I explain some of the details of the area to her. The sun is barely setting over the horizon, and the sky has long whips of purple and pink. It doesn’t take long before Dawson is happily asleep. I can’t stop glancing at him in the rearview mirror, feeling overwhelmingly protective of him. I’m still in shock he’s really mine.
When we make it to my cabin, Chelsea gets out and gently carries Dawson as I grab their luggage. I unlock the door and usher her inside. Chelsea looks around with a smile on her face. “Wow. This is not what I expected at all.”
“You like it?” I ask. “It’s not completely finished. I still have a lot to do, but I’ve been remodeling here and there on my days off.”
There’s a sparkle in her eye as she follows me to the spare bedroom. “It’s really homey. I like the colors.”
“Thanks.” I set their bags down. “If you need anything, please let me know. The bed and breakfast is just down the road if you want a home-cooked meal, and I can borrow extra blankets if needed.”
She sets Dawson on the bed, and he doesn’t even stir. “I think everything is perfect. Really.”
“Great. You hungry?” I ask.
“Nah, I ate before the flight. Just want a shower and to probably go to bed. I think the time change is going to catch up with me.”
I nod and show her where the bathroom is and give her a mini tour of the place. When she goes to take a shower, I sit in the rocking chair I put in the corner of the spare bedroom and watch Dawson sleeping peacefully. My heart swells watching him, and I already don’t know how I’m going to continue without getting to see him. I just hope everyone falls in love with him as quickly as I have, especially Rowan, because I know she’s gonna be in both of our lives forever. Even if she’s not convinced at the moment, she will be.
Chapter Sixteen
ROWAN
It’s insane to think that Diesel has a son. He asked everyone to meet at the B&B so he could introduce the group of us to Chelsea and Dawson. I’m nothing but a ball of nerves, and I thought about not going. Seeing the woman he had a one-night stand with isn’t really on my to-do list, but it’s important to him, so I suck it up and push my feelings to the side.
“You coming?” my mother asks as she peeks into my room.
I shrug. “Do I really have to?” I’m only half-joking.
“Rowan, you better get in that car. You know Adam is a part of the family, and we have to be supportive of him.”
“Fine,” I say between gritted teeth. “But I don’t wanna go.”
She gives me a stern look, and I know better than to cross her, so I get up and follow her to the car. I hate the unknown of what it’s going to be like, seeing him with his son and Chelsea or how seeing them around each other will feel like. What if they’re flirty? Or worse, what if they look really good together? I don’t want my jealousy to get in the way, though it undoubtedly will. The five-minute drive to the B&B has my stomach in knots, but I play it off as if I’m bored as hell instead.
I get out of the car, make my way up the steps, and walk inside to see Diesel holding a toddler who looks just like him. My mouth falls open, and my heart instantly swells when I see him. He hasn’t noticed me yet because my uncles and aunts have his full attention.
Riley walks in behind me as Mom rushes forward.
“Isn’t this some crazy shit?” He nudges me.
“Uh, yeah. Can’t believe he reproduced.”
“Reproduced or that someone actually slept with him?” Riley jokes, but I’m not laughing because at that moment I see her. Chelsea. And she’s pretty. Blond with a perfect smile and bright blue eyes. There’s a softness to her, and I see what Diesel saw, even if it was a random hookup. Immediately, a pang of envy and guilt rushes through me.
I watch the way they interact, and it’s friendly, not crossing any lines beyond friendship. She says something, and he laughs as his little boy shows everyone his toy tractor. Grandma Bishop’s tickled to death over him, and it’s only going to get her started on wanting more great-grandkids. Great.
Mom waves Riley and me forward, and for the first time all day, Diesel sees me. He swallows, and it feels as if all the air in the room escapes, and I can’t breathe.
“Rowan,” he says, knowing my entire family is around and watching. So is his baby mama. “Come and meet Mr. Dawson.”
I follow and tilt my head at one of the cutest little boys I’ve ever seen. “Hi, Dawson,” I say, and he hides his face in Diesel’s shoulder.
“Pretty ladies make him shy.”
I shake my head and roll my eyes at him even though my heart’s actually bursting. Seeing him being all fatherly is actually pretty sexy, but then I turn my head and notice Chelsea staring at our interaction.
“Oh hi,” I say. “I’m Rowan.” I hold out my hand and shake hers.
“Nice to meet you.” She’s polite and grins. I can only imagine how awkward this is for her to be around so many strangers, and I really try to imagine myself in her place.
I get out of the way and let my mom and dad visit. The living room is full of Bishops. Not wanting to draw any attention to myself, I sit on the couch on the other side of the room and listen to everyone talk.
“Was your mama excited to meet him?” Grandma asks Diesel.
He laughs. “Oh, of course. She’s been on me like white on rice to give her some grandchildren. Little did any of us know, I already had.” He’s making jokes, and I hear my parents’ laughter because it’s actually not too different from their story. My mouth goes dry because my parents are still insanely in love with each other.
I try to zone out and ignore everything around me and dig deep. Is it possible for Diesel and me to actually make this work?
It literally feels like it’s one hundred degrees in here, so I get up and step outside, needing the fresh air before I suffocate. Right now, I feel like the other woman, the mistress who has to hide her relationship.
My mom told us she and Dad had to really get to know each other after finding out she was pregnant with Riley even though they knew immediately when they met in Key West that they had an undeniable connection. Is this the same? Is it only a matter of time before Diesel and Chelsea’s spark re-ignites and those old feelings are brought back to the surface? It’s not out of the realm of possibilities regardless of what Diesel says. He hasn’t spent enough time with her to know and surely hasn’t given it a chance.
I lean against the railing of the front porch and look out at the bright blue sky and fluffy cotton-looking clouds.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I see it’s a text from Trace. We had planned a few months ago to get together and our schedules never really synced. I appreciate how he’s not so pushy and gives me my space. Then again, I do like a pushy man. Diesel’s a prime example of that.
Trace: Hey you! You got plans this weekend?
I laugh and shake my head. Is this the
way it’s supposed to be? I look up at the sky again, waiting for some sort of sign, but I’m given nothing. Maybe I’m supposed to be with Trace, and Diesel’s supposed to be with Chelsea, or maybe I’ve quite possibly completely lost my mind over all of this.
Maize comes outside, looking at me incredulously. “You good?”
She’s suspected something has been going on between Diesel and me for a while but hasn’t asked about it. I’m praying she doesn’t, either, because I’m not emotionally stable to have that conversation right now.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
She shrugs and doesn’t push the conversation, thankfully.
“I need to get ready for work tonight, so Mom needs to stop gabbing and take me home.”
“Good luck with that,” Maize says, and before walking back inside, she stops. “You know you can tell me anything. I won’t judge you or say a peep.”
I search her face, and my expression softens. “I know. Thanks.”
“I’ve noticed how different you’ve been. I saw you leaving the barn with Diesel, and I can’t deny how things changed between you two. You’re one of my very best friends, Rowan. I know you inside and out.”
I let out a ragged breath, not wanting to completely crumple, but I don’t feel like I can hold it in anymore. “I’m in love with him. Stupidly in love with him. And now he has a kid and might as well have a wife. They already look like the perfect little family.”
She searches my face but doesn’t seem shocked. “Does he know this? Have you told him?”
“I mean, sorta. Not in those exact words, but he knows I have feelings for him. We were sneaking around before the news broke about Dawson and Chelsea,” I admit.
Maize sighs and frowns. “He’s been in love with you since the beginning of time, Rowan. Everyone knows this. Even Riley as much as he wants to deny it. I’m actually relieved you have finally pulled the blinders back and see what’s been right in front of you for so damn long.” She smiles.